From: Zoe K Date: Sat, 27 Feb 1999 18:52:48 GMT Subject: NEW: "Attack of the Acronyms" (1/1) Date: Feb 27, 1999 Title: "Attack of the Acronyms" (1/1) Author: Zoe K e-mail: zoetoo@hotmail.com Rating: G Category: H Spoilers: none Keywords: Scully/Mulder/Skinner Summary: Mulder discovers something about his partner Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to CC and 1013 Feedback: Yes, please (zoetoo@hotmail.com) Comments: Much silly nonsense. Just something that popped in my head while trying to figure out some of the category and classification acronyms/ abbreviations I see in x-f fiction. If you don't know what the heck some of this means, there's a Glossary at the bottom. Time line: Scully and Mulder are back in the basement, or perhaps they just never left. * * * Attack of the Acronyms - Zoe K Mulder leaned over the steaming mug Scully had just placed before him and wrinkled his nose in distaste. She rolled her eyes at him. "Quit being a baby. It's just ginger tea and it's good for your throat." She crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot impatiently. "I don't know why you're even here. You should be at home until your laryngitis clears up." Mulder fanned a hand over his wide-open mouth, then shrugged his shoulders. "Yes Mulder," Scully sighed, acknowledging his pathetic attempt at pantomime. "I know you're bored, but not being able to communicate with you is becoming wearisome. Did any one every tell you that you stink at charades?" He raised his eyebrows, picked up an imaginary pencil and began to scrawl in the air. Scully shook her head at him. "No way. We've tried that already. The chicken scratch that you call hand writing is deplorable, now drink your tea." He looked down at the mug and winced. "Alright," she scolded him." Scully turned away and leaned against his desk. "I will not look at you at all until you've at least tried it." After a few moments she heard him rapping on his desk and turned around to inspect the mug. "Much better. Now that wasn't so bad was it?" He scowled at her and made a gagging motion with his finger. "Fine," she said with resignation. "I'm leaving Mulder. We're not going to accomplish anything today." Scully picked up her laptop and hoisted the bag onto her shoulder. She made it halfway across the office before being pelted by a shower of sunflower seeds. She spun around to scold him but stopped short when she saw the excited look on his face. He was pointing animatedly at her bag. "My laptop? You want my laptop? What's wrong with yours?" she asked him. He shook his head at her, held up his hand and disappeared under his desk. He re-surfaced shortly and set his computer on top of all the clutter that seemed to permanently reside there. Mulder walked across the room and dragged a chair over, gesturing elaborately towards it. "I am not in the mood to play battleship with you Mulder," Scully warned him. He shook his head wildly and brought his palms together in a pleading motion. "Oh alright." The forlorn expression on his face weakened her resolve. Scully walked over and sat down. Mulder rubbed his hands together gleefully and returned to his side of the desk. He parked himself across from her and opened his drawer. "Now what Mulder?" she asked him. He scribbled something quickly on a pad, tore off the sheet and handed it to her. "IRC? Internet Relay Chat right?" Mulder slowly nodded his head and opened his laptop. He gestured for her to do the same. He disconnected his phone and plugged the cable into his computer. Mulder wrote down the name of a server and channel while they waited for her computer to power up. He reached under his desk again, tugging up a dedicated computer cable and handed it to Scully. He logged on and waited for her catch up. Both agents focused on the screens before them, each hidden from the other's view. "#vampires_for_Jesus Mulder???" "Yeah, I know Scully. This channel is always deserted so we can talk in private." "Spend a lot of time here do you? I was expecting you to pick one of those #!!!!sex something-or-other channels." "Nah - far too shocking for a nice Catholic girl like u Scully!" "HA HA HA Mulder." "You mean LOL Scully." "Oh right. Forgot. Haven't done this in a while." Scully tapped away rapidly while Mulder did the less elegant two-finger dance. "Those acronyms always drove me crazy," she continued. "I never quite got the hang of the lingo." "It's easy Sc." "Sure M." Scully answered, following his lead. "This stuff was invented by people like u who can't type." " : p " "How mature M. Is this the point where I ask a/s/l?" "Boring Sc. Let's get down and dirty." "I gather that this is not a G channel then M?" "Well, since I'm the unofficial channel op by virtue of having arrived here first, I'm going to designate it NC-17." "Hmmm, I was expecting XXX." "No X's Sc - reminds me of work." "Speaking of which Muld..... oops I mean M, did you ever rewrite that report for our AD?" "awwwww Sc ! ! ! u'r raining on my parade!" "M, if you don't get busy on it he's gonna kick your (_!_) " "Now who's the mature one Sc? By the way, have you ever noticed Sk's ass fixation?" "rofl M! "It's probably all that UST." "Huh? UST? "Unresolved Sexual Tension, Sc - the man needs to seriously cut loose." "Shouldn't be a prob. Sk can't walk down the halls without some female ogling him." "Are we talking about the same AD, Sc? Big balding guy, glasses?" "Yup - the very same. He makes me think there's some truth to those pheromone theories." "SCULLY ! ! ! aykm?" "No I'm *not kidding* you. Let's talk about something else now." "No way Sc! I want to get to the bottom of this ----- oops --- didn't mean the butt reference. :)" "M! I'm going to disconnect!" "Noooo - this is getting good now. Have you ever noticed how people are much more revealing about themselves in chat rooms Sc?" "Yes M, but that's because they're usually talking to a faceless stranger." "Alright Sc - let's use our imaginations here. What if u were in a chat room with Sk, and he didn't know it was u? What would you talk about?" "That would be no fun without the view Mulder. The man's not much on conversation." "The view?" "He's eye candy M - nobody does a starched white shirt like Sk. " "Oh God, Sc. I had no idea. We've sat in front of him in his office for all these years and I had NO IDEA." "Please M. He's my boss. Then again.....I can't help but admire his build . . . . and those chocolate brown eyes . . . .and ..... well. . . .....something hot trickles down my spine every time he growls. " "M ? I think u'r lagging." "Sorry Sc. I had to stop typing while I pushed my jaw back up. I couldn't relax in his office before - what the hell am I gonna do now?" "Get over it M - when we leave cyberspace for the real world we NEVER speak of this again - got it?" "I dunno Sc......." "I mean it Mulder." Scully pounded her keys. "If you ever mention this to me - or anyone else for that matter - I'll remove my shoe and drive a spiked heel into your forehead." "Maybe you should ask him out on a date Sc? If the two of you do the mattress mambo every now and then he might be inclined to give me a little slack. Whadya think?" "Arghhhhhh Mulder - The AD is NOT going to do the 'mambo' with one of his SA's." "Well Sc, ...... maybe with one of his *extra* Special Agents?" "Mulderrrrrrr......!" "Sculleeeee........! Seriously, I think we should do something about this." "WHAT do you mean WE Mulder!" "Welllll, next time we're in his office I could excuse myself and leave u 2 kids alone - then u could make a move on him." Scully planted her hands on the desk and abruptly pushed her self up. "I am NOT making a move on him," she hissed. Mulder quickly shoved back his chair as Scully lunged to grab his tie. "I am not kidding Mulder. Wipe that stupid grin off your face right now!" "Agents? Is something wrong?" Scully whipped her head around. Skinner was standing in the doorway moving his eyes between the two of them. "I hope you've been busy fine tuning the report that was due fifteen minutes ago." He strode into the office and made his way towards Scully's computer. "Mind if I have a look Agent Scully?" Scully looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding semi. She slammed down the lid of her laptop just as Skinner reached Mulder's desk. She quickly flicked the off switch, and then reached over and yanked the power cord on Mulder's computer. "Scully what the hell........?" A hoarse cackling noise interrupted him. They both turned their heads towards the source. "Agent Mulder, are you alright?" Skinner asked as he stared at his other agent. Mulder was doubled over and producing ungodly sounds. "Scully is he having some kind of attack?" "In a manner of speaking sir." Scully ignored his puzzled expression, choosing to focus on her shoes instead. The heels were flat, but she thought she still might be able to do some serious damage to her partner if need be. "For God's sake Mulder, what's wrong with you? Do you need help?" Mulder waved the Assistant Director away, and sat up. He reached for the pen and pad and wrote something down. Skinner leaned over to read it, raised his eyebrows and then looked over to Scully. "Agent Scully, what the hell does roflmao mean?" Scully reached down and slowly removed a shoe. The End * * * * * * * k - hope u liked it. :) zoetoo@hotmail.com Glossary LOL - Laughing Out Loud a/s/l - age/sex/location rofl - rolling on floor laughing roflmao - rolling on floor laughing my ass off g - grin eg - evil grin :) -- Zoe K - still looking for the ideal quote but in the meantime: "ack phth ack" - Bill the Cat