From: "Token -" Date: Thu, 30 Nov 2000 08:22:14 -0500 Subject: NEW: Blasphemous Rumors Source: xff TITLE: Blasphemous Rumors AUTHOR: Token (token24601@aol.com) CATEGORY: Post-Ep Vignette RATING: PG-13 KEYWORDS: Blasphemy. SPOILERS: "Roadrunners" SUMMARY: What if the cultists were right? DISCLAIMER: I am so going to hell for this. Sensitive Christians should avoid this one. DISTRIBUTION: Wherever. Let me know where it goes. Blasphemous Rumors by Token http://www.grapefruithead.com/token You know, Dad said coming back as a slug wouldn't work. But would I listen? No. I had to go back, just like the first time. It was going so well, to. I had it all worked out. Small group of hardcore followers, persecuted by the Pharisees for their beliefs, it was all working out pretty well. Even had the virgin birth thing down. She was perfect. Prophecy, man. I was in. Then that damned (because oh yes, you bet your sweet ass he's damned now) Doggett cut me out and shot me in the head. Note to self come down hard against abortion in future. How could I not see this coming? I'm supposed to be omniscient! Dad just sat there in his chair like he always does, with that same look on his face that old Lou got when he started going on and on about how the angels should have this and the angels should have that. I didn't pay any attention to his prattle then, but I should have. I remember that look, though. I knew it was trouble. The holy ghost just stood there, sniggering. Spooky bastard. I'm the only one around here with any new ideas. Come back as a slug this time, I thought. Very innovative, I thought. I told them that man wasn't ready for a man to come back, but for reasons which escape me now I thought they'd accept a slug. Even if they didn't, I argued, there'd be more room up here anyway. Ever since I came back, the place has been starting to fill up. Pretty soon the only rooms available are going to be over the wheel-well and next to the noisy ice machines. Already some folks are doubling up. Hey, I thought, if no one accepts the one true God as a slug, then all the better. Gabriel thought coming back as the internet would be nice. Loser. Yeah, they were really going to dig on CyberJesus. I could defrag hard drives with a wave of my holy hand, smite all the porn sites, and turn warez into legitimate copies of software. That's asinine, I told him, only I was nicer than that. You have to be with Gabe. He's sensitive. But I could have sworn the slug thing would work out. I even got that pesky Mulder who's foiled my other plans out of the damn way so I could put the whammy on Scully. And Doggett comes along. Well, he's in for it now. Got a special place all lined up for him. See how he likes being dipped in boiling mercury. All isn't lost, though. I still have time, and I still have my chance. Good ol' Dana Scully, prophecy's whore, will still due nicely. I can even maybe spin things so this whole deal looks like a case of false prophets and such. Yeah, that sounds right. Scully will do nicely, I think. I just have to wait a bit longer for things to stew.