From: "Hillary" Date: Tuesday, May 16, 2000 11:36 PM Subject: NEW: " Absentee Logic" 1/1 - itty bitty requiem < teaser> spoilers Title : Absentee Logic 1/1 - with tiny requiem < teaser> spoilers Author: hillary < phriendly11@yahoo.com> www.homestead.com/hilsphishpage/fanfic.html Spoilers: the only one is the fact that DD might not be back, and the teaser from the Reqiuem episode in direct reffrence to where we see Mulder and Scully hug. Nothing too deep, though. Summary : Scully's thoughts upon saying goodbye.< if she says goodbye, pure fantasy here, guys> Rating : PG Classification : V, SA Distribution: Tag it, bag it, sell it to the butcher at the store. Just tell me where you are taking it, in case I'd like to visit. Special Thanks : To my darling, darling beta, Jessica. In this case, I know Jumper wanted to attack the mysterytenses. Yes, it is a little odd. And in my small crazy world, just this once, " Contritement" is a word. Thank you for all of your never ending support, ideas, and often times, inspiration. Disclaimer: I don't know these characters personally, I only pretend to. And I only know a little about the " Reqieum" Episode. Therefore, I must not be Chris Carter, Fox, or 1013 productions. Damn. Feedback: is adored. Please send me some. Please? phriendly11@yahoo.com or phree11@my-deja. ABSENTEE LOGIC Don't ask me about logic; I can't speak it. Words cloister my mouth and make sound an absentee action. If my mouth moves it is only a reflex: a gut reaction that has no importance other than empty meaning. The day you leave will be a nightmare, a slow ache, melting into heartbreak, molding into sorrow. A black cloud will follow me for days, weeks, months, as you made the world I lived in a darker place. Less capable of light. I realize now that I had always been looking for something, an unseen fulfillment, answer to my prayers; if I prayed, which I don't, not much anymore. But still there was only silence. Each road had an unforgiving ultimatum, and none of which even remotely involved the truth. I could have begged, I suppose, for that sweet salvation. Something to wash over me, after all, a feeling of calmness, contritement,but it never came. I pretended to care even less. The world would fall apart but there was a cadence in picking up the pieces. A busy task to fill your hands with meaning and your soul with dedication. Maybe, I think, I was looking for that. Seven years is a long time, for anything. It deserves revelations, catastrophes, question marks and exclamations. I didn't want to walk in one day after seven years and see you sitting on your couch, nonplussed, your gaze noncommittal and worse of all, mute. As though the words no longer mattered, as if time had lost a little meaning. I will hate this empty feeling. Because there will not be a time to see you , languid, your answers to my eyes voided emotion. There is no possibility of anything anymore. I wonder, so briefly, if forgiveness is worth its heavy price. Exiled, by you, my heart pounding but not really anymore, it's rhythm, blinding me, making me feel crazy. My hands found some resting place and they repeat the thumps there, I think, in absolute clarity, that this must be divine. An intervention of sorts, a sad testimony of our weak faith and even slighter emotions. I wish you had told me you loved me. As if that even mattered - something as omnipotent as love can be so weak. It can make you blind to the road in front of you and the history behind. It would have made me tried harder, maybe even better, to convince you that it was love. That it is. That it will forever be. But time will start again. We'll cross that "X" in the road and our clocks will run backwards. We'll see each other in that awkward half light of new meetings, wondering if we liked crackers with soup or croutons on our salad. Things like tea won't have any deeper significance. I'll wonder, objectively, if maybe you are insane. Would you still blink and look ahead ? I wish life were easy, had I wishes. I'd skip ahead to this moment, my arms around your body I knew so casually, as though we were intimate, when we weren't. And I will think of how much I love you, but the words will not be spoken. I will wish you luck. And when you pull away, there will only be logic in your eyes. The end. Note: this was only my thoughts on if DD leaves and doesn't come back, and the teaser we have seen of the, henceforth named " touching embrace". send me some feedback. I'm a lonely person. Okay, so that was only a ploy for sympathy.