From: "Jackie Pierce" Date: Wed, 27 Jun 2001 12:57:52 -0700 Subject: story submission Source: direct TITLE: After Thoughts AUTHOR: Jackie Pierce E-MAIL: muldermad@37.com CLASSIFICATION: MS friendship SPOILERS: none ARCHIEVE: Anywhere, just let me know DISCLAIMER: I promise to return them in good shape, only slightly used. SUMMARY: Scully's random thoughts about Mulder. NOTES AT THE END. I am beginning to see double. I look up from my computer screen and lay my glasses on my desk. Yes, my desk. It took me awhile, but I finally got one. He said I got it because his sexual vibes were too strong and I needed actual physical space in order to resist. I just stuck my tongue out at him, which caused him to burst into laughter. I find myself sneaking another look at him. He is hunched over his desk. His glasses perched on the end of his nose. Looking at who-knows-what as if starring at it long enough will make he wants to be there actually appear. I always feel like this after a case; especially our last one. I hate getting emotional. He says it makes me human. I say it makes me weak. There is no room for weak women in the FBI. I had that drilled in my brain at the Academy. One of my male instructors told me that women had a place in the FBI only if they planned on being spinsters. I push another stubborn lock of hair behind my ear. I really deep down, believe there is some truth to that. This is why my partner amazes me. He says I am the strongest woman he has ever met. I think he is the strongest man I have ever met. He has the strongest survival instinct known to man. Everybody connects everything he does with his obsession with finding her sister. First of all, he is not obsessed, pre-occupied maybe, but not obsessed. He is very passionate about his work. I think some people mistake it for obsession because they are not able to recognize it. They don't know what it feels like. He simply loves what he does. He is fascinated by the supernatural. It has taken me a long time to accept and appreciate that about him. I know that his thoughts of his sister are always there. They always will be until he finds an answer he can live with. It is like an open wound that won't heal. I know what the other agents say about him hurts him. I can see it in his eyes. He takes it though. The ridicule is the worst. He has never asked to be accepted, but he does demand respect for his work and the results we have gotten over the years. Unfortunately, he gets neither. All we have to do is walk down the hall and a barrage of whispers about Mr. and Ms. Spooky follow us. Most agents say they would rather have a root canal then talk to him. That hurts too, its got to. He never tells me what he hears the other agents say about him. It hurts me when they talk about him like that. They have no right to say anything. They do not know him like I do. They have never seen the fun, sweet, normal, side of him. That's the guy who brings me flowers for my birthday, holds me when I cry, has an incredible singing voice, and is an awesome chief. It's a real shame, too. They just might like that guy. I sigh and decided to sneak another look at him. He was still poised over the same old file. He sighs and turns the page. It's in there Mulder, whatever it is you are looking for. It's in there. I smile at his determination and turn my attention back to my keyboard and my partially finished field report. I know I took a few liberties. Please let me know what you think; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thanks.