Date: 14 Feb 1999 10:34:03 -0800 Subject: The Assassination Blues` The Assassination Blues By Cara Treslow (Cara1121@aol.com) This story is being posted by a friend, so please send feedback to Carra1121@aol.com, instead of her addy! Thanx ;-) Disclaimer: I don't own them, Never wanted to; I'll only use them gently, Then return them to you. So there's no need for worry C.C., No need for fuss Let's keep this amicable, Just between the two of us. Don't send your lawyers, And squadrons of goons; Cuz any check that I wrote them, Would bounce straight to the moon. Feedback: Any and all welcome. Lies, betrayal, confusion, torture, poison, knives, guns, bombs. Tools of the trade, my trade. There is nothing I have not been called upon to do. It's that damn oath. You know the one. We all took it; fresh faced and idealistic, we were going to change the world. What a joke, we didn't change the world, the world changed us. Or maybe it wasn't the world, maybe it was the job. Actually, I think it was the job. Still, it has its perks. What other government job allows you to fold, spindle and mutilate? Does it matter that what I get to do it to happens to be human, sort of? I deal with the lowest of the low, those who want to bring our government down. They want to change our way of life. They are looking for answers, they want the truth. Truth, ha! Truth and government mix like oil and water. I mean, look at the President. Need I say more? The truth is what they pay me to keep hidden, no matter what, no matter who. I like my job, anarchists have no place here in America. There are a couple of FBI agents getting a little too close to things no one needs to know. The powers that be have decided that their quest needs to reach a permanent conclusion, that's where I come in. Agents Mulder and Scully are going to meet with an accident. Too bad, that Mulder's kind of cute. Scully, on the other hand, is a buttoned down, tight-assed, queen bitch, ice goddess. She won't be missed. Let me give you a little background before I go on. For the past several years, Mulder and Scully have been sticking their noses in where they don't belong. They screw around with projects, cost us untold dollars, and are generally huge nuisances. The group I work for has, on various occasions, tried to eliminate one or the other of them, but somehow they always managed to fail. They should have called me first. Now back to the current situation. My employers tell me it must look like an accident. We don't want to create any martyrs now do we? Of course, the whole accident thing makes the scenario more challenging. But hey, I have a consortium with seemingly endless amounts of cash backing me up. How can I go wrong? I begin their end by tailing them. Routine is something that even trained professionals forget to avoid. I need to get them together, separate fatal accidents would be a hard sell. Anyway, the biggest discovery I've made so far is that death will probably be a welcome break in the monotony of their lives. I swear I've never seen two sorrier souls in all my days. Talk about boring, they have no lives. I'm surprised they haven't done themselves in just to put an end to the tedium. At least Mulder gets some kicks watching nasty little movies. Oh how I envy his hand. Maybe I'll arrange a meeting with him and have my own little smut fest before this is all over. I'll remind him what a real woman is like, as opposed to celluloid. His last fling would definitely be his best. Scully gets no thrills. I've never encountered anyone as repressed as her. Occasionally she works out before she goes home, but mostly she just goes home. Alone. She might have a glass of wine, or read, or update her case notes. Sometimes the phone rings. It could be her mom, or a brother, but it's usually Mulder calling to whine about something. I don't know why they aren't sleeping together. Maybe she's a closet nun. Looks like the end is here. They're leaving to investigate one of his precious X-files tomorrow. He's picking her up at 8:30 AM. They'll be driving to some podunk town in Maryland. They won't make it. Their car is wired with a time delay bomb set to go off at precisely 9:15 AM. The beauty of my plan is in the execution of it. No one will know they were blown up because I will be behind the wheel of a florist van that is going to collide with the gas tank side of their car just before the bomb goes off. We collide, I get out, they die. Did I mention that they won't be able to open the doors? It will look like the gas tank exploded. Another victory. All it takes is timing. Well, here we are. It's 8:35, and Mulder arrived right on time. I'm waiting for them to come out. I'm going to follow them to make sure we're on schedule. Once I've ascertained the route and timing, I'll proceed to the appropriate rendezvous point and when the time comes, BANG. No more pesky FBI agents. One more for the good guys. It's now 8:50, and they haven't come out of Scully's apartment. I don't know what could possibly be taking them so long, unless Little Miss Efficiency forgot to pack. I'm going to have to take a look. The living room is clear, so are the dining room, the kitchen and the bed... oh my God they're in the bedroom. I thought of her with disdain before, but I'm hatin' her now, as I watch in jealous fascination. The man must be a magician, look at her writhe; the ice queen cometh. Suddenly, I remember the time as a loud bang interrupts the one I've been watching. There goes my perfect plan. Mulder and Scully must be pretty charmed. They've beaten their fate too many times, or not. Perhaps they are fated to do exactly what they've been doing. All I know is I've got to cut my losses and move on to greener pastures. The people I work for were too adamant about success for me to think they will accept failure. Oh well, there's always a demand for people in my line of work. I wonder if the Russians are hiring.