Date: Mon, 28 Sep 1998 23:45:54 -0000
Subject: "An Allegorical Oreo" (1/1) by RhymePhile

Title: An Allegorical Oreo
Author: RhymePhile
E-Mail: RhymePhile@webtv.net
Rating: PG
Category: Vignette, Humor, M/S UST
Spoilers: Folie A Deux and Detour
Disclaimer: Fox and Dana belong to CC, 1013, and Fox productions

Distribution: Please forward to ATXC (you go, Rubes!) and archive
anywhere

Author's Note: This is for Athos, who reminds me to dream, and for
Heather, because of our crazy Chats, and the fact that *she* gets to
write the ending to our collaborative story, "A Hamburger Isn't An
Ending."

Summary: The last Oreo brings about a philosophical discussion about
the nature of Mulder and Scully's partnership.
~~~~~~~~

"An Allegorical Oreo" (1/1)
by RhymePhile

~~~~~~~~

Mulder held his Oreo cookie aloft and admired it in the fluorescent
light of the basement office.

He turned the masterpiece of delectable delight this way and that,
noticing that its delicious sugary filling was a prisoner of the two
round chocolate wafers. The little ridges along the edges of the
cookie beckoned him to nibble tenderly at the confectionary work of
art, and the raised Oreo name held his gaze.

He sighed. Never had a morning been so perfect for an Oreo.

Scully was busy filling out whatever reports they usually filled out
nowadays. To be honest, the FBI was such a mindless expanse of
bureaucracy that he left it to her to keep the reports up-to-date. He
handled the filing; at least he knew to file the Cockroach That Ate
Cincinnati under the C's. It was a perfect partnership, except for the
fact that Scully did all the work.

"You will notice, Mulder, that I'm doing all the work. Again."

"Can *you* figure out my filing system?" he asked.

"Well, I did find those files you needed about "Hiding in the light"
that time. I hope you filed that completed one under "Giant Bugs."

'Actually, it's filed under M for "Giant
cricket-like-brain-sucking-*mind* controlling bugs, Scully."

"Next to the Moth Men. Of course."

"No, that one is filed under H," he replied.

"H?"

"For Hemorrhoids."

Mulder went back to admiring his cookie.

"I'm hoping you'll at least share one of your cookies, Mulder, for
making me do these reports all the damn time," she said.

"But you have neater handwriting," he explained, "and besides, I only
have one."

"How could you possibly only have one cookie? Don't Oreos come in
large, plastic-covered blue packages?"

"Yeah, but I ate all those."

"*All* of them?"

"I didn't have any change for my usual snack machine breakfast Slim
Jims."

"Well, that's okay," she said, grinning, "because *I* have the milk."

"You have milk?"

"Yeppers." She showed him her plastic Thermos. "Ice cold,
Vitamin-D..."

"It's not..." He hesitated.

"Skim?" she asked, finishing his thought. "Nope! It's just bristling
with fat!!"

"Sculleeee..." he whined.

"Am I torturing you, Mulder?"

"Um, slightly."

"I'm pretty good at that sometimes, aren't I?" she asked, a tad too
gleefully, he noticed.

"Yes you are. Torture seems right up your alley."

"Am I dangerous enough to share your cookie with me?"

"Hmmm..." he said, twirling the last Oreo around in his fingers, "this
is no ordinary cookie, Scully. It's an allegorical Oreo--an allegory
for life."

"Huh?"

He slowly separated the Oreo, twisting it slightly as he had been
properly taught many years ago by his grandmother. It came apart with
the delicious white cream still seated happily on one half, while the
other half was completely icing-free.

"See?" he said, holding up the two halves. "An allegory for life: do
you plunge ahead, and eat the icing side first, with no thought that
the
future holds only the dry side, or do you set realistic goals for
yourself and eat the dry side first, savoring the icing for later? Do
you choose the simple, easy, icing-coated path, or do you struggle and
work your way through the little difficulties in life to arrive
triumphant at the end, with the knowledge and personal gratification
that self-denial was was hard fought, yet won?"

"Mulder?"

"Hmm?"

"You are *oozing* Oxford."

"You can always keep the halves together, of course," he continued,
"but then you can't possibly learn about self-denial."

"So where does the milk fit into the Oreo cookie allegory?"

"Milk would be the final achievement in life, I guess. Your ultimate
goal--the delicious complement to the hardships of life."

"Milk would be the house on the hill, the car, and the Rolex? Would it
be the summation of everything you've sought to accomplish in life?"

"If a Rolex is what you want...but it's always nice to have someone to
share your personal accomplishments with," he said, smiling.

She glanced up at him.

"I was always a dunking girl, myself," she stated.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I always thought the halves were better left together," replied
Scully. "If they were meant to be apart, then the Nabsico people would
have done so. They've been right with all their other cookies thus
far."

She unscrewed the top of her Thermos and poured the milk into the
plastic cup. "Do you think the milk could represent something else?"
she asked.

"Like what?"

"Let's look at the cookie allegory again," she said. "Instead of life,
the Oreo cookie could be an allegory for two people."

"Two people constantly mashed together?"

"Mulder..." she sighed. "You have two people--the chocolate parts in
this case--and you have them inexplicably joined together by a common
bond, the icing."

"You could look at it that way," he reasoned.

"When you take the joined cookie and dunk it into the milk, in this
case it weakens that bond. All you have is a soggy mess."

"But you're supposed to eat it *before* it becomes a soggy mess,"
Mulder argued. "Otherwise you lose the whole thing in the glass of
milk. And believe me, it's a *bitch* trying to stick your hand in
there..."

"Exactly."

"Yeah, I mean, maybe *you* wouldn't have trouble, because your hands
are so small. But me? Forget it.."

"No, Mulder, we're still talking about the soggy cookie here. Stay
with me."

"Sorry."

"The milk represents a challenge to the Oreo's bond, right? So you're
supposed to enjoy the cookie before it becomes too soggy to eat--two
people face a challenge, yet through it all, somehow remain together."

Mulder looked down at the halved cookie he was holding. "What does it
mean when you purposely split the cookie apart, Scully?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't think through my philosophical
reasoning enough to give you an answer."

"But you reasoned enough to explain that the Oreo represents a bonded
couple," he retorted.

"Well..."

"What about a Double-Stuff Oreo? *That* one has extra icing. A more
intense bond."

"Um..."

"Hey, if you're gonna philosophize with the big boys, you better keep
up," he teased.

"Are you going to let me know when the big boys get here?" she teased
right back.

"Good one," he said, winking. "So, going back to your cookie
allegory...would an Oreo represent us?"

"Like in a Double-Stuff kind of way?"

"Yeah, in a partnership kind of way. Like Sonny and Cher. Captain and
Tennille. Bonnie and Clyde. Boris and Natasha. Lady and The Tramp.
Porky and Petunia. Ben and Jerry. Dagwood and Blondie. A dolled-up
Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd. Kirk and Spock...only made of an Oreo
cookie."

"Mulder, six out of the ten couples you just named were either lovers
or were married," she said carefully.

"Kirk and Spock were lovers?!!! And here I thought Kirk was the one
who got all the space-chicks all that time, like that groovy
green-skinned girl in that one episode, and in the one where he's
romancing a sexy Joan Collins and has to let her die to save
history..."

"Mulder..."

"I mean, I can see maybe Ben and Jerry, but Kirk and Spock?!! Well, I
guess a five-year mission does cause stress...I thought there were
plenty of women on the Enterprise...those yeomans in the tight go-go
boots and mini-skirts....but Kirk and Spock *did* spend a lot of time
together, now that you mention it...he called him "Jim" all the time,
right? What about Dr. McCoy? Did you hear any rumors about..."

"MULDER!!!"

"What?"

She sighed heavily. "Are you going to share your cookie with me or
not?"

"Of course I am, Scully." He offered her the side with the icing on
it. "No matter how much I "ooze Oxford" as you put it, *you'll* still
get
my icing every time."

"Is there an allegory there, somewhere?" she asked curiously,
accepting the cookie.

Mulder laughed, and dunked his dry side of the shared Oreo in her
milk.

"Sometimes, Scully, an Oreo cookie is just an Oreo cookie."


END

-Exeunt-


Adieu
RhymePhile

Comments appreciated, icing side or not.
RhymePhile@webtv.net

*******************
Hello, Samantha dear,
I hope you're feelin' fine/
And it won't be long until
I'm with you all the time
             -- "Calling Baton Rouge"
                            Garth Brooks