From: "dtg" Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2000 2:55:4 -0500 Subject: Submission: Between Friends by dtg Source: direct Reply To: dgoggans@earthlink.net Title: Between Friends Author: dtg Email: dgoggans@earthlink.net Rating: PG Spoilers: small one for Memento Mori and Triangle. Category: SRA Keywords: MSR Disclaimer: The characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and FOX. No copyright infringement intended. Summary: Pre-ep 8x08. Scully asks a favor of her best friend with unexpected results. Author's Notes: This story sprang from my disappointment over the direction this ep seemed to be taking in the spoilers I read. This is my spin. Feedback: Always welcome and acknowledged. *** Between Friends (1/1) If he didn't appear in the next sixty seconds, she was going to lose her nerve. She was sure of it. Scully glanced around the restaurant for the hundredth time in the past half hour, thinking illogically that he might have come in while she wasn't looking and sat at a table by himself because he didn't see her in the back corner, lit mostly by candles. He wasn't there, of course. The restaurant was not their usual. In fact, neither of them had ever been here before, she was quite sure. It was a small, out of the way Italian bistro with a reputation as a discreet and anonymous meeting place for couples who might prefer not to be seen together. The expression on his face when she suggested meeting here had revealed that he had heard of it and moreover knew its claim to fame. If he wondered about her sudden need for secrecy, he didn't mention it. She swirled the ice in her glass and brought it to her lips. Absolut, tonic and lime. Quite a departure from her usual diet Coke, but then this entire night was destined to be unlike any she had ever spent with her partner and best friend. She knew he was worried about her. For the past week, she had not been herself. Even Skinner had noticed and had asked her about it. She had brushed him off with her patented "I'm fine" and he let the matter drop, but with obvious reservations. Mulder knew better than to approach her directly with his concerns, choosing instead to observe her closely whenever he thought her attention was safely diverted. She had pretended not to notice, afraid that he would see any acknowledgment on her part as an invitation to pursue the questions she could see in his eyes. It had taken her a month to make the decision to approach him and another week after that to actually do it. And if he didn't get here in the next sixty seconds... Wait. She'd already said that to herself twice. A glance at her watch told her he wasn't even due for another ten minutes. She had known that getting here early was bound to produce more anxiety but she wanted to be sure to get a dark, private booth. For her dark deed. "I almost didn't see you." She jumped out of her skin and nearly threw her drink across the table. "Jesus, Mulder!" He was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that but you seemed so preoccupied..." He sat down opposite her in the corner booth. "It's okay." God, she was nervous. "I'm just a little jumpy." She forced a smile. "What do you want to drink?" She looked across the room and caught the eye of her waiter. "What are you having?" He looked curiously at her glass. Not a diet Coke. Interesting. She told him what she was drinking and he nodded. "That's fine. I'll have the same." After the waiter returned with a drink for each of them and received a negative response to his request for a food order, he left them alone. Mulder sipped his drink and watched her take a long pull from hers. Whatever was on her mind had to be doing a number on her nerves to precipitate this level of alcohol consumption. It was highly uncharacteristic and served to kick his worry up another notch. "So, Scully. What's the occasion?" She cleared her throat and took another sip from her drink. "I've made a decision, Mulder. One that I've been considering for some time. Since it has the potential to affect our work and our partnership, I feel obligated to tell you about it." For a moment, he couldn't find his voice. The twisting in his gut was born of a feeling of deep foreboding and he took a slow breath to steady himself. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest of this but she seemed to be waiting for a response. "You can tell me anything, Scully. You know that." But please don't tell me you're leaving. Or dying. Or getting married... "I know, Mulder. It's just that this is nothing you would ever expect from me and I don't quite know how to say it." His expression was impassive but she could see the beginnings of fear in his eyes. Just say it, for God's sake. "Mulder, I want to have a baby." His reaction would have been comical if the subject hadn't been so deadly serious. He had been in the midst of a sip and began to choke and sputter, vodka and tonic dribbling from his nose. She grabbed the napkin-wrapped silverware bundle from her place setting, flipped it open and handed the napkin to him. He wiped at his eyes and nose, coughs lessening to a manageable level just as she was ready to start pounding him on the back. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I should have approached that a little more gradually. Are you okay?" He cleared his throat, coughed softly once more. "I'm fine. To say I'm surprised would be an obvious under-statement." He glanced away for a moment. "I don't quite know how to put this," his gaze returned to meet hers, "but *how*?" "I've been doing research on the subject for several months and came across a clinic in upstate New York that has demonstrated a high degree of success with my type of infertility. It would require hormone treatments for a short period followed by implantation of the embryos." The expression that flashed briefly in his eyes looked like pain. She hadn't expected anything like that. "Mulder?" "Have you been examined at this clinic yet?" "Yes. Early last month. Remember the day I took to visit with my aunt? Well, she lives 20 miles from the clinic. My visit with her was real, but I made a sidetrip to the clinic. They feel I'm an excellent candidate for the procedure." "Will they be using your own ova? Did they find that you still have some?" "No. There's no way to determine that with complete certainty. There may be some that they couldn't detect, but it's highly unlikely. They'll be using donor ova and sperm to produce the embryos." She was looking down at her hands which were wrapped tightly around her drink. He was torn. How could he tell her about the ova he had saved without dredging up all the painful memories that came with the explanation? She would be hurt and disappointed in him as well. But how could he allow her to go through this without telling her she might be able to have her own child? He had known that someday he would have to tell her and accept the consequences of his deception but he had never found the right time. It seemed the right time had now found *him*. "Scully, I have to tell you something." He waited until she looked up at him. "I don't want to tell you how, where or when, but I found a vial that contained frozen ova. Yours. They're in storage at a cryogenics facility in Virginia." She couldn't have been more shocked if he had pulled out his weapon and shot her across the table. In fact, the pain in her chest felt as if he had done just that. It was impossible for her to comprehend the scope of his betrayal and for a moment she wanted to walk out of the restaurant and never see him again. Ever. The waiter chose this moment to return. Scully couldn't speak, couldn't look at Mulder. She simply shook her head at the waiter and lowered her gaze to her hands which were clenched into fists on either side of her empty glass. "We won't be ordering food. Could we have two more drinks and the check, please?" Mulder spoke softly and she could hear the pain in his voice. When the waiter was out of earshot, he reached across the table and took Scully's hands in his. She refused to release the clenched fists but didn't pull away from him. When she looked up at him, the anguish in her eyes broke his heart. "Mulder, how could you keep something like this from me?" His voice was so soft she had to strain to hear him. "I don't know what to say. You were so upset back then that I thought it would be better to wait. Then time passed and it just never seemed to be the right moment." His eyes pleaded for understanding. "How do you know the ova are mine?" He would have to tell her everything. There was no way to avoid it now. "When you were in the hospital in Pennsylvania...when Penny Northern died...you remember how I went to that clinic where I found out your doctor was involved in the project? Well, there was a room that contained vials of frozen ova taken from the abductees, the women you met from the Mufon chapter. Yours were there, too... and I took them." No need to tell her how many vials he left behind that may have already been used to create more children like Emily. There was nothing to be gained and everything to lose. "All this time..." She closed her eyes, unable to look at him. She pulled her hands away and crossed her arms protectively over her chest, over the heart that he was tearing to shreds with every word. "How long were you going to keep this to yourself?" How could he tell her what he had been waiting for? His reason was so completely selfish that the shame of it was physically painful. He closed his eyes and rubbed at them roughly with both hands. Too late for tears, Mulder. It's all going to be over shortly. Then you'll have the rest of your life to wallow in regret. "I can't excuse my motive because it was totally self-serving." He took a deep breath and forged ahead. "I thought that someday we would be at a point in our relationship where... well, we would want to use them together. If you had found someone you wanted to be with other than me, I would have told you then." He ventured a sad smile. "I guess you'll have to take my word on that last part." He watched her expression change from deep pain to bewilderment to wonder in the space of seconds. She seemed unable to find her voice and simply stared at him with her lips parted. "I was waiting for us." He looked away. "I'm sorry, Scully. I never wanted to hurt you or lie to you. I would say that this pretty much proves how wrong I can be." Her thoughts tumbled wildly over one another as she tried to grasp the enormity of what he was telling her. Three years ago. He had felt this way three years ago. How could she have been so blind? So many things suddenly made sense... "Mulder?" She reached across the table and took his right hand in her left. "Mulder, look at me." When he turned his gaze back to meet hers, his eyes had darkened and his expression was neutral, braced for the recriminations he knew were coming. "Mulder, I don't know what to say." She paused, carefully choosing her words. "How can two people who are as close as we are be so completely out of touch on the most important things?" "Long practice." he offered tonelessly. "I guess we've expended a hell of a lot of energy holding each other at arm's length, haven't we?" She squeezed his hand gently and was gratified to feel his fingers tighten in response. "I have a confession to make." His expression lost its blankness. Curiosity mingled with relief at not having been the only one holding something back. "What's that?" "I've only told you half of the reason I asked you to meet me here." The fear was gone, obviously because she knew his answer now. "I was going to ask you to consider being my baby's father." Lulled into believing he would happily accept her offer, she was in no way prepared for his reaction. He pulled his hand back, cold fury in his eyes. "Just. Like. That." Each word carefully enunciated. "No qualms about having a baby with a man you don't want a relationship with? What did you expect me to do, just make a deposit at the local sperm bank and go on as if nothing happened?" His anger floored her completely. She was suddenly scrambling for a foothold on the edge of a precipice with no idea how she got there. "No, Mulder. Of course not. I would have expected us to have a relationship. My God, do you really think I wouldn't?" "I don't know. What would make me think anything else? You've never told me how you feel about me, so how *could* I know?" His voice was low and rough with emotion. "I recall very clearly your response the only time I got up the nerve to tell you that I loved you. I don't see that our history forms much of a basis for a relationship at this point, let alone parenthood." She was stunned into silence. Although she had to admit that his anger was justified to a degree, she had honestly thought he would be pleased by her request. Now it seemed that they had such a propensity for misunderstanding each other that she was momentarily overwhelmed by the magnitude of it. "Mulder, I'm sorry. I had no idea you would feel so strongly about this. I guess it just proves how wrong *I* can be." She smiled sadly. "I seem to have made a huge mess of this and I don't know how to fix it. What can I say to make you understand?" It was Mulder's turn to choose words carefully. This was shaping up to be the pivotal discussion of their relationship, possibly their last chance to get it right. And God, he wanted to get it right. "I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like to know you. You seem determined to keep me out of your life, then you come out of nowhere with something like this. What do you expect me to think?" "I hope you think that I'm trying very hard to make you understand how I feel, Mulder. As poorly as I seem to be expressing myself, I think you know that you're the most important person in my life. You *have* been for a long time, despite my ineptness at trying to show you." "If I'm the most important person in your life, why can't you show it other than when we're in the throes of a crisis? Unless I'm dying - or *you* are - or unless we're teetering on the brink of dissolving our relationship completely, you have nothing to say. In fact, you seem much more comfortable when there's no discussion whatever. How repressed is *that*?" His tone had taken on a faintly accusatory tone that even *he* could hear, and he moved quickly to soften it. "I haven't been totally forthright myself, I know that. But I seem to be the only one in love here, Scully. It's not where I want to be." It took her a moment to realize that he had told her he loved her. For the second time. There was no way in hell she was going to leave him hanging this time. She grasped both of his hands in hers and looked directly into his eyes. "Mulder, you are *not* the only one in love. I love you so much that the word itself is meaningless." She took a breath to steady her voice. "You told me once that I make you a whole person. I feel exactly the same way about you. You're the other half of my soul. The only thing about our relationship that I will ever regret is that I ever let you doubt it." Mulder closed his eyes. So long in coming. He waited for control, took a few deep breaths, then opened his eyes and met a gaze so full of love and hope that his breath caught. There were still issues to resolve, not the least of which was the one that had brought them here. But there was no question that this was the closest they had ever come to being honest with each other. He suddenly thought of the poster in his office. *I want to believe.* "That wasn't so hard now, was it?" His tone was light but the underlying emotion came through in a slight tremor. "No, it wasn't." Her voice was just as shaky as his but her smile was breathtaking. Their gazes locked and held for long moments until the waiter reappeared with their drinks and the check. He had to cough discreetly into his hand to get their attention. Mulder glanced at the total on the bill, pulled a twenty from his wallet which included an uncharacteristically generous tip and handed it to the young man, then returned his full attention to his partner. "Keep the change." "Let's go." He rose and walked to her side of the booth, pulling her gently to her feet and into a brief but fierce embrace. They turned in perfect unison and walked toward the door, his right hand resting lightly at the small of her back. END (1/1) *** Feedback would be much appreciated and could result in a follow up story. --- dtg --- dgoggans@earthlink.net --- "If those are my last words, I can do better. --- WITHOUT MULDER, I'M AN EX-PHILE