From: "Caroline Mc Dermott" Date: Wed, 06 Nov 2002 19:14:13 +0000 Subject: No Subject Provided Source: direct Disclaimer: All characters herein belong to Chris Carter, 1013, Fox Productions and all other related entities. They are borrowed for entertainment purposes only and, No Infringement, is intended. Author: Macdee Title: All Things...Re-considered. Part one... Rating: R. Classification: Post ep: Story. Angst, MSR. Spoilers: All Things, The Unnatural. Summary: What if Mulder was less than pleased about Scully leaving in the middle of the night?. REMEMBER FOLKS... IMITATION IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF FLATTERY!!! XXX Mulders alarm went off at 5:30am, as usual. He rolled over, patting the bed beside him. She was gone. Maybe he'd been dreaming, but it had seemed so real. He buried his nose in the pillow to his other side. There it was, faint, but there, nevertheless. The unmistakable scent of Scullys perfume. He sat bolt upright in the bed, listening closely. The silence in his apartment, was deafening. After a moment, the only sound, was the screaming voice in his head, repeating over and over, 'Idiot!'. Mulder looked at his watch...8am. It was 8am on a Saturday morning, and he was at a loss for something to do. Given his mood, his choices were restricted. He'd already peeved the guy downstairs from him, by dribbling his basketball just after 6am. He stood up and paced the apartment. Catching sight of his baseball bat in the corner, he decided that an hour or two in the batting cage might alleviate some of the tension he was feeling. Then again, he was flooded with memories of another time, not very long ago, in a batting cage...his partner in his arms, as they hit ball after ball into the night sky. He picked up the bat and idly swung it a few times, 'Hips before hands', he recalled, and the feel of her against him.... ...'Nice piece of ash'...the way she'd turned and looked at him, almost made him blush, 'The bat, Scully, talkin' 'bout the bat...' 'Don't strangle it Scully, you just wanna shake hands with it, 'Hello Mr. Bat, pleasure to make your acquaintance...no, no, no, Miss Scully, the pleasure's all mine...' She'd giggled then, actually giggled, and he'd loved it. 'Hips before hands, Scully'...he'd pressed against her pelvis to turn her, and she'd turned into him. Pressed fully against him, and he'd been unable to hide his reaction to being that close to her. She was content to stay in his arms, and seemed disappointed when the time was up. She'd laughed, giggled, and smiled that night. Then, she was happy to be with him, then........ So what had changed, he wondered. Mulder tossed the bat on the couch and paced some more. 'The hell with it' he thought, and picked the bat up again. Thirty five minutes later, he was back at the same Washington park where he had taught Scully to hit. Mulder spent two hours in the cage before the little league players arrived. He vacated, got himself a soda and settled down to watch the game. It had been a while since he'd spent time at the ball park, and to be honest, he'd missed it. He began to think about Scully, and their most recent endeavor, as he watched the game. Scully had asked him to help her to have a baby. She was going through an I.V.F. program, and had asked him to be the donor. Of course, he'd jumped at the chance. To have a baby with Dana Scully, well, that was nothing short of a dream come true for him. Regardless of how it came about. He'd thought that their relationship was pretty good, in particular since Christmas. Actually, New Years, to be specific. He'd leaned over and kissed her as the ball dropped, and she hadn't slapped him silly. That was a good sign, as far as he was concerned. They'd had a few tough cases in recent months, but that was nothing unusual for them. Then last night happened. The cheering pulled him from his reverie, and he realized the game was over. The home team had won. He stood up to leave and absently thought, ' at least someones plans worked out today'.... It was 3:30, when Mulder left the ball park. He drove around for a while trying to occupy his mind. Trying to keep it off Scully and what had happened last night..... He called the Gunmen. " Hey guys, it's me, turn it off." " Okay dude.." There was a click and then Langly came back on the line, " What's happening?" " Nothing much...how 'bout with you guys?" Mulder was navigating traffic as he spoke. " D & D, for me, The Deer Hunter, for the others. Hang on, Frohike wants you.." " Hey Spookman...what'd you do on the little lady? Man, she's hunting you big time!" Frohikes tone was light. " What did she say?" Mulders manner was anything but. " Not a lot, just pretty eager to find you. You two lovebirds have a tiff?" Frohike laughed. " Cool it, Frohike." Mulder snapped back, " How long ago did you talk to her?" " Gees! Chill!, 'bout an hour. Do yourself a favor man, call her. She sounded really worried." " Yeah..Yeah, maybe...catch you guys later..." Mulder hung up and turned off the main drag into his neighborhood. Checking the clock on the dashboard of the car, it read 4:16. His stomach growled and he thought about food. He stopped at the pizza place. The guy behind the counter knew Mulder well. He stepped in and Pete called out to him, "Hey Mulder, usual for you and sexy?" " No!...I mean, pepperoni and sausage, just me tonight." Mulder cursed himself for being so quick to jump all over Pete. " Sorr...reee! Gees! So...what's the other half done now?" Pete inquired. " Nothing Pete...just...just..." Mulder stammered. " Just what Mulder, spit it out, buddy?" Pete was curious. " Just..." Mulder couldn't bring himself to say it, " Just gimme the pizza, okay." " Okay. " When Pete handed over the box, Mulder almost took the door off, to get out. 15 minutes, and Mulder was back in traffic. He couldn't bring himself to say it, not out loud. He couldn't say, ' used'. Not in the same sentence, with her name. He pulled up in front of his building and thumped the steering wheel. " Dammit!" He'd been used before, but this...this was different. This time. it hurt. She hurt him. This time, it was Scully, and that meant everything was different. He grabbed the box and headed inside. His answer machine bleeped to life when he pressed the play button. 'You have 12 messages', it informed him. All 12, were from Scully. The last one caught him off guard. " Mulder, please...I need to talk to you. We *need* to talk. Please Mulder, if you're there, pick-up. We're friends Mulder, friends talk to each other. Fine, I'm coming over." 'Message received, 5:02pm. The machine clicked off and rewound the tape. Mulder looked at his watch, 5:28. 'Oh shit', he thought, ' I gotta get outta here'. Grabbing his jacket from the couch, he headed for the door, collecting his keys from the end table on the way. The pizza lay on the coffee table, forgotten. He flicked off the light and opened the door..... " Going somewhere, Mulder?" Title: All Things...Re-considered. Part two... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx " Going somewhere, Mulder?" Mulder froze, mid-step. He looked at Scully. Straight at her. Straight through her. " We need to talk, Mulder, so if it's not life or death...." she motioned for him to turn, and when he did, then she followed him back into his apartment. They sat opposite each other, he, in the desk chair, Scully, on the couch. They faced each other like wary animals. Silence prevailed. Eventually, after almost ten minutes, several deep breaths, and long sighs, Scully broke the silence. " Aren't you going to say anything?" Her voice was calm. Mulder merely glared at her. He didn't trust himself to speak. He was surprised that he could feel so much anger towards her. Another long, heavy silence ensued, before Scully spoke again. " I'm sorry." This time, Scullys voice was barely a murmur. Again, Mulders answer was to remain silent. She tried again. " I shouldn't have left like that...the way I did.." More silence. It was beginning to unnerve Scully. She wasn't sure what to expect. " I.. I needed time, to think.. to..." " To what, Scully!? To think of an excuse!? To find something, or someone, you can blame!? To try to rationalize your actions!?.. What? Time for what, Scully!?" Mulder was on his feet, pacing. Scully was totally taken aback by Mulders sudden outburst. By his sharp words and his raised tone. In seven years, Mulder had never raised his voice to her. " Wh.. what?" was all she managed in reply. " I'll let you off the hook, make it easy for you, Scully, this way, I'll be the villain.... We'll just say that you were tired, I was jet-lagged, neither one of us was thinking straight. We can call it a one night stand, if you like, then we'll forget it, okay? Would that solve it? Now go home. I'll be good to go on Monday. Back to normal. Just 'partners'... That's something you *can* contend with, isn't it?" Scully sat, stunned. Speechless. Mulder turned and walked into his bedroom and slammed the door, ending the conversation. It took her a few moments to recover, then she rose and walked silently to the door. She was in a daze. She couldn't believe Mulders harsh words, his tone, his... coldness, toward her. She silently left his apartment... Scully made the drive home to Georgetown in silence. She'd had other ideas when she'd gone to Mulders apartment earlier. She'd hoped they wouldn't fall out. She'd never expected a fight, but that's what she'd got. Scully had wanted to make peace with Mulder. When she couldn't get him on the phone all day, she'd known he was annoyed. She couldn't fault him, she would have been angry too. She hadn't expected Mulder to take the lead, and she certainly hadn't expected him to be so resolute or forceful about it. When he eventually spoke, he'd assumed control of the situation and thus, removed all options and choices from her. He, in point of fact, left her nothing to do or say, no alternative but to go home, as he requested. She knew she should feel angry, hurt, rejected even, but no. The only thing she felt as a result of Mulders display was... aroused... When he'd heard the apartment door close, he'd come back out of the bedroom and crossed to the window. He watched her drive away, then sank into the chair, and that's where he'd remained, long after his partner had gone. He couldn't get face out of his head. It had been a strange expression, for Scully. He'd anticipated some form of, 'self-preservation', from her, following his, 'vocalizations'. He'd gotten nothing. She'd simply left without a word. Calmly and quietly. Probably relieved to be off the hook, he surmised. The one thing he was still certain of, regardless of the scene that had just taken place between them, was that his feelings for her had not changed. Scully had hurt him, and he hurt like hell, but what had happened last night and tonight, would heal. No, now there was a fresh hurt. Salt in an already open wound. One that would not heal so easily. He loved her with everything in him...and now he knew for sure.... Scully felt absolutely nothing, for him. He dropped his head in his hands, and stayed in the dark... Scully sat alone in her apartment, deep in thought. It was her first Saturday night without Mulders presence, in years. She wondered how things had gotten so far out of her control, so quickly. She thought back twenty-four hours. She'd been so content and happy, sitting on Mulders couch, just talking. Then later, lying sated in his arms. It had felt so right, like it was always meant to be. Now... now she was alone, and she had lost him. As a lover... and as a friend. She'd blown any chance of a future together... because she'd been stupid. Insecure. Mulder had always made her feel wanted and needed. Last night, he'd made her feel special, and most of all, loved. Whether they were at work, or in one apartment or the other, Mulder made her feel alive. A few months ago, when she'd needed to feel alive after the ordeal with Phillip Padgett, he'd taught her to play baseball. Just the two of them, alone in the batting cage one night. It had cheered her up. And what made it unique, was that he'd done it explicitly for her. When she'd gotten into her car to drive home, he'd leaned in the door and taken her hand. The way he looked at her, for a moment she'd thought he was going to kiss her. She'd wanted him to. When he spoke, his voice was thick and full of sentiment, and so soft. Softer than she'd ever heard it, " Thank you for tonight, Scully. You made a little batting practice special, but ..I guess that's because you're special.... at least to me.. Life is for living, Scully, and mine's better with you in it. Drive careful, it's late...goodnight." She'd been so dumbstruck, she hadn't spoken, just started the car and left. She hadn't slept that night, she couldn't. She'd known then for sure how Mulder felt about her. She'd also known that night, how she felt about him, too. Now...Now she'd blown it. She had to repair the damage, take away the hurt that was so unmistakable in his eyes. She didn't know how, but she knew had to find a way.... She had to... XXX Mulder was the first one in the office on Monday morning. Scully swore she felt a distinct chill when she stepped through the door, but Mulder greeted her in the usual manner, " Morning Scully." his tone as light as it could be, under the circumstances. " Morning Mulder.." Scully forced the same light tone into her voice, though she wasn't sure she succeeded. " Hope you're packed, Scully. We gotta go help Skinner out. Some guy he was protecting died... in suspicious circumstances. Just our thing.. " He was putting papers in a folder. " Yeah.. sure, Mulder. You?" " Won't take me long. I'll meet you at National in an hour." he handed her the file. " See you there." With that, he was out the door. Short, to the point, and slightly dry, was Scullys interpretation of Mulders demeanor. She glanced at the file he'd handed her, then picked up her jacket and left. Their problem would just have to wait until later, she thought. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Title: All Things...Re-considered. Part three... She glanced at the file he'd handed her, then picked up her jacket and left. Their problem would just have to wait until later, she thought. XXX The flight home, was as quiet as the flight out to meet Skinner, but for a very different reason. Skinner sat on the other side of the aisle, and Mulder sat to her right, but this time it wasn't that he didn't want to speak...it was that he couldn't! Those damned tobacco beetles had almost killed him! She'd almost lost Mulder...Again!! She was even more determined now, to sort things out between them. Scully decided that, that night would be as good a time as any, being as Mulder couldn't very well interrupt her. While he'd been in the hospital, they'd gotten back some of what had been lost. She'd taken it to mean that he at least still cared, even if was only as a friend... She would live with that, it was better than losing him altogether. When he'd flat lined, and the bug had crawled out of him, she'd almost fainted. All she could think was that he couldn't die, not before she told him she loved him. Mulder was stretched out between his seat and the one to his right, and before she knew it, he had slipped down, his head dropping into her lap. Normally, she would've nudged him, and moved him. She looked across at Skinner to find that he had his seat tipped back, and he was asleep. She reached down and ran her fingers through Mulders hair. It was soft and silky. He moaned faintly and wriggled under her touch. She smiled and did it again. He licked his lips and mumbled her name. Scullys heart did a flip in her chest.. and she took her opportunity, and rested her hands against his forehead, the rest of the flight. When the flight attendant asked her to get her partner ready for landing, Scully shook him gently. She watched him struggle from sleep, and when he muttered her name, she smiled at him. He finally reached awareness. He realized where he was lying, and made a jump to get up out of her lap, trying to apologize, but only succeeding in starting a coughing fit. Scully put her arm around his shoulder and patted his back lightly until it subsided. Then she whispered in his ear," Mulder, its okay. I wanted you there. You were comfortable... and so was I.." He froze and looked at her, but never spoke. He straightened himself in the seat and she just smiled at him. Mulder almost jumped out of his seat when the seat belt light came on. Before he could move, Scully leaned across him and re-fastened his seatbelt. She'd lightly brushed her tiny hands across his thighs and he'd almost lost it! All he could think, was that it was gonna be a long drive home... 'God-damn Skinner!!' Two fucking week's sick leave! He wasn't dying Dammit! Shit!! Mulder couldn't believe Skinners words. He'd be well enough long before that, medically speaking, that was... Emotionally, he wasn't so sure. He climbed into the passenger seat of Scullys car and fastened the safety belt. He prayed for a quiet drive to Alexandria. It wasn't to be. " Mulder, I'll drop you off, then go home and change, and I'll be back later with some soup for you., It'll be easier for you to get down." Scully informed him once they were out on the expressway. He just grunted. " Or.... you could simply stay with me.... It.. would be easier..." She ventured cautiously. Mulder almost choked. When he'd recovered adequately, he glanced her way. She was waiting for his answer. She'd only be at his place constantly anyhow, he surmised..." Your place it is..." he croaked out. Scully smiled broadly at him. " You got it, partner." She said with a smile. Mulder leaned his head back and closed his eyes... Scully was pleased with herself. She let him sleep the rest of the ride to Georgetown. She knew that Mulder liked her moms cooking, and the soup she'd referred to, was her moms homemade soup. It should soften him up a little, she hoped. When they got to Scullys, she settled Mulder on the couch, propped up with a pillow. " If you can stay upright, it'll minimize the coughing fits." she told him in her best doctor manner. Mulder simply nodded. She bustled around and eventually reappeared with a bowl of soup on a tray. " This is my mothers' best homemade soup " She informed him brightly. Mulder took it and croaked out his thanks. When she'd cleared off their dishes, she handed him a cup of coffee and settled into the chair across from him. She had that look on her face and Mulder thought, 'here we go', when he saw it... Scully took a deep breath and plunged in. " Mulder...I'm sorry. I ..I shouldn't have left like that. It was wrong. I just..I, didn't know if ...I.." she hung her head, powerless to get the words out. " Scully, you don't..." Mulder tried to husk out a protest, but Scully cut him off. " Mulder, I do. I owe you an apology...and an explanation." She pinched the bridge of her nose, took another deep breath and tried again. " Mulder, I left before you woke because... I'd acted so out of character for me, and I didn't know what to say, or do, when I woke up. I didn't think I could... I didn't know how to face you across a breakfast table, so to speak.... I knew that our relationship would be irrevocably changed because of what I'd done, and ... I... I needed to adjust to that." She risked a fleeting look at Mulder. He was listening patiently. His expression betrayed nothing. She continued. " I .. I also didn't want you to wake up, look at me and think 'Oh God, what have we done' I didn't want to see that look on your face. I couldn't take that, not from you, Mulder." His low husky whisper interrupted her again, " What are you telling me? What do you want from me, Scully?" She looked across at him, but again, his features were indecipherable. " Daniel asked me that, too. I told him I didn't know. I lied to him, because I do know. I suppose I ...He, made me realize that what I really wanted, I've had all along. I just didn't know how to reach out for it. Now...now I do... I have... " She paused and sat forward in her chair, " I want ... you, Mulder. I have for a while.." She dropped her head, blushing. Scully had never been very good at expressing her feelings, and she was finding this difficult, to say the least. She was actually a introverted person when it came to things of a personal nature, especially if they directly involved her. Mulder was speechless... in more ways than one! Scully was silent for a few minutes and he guessed she was waiting for a comment from him. He took a drink of coffee and started, " Scully..." but she held up her hand, and he fell quiet. " Mulder, I was so self-conscious over my behavior, and ....God Mulder, I never meant to hurt you! I'm so sorry! I..." Mulder did cut her off this time, " Scully... you're rambling." he whispered to her. She looked up and he could see the rose-colored glow of her cheeks. " When I woke and you were gone, I felt used. I felt like a one niter. Generally, that wouldn't bother me, but.... You're different because...because I love you. I... am, in love with you. I have been for a long time. That's why it hurt so much. If you don't want any more than what happened, a one night stand, then I will accept that. But, if you want more, then you need to tell me. You need to tell me the truth, Scully, no matter what it is, or how you feel. I need that from you." Mulder finished out of breath. Scully was quiet for a minute, then, after a breath, " Mulder, I want you. I want us...together. I.. I love you, and..I don't want to lose you ", her voice was shaky. Mulder spoke almost instantaneously, " You'll never lose me, Scully. Come here." Scully rose and walked to the side of the couch. Mulder reached up and took her hand, pulling her down onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, " Scully... can I kiss you?" he whispered in her ear. She giggled at the silliness of it, " I think I'd like that," she whispered back. Mulder smiled at her and touched his lips to hers. After a long moment, Scully broke the kiss. " How are you feeling, Mulder?" her voice was almost teasing. " Apart from a sore throat, I feel good, Why?" He answered, mystified " Well, if you're up to it......" She leaned down and kissed him again. " Scully, I'm always *up* to it...." Mulder murmured against her lips. Scully giggled again, as Mulder stretched up and clicked off the lamp...... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "Birds do it, bees do it... even educated M.Ds do it..." Fox Mulder....'Small Potatoes'. Thank you for reading; Feedback is craved, thank you......cjmcdee@hotmail.com