From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2000 13:23:14 -0500 Subject: Abandon by Jesshipper Source: direct Reply To: im_right@hotmail.com Title: Abandon Author: Jesshipper Address: im_right@hotmial.com Archive: Just let me know Category: MSR, angst Rating:PG-13 Spoilers: Redux Summary: Scully believes Mulder's killed himself Disclaimer: Unfortunately I'm not making any money off of this CC made the show, the characters, and the plot. I'm just filling in the blanks. Don't sue me, pretty please with sugar on top, Author's Notes: This takes place after Mulder allegedly shoots himself and before Scully finds out. Otherwise it's basically my interpretation of events. Author's Homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/wi/jesshipper Note: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU MELISSA!!!! (If you like it e-mail me. If you didn't e-mail me. If you don't even read it e-mail me) im_right@hotmail.com ~~~~~~~~ Abandon ~~~~~~~~ Someone leaves A part of you becomes absent You attempt to cope Feigning wholeness You fail Accept that they're gone Adapt yourself to living Minus part of the whole Survive by enduring Endure by going on ~Abandon~ J.W. ******** He's gone. Her careful handwriting inscribed the fateful words onto the clean page in her journal. She took a deep breath and stared into the paper and ink -- into the very essence, the very fiber of them. So much dirt on a clean page. The page was tarnished. She tore it out of the journal with vehemence. Her shaking hand crumpled the page squeezing it into a ball, compressing it's atoms. She half expected it to combust from the force of her grip. It did not. She threw the page into the trash with rage. She should be able to crush it, the atoms were now her enemy. Her beloved science was her enemy. Her science was wrong! He was not dead. To hell with her science! She stared out of the window, refusing to squint in the bright sunlight, refusing to give in to it -- to anything. The day was her enemy. The day was happy. She most definitely was not. She turned from the window, from the infuriating sunlight and yanked the blinds shut. She slumped back into the chair, unable to -- unwilling to -- move. The fire of her anger was extinguished, leaving smoldering ash in its stead. Despair began to douse the remnant ash. The pen touched another blank page, as yet untarnished, and scrawled her demise with its ink. Two words.... He's gone. Reality's harsh voice set in. "He's not gone." she took a deep breath. "He can't be gone, DAMN IT!" "Would someone listen to me? He is not gone!" She began to cry. ~~~~~~~~ He watched. What kind of torture was this? To save himself, to save the X-Files, to save his life, he had faked his death. He had deceived her into thinking that *SHE* was not reason enough to live. What she didn't know was that her tear, a single, precious, salty crystal of proof that she endured the woe but mourned the loss was reason to brave the bridge of his deception and return. He couldn't stand here in the Lone Gunmen's dingy office and watch her grieve for him. And yet- He watched. Then he turned away. "I have to tell her." The Gunmen just nodded their understanding. He left. He climbed into his car and grabbed his cell phone. He dialed her number out of reflex. He couldn't bear the thought of her grief. A shaky voice responded to the ringing phone. "Dana Scully." she said.... ...and his jaw dropped. No 'Hey Mulder' or 'What now Mulder' not even an exasperated 'Yeah' This time she didn't know who was at the other end of the line, she didn't know it was him. She wouldn't even accept him calling as a possibility. "Hello, who is this?" the shaky voice probed. "It's me." "Mulder?" disbelief threaded through her beautiful voice. "You Bastard!" venom replaced it. She hung up. Mulder took a deep breath and started the car. ~~~~~~~~ She threw the phone to the ground. "You bastard....you bastard.... bastard" She began to cry once again. Her house now filled his field of vision. "What now?" He exited his car and walked hesitantly up to her door. He knocked. Nothing. She heard a knock, she walked away. He knocked again. She shut the door to her bedroom, ignoring the fact that he was outside her door. She was now enclosed in the pressing darkness of her bedroom. He opened the front door. She continued crying. He cautiously walked through her house. The open diary sat tear- stained on her couch. He saw the smeared ink and the words that had caused her so much pain. No, he reminded himself, he had caused her the pain. He walked through the dark house; it was such a contrast to the bright day outside. She had drawn all the blinds. He saw the closed door to her bedroom. The door opened behind her, she ignored him even as he disturbed her seclusion. He watched her from behind for a moment. She did not react to his presence. He slowly approached her and still she did not move. "Scully," he whispered. She shook her head. "Scully?" She exhaled, "Bastard." "Scully I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt y-" "You Bastard!" she screamed and turned abruptly. "How could you? How could you do this to me? How could- You son of a bitch!" She walked away from him. He followed her and caught her arm. He turned her toward him and caught her other arm. She inhaled sharply and struggled to get away. "How could you?" she asked and than gave up her struggle. Her legs gave way and she collapsed into his awaiting embrace. She cried. He held her. "You're here?" He nodded. "I don't believe you." He nodded and brought his hands to cradle her chin. He kissed her on the forehead. Her mouth opened with another statement, but he silenced it with his fingers. He leaned into her, intent in his heart. She was drawn into his gaze and she matched it. All forthcoming thoughts were vanquished by the warm comfort of his lips on hers. She sighed and let herself be healed by his love. "I'm sorry," he finally said. It was her turn to nod now. Forgiveness flowed from her eyes. The embrace healed wounds. "Don't ever," she warned, "ever abandon me again, Mulder." His lips spoke the promise in silence. ~~~~~~~~ finis ~~~~~~~~ Jesshipper send all comments to im_right@hotmail.com