From: PulledAScully@aol.com
Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2000 17:18:34 EST
Subject: NEW: "And Yet We Continue" by Angel-Wings Gaskins
Source: direct

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Title: "And Yet We Continue"
Author: Angel-Wings Gaskins
Rating: G
Cater.: VR, I'm gonna create a new catergory, K?  C for 
    contentment...
Keywords: MSR, Mulder POV, post-ep, Mulder C (lol)
Spoilers: post-"Sein Und Zeit: Closure", althought some tell
    me it's "Aliatope"
Summary: Life after Samantha.
Archive: Yeah, baby!  Just email me first ;o)
Feedback: Yesh, pweeze!  PulledAScully@aol.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, thoughts are, and you can't take those
    from me!  Mu wahhhh ha ha!

Notes: I'll write something at the end this time, K? ;o)


"And Yet We Continue"
by Angel-Wings Gaskins

    Life's amazing, ya know.  I mean, think about it.  
My sister is dead and I couldn't feel happier.  Alanis
Morsette can bear no extent to the irony here.

    Samantha suffered all this time, especially with the
tests.  She became me to a certain degree, but endured more
than I ever had to.  I love her still, like I always have,
but I'm she no longer has to suffer or feel the emotional
pain they put her through.  She's free and so am I.

    I'm afraid deeply for Herald's life.  I don't think
he was ready.  Thirty years it took me to finally ready 
myself for this truth, to finally accept my fate as well as
my sister's.  I didn't want Herald to wait so long.  His son
needed him to understand, just as Samantha needed me to.

    I wonder if Cassandra raised Samantha as well, or 
was she busy being abducted as she once told me.  I know
Jeffrey served as a loving brother, because he really was a
good man at heart.  I wonder if he even realized the fate of
my sister.  I wonder if he played any part in it, or was he
just too young back then, still wallowing in that divine
innocence.  Maybe he dreams of of monkey bars and ice cream
as I know Samantha still does.  I wonder about a lot of 
things, because so much was left unanswered.  But I don't
care anymore.  It just doesn't seem that important.

    There will be a small memorial service in honour of
my sister, with only Scully and I in attendance, along with
Scully's pastor, whom I've recently come to trust.

    When I was young, my mother taught us Jewish ways,
although I'm not sure she even believed them at heart.  I 
was skeptical at first, wanting to know why we were chosen 
to be Jewish, why there was even a supreme being.  After
Samantha was taken, my beliefs plummeted to a state of 
nothingness, where I had no faith, no reason to believe.  I
then placed all my faith in my partner, resting my whole
existence on her shoulders without even bothering to mention
it to her.

    Everything's changed now.  I thought once, "How can
there be a god who can hurt my sister and leave me in 
ultimate pain?"  But that era has ended.  He did not hurt my
sister, *They* did.  God saved her from her pain and misery.
Another door has been closed while Scully and I have opened
yet another.  Samantha is at peace among the heavens.  I've
finally made my peace with God.

    All those souls, those young girls.  They live in
this never ending happiness you only have as a kid.  Life is
merry for them and their hears are content with jump rope 
and ring-around-the-rosey for all eternity.  Ask me any time
before, yesterday even, and I would have done anything to
have such a feeling last so long.  But ask me now, and I'll
say, "I have a life here.  My time's not over.  I have so
much love to give and so much to do."

    I still have Scully left to lovem and as far as I'm
concerned, we've got all the time in the world.  Because
we'll last past this one, I know for sure.

    She told me Emily, Melissa, and her father all came
to her when she was struggling desperately with her cancer.
They gave her strenght and some closure, just as she had
started to give up, to claim loser to the battle of life
versus death.  But it was a sign, she said, a sign that life
is precious and that love is never far away.  We wept in 
each other's arms, crying for losses and the joy of hope, of
the wonderful things to come.

    Thirty years I struggled in hopes that one day my
sister would be found alive.  Instead, I find closure and my
life along the way.  I've found love in Scully, whose heart
beats bar just above my own as her sleeping form rests on
mine, and I've found myself spiritually, finding solace in
the God I refused for so long.

    Pain and suffering will always be ever-present, but
now I know we will prevail.  We're survivors, Scully and I,
living examples of the will to exist.  Now I can live.  I am
loved, I am happy.  I am hopeful.

    I am free.

    This is life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~THE END~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I guess this story wrote itself, or better yet, my own life
story poured onto the paper in front of the television set
last night.

The past few days for me have been the most powerful I've
ever experienced.  I've recently refound my own beliefs and
it was all due to the resurfacing of a long-lost friend, and
life seems a little clearer now.  So you can imagine how
meaningful last nights epi was for me.

So, if you ask, yes, I bawled my eyes out.  Mulder's free!
Not only am I happy for him, but for Samantha as well, and
for all those walk-ins who are now living in their own
starlight heaven.  Let's just say I was moved ;o)

~*~Angel~*~

And oh yeah baby, my new favourite quote:
"Believe To Understand"

PulledAScully@aol.com
http://members.aol.com/pulledascully/fanfiction.htm