From:             picard1@execpc.com
Date sent:        Thu, 12 Mar 1998 00:26:02 -0600 (CST)
Subject:          "Bittersweet Symphony" (MSR)  (1/1)


AUTHOR'S NOTES:  Mulder and Scully are not mine.  They 
belong to Chris Carter and FOX.  Boy, if only I had 
acted faster, they could've been mine.  D'OH!
This is a MSR, but no smut.  Just true love expressing 
itself. :-)

This is just a little something I felt like writing.  
You ever feel like you just have to write a story?  Here 
is that impulse when it's acted upon.  Spoilers for The 
Red and the Black are scattered in the story.  You've 
been warned.   Also, the song "Bittersweet Symphony" by 
the Verve is being borrowed for this tale as little more 
than background music, although I think the song itself 
fits in well with this story's mood.

Summary:  Distraught over recent events, Mulder finds 
his way back onto the path to truth with the help of the 
only one he can trust.


T H E    X    F I L E S:

"Bittersweet Symphony"

By:  Scott J. Hauenstein



	Why?


	Fox Mulder wanted the answer that night.  After 
all he had seen the past few days, he had to have an 
explanation.  The events of earlier that evening were 
more than he could handle.   What had he seen?  He 
wasn't even sure anymore.  Was it something to hold 
onto, something to believe in once more?  Or merely 
another facade planned by the vast military/government 
conspiracy he had come to be so familiar with?

	His thoughts screamed in his head as he was 
dropped off at his apartment building by military 
police.  They left with nothing to say except "Good 
night, Agent Mulder."
	Good night indeed.  The bastards.
	Earlier, he watched as they let Scully off at 
her apartment building.  He didn't take his eyes off her 
as they drove away, and she kept her stare true to him. 
 It was if the conspiracy were tearing them apart, 
pulling their lifeline so far it would snap.  God, how 
he wanted her to be with him now....he needed her more 
than anyone could imagine.  He needed her to help him 
understand.  

	Mulder let his coat drop on the floor as he 
entered his apartment, closing the door behind him.  He 
felt so disoriented, but not necessarily from the 
experience in the truck on its own.  The events of the 
past few days -- Scully's experience at the dam, 
Cassandra Spender's disappearance, Krycek's warning -- 
it was almost too much to deal with.  It was all 
becoming a bubbling cauldron of unanswered questions.
	He flopped down onto his couch and sat in 
silence for a few moments.  He wasn't sure what to do 
next.  He felt tired, but not enough to sleep.  He was 
so damn thirsty, but couldn't get the drive to get up 
and drink something.
	He sighed deeply, picked up a remote, and turned 
on his stereo, which automatically started a CD he had 
in his player, The Verve's "Urban Hymns".  He sat back 
and listened.

	The violins that began "Bittersweet Symphony" 
stirred something in him almost immediately.  All at 
once, he felt the pain of it all.  The pain at seeing 
Scully recall her experience at the dam, and how she 
said she could not follow his theory of the events; the 
pain of having nothing more than a sickeningly corrupt 
government/military conspiracy to believe in, only to 
have all that which he embraced in order to find the 
truth fall apart before him that night....it was too 
much.

	He wept.  For Scully.  For Cassandra Spender.  
For Samantha.  For himself.  He listened to the words of 
the song...

	'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
	Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to 
money then you die


	How true....except for the money.  He wasn't a 
slave to that.  He was a slave to the truth, whichever 
truth that was.  He didn't even know anymore...and that 
hurt so much.

	Mulder was so overwhelmed with his emotions and 
the song that he didn't hear the gentle opening of the 
door, nor notice someone standing in the doorway.  
Mulder looked up suddenly when he saw the shadows move.

	It was Scully.  She looked so tired, so worn, so 
sad.  Tears were welling in her eyes.  "Mulder....I...."

	"Scully..."  Mulder stood, wiped the tears on 
his cheeks away with a sweep of his hand.  He couldn't 
think of a thing to say.  No words seemed to fit at that 
moment.  He had hoped so desparately that she could be 
there, and now she was, yet he was totally unprepared.

	Scully moved quickly to him, dodging the coat 
Mulder carelessly dropped.  She wrapped her arms around 
him tightly and began to cry softly.  He caressed her 
slowly, lovingly and let his tears return, but the 
sadness of them had gone.  He was at peace now, safe in 
Scully's arms.  Everything seemed right when he was with 
her.  None of the evil, none of the lies could hurt them 
now.  Their strength, their faith, their love would 
protect them.  The events of the last few days, 
including earlier that evening, were a turning point for 
them both.  Both of them had been faced with things that 
put their faith in their beliefs, and each other, on the 
line.  Now, together, they had found strength to protect 
that faith.

	"Scully, I....I don't want you to give up what 
you think you might have seen out there because of what 
I said, or for any other reason," Mulder said softly, 
stroking his partner's hair gently.

	"Mulder, I'm not sure of what I saw out there.  
I'm not sure of anything anymore.  I wanted to believe 
in what you've told me over the years....to finally know 
and understand what you held so dear to your heart and 
soul.  I guess I.....I wanted to share that with you, 
and to have you lose your faith in what you've believed 
in for so long hurt me.  I felt alone,"  Scully said 
softly, looking deeply into Mulder's eyes.

	Mulder gently wiped her tears away as he said, 
"I've found a reason to believe again, Scully.  I saw 
something out there I can't reasonably explain.  It 
scared me, angered me....but now, I've realized I needed 
to see it.  I needed to see you believe what you saw, if 
only for a short time.  You've given me a reason to find 
the truth....but I can't do it.....I won't.  Not without 
you."

	Scully's bottom lip quivered as she held back a 
sob. "You'll never be without me, Mulder.....never....."

	Mulder leaned closer to her, his lips almost 
upon hers.  She let out a soft moan of longing, and 
breached the rest of the distance to kiss him slowly, 
lovingly.  At that moment, all the world fell away, and 
it was only them, bound by love, by honor, by courage, 
and most of all, by truth, as the bittersweet symphony 
continued for them....


	I'll take you down the only road I've ever been 
down.....



The End


So, what did you think?  I'd love some feedback!  E-mail 
me at picard1@execpc.com with your comments!