From: anna taylor sweringen Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 08:30:00 -0700 (PDT) Subject: New Story submission Source: direct Title: All In Your Mind Author: Rev. Anna Category: VA Rating: G Spoilers: Pusher Disclaimer: Holly and Mulder belong to 1013 productions. Vince Gilligan wrote the dialogue from Pusher Summary: Good can come from bad. Author's Note: This is my response to the Mulder Love Interest challenge at the Harem. Two weeks late but at least within the word limit. Title: All In Your Mind Author: Rev. Anna "Holly. He's the one. He's the one who mugged you . . . Make him stop hurting me . . . Holly?" It was five weeks ago that Robert Modell had invaded Holly's mind. An invasion much worse than being mugged; more like being raped. He hadn't taken her money; he had taken her will. He hadn't bruised her face; he bruised her soul. She could still hear his seductively polite tones: "I'd love a print out of this...and a cup of coffee when you get the chance." Could still feel comforted by his words: "I wish I could get my hands on the guy that did that to you. I'd make him pay." Could still feel the rush of adrenaline and the heat of her anger as his words spurred her on: "Hurt him back." Could still feel sick as she remember AD Skinner on the floor: "I'm so terribly, terribly sorry. I don't know why I..." Every night for a week she relived it all with no hope of help in sight. At work, she felt like a pariah. Only AD Skinner didn't let the incident change how he related to her, but everyone else pointed or whispered or laughed. Everyone else except Agent Mulder. He sat at her table in the cafeteria one day quite unexpectedly. "Having a good look?" he asked, staring pointedly at anyone who looked at them. Faced down by Mulder, they all went back to their previous conversations. "You still hear him, don't you?" "Yes. Why can't it just go away?" "Because it's all in your mind. People think when something's all in your mind, it isn't real. But that's where things are the most real." "Is that the psychologist in you talking?" "It's the psychologist in me backing me up." "How were you able to fight him off?" she asked. "The bond between me and Scully was stronger than his ability to control me." "I wish I had someone to bond with like that." She cast her eyes down onto her sandwich to keep him from seeing her tears. "You do," he answered, lifting her face up by the chin and wiping a tear from her cheek. People were staring again, but neither Holly nor Mulder cared. "Want to go for a walk after work?" She nodded yes, smiling for the first time that day. After work they walked. He listened as she talked. Then she listened as he talked. Then they walked in silence until they found themselves at the Jefferson Memorial. Holly's eyes read the first inscription silently and tears began to fall again. "I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." "Will my mind ever be mine again?" she cried. Mulder took her hand and just let her cry. "Of course it will. Give it time." They found a bench where they could be alone. Hand in hand they just sat, staring quietly toward the tidal basin as the sky took on the quiet hues of dusk. Then they walked back to Hoover without a word, feeling even more connected in the silence between them. They got into his car and, after she told him her address, didn't say another word until they arrived at her apartment building. Mulder moved to get out but she stopped him. "You--you've been so kind, Agent Mulder," she said softly, unable to look at him. "And I really, really appreciate this, so--so please don't think me ungrateful but -- wouldn't you rather be doing this with Agent Scully?" Mulder smiled and shook his head no. "I need to feel something that I can't get from Scully." He smoothed his hands along the steering wheel as he spoke. "Scully is a good match for me because her trust in me is a leap of faith. Knowing that she cares, especially when she doesn't believe, has enabled me to open up to her, to trust her back." He looked at Holly now. "But I thought--I wondered what it would be like to bond with someone with whom I shared a paranormal experience, where the trust comes because we both believe. Because the experience demands we believe. I thought--I hoped I might experience that kind of bonding with you." Holly turned her head and looked into his eyes. There was a longing in them that resonated within her. "And have you?" she asked. "After walking and talking with you -- yes. It feels good. I'd like more." "I don't know if I have anything left to give." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "I've been alone before, even felt lonely," she said, swallowing her tears. "But I've never felt empty. That bastard took away everything I am. I want--I want so badly to . . . to . . . " She felt Mulder's hand on her head, gently smoothing her hair down. She turned her face toward his and watched him wipe her tears away with his thumbs. "To what?" he asked. "To be in control again," she whispered, tears beginning to fall again. "You will be." "How can you be so sure?" "Because I'll help you. Just like you'll help me." And when the nightmares came, whether for her or for him, the other was there with a knowing word or a comforting touch, secure in the bond that had formed between them. "Will this last?" she asked. "Yes," he answered. "Even when we our need for it is gone." End