From: "*Johanna* ... *answering feedback*" Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 19:49:15 CEST Subject: completed story Title: Afterwards Author: Johanna the X-phile E-mail: mns_romance@hotmail.com Rating: PG. supposedly. I'm no good at rating. Category: MSR, S, A, a story in a sad mood. Spoilers: The End. Keyword: Mulder/Scully romance, this is a sad one... Summary: Take over where the episode left off. One of many I suppose, but I'd like to think this one is different. Disclaimer: I don't owe them, yatta, yatta, yatta. Just borrowing them with no money involved. No harm done so please don't sue me. Authors note: As I always write in top of those, I'm from Sweden so please be gentle on the language, ok? I can't come up with any more note worth writing down. Enjoy! Here it goes... ************************************************ Afterwards, by Johanna the X-phile - The one and only ************************************************ I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to hold me as I held him. But he just stood there and of course I could understand if he was shocked. Jesus, I was too. I hadn't cried yet, neither of us had, but we both had tears in our eyes. After a while he did wrap his arms around me and I could feel his tears in my hair. Then my own tears started to fall. We just stood there, silent, holding each other. Suddenly my legs were not holding my weight anymore. I would have fell down to the floor if Mulder hadn't held his arms around me. But I could feel that his pain and his weakness and my weight on top of that couldn't hold him up either. So he fell down to the floor and I fell with him. And we sat there for almost what felt like an eternity in that embrace and him sobbing in my hair and me sobbing in his chest. Now I didn't cry anymore. I could feel that he didn't either. But I didn't let go and neither did he. Then he spoke, for what had felt like an eternity. "Scully?" I nodded in his chest. "Maybe we should go home." "I don't want to be alone." I said. "I can't be alone right now." I could feel him smile in my hair. It wasn't often that I actually confessed a thing like that. "Me either", he said. Then he moved his hand to my chin and made me meet his gaze. "I want to be with you." He looked at me with his eyes full of so many feelings, I could hardly name them all. Very much pain and sadness, but there was something else. Something I couldn't put my finger on. "I want to be with you too." I said. "You can sleep on my couch, if you want to." He looked into my eyes so hard but yet so softly and I could feel that he truly saw my soul in there. "I do want to", he said. I smiled. "Then let's move", I said. "I don't want to be here more than necessary." He nodded and helped me too my feet. We walked out. The ride home was silent. We didn't need any words. We didn't speak until he sat on my couch with a blanket and a cup of coffee. I had changed to my pajamas. "Scully" he said. I looked at him. "I think I just realized I've lost my life." He looked at me very sad, but no tears in his eyes. Then he looked down at his hands. "Everything I lived for. My truth is never to be find now, Scully, I've lost everything." I sat down beside him. "That's not true, Mulder." I said and took his hand. "You haven't lost everything." He looked at me and met my gaze. "You haven't lost me, Mulder. And you shouldn't give up that easily. Together we'll fight them, and we'll find the truth. With, or without, the X-files." He looked at me and I drowned in his eyes. There I saw sadness, compassion and very much pain and also there was that other look, the one I couldn't name. Then he caressed my cheek and broke the gaze. "Good night, Scully" he said. I bit my lip before I rose and went to my bedroom. I lay down on my bed and I fell asleep almost at once. I woke up at the sound of someone walking towards my bed. I knew it was Mulder so I didn't care. Then I felt him lay down in my bed behind me and put his arm around my waist. I smiled, still with my eyes shut and I took his hand in mine. Then I fell asleep again. When I woke up again it was morning, and I could still feel Mulders arms around my waist. It felt really good to wake up like this, beside him. And he hadn't had a nightmare all night, which was almost unbelievable, especially with a thought of what had happened the day before. I looked at the clock. 8 .16. I didn't care that we were late for work. We had nothing to work with, so big deal? I rolled over and watched Mulder sleep with his arms around me. It felt so good. He looked just like a baby, with even a little smile on his lips. That felt even better. I watched him sleep for a long time. And while this, my mind was racing. I didn't bother to care what I was thinking, I just watched Mulder sleep. "I'll kill them", I whispered. "I swear to you, Mulder, I'll kill them. I'll kill those bastards who did this to you. And to me." Then I was silent again and I let my thoughts pass the forbidden line. I was too tired to care. Then I realized something. Something I had denied for so long. But I didn't have the strength to deny anymore, so it slowly started to fill my entire head. I felt the tears in my eyes as I realized I was in love with Mulder. I smiled, but I didn't feel any fear, because at the same time, I realized that the look in Mulders eyes was love. It was filled by love. And I knew now, that he must have seen that same look in my eyes too. I felt tears fall down my cheeks when I whispered "Mulder", and caressed his cheek to make him wake up. He didn't move, but he opened his eyes and took a long breath. The fact that he didn't move, would have made another person think he was awake before I started to wake him. But I knew that he wasn't. He looked at me with his eyes filled with love, and I knew mine was too. I knew he loved me, and he knew I loved him, but I needed to tell him. He made a tempt to move his arm to brush away my tears. "Don't", I simply said, and he didn't. He then kissed them away instead, and that made a shiver run through my body at the warm feeling of his soft lips on my cheeks. Then he stopped and looked deeply into my eyes searching for something. It took me a few seconds before I saw that it was a permission. I simply smiled and let him know through my eyes that he had it. He then leaned in and his lips stopped just inches from mine and he asked with his gaze: 'Are you sure? 'Cause I'm warning you Scully, this is going to change everything'. I actually saw this in his eyes, and I didn't change a muscle. He then leaned in and let his lips meet mine. It was a wonderful feeling, I can't describe it in words. I only knew, it had never felt this good with a man before. I then felt his tongue wanting entrance, and I opened my mouth to let his tongue meet mine and then I felt high. Higher then heaven and I forgot everything about smoking bastards and burning offices. I wanted more. I wanted all of him. Finally when we broke off to catch breath I just looked at him and I smiled. I don't think I have even smiled as wide as I did then. He smiled really wide at me too. Then I could hear him whisper. "I love you, Scully. God, I love you so much it hurts." I smiled and planted a small kiss on his lips before I answered. "I love you too, Mulder. Always." The end. *********************************************** "I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who's already naked." "If it rains sleeping bags, maybe you'll get lucky." Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, Detour. ******************* "Scully?" "Yeah?" "Marry me" - Fox Mulder, Chinga. ******************* "As difficult and as frustrating it has been sometimes your goddamned strict rationalism and science has saved me a thousand times over. You've kept me honest, you made me a whole person. I don't know if wanna do this alone. I don't even know if I can." -Fox Mulder, The X-files Fight The Future. (A serious conversation for once.) ******************* "Scully?" "Yes?" "I love you" - Fox Mulder, Triangle. *********************************************** Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is welcomed and can be sent to mns_romance@hotmail.com Seeya! Have a great life now and try not to get *too* obsessed of the X-files, like me, so you'll only go around living in a dream world where you're married to Fox Mulder. (Hey, talk about insane. imagining you're married to a man that doesn't even exist.) Okay, so I don't only go around thinking about him and me. I think a little bit about him and *Scully* too. Bye for now. Lots of love, Johanna the X-phile