From: Sasha00012 Date: 07 Jan 2000 10:10:18 GMT Subject: NEW: "Aftermath" by Angst "Aftermath" by Angst Category: MSR, A Keywords: Mulder/Scully romance, friendship, post ep Rating: PG Spoiler warning: Anything through to Orison is fair game Summary: Immediately following her second run in with Donnie Pfaster, Mulder tries to break through to Scully, who has closed herself off to him, ashamed of her fears and afraid to face them at the same time. Disclaimer: I stole this disclaimer, `cause it was too cute: Checking my ID. Nope, not him. Author's note: This story was written before Orison aired, so nothing is given away here. I used the promo for what little info I needed. "Aftermath" by Angst They drove in silence for a long time. The falling snow helped to add to the overwhelming hushed atmosphere. Occasionally, Agent Mulder would look over at his partner, a look of concern on his face, but he didn't say anything to her. Agent Scully, for her part, was huddled down into the recesses of her coat and only the top of her head could be seen. Just a thatch of red amidst the black material of the garment surrounding her. They drove on in silence. Eventually, they managed to escape from under the thick clouds and eventually the sky turned blue. As they drove further, Scully's slowly rose up from her huddled posture and he could finally see her face. She looked pale and tired. "Do you want to stop for a while?" he asked her. "Do you?" "I don't need to, but I will if you want." Scully let out a tired sigh, a little louder than she meant to. "No, I'm fine." At those words, Mulder pulled into the parking lot of the very next restaurant he saw. Scully looked mildly confused. "What are you doing?" Mulder wisely decided not to go into how he knew what her "I'm fine's" really meant. Instead, he simply said, "Turns out I am a little bit hungry. Saw the restaurant, so I stopped. Is that okay with you?" "Sure," she replied with a non-committal shrug. She got out of the car. Mulder quickly hopped out and together they walked to the diner. The meal was light, and much like in the car, relatively silent and otherwise uneventful until Scully mentioned that she needed to use the bathroom. "Okay," Mulder said. "It's over there." He pointed to a sign. Scully turned and stared at the sign behind her, but she did not move. "It's just a few steps, Scully, and I can see you the entire way." Scully's head snapped back to face Mulder and the look on her face was one of anger. "You don't think I can walk ten feet to a public restroom in a full restaurant by myself?" Mulder swallowed hard and chose his next words very carefully. "No, I think you CAN, but I know that the mind can play games with a person after a traumatic event. It's happened to me too. You think the bad guy is every one you see. You think he's going to be around every corner, and even though you know he can't be, your mind still tries to make you believe he can." Scully held her angry gaze at him for a few moments more, then the anger quickly vanished as she turned away from him and looked out the window. Mulder closed his eyes for a moment and sighed quietly. When he opened them again, Scully was still staring out the window, tears pooling in the rims of her eyes, threatening to fall. He knew the last thing she needed was a public breakdown. She was feeling enough self-loathing as it was. He needed to think of something quick. "Actually," he started, in a normal tone as possible, "I need to use the bathroom rather badly myself. Want to walk with me? I hate going alone." Scully blinked back the tears before facing him. He stood up and put his hand out for her. She paused a moment or two before taking his hand. "Okay, I'll walk to the bathroom with you," she told him, "but after that, you're on your own." Public disaster averted, they paid their tab and were back on the road a short time later. The tense silence had been broken at least, and the was a step in the right direction. "So, Mulder, you wouldn't say much about this case, so what gives?" "Nothing. It's just a routine thing. Nothing to go over before hand." "But what is it ABOUT?" "We, uh, need to question some suspects regarding some loose ends of a case though previously solved." Scully's look was one that screamed, `Don't bullshit me, Mulder.' Mulder did a double take at her, then offered up his most innocent, "What?" "You drag my off on this never ending road trip before I was officially cleared, as far as my mental health status, to go question some suspects on a case you say is already solved?" Mulder cringed a little. "Boy, when you say it, it just sounds so ridiculous." "It IS ridiculous, Mulder. The entire story is a bunch of unadulterated donkey poop!" Mulder couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped him. Oh this was much better than silence. "Donkey poop?" "Why don't you tell me what you're really up to, Mulder?" "Donkey poop?" "I-" Scully started, but quickly realized that she wasn't going to get him beyond donkey poop for at least a few minutes, so she frustratedly resigned herself to looking out the window. She let out an annoyed huff for emphasis. After letting her stew for a bit, Mulder finally replied, "Just bear with me on this one, okay Scully?" She turned to stare at him. He concentrated on the road until he could almost feel the weight of her stare pushing his head to one side. He turned to look at her. "Please?" Scully appraised him through squinted, skeptical eyes, but finally said, "Fine." Scully had fallen asleep about an hour after the last "Fine" was uttered and it was a fitful sleep. Every time she twitch or moaned, Mulder would glance at her, concern written all over his face. He was tempted to wake her, but she needed to sleep. "No..." she moaned tossing a little in her seat. "Let me go," she cried a bit louder. Mulder pulled the car to the side of the road. If she started flailing about, he'd need both hands free. He had just put the car in park when his partner let out a savage scream, as if she were in terrible fear and pain. "Wake up, Scully!" he yelled, but didn't try to grab her arms as the waved about wildly. "Scully! You're in the car with me. It's Mulder. You're safe. Wake up, Scully. You're having a dream." He kept repeating his loud form of mantra until Scully slowly settled down. When she had stopped her movements, and returned to a quiet state of sleep, he started driving again. Better not to wake her, he thought. She woke on her own a couple of hours later when the car came to a halt and the engine stopped. "Where are we?" she asked sleepily. "We're at the motel." "What time is it?" "Five after 11." They checked in and it took Scully a moment to realize that they only had one room. "What are you doing?" she asked Mulder as he put both suitcases down and closed the door. "I didn't feel like leaving you alone. And there are two beds in here. It's okay." Scully put both hands on her hips and opened her mouth to speak, but Mulder grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms straight, stunning her into silence. "Look, Scully, I'm not going to pussy foot around the issue here. I know if you could just swallow your pride, you would ask me to stay with you, so please spare us both the show of indignant tirade." Scully was beyond fury. "How dare you," she uttered through clenched teeth. She tried to yank her wrists from his grasp, but he didn't let go. "How dare I?" he echoed back. "How dare I NOT. How dare I not be there for you when I know you need me to be, but are just to proud to admit it." Scully yank her arms again, and this time Mulder let her go. She walked to the corner of the room, not the window, Mulder noticed, and leaned against the wall, arms folded across her chest, her back to him as she rested her forehead against the cool wall. "You don't understand, Mulder." "I don't? You think in seven and a half years I haven't figured out a thing or two about you? And do you even REMEMBER that I happen to hold a degree in psychology?" "I don't need you to play head shrink to me!" she yelled at him, then walked towards the bathroom, fully intending to lock herself in. He stopped her before she could get there. "No. I'm not letting you hid from this. I'm not going to let you hide from me." Blocked by his arms on either side of her, Scully partially faced the wall, unable to face him. He didn't force her to turn. "You experience something so terrible, and then you close me out. You shut me off." He tried to gaged her response, but her face was still mostly turned away from him. He started again. "Do you think I feel any less about you as an agent when you let a case or any situation break you down?" He waited to see if she would respond, but she did not, so he went on. "We both know that there are some things in this world that are to terrible to even think about and it's okay if some of these terrible things push us over the edge. We wouldn't be normal if they didn't. If Pfaster had NO effect on you, Scully, then I would be worried." He saw her cringed at the mention of that name and by the time he finished what he was saying, the tears that had threatened to fall earlier now fell with reckless abandon. "Oh, Mulder," she cried softly, "I just feel so ashamed." "Why?" he demanded of her. "I just. . ." she trailed off, shaking her head. Mulder took hold of her arms and turned her to face him fully. "Why?" Scully tried to turn away from him, but he had her pinned to the wall. "I feel like," she tried again, "I just feel like I let you down. Like I failed." Mulder emphasized his next words so as to make it very clear to her. "Nothing could be further from the truth, Scully. You have been through more hell than any good person deserves, and nobody can stop every bad thing and nobody can keep from letting it get to them every once in a while. But I can't stress it enough, Scully. You did not fail. You didn't fail yourself, and you most certainly didn't fail me. I would trust you to watch my back in a minute." "But I still can't get rid of this feeling," she cried. "Because I'm still so afraid, Mulder. If one person can become so evil as that. . .that person became, who to say another one just like him isn't lurking around every corner?" Mulder sighed and took her into his arms. "I can't promise that there aren't any more evil people out there, but what I do know for certain is that there are far more good people than bad, and we can't live our lives in fear. Otherwise we're letting those few bad ones win." He rocked her gently. He whispered into her hair. "I don't expect your feelings to just go away overnight, but I know you. You'll find your way back, and if you let me, I will be there with you, every step of the way. You never need to shut me out." They stood like there for some time until he felt her weight sagging against him as fatigue overtook her. They got ready for bed and when he emerged from the bathroom, and moved to slide between the sheets of his own bed, her voice under the covers of her bed stopped him. "Mulder?" "Yeah?" "Would you mind very much . . . if we shared this bed. I would really like that." Mulder smiled. "It would be my pleasure," he told her. "Not to much of a pleasure, Mulder," she warned him. "Not tonight, anyway," she quickly added, causing him to do the second double take of the day, his arm still hanging in the air as he was reaching for the light switch. He couldn't see her smiling under the covers. "Goodnight, Mulder." Mulder woke up and managed to turn off the light. He scooted down under the covers and felt for her. He grabbed her hips and pulled her to him, spooning up against her back. "Goodnight, Scully," he whispered, and kissed her neck before drifting off into sleep. The next day, they were both feeling well rested and refreshed. Scully had flipped on the TV while Mulder showered in order to get the weather. "We're in Tennessee?" she half declared, half questioned, when he came out of the bathroom toweling his wet hair. "Yeah." "Why are we in Tennessee? Really." "You'll see," was all he would offer her as he grabbed his clothes and returned to the bathroom to change. "Dress casual," he called from behind the closed door. They had a quick breakfast at the motel restaurant and headed for the car. "This has nothing to do with any case, Mulder. Am I right?" she asked him over the top of the car as they each opened their doors. Mulder just waggled his eyebrows at her and slide into the driver's seat. Scully sighed and rolled her eyes before taking the passenger seat. It was a beautiful, sunny Tennessee day. It wasn't to hot. It was perfect. The right weather for a setup, Scully thought as they drove. They didn't have far to go. Mulder turned left at a sign that read "Dalton East School". Scully was becoming more intrigued by the moment, but she no longer prodded Mulder for information. When he stopped the car, they were at what looked like a ranch. They got out of the car and were met by a rather burly looking man, dressed to the nines in typical cowboy gear. He shook Mulder's hand and tipped his hat for Scully, then led them through the stables to several adjoining rinks were a group of young men, boys actually, were working with horses. The two agents and their guide leaned against the fence and watched. The rancher explained. "These horses were all abused and rescued from their situation and brought here. These boys are all inmates from various juvenile halls. They're brought here, taught some potentially useful skills, but more importantly, they're taught compassion." The rancher walked called out to the boys. "All right men. Let your horses run loose in their paddocks for a bit and you all front and center." Scully looked at Mulder with a raised eyebrow. Just where was he going with this? The young men came out of the paddocks to stand before the agents. "Now," the rancher, who was a former warden and the ranch director said, "Tell these folks what you did that got you in juvee." All ten boys went over there convicted offenses, ranging from assault to murder. After they did that, they were each sent back to doing what they were doing, as Scully and Mulder met up with each boy one at a time. They showed the pair what they were doing, and told them about the horse they were assigned to. One young man, who had killed another young man in a gang related crime, lovingly stroked his horses neck as he told of her sad tale of abuse and neglect. "But look at how beautiful and good she got because I do right by her," he finished. Mulder nodded. "You've done a wonderful job." "Yeah. It's hard work though." The boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of carrot. The horse accepted the treat. "Anything worthwhile always is," Scully said. "What have you learned here?" Mulder asked him. "What I learn?" The boy thought about that for a minute. "I learn that it ain't right to just do people that way, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, you got to realize that they living beings to, you know what I'm sayin'? You can't just take someone out `cause you feel they done somethin' to you that you ain't liking or something like that. `Cause they got a mother and cousins and friends, you know? And they be real. Just like you." The horse nosed the boy's pocket. "A' right, I give you one more piece and that's it for now," he crooned with a big, warm smile on his face. As Mulder and Scully strolled away, leaving the young man to his horse, Scully smiled. She nudged Mulder with her elbow slightly as they walked, and Mulder nudged her back. They walked along a path that led to a large, fenced in field where several horses were running free, their long manes blowing back in the wind. Scully put one foot on the bottom most post of the fence and leaned on the post at chest level. "I know what you are trying to do, Mulder," she said, watching the horses run. "What am I trying to do?" he asked innocently. Joining her at the fence. "Restore my faith in humanity. Show me that not all bad is evil, and that not all bad is unredeemable." "Was I trying to do that? . . .Did it work?" She turned to face him and he did the same. A warm smiled spread across her beautiful face. "It helped a great deal. Not just seeing these boys learn how to love again. You . . . That you know me so well . . . That you knew just how to get through to be, as hard as that is sometimes." Mulder's eyebrows went up in agreement. "No kidding." She stood there softly smiling at him. She finally spoke again. "Thank you, Mulder," she whispered. "Thank you for being there for me." "Always." She stepped into his arms and he wrapped them around her. After a moment, she looked up at him and brought her hands to his warm cheeks. He slowly lowered his face to hers and they shared a long overdue, real, loving kiss. One of his hands cupped the back of her neck while the other grasped her back, pulling her closer to him, deepening the kiss. When their lips parted, Scully whispered back to him, "Always."