From: "Leslie Cummings" Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 19:41:17 +0000 Subject: New Story Source: direct Title: And Then Tomorrow Rating: PG-13 Category: MSR Spoilers: Per Manum Distribution: Wherever, however... whatever. Just drop me a line first, you know, so I can visit? Disclaimer: They're all mine! All mine I TELL YOU!!! HA HA HA!!! Feedback: Is giving a loving home at BNLXPhile12@aol.com Summary: My take on what happened after Mulder said, "Never give up on a miracle." ~*~*~ It had been three and a half hours since the partners had spoken a word to each other. Scully had retreated from Mulder's arms after her tears had quieted without saying a word. Her bedroom provided her with the solitude that sh craved, and her heavy blankets pressed upon her body like an unwanted reminder. Mulder had let her go quietly, wanting to say so much more than he had, but he knew that it wasn't the time. He took up residence on the couch, laid upon it, and took a nap, for three hours. He did not dream during his period of sleep, but he did remember thinking of the deep desolation that his partner must feel, the same desolation that he felt, but could not share with her. He awoke to find his pillow soaked with tears. In the midst of her sobbing, which came unwillingly, Scully somehow dosed as well, awaking an hour later to see that the time on her bedside clock read eight-thirty in the evening. She wanted to pretend that she didn't know that Mulder was still there, and go back to sleep, but she thought that she owed it to him to grace him with her presence if only for a short time. The covers were turned back and her stockinged feet hit the floor in search of her slippers which were just out of reach underneath the bed. Her tired feet and languid body carried her to her living room, where she spied the man laying upon her couch. Shuffling over to the sofa, she looked down at him and wondered for a brief moment if he was asleep as she had just been. But his breathing pattern told her that he wasn't and a moment later he lifted his eyes to meet hers. There were no tears in either set of eyes, both having expired their sobs earlier. Mulder got up and sat on the far end of the sofa, silently inviting Scully to have a seat next to him. Hesitating for only a moment, she took up residence directly next to him, selfishly seeking some of the warmth that was coming off of him in waves. She felt the chilling isolation deep down in her bones and wondered if Mulder could somehow chase the feeling away, if he could replace it with one of well-being and completeness. But she knew that she would never be complete, not in any sense, because of what had been taken from her. Because of what had been taken from them. Her final thought almost dissolved her into sobs once more, but they were staved off when Mulder's hand clasped her own and his eyes made an attempt to meet hers. His eyes communicated, like they always did, a message that he could not speak. Yet, his lips were moving in an attempt to put his feelings into words and it took him a good five minutes before any sound passed between them. Scully wasn't sure if she could talk, not this soon. She knew that she would have to eventually, or Mulder would force her to. Speaking about a tragedy was alot harder than thinking about it, and Scully considered this to be one of the greatest tragedies to have ever been faced with. It was so painful to grieve for something that she had lost, only to be presented with new evidence claiming that she might somehow regain it. Then, to have hope and be just the slightest bit happy, to have it ripped away once more. It was cruel and unjust and Dana Scully wasn't sure just how much more she could handle. Mulder finally spoke after much deliberation. "Scully I... I know that it might be a bit soon to talk about this, but if I don't do it now, I doubt I ever will." His eyes were facing the floor, and his palm began to sweat within hers. She squeezed it a bit tighter, letting him know to go on. "I just need to let you know where I stand right now. Um... when you cam in today and told me... the look in your eyes, God Scully, I knew you were crushed and I thought that in some way I had let you down. I hope I didn't I mean... when you told me Scully, my world fell apart for you. My world fell apart for me." His last sentence held a bit of surprise in it, as if he didn't know that the situation would effect him as it had. "And I... I realized then that... my last chance was gone too." His voice was chocked by yet more tears, and his eyes met hers, holding them and pouring out all of his anger and guilt. It took a moment for his implications to register with Scully, and when they did, her eyes became wide with indignation. "Mulder, how can you say that?" Words tinged by anger. "Mulder I lost my last chance, my *last chance* when I found out that... my eggs weren't viable." It felt so strange to talk about herself in such a medical detachment. As if trying to prove one of his inane theories wrong. She continued, none-the-less. "Mulder, I can't have children, under any circumstances. You can. And I'm sorry but I have given up on a miracle, I can't keep hoping Mulder. Because the reality is too much to bear when all my hope is lost." Her voice fell and the clasp on his hand got weaker, as her head fell upon her chest. A tear fell from her eye onto the carpet below her and Mulder saw. His right hand smoothed over the skin on her cheek and slipped under her chin to raise her gaze to meet his. Her eyes, he could see that she had indeed lost all semblance of hope and miracles. He wondered himself why so many tragedies had befallen her. He forced himself to explain his previous statements. "Scully, what I meant was..." He thought about how to put it into words without it sounding fantastic and exaggerated. "I *can't* have children. When you lost your chance, so did I. Scully, what I'm trying to say is, I wouldn't...-" Still, after all he had thought this through, he was still hesitant to explain it to her for fear of her rejection and spite. Her eyes pleaded with him to continue, to finish explaining, so he did. "No one else could be the mother of my children... of my own will." It came out sounding more like a decree than a summary of his feelings, but she understood. And the revelation floored her. He could not have children because *she* could not have children, because he would not willingly have the mother of his child be someone else. He wanted *her* and only her, to have his offspring... and that revelation floored her. "Mulder I... Mulder *I*..." And yet no coherent words would come to her. No sentences would form in her mind. "Scully, there's more. There's always been more, but I don't think I ever trusted myself enough to speak it. I never thought you would want to hear it, but at the chance of never being able to tell you these things... I have to." He made sure that she was listening intently before he began. "These aren't just my feelings Scully, this is where I stand. This is where I *want* to stand, where I hope to stand... with you. Knowing you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, easily. I value our friendship and our parnership and everything that we are or have been to each other. I... though my beliefs and actions may have spoken differently at times, you have always been the one thing in my life that has given me some meaning, that has lent some credence to my work. You are the reason my work has any validation at all, and then again, it isn't just my work, it's become your quest as well." "Scully, feelings are so much easier just to feel, rather than put in to words, or act upon. You... you are the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You are far stronger than me intellectually as well as physically. When I think I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, you come along and take half of it, just so I can breath again. You make sure that I don't get overwhelmed with the fantastic and yet you overwhelm me every day. Your compassion and faith floor me, and you seem to retain everything that I have ever said, whether willingly, or unwillingly." Both of the partners smiled at his statement, as he continued. "You have the know that I love you. But, when I really think about it... I don't love you. That expression could never due justice to what you make me feel and what you are to me. You're my soulmate and if I ever lost you, I'd die. And when we're together, I feel that we can face anything and we have... Truly, what I'm trying to say, the main purpose of this rant, is that you're my *everything*. And as cliched it is... you are... everything that was ever good in my life. And I thank you for that." Scully's mouth hung open, stunned by the words her partner had just spoken to her. She knew not how to react or what to say or whether to attempt to return his sentiments. So she sat there and waited. And soon enough, he began to speak once more, but this time, his voice was lower and held a shyness to it that she had never heard before. "And Scully, I'm not going to give up on a miracle. I'm willing to try again if you are." "Mulder, I appreciate that but, I don't know if I can go through that again. The medical procedures, the waiting. I want to have a child, but I don't want to go through that again." Eyes once again downcast, the last words came out as a whisper, a testament to the last month. Mulder turned to her and gripped both of her hands in his, making sure that his eyes were focused on hers. Then he spoke. "No medical procedures Scully." Were his only words. And as they sunk in, he lifted a hand up to stroke her cheek. Her head spun with the implications presented to her. Was he really saying what she thought he was saying or was she missing something in his words, a hidden agenda. The tender look in his eyes told her that he was indeed thinking what she thought and she nearly fainted as the realization hit her. "Mulder..." She trailed off, her emotions guarded behind a thick wall she had constructed many years ago. He was buying her hesitation, he knew it would take a gentle persuasion to make her see, but he was willing to take the time to. "Scully, I want you... I want us, to have a child." His eyes were so full of sorrow and love and promises that she couldn't help the smile that crept up onto her face. "Why don't we sleep on it Mulder?" She said, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Tomorrow is another day." And with that they got up from the couch and made their way off to bed. Tomorrow is another day, filled with new consequences and new questions, and we will deal with them when they come. ~EnD* Well, that's nice to be done with. Ahh, a brief sense of satisfaction washed over me before I realize how many other fics I have left unfinished! Tchao!!! ~Leslie CHECK OUT LUCKY 86! A Drunk fic site!!! http://www.angelfire.com/realm2/surreality/Lucky86