From: mgreten@xtalwind.net
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 23:35:10 GMT
Subject: 1013: A Mother's Lament 1999

 disclaimer: NO infringement on anyone's copyrights is intended.

Any resemblance to any persons living or not! is purity
control, er, purely coinsidence.

loc's appreciated; and answered mgreten@xtalwind.net

Note: This is my once a year day.

SUMMARY: A "working" mother tries to calm down her over
sensitive son about the end of the X-files Series.

VIGNETTE  PG HUMOR

IN OTHER CONTEXT: 1013: A MOTHER'S LAMENT

ISMS ARRANGED by Mary Greten.
ORIGINAL MATERIAL by Mary Greten

10/13/99

To: CCarter@1013Productions.com
From: Tommy's Mommy@InSanityIndustries.nut
Subject: Will there be a 10/13/00?
Date: 10/13/99

Dear Sir.

I am writing for son Tommy,

<tell him how old I are, Mommy>

"Tommy, I do not undertand why the below 15 and over
70 year olds think their ages makes any difference"

six years old, who is spending the rest of he school
day with me

<tell him why, Mommy>

BECAUSE he asked this teacher what the word "continuity",
err.. "Contract" meant.

<tell him about the good news and the bad news, Mommy>

"Tommy, stop interrupting my train of thought.  Now where
was I?"

<on a strain of thought. Mommy>

"Oy"

<that's what Scully says when Mulder dishes her>

"What?"

<well, she really says 'shiii' and once maybe 'fluck'>

"fluck?"

<MOMMY!. we're not supposed to notice.>

"where did you get this information?"

<auntie fall said.>

"to you???!! Tommy. Tell me."

<Noooo, she was talking to yooou.

"ME! I don't remember this?  when?"

<when you were trying to squeeze blood from a turnip.
What's a turnip, Mommy?>

"A very hard veggie. Was I writing in this little book?"

<yeah>

"I was either balancing by checkbook or borrowing
money. Anything she said would have gone in one ear
and out the other"

<Like a strain of thought, Mommy?>

"Oy"

"OK. What's the bad news?"

<That this will be his last birthday on the X-files.>

"What's the good news"

<That this won't be his last birthday on the X-files.>

"Tommy, you can't have it both ways."

<Carter can.  First, he say's he won't be back, then he
says Fox will tell him later.>

"Well, Millennium's gone and HarshRealm looks like a 13
week no-watch mini-series soooo.."

<And Scully has another year to go on her contract.>

"you mean the actress who plays Scully"

<yeah her. jeland de son. She's pretty, Mommy.
She's VERY pretty.">

"Already? At six? Oy...Ok, what about the actor who
plays Fox Mulder?  He not coming back."

<auntie fall says if they give him enough hiccups he'll
burb over a coffee pot.>

"Let me guess. 'perks, he might bubble over like a
coffee pot'"

<Yeah, What's a perk, Mommy?">

"Something he wants more than money."

<MORE than money?>

"Hard to believe, isn't it?"

<like WHAT?>

"You know that x-file about the alien who loved
baseball."

<Yeah. I liked that one. everybody did.>

"David thought it up and put it together. So now think,
poorboy, what would some perks be to David"

<Thinking more up and puting them together?>

"yup"

<You know what Mommy?>

"No What."

<I could do that.>

"I wouldn't bet against you".

<We gonna send our email, Mommy?>

"Ok, first we have to type"

love, Tommy.

"You want to send it?"

<Yeah>

"Press this key that starts with 'd'"

<not's'?>

"Today, not on this computer."

---------------------------------------------------------------------
---
10/13/98

Inanity Industries. To whom I am speaking, please?

<sniff  "Mommy?"  Snort >

What is it now? Tommy. Are you using tissues?

<"Yeah." BRRT. "got'em.">

Good, Remember to put the used ones in the waste baskets
around the house. I can find you without a tissue trail.

<"Like Lahti." Sniff>

Lock?Key? Tommy, Where are you calling from?

<URK. "Here.">

WHERE? is "here". Tommy?

<"house". BRRT>

House? You're home?

<Sniff, Yeah, Sniff>

"Tommy, did you watch that tape again?

<yes.>

Where did you get the tape?"

<"Auntie Fall" sniff >

Tommy, I can't believe Auntie Fall would give it to you.

<URK> <BRRT>

Tell mommy what you did.

<Snort, Sniff, "I borrowed it. It was in her Barney Collection" BRRT >

Auntie Fall has a "Barney" collection??? Wonderful, just, Wonderful

<"MOMMY!!!" BRRT. Sniff, URK>

"Jeez. Tommy, my ear drums."

<But, Mommy," sniff, "Song," BRRT">

Song? Shi.., now, I gotta kill Johnny Mathis.

<"What? Who?>

Poo. Tommy. Poo. Astronomical interference. Static. Sunspots.

<oh. BRRT. "BUT the PEACOCKs are HERE!!" BRRT.>

Here? Peacocks??  Where???

<Sniff, "OUTSIDE. Hurry Back, Mommy" URK>

Tommy, Tommy, listen to Mommy. We live in a small
rural town in the west coast of Florida. Those are FLAMINGOS!!!".

<oh. Oh. OH. MOMMY!!!" Sniff, URK, BRRT>

Tommy, don't shout. Think pin drop. Now what???

<MOTHMEN!!!!>

Geez, Mommy's coming home NOW.  I'm sure my boss will
give me leave. It's been a year since your last big attack. I
think this is a two days of tapes problem. I know just the ones.
No,  I haven't forgotten.   I'll pick up the Movie, too.

<Letterbox and cc, Mommy?>

Yeah. Right. (I'm still looking for the last video wave.)

<please, please, please. Mommy>

I'll ask Auntie Fall. She has everything...almost.
Keep the doors locked. I'll say the password before
I come inside. What is it today?
Deceive....Inveigle  ...AND Obfuscate...? All three???
Mommy has trouble remembering your name.
One out of three, Tommy. Or no Fight the Future Poster for you.

<kay>

And Tommy.....

<Huh?>

Save some tissues for the movie. You know how mooshie
you get at the hallway scene.

<Sniff, "yeah", BRRT>
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Date: MON 13 Oct 1997 11:39:27 -0400
To: xf-ml.onemail.com
From: mary greten <mgreten@xtalwind.net>
Subject: Re: [XF] Season 5 Hair.

At 01:23 PM 10/8/97 -0500, Tom wrote:
>>From Mary Greten....
>
>>>wondering just WHAT scully's hair will look like for season 5, i
>>>remain...
>
>>given the cancer arc, I wonder if there will be hair.
>
>WHAT?!  No, they wouldn't...would they?  No...hair?  No more
>Scully's hair?  Oh, what would be the point?!?  Come on, you're just
>joking, right?  YOU'RE SCARING ME!  Take that back!  Come
>on, take it back!!!
>
>Mommy....

Tommy, why are you calling Mommy at work?
Have you been on the net again?
Did someone post a nasty to you?

<"Mmmh,sniff, mmph.">

Tommy, Mommy can not understand a word you are saying.
Remove your thumb from your mouth.

<whup>

Now talk.

<"sniff, ' and then SHE said', sniff">

Tommy, Mommy is still having trouble understanding you.
Take two tissues from the box next to the phone.
Got them?

<"sniff">

Good Boy.
Now use one to dry your eyes.
and the other to blow your nose.

<"URK">

NO, Tommy, Blow OUT. Into the tissue.
Like Mommy showed you.

<"BRRRT">

Good Boy.

Now. get a clean tissue and keep it in your hand in case you need
to....

<"BRRRT">

Good Boy. Now remember that Mommy told you that the people on the net
have no idea what a sensitive little boy you are?
So Mary Greten may not be a 'mean old hag'.

<"sniff", 'but Scully', "sniff" 'NO HAIR!, I'm scared, Mommy'
"sniff">'

Yes, it is possible.

Don't start crying again, Tommy, let Mommy finish.

<URK>

Blow Out, Tommy, OUT.

<BRRRT>

Good boy, Remember the spoilers Mommy read you the other night.
That redux means return and that there is Redux and Redux 2.

<'two?' "sniff, sniff">

Right, two episodes same name.

<'Can't have sane name?'>

Sane?..same. NO, never before that I know of.
Ask Auntie Fall, she'll know.

<"sniff" 'Auntie Fall knows everything?' "sniff">

Auntie Fall does NOT know EVERYTHING.
You have Auntie Fall confused with Shakespeare.
Two names. one for Mulder and one for Scully.
So both should return.

<"sniff" 'But NO HAIR!!!" BRRRT">

Take another tissue, Tommy.
Good boy. I am getting to that.
Don't you think that even if Scully doesn't have hair
in the first redux or the first part of redux 2 on 11/02
that the people at 1013 wouldn't give back her hair
on 11/09 as a Birthday gift to someone.

<"URK, sniff,  BRRRT" 'ooze'?">

Ooze? ... Whose?  I DON'T know whose birthday!!!
Ask Auntie Fall--She knows EVERYTHING.

Mommy has to go back to "work" now.
Yes, with the people in the white coats.
Throw the used tissues in the little trash can next to the phone
table.

<'But, NO HAIR!, Mommy' "BRRT">

Tommy, Scully will be "FINE".  Trust me.

<"TRUST NO ONE!!  You're not my Mommy!
My Mommy would *never* say horrible things,
like "Scully's gonna lose her hair!">

Mommy didn't say it. That MEAN OLD HAG on the web said it.

Tommy, Tommy,  listen to Mommy. I am going to tell you
four things to do then I want you do to them when I say "Go".
1. Put  the receiver in your hand on the TABLE. Not on the phone.
2. take the paper bag from under the phone directory on the table
and open it up.
3. Pull the bag over your head and take 5 deep breaths.
4. Pull off the bag, pick up the receiver and talk to me again.
Okay. Ready, set, GO!

I am sorry, sir. It's my son; He is soo sensitive.
I should have named him Mulder. But there was no Mulder then.
I could strangle that Cris "I made this" Carter.

<'Mommy'?>

I'm here, Tommy. Feeling better?

<'yes'>

Good boy!!    Now, suppose, Just PRETEND,
Scully is cured but her hair refuses to grow back
and the FBI fires her because of it.

<'They wouldn't do that!>

This is just PRETEND, Tommy, remember?
Actually, that would be highly discriminatory...Skinner
has no hair to speak of either. Tommy. why are you giggling?

<'THAT'S why they call him "SKINNER"!!'>

No, Tommy. I really really think  that is a coincidence.

<'Not, coincidence... CONSPIRACY!!'>

sure, Fine, WHATEVER.  So, they would have to find another cause
to fire Scully to satisfy NOW, ACLU, DEO, DHR....ad infinitum.

<Carter talk?>

Yes, Mr. Carter does use Latin; but he didn't INVENT it.
Where was I?

Scully could MOVE TO LA whereupon she could ditch FOX and take up
with an EBE named Neelix on VOYAGER as a bald, sex-starved
(from that X-file Cartersque reality) DELTAN named REESE
from the DELTA Quadrant (of course where else)
who would not under ANY circumstances take a vow of CELIBACY.

<'huh?'>

Nevermind, Tommy.  Mommy  REALLY has to go back to
work now.

Yes, *especially*  with the people in the white coats.
Scully will be fine. Mommy promises.

It's Mommy who needs an alternate reality.

Five weeks later,

>At 02:51 PM 11/21/97 -1600, you wrote:

>MARITA RULES!  DEATH TO ALL WHO OPPOSE!!!
>
>
>
>                               TOMMY

Ring, RRing, RRRrrring

<hello>

Tommy,

<yeah?>

This is Mommy.

<You still at work?>

Yes.

<white coats?>

Yes, I still work with the people who wear white coats.

<oh.>

I just got a phone call from Auntie Fall.

<whashesay?>

She said she thinks it's time for you to come visit
with Mommy while she works for awhile.

<NOOOO, YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE,
I'M NOT WHO I SAY I AM>

You are not my Tommy?

<NO>

I am not your Mommy?

<NO>

Good.

(click).








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