******************************************************************** This author's e-mail address has changed to: pindaran@hotmail.com ******************************************************************** From: Rhetta Date: 5 Jul 2002 18:00:15 -0700 Subject: xfc: NEW: Brainwashing For Dummies (1/1) Source: atxc TITLE: Brainwashing For Dummies AUTHOR: Rhetta RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, Mulder POV DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, just let me know. FEEDBACK: rhoannan@att.net SPOILERS: 'The Truth' DISCLAIMER: Mulder and the rest of the 'X-Files' belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX. David Duchovny belongs to himself. Think of this as a friendly loan. SUMMARY: You can't mess with a mind that's already made up. AUTHOR'S NOTE: A big thank you to Jenny and Silver for the great beta help. ********** They think they can break me. That through long bouts of sleep deprivation, physical violence and mind games they will eventually make me crack. I wonder if any of these brain trusts even bothered to read my file. If that were all it took I would have cracked years ago. That's not to say that they're somehow lacking in enthusiasm. Not by a long shot. After my last little 'session' I spent several excruciating minutes trying to pull in a full breath. Then a few hours later, almost like clockwork, they came back in to rough me up again and ask me what I was thinking. Now I know I should have stopped ticking off the man with the stick and just told him what he wanted to hear but I couldn't help myself. The man was aching to be messed with and I'm a man that loves to mess. I calmly told him I was thinking that they really need to update their brainwashing techniques. When I finally got my breath back he had already left, which was a good thing. What I was going to tell him next probably would have got me killed. It's not true though. Well, what I was going to tell him was true. Funny even. Makes me smile just thinking about it in fact. But it wasn't their pitiful attempts at brainwashing that was on my mind. Most of the time when I'm thinking it's about Scully. And about our son. And what might have happened if I hadn't left. Would I still be alive? Would Scully and William? Would it have even made a difference? Other times I just sit here in the darkness and wonder why they even bothered to dig me up. Right now though, I'm thinking about eating a whole bag of sunflower seeds and throwing a ball to William. Not at the same time. I mean, I'd pace myself. Start with the seeds then move on to the game of catch. Which, I will admit, is a ridiculous thing to spend time pondering since I won't make it out of this alive to do either. I knew when I left her and William a year ago that I probably wouldn't be coming back. I accepted it as a consequence of keeping them safe. I couldn't tell her that of course. It's hard to fit in 'Oh by the way, next time you see me most likely I'll be dead.' into everyday conversation. Even our form of everyday conversation. I should have known I wouldn't have had to. That she already knew. "What if you don't come back," she had said. "What if you die again, only this time for good." She clutched William to her like a lifeline. Like he was the only thing keeping her head above water. I shrugged and attempted a smile. "Then I'll just have to haunt you Scully. I'll be your own personal X-File, following you and William around for the rest of your days. Won't the other Feds be jealous?" I had said it lightly, intending it as a joke. At the time neither one of us found it amusing. Now after all I've learned it's the closest thing I've got to hope. Because despite what Scully once told me, I believe some people don't get a happy ending. Not in this life anyway. Maybe not in any of the others. I think the best some people can hope for is a lifetime of haunting the ones they love. That and a bag of sunflower seeds. You can always hope for sunflower seeds. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] To post, mail to xfc-ATXC@yahoogroups.com To subscribe, mail xfc-ATXC-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To unsubscribe, mail xfc-ATXC-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ From rhoannan@worldnet.att.net Wed Jul 10 08:12:36 2002 Date: 5 Jul 2002 18:09:53 -0700 From: Rhetta Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: [all-xf] NEW: Brainwashing For Dummies (1/1) TITLE: Brainwashing For Dummies AUTHOR: Rhetta RATING: PG-13 CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, Mulder POV DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, just let me know. FEEDBACK: rhoannan@att.net SPOILERS: 'The Truth' DISCLAIMER: Mulder and the rest of the 'X-Files' belong to Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX. David Duchovny belongs to himself. Think of this as a friendly loan. SUMMARY: You can't mess with a mind that's already made up. AUTHOR'S NOTE: A big thank you to Jenny and Silver for the great beta help. ********** They think they can break me. That through long bouts of sleep deprivation, physical violence and mind games they will eventually make me crack. I wonder if any of these brain trusts even bothered to read my file. If that were all it took I would have cracked years ago. That's not to say that they're somehow lacking in enthusiasm. Not by a long shot. After my last little 'session' I spent several excruciating minutes trying to pull in a full breath. Then a few hours later, almost like clockwork, they came back in to rough me up again and ask me what I was thinking. Now I know I should have stopped ticking off the man with the stick and just told him what he wanted to hear but I couldn't help myself. The man was aching to be messed with and I'm a man that loves to mess. I calmly told him I was thinking that they really need to update their brainwashing techniques. When I finally got my breath back he had already left, which was a good thing. What I was going to tell him next probably would have got me killed. It's not true though. Well, what I was going to tell him was true. Funny even. Makes me smile just thinking about it in fact. But it wasn't their pitiful attempts at brainwashing that was on my mind. Most of the time when I'm thinking it's about Scully. And about our son. And what might have happened if I hadn't left. Would I still be alive? Would Scully and William? Would it have even made a difference? Other times I just sit here in the darkness and wonder why they even bothered to dig me up. Right now though, I'm thinking about eating a whole bag of sunflower seeds and throwing a ball to William. Not at the same time. I mean, I'd pace myself. Start with the seeds then move on to the game of catch. Which, I will admit, is a ridiculous thing to spend time pondering since I won't make it out of this alive to do either. I knew when I left her and William a year ago that I probably wouldn't be coming back. I accepted it as a consequence of keeping them safe. I couldn't tell her that of course. It's hard to fit in 'Oh by the way, next time you see me most likely I'll be dead.' into everyday conversation. Even our form of everyday conversation. I should have known I wouldn't have had to. That she already knew. "What if you don't come back," she had said. "What if you die again, only this time for good." She clutched William to her like a lifeline. Like he was the only thing keeping her head above water. I shrugged and attempted a smile. "Then I'll just have to haunt you Scully. I'll be your own personal X-File, following you and William around for the rest of your days. Won't the other Feds be jealous?" I had said it lightly, intending it as a joke. At the time neither one of us found it amusing. Now after all I've learned it's the closest thing I've got to hope. Because despite what Scully once told me, I believe some people don't get a happy ending. Not in this life anyway. Maybe not in any of the others. I think the best some people can hope for is a lifetime of haunting the ones they love. That and a bag of sunflower seeds. You can always hope for sunflower seeds.