From: "E. D." Date: Tue, 05 Mar 2002 18:47:25 +0000 Subject: xfc: Broken dishes (1/1), PG-13, by E.D. Source: xfc TITLE: Broken Dishes (1/1) AUTHOR: E.D. RATING: PG-13 for language CATEGORY: MSR KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully romance SPOILERS: none that I can think of SUMMARY: Mulder finally acts on his feelings once his dreams make it impossible not to. ARCHIVE: anywhere, just try to let me know. FEEDBACK: enigmatic76@hotmail.com DISCLAIMER: No ownership, no profit. BROKEN DISHES Unable to sleep, he stood at the bedroom doorway, looking in.  The warm light from the bedside lamp shone across the bed, revealing her bright hair tangled across the pillow.  She looked so peaceful, curled up, with the covers around her shoulders. He took a last drink of water and padded across the carpet to his side of the bed.  Setting the glass down quietly, he slipped under the covers. Being in bed with her after she had fallen asleep was his favorite place and time in the world.  He knew it would probably be another hour or so before he would get back to sleep; he normally spent that time watching her sleep and relishing the feeling of her soft skin next to his.  He pressed his bare chest against her back and curled around her. Her skin warmed his body -- her presence warmed his heart.  He couldn't keep a silly grin from forming. He felt the heat radiating from his chest, down his arms and legs.  His right arm traced around her waist, and he spent the next few minutes lightly kissing her shoulder, being careful not to wake her. The light from the lamp cast his shadow over her, but to him, her skin appeared to glow.  He clicked off the lamp, leaving the room in darkness.  The moon cast a shadow of the trees outside the window across the floor. He was nearly asleep, slowly breathing in the scent of her shampoo, when she quickly turned.  He was jolted awake, but he was able to scoot back to make room for her to turn over.  Still mostly asleep, she brushed his chest with her hand.  Finding him there, she moved to put her head on his chest and her leg over his.  Her hand moved to wrap around his waist. He looked down over her head where it rested on his chest.  Looking further, into the shadows, down her shoulders and back, he reveled in the fact that they were together, that she trusted him enough to allow him into her bed. Ever-paranoid, he thought something must be wrong. His mind quickly catalogued the surroundings as he had seen them moments earlier - her spare, yet comfortable bedroom, the open door leading to the living room, the thick carpet, the basket full of their folded clothes, and the window cracked open to let in the cool fall air. Everything was perfect - he couldn't believe that he had found himself in such an ideal situation.  He thought back over the time that they knew each other. When they met, he noticed.  For the first time in a long time, he wanted someone around him.  Most people were buzzing flies, things to be ignored in the hopes that they would go away and bother someone else.  He liked to remain singularly focused -- no distractions.  Although he put up a front with her initially, even tried to push her away, her loyalty made it impossible for him not to let her in. The love he had for her had grown steadily over time -- now it spread warmth throughout his consciousness whenever he thought about her.  Some of the thoughts he had while they worked were a distraction, but he welcomed them after being alone for so long.  Now they shared everything. He actually felt happy.  For now, he didn't want to think about anything besides being here with her. As one hand traced aimlessly over the small of her back, he shifted over to make sure the alarm was set, stretching to reach the switch.  He stifled a gasp as his hand brushed the water glass... "Shit!" Mulder gasped as his right arm hit something hard.  His eyes went wide as his arm struck the back of the sofa.  The remote hit the ground, breaking open and ejecting the batteries, which of course rolled across the floor and under his desk. <> He sat up and rubbed his face, feeling the stubble scrape his palms, then opened his eyes.  His apartment smelled dusty and was dark except for the slivers of late-afternoon light crossing the floor. He was still in his clothes, but his shoes were across the room on a huge stack of files.  His suitcase was still zipped, sitting next to the door. The VCR clock read 5:30.  He swung his legs around and felt the catch in his chest. Lately, his dreams had the same theme - falling asleep with Scully.  Each was a little different, but the warm feeling was always the same.  Now that warmth was being quickly drained, replaced by a dull ache in the pit of his stomach.  Most of the time, he didn't notice the ache there, but when his mind wandered, regret was all he felt. He knew this feeling well.  Knots formed in his stomach as he rolled over all of the things he should have said.  So many times he had looked into her eyes -- over lunch, in utter frustration after arguing over the points of a case, while handing her a cup of coffee in the morning -- and been struck dumb. Even with a clear head, he was completely unable to put these feelings of warmth, adoration, and security into something that didn't sound like the worst pick-up line ever spoken.  Most times, he spoke without thinking and left an innuendo hanging in the air. There had been brief moments when he sensed she felt the same way, but they had all passed too quickly for him to wise up and get serious.  Over the past few months, he had debated whether he should ever tell her, and finally he concluded that the pain of her rejection would be more debilitating than not knowing for sure. Once he thought his decision had been made, the pleasant dreams of what could be began to replay in his head, becoming more and more consuming. This last dream tipped the scales -- he had to know how she felt about him. After years of wondering and waiting, he was a man on a mission.  The urge to find out was overwhelming. <> It was a Saturday afternoon.  It had been a long week, which was the only reason he had fallen asleep in the middle of the afternoon.  He quickly dialed her number, and waited nervously, trying to steady his breathing. "Hello?" He tried to imagine her - cradling the phone with an exasperated look on her face, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Hi Scully..whatcha up to?" He prayed that she was hungry. "Not much..just finished unpacking and getting ready to clean up around here.  It's a disaster area." He rolled his eyes.  "Scully, I'm sure your place is cleaner now than mine ever has been." "Probably Mulder, then again your place should be declared a SuperFund site. He laughed a little too loudly, then jumped in. "Have you had dinner?  I was hoping that we could go over.. the chemical analysis of that residue we found on the third body..." <> "Sure, sure, Mulder."  He could practically see the wave of her hand trying to stave off the barrage of paranormal explanations he knew she expected.  "I guess I'm up for dinner, or I will be by the time you get here.  Can you pick something up, because I haven't been grocery shopping yet." "Sure.  I'll be over soon." Mulder stood for a moment holding the phone after she hung up.  His heart began to race and his face flushed so quickly that he could feel the heat rise off his cheeks. <> Mulder stood in front of her apartment door and realized he hadn't thought at all about what he was going to say when the opportunity presented itself. All he knew was that he HAD to tell her tonight.  He had rushed over so quickly that he hadn't had time to rehearse anything besides "I love you".  Now it was too late - he was standing there waiting for her to come to the door, holding two paper bags full of Chinese food and trying to mask the feelings that he knew he couldn't hold back much longer. The door clicked open and, as usual, he was taken back.  Scully was wearing a light gray V-neck sweater and a beat-up pair of jeans.  She must have been about to clean, because she wasn't wearing any makeup and her hair was wavy and fell across her cheek. "Come on in."  She closed the door behind them and threw the deadbolt.  He set the food down on the kitchen table, took his jacket off, laid it over the back of the chair, and braced himself.  He turned around, ready to lay his heart on the table. Then he saw her coming into the kitchen, licking her lips... <> "That smells great, what did you get?" "Beef and broccoli, General Tso's chicken, and Chinese vegetables.  Oh, and some steamed rice and egg rolls. " <> "Great.  I haven't had anything since the 'snack' on the flight this morning." He studied her as she pulled plates and glasses out of the dishdrainer.   He fought the urge to reach over and touch her back by rooting around for some forks and napkins. They sat down together at the table in the kitchen. When she pulled her hair behind her ear and began dishing out the food, he realized he had been holding his breath.  He exhaled slowly, but it sounded like a sigh. "Not get enough rice Mulder?"  She looked at him, smiling over the fairly large plate of food as she held it out for him. "No, that's plenty, thanks."  He attempted a smile and waited until she was seated before he began eating his egg roll. As she finished her first bite, she flipped open the reports from the case and started in on the lab results. "Well, Mulder, it looks like..." He looked over at her, engrossed in the lab report. He had stopped listening and just looked, watching one hand flip through the thick file and the other holding her chopsticks.  Sitting there, in her own kitchen, she looked younger, more vulnerable, than she ever had at the office.  He smiled, thinking of all of the times she'd kicked someone's ass. <> He barely noticed that he had cleaned his plate and not heard a single word. "Damnit, Mulder, have you heard one word I've said?" she said sharply as she closed the file folder. "What?" "Exactly." He looked over and saw that her plate was also empty and that the contents of the casefile were spread over her side of the table.  Feeling a little guilty, he glanced up at her and caught her eyes. Time seemed to stop and everything but her face went out of focus.  Her eyes took his breath away. <> <> "All right, I guess we can go over this again later. Let's clean up." He jumped up and grabbed the dishes.  He could feel his heart racing.  "I'll get that." <> "Wait, let me clear out the dishdrainer first."  She accidentally brushed her hand across his back as she moved in front of the counter.  Her light touch spurred him on.  He looked down at the dishes, and took a deep breath to try to slow his racing pulse. <> "Scully, I have to tell you something.  We've been through so much together and you may not have noticed, but you're my best friend, no, more than that, although it probably sounds pathetic, you know me better than anyone.  I think about you all the time, in fact I was watching you while I should have been listening to the lab results...that happens a lot...anyway, I know it's against protocol, but when have I really paid attention to that anyway, right?...I just wanted you to know.. I mean, what I'm trying to say is...Scully...I love you..." <> He exhaled in a loud whoosh, then turned toward the door, ready to bolt for the nearest large rock to crawl under when he was startled by a loud crash. "Scully?" He looked over his shoulder and saw her crouching. It took a few moments for him to realize what had happened. She was staring at the floor and shaking her head. He looked down to see the remnants of probably half of her dishes.  White shards covered the kitchen floor, punctuated by a single mug handle, but most of the pieces were already in a large pile under Scully's knees. Scrape.. scrape.. scrape.  He saw her using her hands to gather up the large pieces.  Slowly, he crouched down next to her and started studying the knobs on the cabinets.  He could feel tears coming. <> The sinking feeling in his stomach was spreading and he could feel his throat closing up.  He renewed his focus on the knobs in order to keep from losing it completely. Once her movements stopped, he took another deep breath and let it out with a shudder. "I'm sorry."  It came out as a whisper, and he hoped she heard it.  "I don't know what I was thinking.. I guess I wasn't thinking.  I was being selfish, again.  Now I know I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry about your dishes Scully -- I'll replace them." Nothing. "Scully, you don't have to say anything.. I know what the answer is going to be." He hoped for a laugh, or even a snort, but got nothing.  Now he was worried.  He stole a glance, but her hair wasn't giving up any secrets.  In fact, he noticed that she also was focused on the cabinets and not moving at all. He just stared at her hair a few inches away. Dejected, he realized that this might be the closest he'd be to her for quite a while.  He took a deep breath, and smelled her shampoo, just like he had in his latest dream. "Scully?  I think I'm going to go now."  His eyes were welling up and he knew he had about thirty seconds before the blackness overwhelmed him. Her hand reached for his as she stood up quickly, pulling him with her.  He closed his eyes and faced her. <> "Mulder?" She had barely choked it out.  Then a sniffle.  He opened his eyes and his heart broke. Her face was a mask, revealing nothing except wide trails of tears on her flushed cheeks.  Her lips were drawn into a line. Her tears were collecting in large droplets on her chin.  To him, her eyes seemed even more blue, glossed over with a thick layer of tears.  She blinked - a fresh set of tears rolled down her cheeks.  He wanted nothing more than to reach across and wipe her tears away. He couldn't bear to look any longer and he couldn't hold back his own tears.  Instead he looked at her sneakers which were speckled with dust from the dishes. <> He felt cold hands on his cheeks and didn't resist when she tipped his head up to meet her eyes. He thought he saw pity, then she smiled.. "Mulder, thank you for telling me.. I hope you know that .. "Wait, don't say it.  I don't want to be let down gently.  Slap me, yell, be brutal, do something to make me hate you PLEASE.  I don't WANT to love you if it's going to cause problems between us."  He was on a roll now.  "Just don't tell me that 'we can still be friends'.  I.." Her fingers rested lightly on his lips, silencing him.  "Mulder, shut up.  I love you.  And I have for a long time." As he stepped toward her, the knots in his stomach fell away.  He reached out and slipped one hand under her head and with the other hand gently pulled her closer.  Mulder leaned down until his lips were nearly touching hers.  His self-doubt took over. "Say it again", he whispered as he began to move closer.  A warm feeling washed over him when she smiled and he realized she would repeat herself for his sake. As his lips barely brushed hers, he realized that being in her kitchen standing over a pile of broken dishes, feeling her lips declare her love was a dream come true. END - - - Author's notes: This story is loosely based on events in my own life, with myself as Mulder and the high school boy/man of my dreams as Scully.  The dishes and angst are real, the happy ending, unfortunately, is not. This is my first fanfic, feedback would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks to my beta, bjh.