From kydeno00@sac.uky.edu Mon May 19 19:52:52 1997 Subject: *NEW* The Biggest Lie (1/1) From: "Kirsten Y. DeNoyelles" -------- This is my first attempt at fanfic for this list! *grin* Please feel free to send any comments! This is my take on what will happen after Gethsemane. Title: The Biggest Lie Author: Kirsten DeNoyelles Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX. They are NOT mine. Although, I'd be a rich woman if they were. *grin* Rating: G Classification: S, A Spoiler: Gethsemane SPOILERS bigtime Summary: Mulder contemplates suicide and Scully has a scary realization about the biggest lie of all. * * * * * The Biggest Lie --------------- By: Kirsten DeNoyelles He looked down, his damp eyes taking in the sight of the black object next to him. Just one... *bang*, he would be gone forever. No more lies. No more betrayals. Nothing. Just blissful death. His hands, warm, reached down to caress the cool metal, feeling it's familiar form. All he had to do was pick it up, put it to his head, and pull the trigger. That's it. Then he would never have to wonder who to trust again. He looked back to the television. Carl Sagan was there. He had always admired him, and even Carl was gone now. The screen blurred under his tears, streaming fresh again. His face was already tight from the salt that had dried on his skin. He snorted. What would Scully think if she saw him now? It was because of her he was sitting alone in the dark, wanting to end it all. Who can you believe when you don't even know if you can trust your best friend? Yes, it was no secret that he considered her as such. He'd never had a friend like her. He was always surprised that she seemed to be willing to follow him into anything. He had nearly gotten her killed so many times. So many times, he had told her he was sorry. He trusted her with his life. It had been so hard lately, with her cancer. Was that why she pushed him away now? The tears came again, very hot this time. He wanted to believe. All of the evidence had convinced him, yet she didn't believe. Or maybe she just couldn't? Of course they would have stories. They would have their own "proof". They would convince her that he just needed to believe so badly, that he would go to any lengths to do so. But, he had seen it with his own eyes. It looked real. If it hadn't been, why did so many men die? Why couldn't Scully believe him? What made these men easier to believe? His eyes went back to the blurred figures on the television. Did they promise her a cure if she discredited his work? If that was the case, all she needed to do was ask. He would do anything in his power to save her life. She meant that much to him. Or maybe they were hoping he would do just as he had been, sitting alone in the dark with his gun next to him on the couch, finger on the trigger. Maybe he would be so torn, he would take his own life. Hopefully, they did promise Scully something in return. He would trade his life for hers. He sat back, his head resting against the cool wall. He closed his eyes... She had been strong. She was strong when she identified his body. She was strong when she exposed the lies for what she thought they were. Even as her voice cracked when she told of his death, she was strong. She would not break. Not when they could see her. Through it all, she had to be strong. If not for herself, for him. She left the Bureau as soon as the hearing was over, yet she couldn't go home. She drove. She had no place to go really, but she couldn't go home. Not yet. She found herself heading toward Mulder's, but didn't think she could take it, so she drove back to DC. She went and sat on their bench. She remembered when it started to rain, but she didn't care. She just sat, and thought of nothing. "Agent Scully?" It was Skinner. She didn't reply, just stared into the mirky waters before her. He sat down. He didn't speak at first, just sat in silence with her, mourning him. "Are you sure it was all a lie?" Her resolution began to crack then. She wasn't anymore. She wasn't sure of anything. Her lip trembled, and she bit it to hold back the tears. A strong arm went around her shoulders. "Dana, he loved you. I know he would only do this if he thought it could save you." She did cry then. "How could it save me?" she demanded angrily. He had been her strength. She was dying now, and she didn't care. She had been dying all along, and there was nothing anyone could do. Maybe if she had told him... "He was too close to the truth, and he thought if he sacrificed himself, they would cure you." She shook her head at his words. It wasn't true. What did they care about her? Especially now that he was gone? "I tried, Scully. I didn't want it to end like this. I tried." His voice betrayed his emotion, and Scully looked up at him through sore eyes. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes onto a face of stone. Skinner would miss him too. Then the meaning behind his words hit her. "You?" "I did what they asked. They didn't hold up their end of the deal." The words struck her hard, causing her chest to constrict and her throat to close. She found it extremely hard to breathe. Skinner had risked himself for her, and they did nothing. Nothing. She was dying. The cancer had started to spread, and they did nothing. Why would they bother now that Mulder was dead? "Oh god," she cried. "He died for nothing!" Her tears came in a storm. Skinner pulled her into him, and held her shaking form against his body. "Maybe it wasn't a lie. I... I told him it was.. I told him everything he believed was a lie. One lie right after another. But... but I was wrong. I told the biggest lie of all, and I killed him..." "No, they killed him. They forced his hand. You were only a pawn in something much bigger than either of you, than I, could comprehend. We thought we could beat them. We thought we could find the truth, but some- time we just have to survive." She felt his tears hot against her head, the only warmth in the cold rain. "How do we do that now?" she murmured. "I'm dying. My cancer has matastisized. Nothing can save me short of a miracle, and the men capable of that.. well..." They were both silent. "Oh, Dana..." was all he could manage. Her head began to pound viciously. She moaned, and lifted her face off of Skinner's shoulder. He looked down with red eyes. "Oh my God!" Her hand went to her nose, and she saw blood. She felt it. She felt her life draining away. "No.. No... not you too! No!!" Dana Scully woke with a start, her hand going instinctively to her nose. She did not bleed. Her heart raced in her chest, and she felt sick. The dream had been bad. Very bad. She reached for her phone, then dialed a familiar number. One ring, two, another. She willed him to answer. A forth, fifth. She held her breath. "Mulder." She looked to the ceiling with a sigh of relief. "Mulder... I... I... Are you OK?" There was silence on the other end. She heard the sound of his television, and even recognized Carl Sagan's voice. Mulder always did respect Sagan. "Scully?" He sounded lost, like a child. She could almost see his eyes, large and liquid. "What are you doing up so late?" "I.. I had a dream, Mulder. I can't explain it. I... I'm so sorry." "You're sorry you had a dream, Scully?" She could tell he was trying to be humorous, even though she knew she had hurt him very badly earlier that night. "No, I'm definately not sorry I had the dream. Can I come over?" She was worried about him. They needed to talk. "Um... sure, you can come over," he replied. They were both silent. She could hear his TV again. "I'll be right over, Mulder," she said. "OK." "Mulder?" "Yes?" "Please don't leave me. Never leave me." There was silence on the other end when she hung up the phone. She let herself in, and he watched her walk across the room. She turned the television off, and sat beside him on the couch. He knew he looked like hell, but by the look in her eyes, he thought he must have looked the best he ever had. Then she did the strangest thing. She bursted into tears. He took her into his arms and caressed her hair. She gazed into his red, tear stained eyes. "Thank you," was all she said. "Thank you," he muttered into her hair, "for saving my life." -- Kirsten Y. DeNoyelles * Email kirsten@pa.uky.edu, kydeno00@sac.uky.edu University of Kentucky * Department of Physics and Astronomy Breaking the Chains * WWW http://www.pa.uky.edu/~kirsten/ Dokken Internet Magazine * BTC FTP einstein.fallon.com (anonymous)