From: Xfile5147@aol.com
Date: Mon, 2 Oct 2000 19:45:51 EDT
Subject: My Fic
Source: direct

Title: Anticipation
Author: Courtney
Rating: PG to PG-13
Summary: An alternating POV story, recounting the struggle for Mulder and 
Scully to say those three little words.
Spoilers: None, i think. email me if there is.
Category: MSR
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, cuz they belong to Chris Carter and 1013 
Productions. you know the drill.
Archive: Gossamer, Church of X, etc, but PLEASE ask first and send me a link
Feedback: Lusted after at xfile5147@aol.com
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a real fic, so bear with me. Here 
goes!!

Anticipation

    Scully sat alone on the couch in her apartment as the sky darkened, the 
final rays of sunlight streamed through the partially closed blinds. She 
stared at the telephone, mustering up the courage to pick it up and dial the 
number she knew all too well. She willed her hands to move, but they refused. 
The phone suddenly rang and she jumped. "Jesus," she muttered, and picked up 
the receiver.
    "Hey, it's me."
    That voice. She knew it all too well, shivering and melting at the same 
time as she recalled his wonderfully sexy voice. How was she going to tell 
him? she thought to herself. How can i tell him i love him? You don't, a 
little voice in her head answered. You had your chane today at work to say it 
to him, but you didn't! the voice scolded her.
    "Hi Mulder," she answered. He began talking about their most recent case, 
but she wasn't really paying attention, only half-listening to Mulder's 
ramblings. She let her mind drift, thinking about him. How soft and caressing 
his touch was, how he'd playfully touch her hair or cheek. Or how she'd 
tingle all over when he'd touch the small of her back or neck. Or how she 
postively melted looking into those innocent and haunting green  eyes. Oh, 
those eyes! they say they're the windows to one's soul. And Scully almost 
believed she could look into his soul when she looked into those beautiful 
eyes. Almost. Scully let herself fall fully into the fantasy, letting her 
mind play as they came closer together, going in for a kiss.....when Mulder's 
voice broke through her fantasy.
    "Scully? Scully you there?" he asked worriedly.
    "Yeah, i'm still here," she finally said, abruptly putting aside the 
fantasy.
    "For a minute there i thought you fell asleep on me. I'm not that boring, 
am i?" he asked.
    "No, Mulder, of course not," Scully reassured him. "Go on, please."
    Mulder continued on, and Scully soon realized it would be less and less 
likely for her to accomplishe the task she set out for herself to do tonight. 
Not that you were going to do it tonight anyway, the voice reminded her.
    She wanted to say it right then and there, to get it over with and deal 
with his reaction. But she knew she couldnt. She wouldn't. Not right in the 
middle of a conversation about vampires. It just wouldn't be right.
    She knew when they first met seven years ago that there was something 
special about him. Maybe it was the way he carried himself. Or the utter 
devotion he had for his work. She denied her feelings at first. But now, 
after all they've been through, and all that Mulder has done for her, her 
love could no longer be denied. Scully knew Mulder has waited for years for 
her to say those three little words, but she just couldn't do it. Not yet. 
I'll do it tomorrow, she promised herself. Yeah right, the voice told her 
sarcastically.

    The conversation ended and Scully put down the phone. In Mulder's 
apartment, he did the same. Dammit, he berated himself. Why didn't you tell 
her you love her?! Because you're a coward, a voice told him. He had wanted 
to tell Scully during their conversation, but he figured it just wouldn't be 
right during a discussion of vampires (that you brought up, stupid!). Mulder 
knew she woldn't want that. Scully deserved better.
    He had also ment to tell Scully that day, at the office, but it never 
came out. The timing never semed right to him or Scully was doing work or 
something else, and he had regretfully kept his mouth shut. What a loser, the 
voice said.
    Oh scully, he thought. You deserve so much better than me. Ever since i 
met you seven years ago i knew you were special. I could see it in your 
beautiful baby blue eyes. But since then i have put you and your family 
through so much pain and suffering that i fear to lose you again.  But i 
cannot contain this feeling i have for you any longer. I must tell you so 
that i can finally know if you truly feel the same way. You already know 
that,  the voice reminded him. You know it for a fact.
    Mulder finally got up and away from the phone to walk into the kitchen, 
looking for something to drink. Glancing back at the phone, he desperately 
wanted to call her back, to finally do what he had set out to do, but never 
did, because he knew it would look suspicious. Scully wasn't one for 
surprises. He knew that. So he did nothing and sat down at his kitchen table, 
sipping a beer when the phone rang.
    Putting down his beer, he walked over to the phone and answered "Hello?"
    A familiar voice greeted him. She sounded nervous. "Hi, Mulder, it's me. 
Could you, um, come over right away? i need to, uh, speak to you about 
something in person."
    Mulder's thought whirred with the possibilities of this proposed meeting. 
An illness? Family problems? But he knew none of them panned out, and in his 
heart he knew what this was really about. Now's your chance! the voice 
shouted to him. GO! He quickly answered "Uh, sure SCully, I'll be right 
over," and hung up the phone. Leaving  the beer open on the kitchen table he 
grabbed his car keys and went out the door.

    Scully hung up the phone, surprised at what she'd just done. Dammit, that 
was too conspicuous, she told herself. So what? the voice replied. You got 
him where you want him now. But waht could she do now? Mulder was probably 
already on his way. All she could do now was to take a (very) deep breath and 
wait.

    Driving along as Mulder made his way to Scully's apartment; he began 
thinking through how he wold tell her. Can't just come right out and say it, 
he thought, but how else can i do it? All i can do is blurt it out and hope 
for the best. But the thought terrified him. He was anxious like a little 
school boy and his first crush. What if she didn't feel the same? he thought 
again, but quickly pushed away any doubts. You moron, the voice berated him. 
You know for a fact what she already feels for you!! It ws too late now to 
back out of it anyway. He had to say it tonight or he would never forgive 
himself. Pressing on the brake as he came to a stoplight, he took a deep 
breath and waited.

    Scully began pacing her her apartment, wondering where Mulder was. he 
must be stuck in traffic, Scully reasoned. It's only been a few minutes, she 
told herself, so stop worrying!! But the pacing continued as she wrung her 
hands worriedly. She wanted to call him, tell him that it didn't matter, that 
they could talk about it in the morning, but she knew it was too late now. 
And besides, she would chicken out by then. She couldn't chicken out now. 
Scully glanced for the hundredth time at the clock on the wall and continued 
pacing. 

    Mulder tapped his fingers rhythmically on the dashboard and steering 
wheel of his car as he drove towards Scully's apartment. his naturally cool 
exterior masked the terror he held inside. Panic overwhelmed him, telling him 
to stop, turn around, and go home. He almost gave in at taht moment, but he 
knew deep down that he couldn't. Even if he wanted to he couldn't. I have to 
do it, he told himself. No matter what.
    He apartment neared in the distance, and Mulder breathed in deeply. 
Getting out of his car, he squared his shoulders and approached her building.

    Scully had now stopped her pacing for the moment, but now began picking 
at invisible blips of flint on her shirt. At th same time she straightened 
her shirt and pants, smoothed out the wrinkles, and fixed her hair. Come on, 
Dana, the voice said. you don't need to do this for him. Why do you feel you 
have to impress him? Scully asked herself. But she didn't answer her own 
question. She couldn't. Scully couldn't admit it to herself. Not yet.
    Scully had resumed pacing again when the doorbell rang, and she jumped, 
startled. Staring at the door, she knew who was on the other side. It's time; 
no turning back, she reminded herself. Time to face the music, Dana. Got for 
it!! the voice finally cheered her on. Taking a deep breath, possibly the 
deepest breath she'd ever taken in her life, she approached the door.

    Mulder stood outside the other side of the door, unsure of waht to do 
with himself. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, and was about to ring 
the doorbell again when the door opened.

    They stood wordlessly, staring at each other. For several seconds they 
stood there, saying nothing. To Scully it seemed an eternity, a moment frozen 
in time.
    Suddenly Mulder took Scully into his arms and kissed her passionately. 
She was surprised at first, just standing hter in his arms, but she quickly 
wrapped both arms around his middle, giving herself into the moment. Mulder 
caressed the nape of her neck as he continued kissing her, his other hand 
around her waist, pulling her into him.
    After several seconds they finally pulled apart and looked into each 
other's eyes. "I love you Scully," Mulder said hoarsely, his eyes watering. 
He playfully touched her hair and kissed her again.
    "I love you too, Mulder," Scully whispered, the tears welling up in her 
eyes, and she touched his cheek lovingly.   
    Smiling widely, Mulder moved in and kissed her again, deeply and 
lovingly. When he came back up, he looked into her eyes and said quietly, 
"I've been waited seven years to hear that." And without another word, Mulder 
left, leaving Scully standing in the doorway.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTHE ENDXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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