From: ThrillHouse Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2000 10:27:04 -0800 Subject: NEW: "And He Just Walked Right By" (1/1) by Heather "and he just walked right by" by Hettie Spoilers: Closure, Sein Und Zeit Rating: PG Summary: Another man's closure may signal the beginning for Skinner and Scully. Feedback: please! AmyF1013@yahoo.com The characters of Mulder, Scully and Skinner belong to Chris Carter and 1013. Note from author: I never thought I would be writing a story that would not be a MSR. I am usually the eternal optimist when it comes to the 'ship. This last episode, Closure, tore me apart though. For the first time since I began watching the show I began to doubt, and even worse I didn't even want Mulder and Scully to be in a relationshp anymore. I renounced my shipper status. I wanted Scully to be with anyone but Mulder. I was angry and upset and frustrated. So I sat down and wrote this. I intended for it to be much different especially the ending. But when I got to the end I realized something. I still loved Mulder. And I still wanted the MSR to happen. "I want to believe". But in the meanwhile this story needed to be told. Dedication: To Kim, Skinner's all yours. And this story would not have been written except for you. And my television would probably still not be in one piece except for you talking me down last Sunday night. And Linz, if not for you I would probably have stopped writing long ago, thankyou. "and he just walked right by" ************************* It's amazing how quiet life can be sometimes, I thought to myself while staring out at the dark night. The only illumination were the street lights shining outside my window. The dark fit my mood as I sat on my cold leather couch staring out the window into the dark, lonely night. The neon numbers on my VCR read 1 am. I should be in bed. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I hate lying in bed not being able to sleep. It seems like such a waste of time. That and I don't like the path my thoughts take. They always lead back to her. And tonight I can't get it out of my head that she is with him. Followed him out to California. To care for him, to comfort him. To keep him going when he wants to give up. To seek the truth when he becomes to emeshed in lies. She is his touchstone, and she is my fantasy. She has become untouchable to me. Someone I could never have. Someone I could never be worthy of. Why have I done what I have done over the years? Risking my career, my life at times for her and Mulder. So that I might believe that I am worthy to even love her from afar. I am not proud of some of the things I have done. But I have tried to make atonement. To help when I was able. To save him for her. I sold my own soul so that his would not be tarnished. I did it because I thought he was what she wanted. What she needed. I had thought he was the white knight, that he was the one person pure enough to deserve her. The thing is none of us are untarnished. Neither Mulder nor I are. If I were honest, neither is Scully. But it's so hard to not think so. Scully has done things she is not proud of. I know. I see it in her eyes. In the tough exterior she shows. But her heart....I have never met anyone like Scully. Someone who loves with such intensity and dedication and devotion. She loves not with words but actions. I respect her. I trust her. I love her. And she is with him. That is why I sit, staring out the window, waiting to see if the two of them will show up in my office tomorrow. If Scully's eyes will look anymore tired than they did two days ago when I saw her at Mulder's apartment. ************ A noise startles me out of my sleep. The phone, that ringing is the phone. I fell asleep on the couch with my glasses on which makes finding the phone a little easier. I glance at the clock as I make my way to the phone. Just a little after 2 a.m. My stomach tenses a bit. Early morning phone calls seldom are good. "Skinner" I answer, jaw clenched, eyes closed, awaiting the bad news. "Sir?" I hear Scully's voice on the other end of the phone. She sounds tired, and a bit hesistant. "Scully, is something wrong?" I ask questioning, probing for answers but also with great relief to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. I am worried that something has happened to Mulder. I am more relieved, though, that this time Scully must be okay, because she is the one on the phone. It's worse when it's Mulder that calls at 2 in the morning. It's worse when I am told to hurry to her home because something has happened. I hate the sound of Mulder's voice on those early mornings. "Um....yes....no....I am sorry I should not have called," her voice sounds timid and nervous and unsure. Not like Scully at all. I get even more worried. This isn't the usual Scully on the phone. I can't have her hang up. "Scully it's okay. You can tell me. What has happened." I asked. Determination and concern and even command in my voice. I only her her breathing on the other end. My heart is clenching. I want to help her. I want to do the right thing. "Scully are you at home?" I pause to give her a chance to respond. When I hear nothing I start talking again. "I am coming over to your place Scully. Are you there? Or are you still in California?" The phone goes dead. I am scared. The woman on the phone didn't sound like Scully at all. Something terrible must have happened. I run to my bedroom and pull on some jeans and a henley. I am stumbling through my living room pulling on shoes. I grab my gun and holster off the living room table along with my cell phone. I pull the door open, and almost gasp I am so surprised by who is standing before me. "Scully!" She still just stands there, silent. Her head bowed down staring at the floor. The air of confidence and strength she usually carries with her is gone. I take her by the arm and pull her into my aparment. She gives me no resistance so I pull off her black leather jacket and take her by the arm again and lead het to my couch. "I am sorry" she whispers. "I shouldn't have come here". "But you did" I respond, wanting to understand why she came to my apartment. "Scully I want to help. But you need to tell me what is wrong." She looks at me for the first time. Her eyes look into my own, and she says, "You do want to help me, don't you." I sit on my knees in front of her and by some instinct take her hands into my own and tell her yes, that I want to help her. She lets out a tired sigh, and her eyes drop. She looks so tired. "I try to be strong. I have tried for so long. I have tried to be everything that he has needed me to be. I can't do it anymore. I can't give only to be swept aside when the answers arrive." she says, the pain as evident in her words as they are in her voice. "I am terrible to say this. He has gotten the answers he has wanted for so long. I am happy for him. I am." she said these words with such intensity it sounded like she was trying to convince herself. I knew a battle was waging between Scully's heart and her mind. Her mind was telling her how she should feel. How she should be what she expects herself to be, but Scully's heart is tender and because of that is not easily given away. Now her heart is hurting, because she did give it away. I squeeze her hand to let her know she can continue. That nothing she says can change the fact that she is a woman I respect and admire. She looks at me with her blue eyes and I can see the war waging inside of her. "I am happy that he has found closure. That he has found this answer that makes him feel at rest and at peace. But I can't forget that when he has gotten his answers he doesn't need me or want me. He doesn't need me to celebrate with him. He doesn't need me to finish the journey with him. He didn't even want my help to find the answers." Her eyes fill with her pain, and my heart breaks as she says, "he just walked on by like I wasn't even there." She stands and as if ashamed of herself and showing me this weakness she puts on her air of strength again, but it's tempered by shame. She feels ashamed at being human, at feeling human emotions. "I shouldn't have said this. I am sorry. I should go." I won't let her go. Not this time. I may not deserve her but I would never make her feel like she means less than everything to me. She has been Mulder's strength and comfort for so long, but who has been hers? I grab her gently by the arm once again and pull her so her back is to me. I lean down so I can speak into her ear, "You came to me tonight. I know I can't make all your hurt go away. I know I can't make everything better but I can be your strength tonight. I can be your strength for as long as you need me to be." Scully turned around and looked in my eyes. I have always believed that Scully has an ability to discern truth in people. I believe that she could see right into me, and when she does, she will only see truth, and love and devotion. She lays her head on my shoulder. I put my arms around her body and hold her close. The End