Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. Yadda yadda. I'm not making any money off of this. Yadda yadda yadda. Please don't sue me. Yadda yadda. Keywords: none Category: VA Spoilers: The End Summary: Scully's thoughts while looking at the burnt office. Ashes Ashes, We All Fall Down by Amanda Green dksculder@aol.com LizOLogan@aol.com Ring around the rosies Pocket full of posies Ashes Ashes We all fall down I sang that little ditty so often as a child. Melissa and I jumping rope and calling it out. Playing it with the neighbor kids. Or skipping down the street while calling it out. I knew as an adult that it came from the times when people were dying from the Plague. But it seemed so vivid and right for this moment in time. How can I explain it? Ring around the rosies I feel so often like I am going around in circles. My life has become a constant ring. A dance really. It's a strange dance that we do. We. Will there even be a we after this? We, Mulder and I. We dance around pretending like we're doing legitimate work, when we're serving our own interests. Making our personal lives into X-Files so we can really spend more time finding out the hows and whys of our lives. We do this dance with Skinner and our other superiors. We pretend that we are going to do everything by the book, knowing full well, that it is impossible for it to be that way. Impossible for us to get anything done. We dance around my beliefs and his. Do I believe? Of course I believe. The question is what? What do I believe? Do I believe Mulder? Sometimes, although I'll take that to the grave with me. He would never stop hounding and doubting me if I told him that there have been times when his answers were the only truths that were left. And I know in my heart that he sometimes believes the same as myself. The truth. We've danced around and skirted that issue more times than I can count. I love him. He loves me. We both know it but are unwilling to admit it. In our lives almost everything is uncertain. But we know without a doubt that we are friends and partners. To change that would be to add too much uncertainty and we would surely break. I see us as a couple that is getting ready to dance, but instead of actually dancing they are circling each other. Never actually starting to dance, just circling. From above, it looking like we are going around in this endless circle. A ring. How often have those with the answers circled around us? Taunting? Teasing? Pocket full of posies Pocket full of posies. Just what the hell does that mean? Pocket full. Plate full. Close enough. We balance so much in our lives. We keep our mothers happy, each other happy. Our superiors relatively happy. All this to do. Our pockets are full of the responsibility that we have taken upon ourselves, and poured out upon each other. We have full hearts, full desks, and certainly full pockets. Ashes Ashes I can't believe that it's all gone. Everything that Mulder has worked so hard for. Gone. Ashes Ashes It has become my life and my quest as surely as it is his. Ashes Ashes It's taunting me, this childhood rhyme that I used to cherish so. Ashes Ashes I am so exhausted. My life. His life. We have always been there for each other because 'they', whoever 'they' are have always allowed us to be. One of us will be dying and the other will be okay. One of us will be hurting and the other will okay. One of us will lose faith, and hope, but the other will feel more convicted than ever. Ashes Ashes Now we are both shattered. Can we survive this? We all fall down. The End