Awakening By Teagan Riley
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Summary: Scully loves Mulder. (Could I be a bit more general?)
Rating: G
Category: MSR V
Timeline: Post Redux II 
Any comments go to atr48@iname.com!!!!! Please, I LIVE for feedback!!!!!!!!
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Awakening
 by Teagan Riley ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I am, you anxious one. Do you not hear me
rush to claim you with each eager sense?
Now my feelings have found wings, and, circling
whitely fly about your countenance.  
Here my spirit in it's dress of stillness
stands before you-oh do you not see?
In your glance does not my Maytime prayer
grow to ripeness as upon a tree?

Dreamer, it is I who am your dream.
But would you awake, I am your will
and master of all splendor, and I grow
to a sphere, like all the stars poised high and still,
with time's singular city stretched below.

				- Rainer Maria Rilke
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	I am alive. I am here, even when I should be dead.  For the first time
since I entered that dimly lit x-ray room, I feel  as well as I know that I
do live. I live, Mulder, because you willed me too.  You found my cure, but
it wasn't the little chip they put in my neck, it was in your unwavering
determination to save me that I found the ability to save myself.
	Mulder, I know what these past months have been for you. To be watching me
die and not be able to do anything about it must have been horrible. I can
assure you, that, had it been you dying of cancer, I would have been
agonized and wrath filled.  But, Mulder, I am back. 
Can't you see that? My cancer is in remission.  My tumor has practically
disappeared. I AM ALIVE, and I will not vanish into thin air.  You must
trust me when I say that I am fine.  I know I have said that to you when it
wasn't as true as it is now, but, I swear to you, I have never felt better.
 
	I can feel the energy in me, revitalizing my weary body.  I can feel the
strength flooding back. I close my eyes, and instead of the bleak blackness
that used to coat my dreams, I see the possibilities of what may happen in
my life.  I am starting to put aside money for when I grow older.  I have
never really looked forward to old age before. I thought it would be
awkward and painful.  Now I do. I want nothing more to live until I am one
hundred and thirty years old.  
	And, Mulder, I can now.  I can live to be old and crotchety because of
you.  You helped me to live.  The truth did save me,the truth that is you
and I.  Together, we are whole. I knew that when you came back from the
"grave" to visit me in the hospital.  That knowledge that if I left you
behind that you would be incomplete, as I would be incomplete without you,
gave me the ability to fight. But, I did not survive merely to be cosseted
and protected.  I survived to live, Mulder, and I cannot do that if you try
to shelter me every step of the way.
	 I want to devour you.  I want to take you into myself and never let you
go.  I want to meld myself into you, and see the world through you.  I want
to be a part of you for you are an inextricable part of me.  We are joined,
you and I, and I will no longer ignore it.  The shadowy 'They' that haunt
us cannot use it against us anymore than they already do, and following
bureau protocol has never been one of our strong points. We love each
other, and there is nothing more important than that. Nothing.  When we are
faced with adversity, we will face it together.  Together, Mulder, means
both of us.  Not you protecting me, but the two of us standing united
against the powers that be.  
    	When I look at you, I see the pain I have caused you in your eyes. 
There is a shadow there, even when you smile.  Part of that shadow is for
Samantha and has been there as long as I have known you, but part, I know,
is for me.  That saddens me more than I can express in words.  It hurts me
to know that I have hurt you.  But, the both of us must heal, and, I
believe that we can help each other.  
	I don't have much experience reaching out to others.  I guard my feelings
with a ferocity usually reserved for my loved ones, but I have come to
realize with startling clarity that I cannot expect you to read my mind,
nor can I expect there to be a 'perfect time' to tell you.  I have heard
others wonder why I stay here, Mulder. Wondering why I stay with you.  The
answer is so simple. I love you. I love you with all my soul, and all my
being.  I love you so much it scares me sometimes.  I am as sure as I live
and breath that my love is not unrequited.  Neither of us has ever truly
been ready before.  It is slightly ironic that it has taken this much for
me to finally be able to say it, to speak aloud what has so long been part
of me. 
	I see that look on your face.  The look of sheer wonder and surprise, and,
dare I say, joy? It passes across your beautiful features, finally settling
in your eyes before the mask falls into place.  You are breathing heavily,
through your nose, and you are gripping your chair so tightly that your
knuckles are white.  You think you may be dreaming.  I promise you, this is
not a dream.  You gnaw on your bottom lip, nervously, as you glance at the
floor.  When you look up, your eyes are brimming with tears and love. 
Voice raspy and hoarse from emotion, you say 'Scully, I love you. I love
you _so_ much.'.  I reach out my arms to you, and you step into them,
holding me to you tightly. We stand there, cocooned in a higher, more
transcending and pure form of love than I have ever experienced.