From: Kimberly Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2003 06:57:58 -0800 (PST) Subject: New Fic: "After Mulder: Making Circles" (1/3) Source: direct After Mulder : Making Circles (1/3) By: Kim <24_kgold@excite.com> Category: S, R Keywords: Doggett/Scully Romance Rating: PG Spoilers: Season 8 Summary: Following Mulder's death, Scully's struggle to deal with her pregnancy is shared by Doggett - who's admiration and caring turns into something deeper. First in a series. Archive: Yes to XFMU and Addicted to Doggett. Drop me an email if you want it elsewhere. :-D Disclaimer: No, they aren't mine. Feedback: Please! ______________________________________________________ Not Mulder. She was the one that was marked to go first, not him. Her abduction, the cancer - she should be gone yet she was standing in the basement office. And Mulder was not. " `Morning, thought you might like something to warm you up." Doggett handed her a large Styrofoam cup of vanilla spice hot tea. "No caffeine, doctor's orders." He smiled as he took his seat across from Mulder's desk. Scully's thoughts turned from loss to thanksgiving. The movement in her belly let her know her miracle was still there. "Thank you." She gingerly sat down. There was no doubt in her mind that her new partner was quietly assuming the role of protector. She did not mind. Many days, knowing Doggett would be at the office helped pull her out of bed. "The weatherman swears it's gonna warm up but I swear I'm gonna do somethin' if it keeps snowing." Doggett pushed aside a file folder, "Ya know, when you've seen one dead cow, you've seen `em all." "Oh really?" Scully sipped at her drink. "Did you grow up on a farm, then? How many more secrets are you keeping from me?" With a smirk, Doggett shrugged his shoulders, "Not many. Why tell about my criminal record when the FBI overlooked it?" "Ha ha, very funny. How did you know to choose vanilla spice?" He surprised Scully by walking to her desk and opening the bottom drawer, revealing a half-empty box of tea bags. Holding one for her to see, Doggett laid it on the desk. "I had to find a pencil. `stead, I found these. Good to know I won't get the wrong flavor." Scully's eyes were locked on his. Had they always been that blue? Or had she been too blind to notice? "You know," she said, not losing her gaze, "there are plenty up there. In case you need one in the future." He looked towards where she was pointing. Several pencils were lodged in the ceiling. "Thanks. Good thing to know." "Mmph" Scully set down her cup and put her hand to her stomach. The baby was making its presence known. Mulder's baby - the truth was not forgotten by either of them. "Been a little active lately." "Troublemaker," Doggett chuckled while reaching out his hand to touch her stomach. He moved in slow circles, following the baby's kicking until it finally slowed. The heat from his hand rendered the hot tea useless. Scully audibly sighed as he calmed her child. He had calmed her, too. Any anxiety she had brought to the office was lifting. "You liked that?" Doggett was grinning at her. Scully could feel heat rush across her body as she nodded. There was no use in denying it. "Where did you learn that?" "It was the only way Barb could get rest sometimes." He walked back to his desk and Scully knew there would be no more talk of his past for the time being. "Scully, if only you had tried a little harder, I could see my child grow." A tear fell from Mulder's eye as he spoke. Scully reached for him but could not touch him. "Please, we tried. Don't say that. Mulder..." He vanished before her. **** "Mulder!" His pleading voice reverberated in her ears but he wasn't in the room. She was alone, surrounded by darkness. It was a trick of her mind. They had done everything possible to save him - she had to keep believing that. Scully slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. Her eyes were red - a fitting match to her swollen hands and feet. "Settle down, baby. Momma's going back to bed." The kicking increased to the volume it had been this morning. Scully lay back against her pillow and attempted to recreate the circular pattern Doggett had created earlier. It didn't work. The clock on her nightstand read 4:30 when she gave up and called him. "Agent Doggett? I'm sorry to wake you at this hour." Rubbing his eyes, Doggett immediately snapped to attention. "Agent Scully?" His thoughts went to her pregnancy. "Is everything okay? Where are you?" "Um..I'm at home. Everything's fine." She paused and winced while turning on her side. "I actually feel really stupid calling you but... when we were at the office you somehow made my baby relax." A grin spread across Doggett's face, "I can be there in twenty minutes. You can still get an hour and a half's sleep." She started to apologize, but he stopped her. "Think nothin' of it. Gotta keep my partner happy." **** That call started a routine. The baby seemed to know when Doggett would be available - he kicked at the office and the early morning. Scully didn't call him anymore, he just made his trek to her apartment at 4 am - often bringing her favorite tea with him. She would fall asleep with his hand on her stomach and awake with it still there. "Dinner at my place, Agent Doggett. You've done so much these last couple of weeks, it's time for me to repay you." Doggett didn't look up from his paperwork. These last couple of weeks had begun to stir conflicting feelings that he was unsure of. Feelings of fatherhood, of protection, of longing - of not wanting to just be there when needed. "Agent Doggett?" Scully wrinkled her forehead in question. "Yeah," he finally responded in an upbeat tone, "sounds wonderful. Get kinda tired of microwave pizza." "You don't have to worry about that. As long as you don't have an aversion to grilled chicken, we should be fine." "We'll be fine." Doggett grinned and broke the lead on his pencil. John Doggett decided grilled chicken was the most fascinating meal he had ever had the pleasure of dining on. So good, in fact, that he saw no reason to look up from his plate. "Then, I decided that after the baby is born I'm moving to Bermuda where I will begin a little roadside stand that caters to tourists. I'll be the Island's redheaded Miss Cleo," Scully spoke in a sarcastic tone. Doggett nodded, "Oh. Okay." "Agent Doggett." Scully spoke firmly, trying to get his attention to no avail. "JOHN!" His head snapped up. She was staring at him, hands folded in front of her. "Where have you been all evening? You didn't hear anything I said, did you?" Caught red-handed. Doggett's face fell. He didn't know what to say. "What's wrong?" Scully prodded. She knew something was bothering him. It had been all day. He wasn't his usual self. "I...nothing." He sighed, "How are you feelin'? How's the baby tonight?" "Why don't you go sit on the couch while I clean up? Then maybe you'll have time to reconsider not talking to me." Scully cleared the table quickly. He could hear her working diligently. It crossed his mind that the sound was soothing. She was humming softly while the water ran across the dishes. Doggett could visualize her hands moving swiftly to remove the debris and place them to dry. He visualized himself walking up behind her, wrapping his hands around her swollen belly and hugging her tightly. He would kiss her softly on the earlobe and tell her how wonderful dinner had been. "Wonderful, Dana. Couldn't have been better." He would take her upstairs, help her into a bath. Afterwards, he would massage her feet then work his circle magic over stomach as he traced the baby's kicks... "Hi, maybe now you feel like talking." Dammit! Caught again! Doggett watched her as she relaxed beside him. Scully watched Doggett. Somehow, they both knew. "Agent Doggett -" "Agent Scully -" Both grinned, embarrassed and unprepared. Scully coughed a little and attempted to start again, "John, you know - " "No," He had to interrupt, "Dana, I can't help but feel that I'm intruding." There was a moment of silence before Scully reached over and took his hand. "Mulder's gone. He's not coming back. John, if I felt awkward about having you around or letting you help me during my pregnancy, I would be the first to let you know." "I just..." Doggett squeezed her hand "I don't want to just be here during your pregnancy." She let this sink in. Relief and disbelief flooded her simultaneously. Scully felt a kick and led their joined hands to where it had occurred. With a smile, she said softly, "We agree." After Mulder : Moving Mountains (2/3) By: Kim <24_kgold@excite.com> ______________________________________________________ "Cherry or mahogany?" No response. Doggett glanced over at Scully, who was relaxing on his sofa looking at one of many baby catalogues she had collected over the last couple of months. Her legs and feet were across his lap, making a perfect target. Slowly, his fingers switched from kneading her muscles to tickling the middle of her feet. "Wha...hey!" Scully playfully slapped at him with the catalogue she had been holding. "Okay! Okay!" Her swollen body squirmed under his fingers. "I give up! I will do whatever you want!" "That's more like it," he remarked with a mischievous grin. "What type of wood do you prefer for the baby's room? Cherry or mahogany?" "You know I don't care. Why do you keep asking anyway?" Doggett just smiled and kissed her kneecaps. "It's a surprise. No more information." The surprise was something he had wanted to do for his own child but never had the opportunity. In the last week, he had drawn up plans to build a rocking chair for Scully and the baby. "You know, things would be easier if you'd just find out what you were having." "Good try but the answer is no. I just want the baby to be healthy." Scully rubbed her hand across her stomach with a sigh. "You've been so good to me, John." Scully was the first woman in many years to effectively break down the wall he so often put up for protection. As he slid his arm slowly up to her shoulder and let the back of his hand brush against her cheek, Doggett considered every piece of the puzzle that had to fall into place to push them towards this moment. As a blush began to creep along her cheekbones, he focused all of his attention on her. Caressing her soft skin, he kissed her gently. As he broke away, he looked into her eyes. "After these last few months, I...Dana, every time I look at you and I feel the baby move, I know why I got assigned to this unit." "John..." Scully traced the outline of his lips with her fingertips. "Tell me I'm not just a substitute for Mulder." She drew him to her, hugging him tightly. Conflicting emotions rendered her speechless -- of course, she could just blame it on hormones and forget about it. However, the tension would not cease. And now...now he asks her to tell him this. It felt like she had to draw a distinction between the two men who had been so important to her. "Dana?" He pushed back ever so slightly to look at her face. She was crying and his heart sank. "I'm sorry. I -- " The shrill ring of the phone prevented any further apology. Doggett rushed to answer it only to learn the job was taking him away from home. "Skinner," he explained, "Apparently he's got a case he wants me to look at involving unexplained deaths." "Oh, okay." Scully gathered her purse and coat, "You don't mind taking me home, do you? I've got a few things to take care of." That was true, but she really needed to be alone. She needed to think. Things were getting complicated and it was unnerving. Time away from Doggett was necessary. 'Tell me I'm not just a substitute for Mulder' he had asked. Why had that scared her so much? She knew the answer yet could not bring herself to tell him the truth. She had to come to terms with Mulder's death first. Scully somberly removed a box from the closet and placed its contents one at a time on her bed. A NICAP ball cap, a framed portrait of a lost sister and her brother, a swatch of an old Knicks t-shirt, and that Apollo 11 key chain he gave her so many years ago -- every item had a memory attached to it, a memory so dear she could recall it as if it were yesterday. She pulled the swatch of fabric from its plastic bag and held it to her chest. 'I'm going to be a good mother to our baby, Mulder.' Her vow was silent, as was the room. Even the air seemed to understand this was an important moment for Scully. Since she never came to the door when he knocked, Doggett used his spare key to let himself in. The door to her bedroom was slightly ajar. If she was asleep, he would not disturb her. She was sitting on the floor by her bed when he peered through the crack. "Dana?" Scully jumped suddenly, snapping out of her reverent state. "John. I...I didn't hear you." "I knocked..." He trailed off as he noticed what was in front of her. Items from Mulder's desk. His mouth felt dry and cottony. "Anything wrong?" "No," she shook her head and replaced the items in the box, "I was just, uh, going through some things I haven't had time to look over. Everything's fine." Doggett crouched to pick up the box lid. As he did, he caught Scully's arm and looked into her eyes. "Am I just a substitute for Mulder?" His voice was so quiet and sad as he asked it, Scully almost broke down at that point. She was already nervous enough but now...she had never intended to hurt him. And he wasn't. They were both two different men who were in her life at just the right times. Why couldn't she bring herself to say that? "John, never-" Scully stopped and clutched her stomach. "Dana!" Doggett helped her from the ground, "Can you walk? Is it the baby?" Scully only nodded. 'Make it,' she told herself, 'Trust him.' Doggett made a desperate rush to carefully take Scully to his truck. There was a panic in his eyes, but he stayed calm as he drove her to the hospital. He loved her. He loved her child. "Hold on, Dana. Just hold on." **** He paced the hall. "You aren't family. You can't stay in the room." So they made him stand in the hall. He couldn't be beside her. He couldn't hold her hand. He couldn't whisper to her and make promises only he could keep. He couldn't tell her that he loved her, that they were meant to be a family. "Mr. Doggett?" A nurse appeared from nowhere, her face beaming. "You can go in, sir. For just a few minutes." He wasted no time and pushed past the nurse to get to Scully's room, anxious to see the new arrival, anxious to be near her again. "Hey, little man." Doggett whispered in awe over the little bundle of perfection Scully held tightly. "What's his name?" "William," she was in awe, herself, "In honor of both his grandfathers." Scully pulled back the blanket from his face as he began to yawn. "He's so tiny - his fingers, his toes, even his ears are small." "He's a 'baby', Dana," Doggett teased her, "they're supposed to be small. I can tell William has your coloring." He ran his hand over the light smattering of blonde peach fuzz that was William's hair. "I hope he has his father's spirit. He'll have a long fight ahead of him." "We know he'll have your spirit." Doggett kissed her softly. Silence. There was an uncomfortable moment that neither of them could deny. It wasn't as if he had breached a barrier they had agreed upon - they had touched before. Yet, there was a difference. "Dana," he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, "I'm sorry he can't be here for you. I know what it would mean - " "He could have fought his way back but he chose not to." Her voice broke as she kept her eyes on William. "I think he knew all along about the baby. It's why he didn't fight back. To sacrifice your life for your child, well, it's the ultimate sacrifice that could be made." Doggett visibly flinched. His body felt as if she had thrown acid on him. He burned inside and out. "Some people don't have a choice." Scully looked up, caught off guard by his whispered response. Then it hit her - her words followed by his response and what he meant. "Oh, John, I didn't...I mean...I spoke without thinking. You know that wasn't directed towards you." "You should probably get some rest." "John, I'm sorry." Scully started to reach for him just as William began to cry. "Shh, Willy. Give Momma a second. John, please. Stay." Doggett softly kissed the top of William's head. He wanted to stay but knew he couldn't. Not right now. He was holding back as long as he could. "I'll be back in the morning, Dana. Get to know your son." He left before she could beg him again. Once outside, he held back no longer. Through angry sobs, he prayed his son would forgive him for not sacrificing his life. "I would have, Luke. You know I would have." After Mulder: Mending Hearts (3/3) Author: Kim <24_kgold@excite.com> ______________________________________________________ Margaret Scully set down a new diaper bag next to a changing table, and then hurried back to the front door to help her daughter welcome home her newest grandchild for the first time. Being the good grandmother that she is, Margaret had insisted they stay with her for a couple of weeks before starting out on their own. Scully was amazed at the speed her mother had, though she knew she shouldn't be. "I'm just going to put him down, then I'll unpack a little." "Oh, Dana, no. You rest. There are more important things for you to worry about and I can handle all of this." Margaret hugged Scully, then kissed William's tiny hand that reached out for something as he slept. "By the way, there is a message on your answering machine. I noticed it when we came in." As soon as the baby was down, Scully listened to the recording. The low, deep voice pained her and caused tears to form in her eyes. "Dana," he began slowly, "uh...when you feel up to it, I've got somethin' for you to take a look at. I'm sorry, but you'll have to come over here 'cause it's not ready yet." There was a pause before Doggett's message ended. "Oh, John." Scully sighed as her heart began to ache for the one man who had been everything to her without asking for a single thing in return. She had tried to apologize for her words at the hospital -- 'To sacrifice your life for your child, well, it's the ultimate sacrifice that could be made.' Of course he would have given his life for his son. That's not what she had meant, but the hurt in his eyes showed how he had interpreted that statement. The piercing ring of the phone followed by William's cries broke her thoughts. "I'll get him, Dana," her mother called from William's room. Scully knew she'd probably never left. "He...hello?" "Scully? I'm sorry to bother you now but I thought you'd want to know." Skinner's voice was the last she thought she would hear on the other end of her phone. "No, you're fine, sir. What is it?" The hesitation worried her. Skinner was reluctant to speak. "There's no easy way to say this but...Doggett's been shot. He went by himself to question a suspect in a robbery and was caught off guard. They've taken him to Washington Memorial." "I'll be right there." Scully let the phone slip into its receiver as Skinner's words sank in. She hadn't noticed her mother come up behind her. "Dana," she touched her daughter's shoulder gently, "What's happened, dear?" Scully could barely look at her mother as she spoke. "John's been shot," she replied, "I'll let you know when I'm coming home." **** She was led to the third floor of Washington Memorial Hospital. Third floors were never good, in her opinion. They had always been the ICU units. Her mother was home with William. At least that was one less thing she didn't have to worry about right now. She could focus on what was before her. Focus, she told herself, just focus. "Where is he," she nearly screamed out when she finally saw Skinner pacing a hallway. "They're setting up the equipment and whatever else they need." He pointed towards the room directly across from him and caught her by the arm before she could go inside. "Scully," Skinner looked directly at her, pain in his eyes, "I'm sorry. He insisted on going alone. He's been...different lately. I've been worried about him." Scully bit her lip in a futile attempt to fight back tears. They both knew why Doggett had been 'different lately'. She had hurt him. But, she had to believe she had a second chance. As Doggett's doctor explained the extent of his injuries, Scully realized she wasn't listening. Her eyes were looking into the room where he was laying silently, her heart pleading with his heart to let her back in. "Now, I know you're going to want to stay with him while he recovers but I must insist that you let him have time to himself. It is essential that he be able to have peace and quiet once he wakes up." The doctor was looking directly at Scully as she finally turned around. "I understand. I'm a medical doctor so I can help in aiding his recovery. You said the bullet went through and through, right? But it didn't hit the spinal cord?" The doctor nodded. It was obvious to him that Scully was competent enough for this type of injury since it wasn't life threatening. "Yes, but it did come close enough to his heart to cause some major tissue damage. However, we're most concerned about the loss of blood and shock to his system. Bullet wounds are nothing to fool around with, as I'm sure you're aware of." She was. Scully thanked the doctor for his information before stepping into Doggett's room. For a few minutes, Skinner stood on the other side of the window and watched Scully pull up an uncomfortable plastic chair beside the hospital bed. He had seen the incredible pain on her face the moment she stepped off the elevator. She'd already lost Mulder and he knew how much her relationship to Doggett had grown during the last few months. He had to believe that Scully's unending strength and new baby would give her hope and spur her on. **** "I don't know if you can hear me, John." Scully held his hand in hers and gently stroked it with her thumb. "I have to believe you can even though you've got so many drugs and pain medications pumping through you right now. I got your message." The tears she had been fighting slowly crept to the edge of her eyes. "You have to get better. I'm anxious to see what you had to show me and...William...you'll love him, John. He's so beautiful." She laid her head against his chest, angled so she could see him and feel the rise and fall of his chest. His face was almost ashen; it scared her. The doctor had spoken about how much blood he had lost at the scene. She could only imagine what it had been like for him and that fact haunted her. Had he been frightened? She believed even John could be afraid, even for a split second. Had he been in a great deal of pain or had the loss of blood been quick to take it's toll and give way to unconsciousness? Her thoughts and fears continued to linger as a jumbled mess until she drifted into a fitful sleep with his hand wrapped in hers. She was startled awake by a movement over her face. How long had she been sleeping? What was touching her? Scully brushed aside hair that had fallen across her eyes to look up and see. Doggett's eyes were opened. He had been the one touching her hair just as he was now lightly squeezing her hand. Tears were falling from Scully's eyes as she realized the smile on his face was directed at her and he was trying to speak. "What?" She leaned over his mouth, placing her ear close to it. "Your rocking chair is almost ready." Scully looked at him with a puzzled expression. "I don't understand. That's..." Doggett nodded and brought up his hand to wipe away the tear that was threatening to fall from her eye. "Used mahogany wood. Hope that's okay. You'll look beautiful sitting in it, Dana." It was impossible to stop her from crying now. Her partner -- her true partner -- was laying in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound and he wanted to tell her about something he had done *for* her. This was the man she had been waiting for. He had done everything right even when she had done everything wrong. There would be a time and a place for her to apologize. It wasn't now. He knew. They both knew. She could see it in those blue eyes that captured the very essence of his soul. He had forgiven her the very moment she had hurt him. "John," Scully gently kissed his cheek, "You were never just a substitute for Mulder."