From: "Kalika" Date: Sat, 18 Jul 1998 19:03:36 +0000 Subject: Attack of the Pear 1/4 TITLE: Attack of the Pear 1/4 AUTHOR: Cyhiraeth E-MAIL: cyhiraetha@hotmail.com RATING: G CLASSIFICATION: Humor / Story SPOILERS: None ARCHIVING: PLEASE ASK ME!!! SUMMARY: You thought the government was bad, well, meet a greater evil, PEARS! Only Mulder and Scully could possibly save the world from this thing. DISCLAIMERS: Mulder and Scully are owned by Chris Carter/1013/Fox, not I (said the fly). The pear is mine, although anyone that wants a three month old pear is welcome to have it, it's starting to reek . . . *~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Gleneden Beach, Oregon 3:00 A.M In the extremely small town of Gleneden Beach, although most of the locals called it Gleneden, everyone was asleep. Everyone, that is, except for the Durham family. "Run! Melody and George, get out of the house!" shrieked the mother, who was fending off the attacker with a mouse pad. Turning around Melody saw the shape of the offending object come closer and closer to her. Melody screamed as she saw the shape of the horrid thing take her mom. For a moment Melody Durham's legs did not work, and she stood there gaping as the evil creature took her brother. The last thing Melody recalled was the thing coming closer to her, before she passed out. Washington D.C. 8:01 a.m. "You're a minute late," Special Agent Fox Mulder said to his red headed partner as she came in the door. "Oh, sorry, the fish had to be fed. By the way, when was the last time yours were fed?" his partner retorted. Mulder winced, and then handed her a folder. Dana Scully cautiously looked inside. A sigh of relief came over her when she saw that it seemed to be a typical serial killer, "And?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. "Well, it was under mysterious circumstances. Gleneden Beach is a run down town, with a very poor economy. Besides, there was a pear found beside each body," Mulder answered. Scully's eyebrow raised even higher, "So you think that aliens abducted the pears and made them kill the people?" Mulder grinned, "You said it!" The almost sky high eyebrow shrank down, and soon Scully was complaining, "Oh come on Mulder, this has to be the most pathetic case ever!" Handing two plane tickets for Portland, Oregon, Mulder said in a firm voice, "We're going." Attack of the Pear 2/4 *******************************************8 Newport, Oregon 12:45 P.M It was really nice that the city of Newport had an airport, and the airport offered four flights from Portland to Newport each day, so that the commute to Portland was not so bad. To cut back on travel time, the Bureau had allowed Mulder and Scully to catch one of those flights to Newport. Sitting in the passenger seat of a blue Ford Taurus Scully was thinking to herself. Something had to be wrong with Mulder, cases like this were unusual for even him. Looking around at the interior of the car she wondered why whenever they rented a car it was always a blue Ford Taurus. Maybe she would point it out to Mulder, so he could investigate that 'conspiracy'. Before long they had reached the outskirts of a town called Lincoln City. A while ago they had worked on a case, and it had involved a veterinarian from Lincoln City. In the driver's seat was Mulder, who it seemed, was always driving. Right now Scully did not care, it gave her thinking time. "I don't see it," Mulder mumbled to himself. "See what?" Scully asked. "Gleneden Beach," he said, as they drove past the road they were supposed to turn down. "You passed it!" Scully pointed out. Still slightly mumbling, Mulder said, "I know that, but we can get in another way." The car drove on forward a bit, until they came to an intersection. Mulder turned left, and Scully was started protesting, "A mall, Mulder?" Mulder shook his head and turned left again, "Nope." For a while they drove along a deteriorating road, filled with potholes with gravel scattered here and there across the road. Right to the right of Scully was a well kept and beautiful golf course, which contrasted to the road. A sign that was almost falling off appeared, announcing that the street they were turning down was Alderwood. As they turned, the right side of the car hit a pot hole, and threw Scully up so that she almost touched the ceiling of the car. As Scully turned to give Mulder a Look, he turned, and hit another pot hole. This time, the pot hole was even bigger, and Scully did hit the ceiling. "Ow! Hey!" she said, and did give Mulder a Look. "Sorry, the road's terrible," he said and began to apologize even more, "Hold on," he said, and stopped the apologies. The road was extremely bumpy and full of potholes, and it was gravel now. Even though Mulder was going very slowly, his head was touching the ceiling occasionally, and Scully was bouncing around. Finally they stopped in front of the Durham family house. As Scully got out she noted the condition of the road. Once, long, LONG, ago, it had been paved. Apparently the city, if it could be called that, had decided it was too much of a pain to repave it, and so dirt and gravel had just been dumped on top of it. Walking up the driveway of the house, Scully noted that the house was not exactly in mint condition, in fact, it looked like all the other houses. The whole town looked like it should be condemned in fact. However, the inside of the house was well furnished, even though there was a bright orange couch, which was very tacky. Inside police crews had already swept around, taken the bodies, and evidence. **** Attack of the Pear 3/4 Durham House 1:00 P.M. Scully walked into a young girl's room. The room appeared to be custom built, for the bed was part of the wall. Neatly framed were two posters of unicorns, and three blown up pictures of orca whales. Stapled to the wall was a picture of a collie, and two large maps of the surrounding area. Nothing really stuck out, except for the fact that it was abnormally messy, even for a teenager. The bed was unmade; not that that was unusual, but the blankets were flung around the room, as though the occupant of the bed had struggled to get out of them. The only furniture, a small desk and a bookshelf were lying scattered around the room. Books, presumably from the bookshelf, were also thrown around. The bookshelf was flung aside from the door, as though it had been used to block the door, and then discarded. Either the girl that had been in this room had had a temper tantrum and destroyed her room, or she had done it in pure fright. Walking out of the girl's room and into the kitchen, there were similar messes. The cabinets had been flung open, and a bowl of fruit spilled. In fact, all the fruit had been stepped on shoe marks clearly showing that. The stove and refrigerator were lying on their sides, and the sour smell of something gone bad was in the air. Leaving the right wing of the small house, Scully rejoined Mulder, after reporting her findings, he gave his, "In the boy's room there is another small desk, which is in the same position as you found the book shelf. Other than that, no furniture. The parents room has no furniture, and the upstairs is untouched. However, objects from the shelves are scattered around the pantry, and tools are missing from the parent's closet. The tools were reported being in the hands or near the bodies of the dead." Scully sighed and chewed on her bottom lip, this case was going absolutely no where, "Mulder, why are we out here?" Turning to the bowl of smashed fruit he ignored her question. Pulling out an evidence bag, he scooped the remains of the fruit into it. Then he walked outside and found the shoes of the Durham's. Before Scully could ask he told her what he was doing, "I'm going to see if the Durham's did this, and have the fruit tested." "Who else would squash their fruit Mulder? Aliens? The neighbors? Test the fruit for what? Alien DNA?" Scully asked, really not wanting to be out in some old town. Mulder ignored Scully again, and left the house. Sighing, Scully went after him, and the two got in the car. Newport Coroner's Office 1:30 P.M. After making a long trip back to Newport, Scully was greatly annoyed. First of all, the case was completely pointless, and just plain stupid. She had told Mulder, who just ignored her, like he ignored all her comments. What Scully really wanted to do was just tell off her partner, and get back to Washington. The other problem was Gleneden Beach, it was so far from anywhere. Plus the nearby cities were all poorly equipped for any kind of analysis. As Scully entered the coroner's office she was fuming. "Dr. Mikals," Mulder said to the coroner, "I'm Special Agent Fox Mulder," he showed his badge, "This is my partner Special Agent Dana Scully." Caught off her guard Scully panicked, and looked for her badge. Finally she showed him the badge. Studying the picture herself, she noticed it was really bad. "Yes?" the coroner asked, "How may I help you?" "We'd like to perform an autopsy, she's qualified as a doctor," Mulder said, volunteering Scully for the job, without even asking her. Dr. Mikals nodded, and then turned, "Right this way," and then walked down a long hallway. Sending Mulder a pleading look got Scully no where. Dr. Mikals opened the first drawer, revealing a young teenage girl, probably the one that the room had belonged to. Her hair was matted, as though she just woke up, a look of pure fright was on her face. The second drawer was opened in it was the mother of the girl. "Melody Durham and her mother, Judy Durham. George Durham is over here," he said and opened another drawer, "And the father, Fred Durham is here," and another drawer was opened. "Well, Scully, you'd better get busy," Mulder said. "But - " Scully started to protest. Mulder shook his head. "Where are you going?" Scully asked. "To interview the neighbors," Mulder said, thinking that this would teach Scully to complain about cases. "But - " Scully said as he left. Sighing she brushed some of her hair back, and prepared for four autopsies. Attack of the Pear 4/4 ********************************************************************* Gleneden Beach 2:00 P.M. Mulder arrived back at Gleneden Beach to interview the Durham's neighbors. The first house on the road was large, two whole stories in fact. As he walked up the driveway he noticed that the yard had turned into a meadow, and the flowers had turned into a jungle. Walking up the front door meant going through a sunroom, if you could call it that. The door had fallen off long ago, and was staying in place by only half of one hinge. Several of the plastic panels had also fallen off, making it look as though the room had been through a hurricane. Knocking at the door he heard nothing. He knocked again, and still no one came. After knocking for the fourth time a rat ran across the room, but it was apparent that no one was home, and no one had been there for a long time. Trying the door he found it was locked. Leaving the sunroom and the driveway he went to the next house, which was on the other side of the Durham house. This house was very small, and it had a garage. For some strange reason the garage was bigger than the house. As Mulder knocked on the door a large Boxer started to bark at him, but no one answered this door. Sighing, Mulder tried the door, only to find that it was also locked. Mulder walked back to the car and went back to Newport. Newport Coroner's Office 5:00 P.M. At long last Scully was finished with the autopsies. Sighing she cleaned up, and prepared to leave and join Mulder back at the hotel. At least Mulder had left the rental car for her, saying that he was going to 'visit the ocean and walk to the hotel'. The whole drive back Scully began plotting ways to get even with Mulder. She had to do four autopsies, all which revealed that they had been suffocated. Unknown to Scully, there were four large pears in the backseat of the car. The four pears were the very same ones that had attacked and killed the Durham family. Two of the pears decided to move in on the attack, for they were very bored pears, with nothing better to do. Scully's stomach growled, and she looked around, hoping that the rental car might just have some odd snack food from Mulder left. Even better, there were two pears just sitting there in the passenger seat. Yummy, Scully thought to herself, and picked up one of them. (Oh no! Help me!) The pear called out to the other pears, as the person picked him up and began to eat him. The second pear almost fell off the seat, but the person caught the pear, and ate her too. In the backseat the two other pears began to frantically think of a new plan, none of the people had ever EATEN them before. Just before their plan could be completed, Scully was at the hotel. Sunset Inn 5:15 P.M Scully stormed into the hotel room, and then plopped down on a nice, soft and thick chair. "Well?" Mulder asked, looking at the contents of the mini bar. "Absolutely nothing, they died of suffocation," Scully said. Mulder's cell phone rang, and he picked it up. After trying to convince the person on the other end, he failed and then hung up. Shooting Scully a pout he said, "Skinner wants us back, the case is closed." Scully jumped out and screamed, "YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" so loudly that the people in the rooms nearby shouted at her to be quiet. Sunset Inn 9:00 A.M. It had been a wonderful night for Scully, the news that they were going back was terrific. Inside the car, there was another problem though, the pears had been locked in, and even though they had a plan, they could not come through with it. Mulder and Scully packed the rental car up to go back to the Newport Airport, and then got in. "Hey! Pears, yummy yummy!" Mulder said, and ate the remaining two pears. Apparently those four pears were the root of all the evil, for the pear attacks had ended. However, the pears did get their revenge, the whole plane trip home the two had a very bad case of diarrhea. **Corny? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!**