From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 01:31:14 -0500
Subject: Awake and Aware by Serious Shipper
Source: direct

Reply To: seriosshipper@hotmail.com


Title: Awake and Aware
Author: Serious Shipper
Catagory: V, A, MSR, Scully POV
Disclaimer: They are not mine...but a gal can dream can't she?
Feedback: Oh please!! seriousshipper@hotmail.com	
Summary: FLUFF, just pure fluff

    I wonder sometimes if I ever really have a grasp on my life.  I seem
to just exist here, everything while seemingly new and different is in
actualitly just a huge circle.  Repeating itself over and over.  A new
assignment, a new trauma, over and over again I end up back here sitting
in this chair typing some vague report to only get my ass chewed off about
later.  What is the point?  Then I will just go home to an empty
apartment.  I will fix a cup of tea.  Go over case reports. Take a bath. 
Go to b ed way too early.  Be awakened in the middle of the night by a
sleepless Mulder, talking to me but saying nothing.  The beautiful ironly
being that if I change one thing in my life I know everything else will
follow.  The reason everything gets so damn te dious is because there is
only one thing I really want... 
    "Earth to Scully" I suddenly become aware that Mulder is dagaling a
minilla folder in front of me.  I immediatly straighten. 
    "Thanks" I say as he hands it to me.  He does not turn and go back to
his desk as I expected (or hoped) he would.  He is eyeing me
carefully...shit. 
    "You okay?" he asked quietly as he bends down to my chair.  I do not
look at him as I answer. 
    "Yep, I'm fine Mulder" I think he actually winced at my reply.  I am a
broken record, I know he thinks that. "Really Mulder.  I promise," he is
staring at me so intently that it is making my uncomfortable.  I wish he
would just go back to his own desk
 and stop looking at me. 
    "Scully, you've been staring at that computer screen for the past
fifteen minutes is something on your mind?" he says it so sweetly but it
irritates me to no end. 
    "No, Mulder! I'm fine," I say more loudly than I intended.  I see him
jerk back a little in surprise. 
    "What did I do?" he says defensivly. I rise from my chair and he takes
a few steps back.  I am looking at my desk as I gather my papers. 
    "Nothing...you didn't do anything," I say flatly.  He never does
anything.  That's why things are like this.  He never calls just to
talk...he always makes some dumb excuse.  When he looks at me with such
tenderness as he did a moment ago he never tel ls me how he is feeling.  I
just want him to say it...to tell me he loves me...if he even does.  Such
bullshit I put myself though.  He probably doesn't give this a second
thought. 
    I brush past him and make my way to the door.  Before I can make my
getaway I feel him grasp my arm and spin me around. 
    "What is going on here Scully?" he asks me.  His face is full of
bewilderment.  For an instant I feel sorry, but that quickly passes.  I
feel a moment of courage and I look straight into his eyes. 
    "What is going on here?" I ask mockingly. "Not much I'd say" every
pore in my body is oozing with sarcasm.  "You have no desire for anything
in life other than this" I say as I wave my hand around us. "You would die
here without giving it a second tho ught.  Keep investigating never to be
solved cases.  Your life like this, your job like this...and you and me
just like this.  Don't you need anything else?  Don't you want something
else in your life that matters?" I ask him.  My anger has disappated and
 I am almost begging him for an answer.  His eyes are sad, he looks almost
hurt.  He loosens his grip on my arm, but does not let go. 
    "Scully you don't understand," he drops his head. He is speaking to
the floor now, "I can't afford to be a selfish man.  Everything and
everyone I have loved has been taken from me.  My ENTIRE family..." I see
his chest heave as he chokes on a sob.  "  Everything...so I know as long
as I have you I have everything I need...everything I have ever wanted. 
Scully, all I have lost in my life was given back to me by you," he is
looking at me now, tears streaming down his face. My stomach drops and
suddenly I feel like the most selfish person in the world. I find tears
are streaming down my face as well. 
    "Mulder" is all I manage to say as I take a step closer. 
    "You see Scully...I can't want anything else.  I have everything...I
have you," before I know it I am in his arms.  He is holding my so tight,
and it is the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt.  He is sobbing
freely now.  After a few minutes he pu lls away and grasps me by the
shoulders.  "I have never wanted to do anything to upset you.  To risk
losing you.  I've wanted you forever, Scully.  To wake up with you in the
morning.  If you needed my love...all you had to do was ask,".  With that,
all t he things I had thought about my life moments ago had just been
proven wrong.  There was nothing small and trite about.  I am here for him
and he for me.  The days ahead will be new and bright...and I will look
forward to everyone of them.  Life can chang e so drastically in just one
moment. He kisses my lips softly and whispers in my ear, "I love you,
Scully".  In that instant I knew my life had suddenly become all I had
ever dreamed it could be.