From: Dogg N Scull Date: 28 Nov 2002 06:52:41 -0800 Subject: [all-xf] NEW: Broken Spell 1/1 - MSR, DSF Source: atxc TITLE: Broken Spell 1/1 AUTHOR: Dogg'N'Scull E-MAIL: thorfinna@sympatico.ca SPOILERS: Up to Mulder's return in season 8 RATING: PG-13 for one or two bad words CLASSIFICATION: Vignette, MSR, DSF, Scully angst DISCLAIMER: Do I even need to say it? None of `em are mine, I'm not makin' any money from `em, and I ain't got none to be sued for... SUMMERY: The Mulder that Scully fell in love with finally returns FEEDBACK: Is extremely welcome, naturally... Broken Spell By Dogg'N'Scull ------------------------- The halls of the Hoover building were deserted as Doggett made his way down to the basement. It was after eleven-thirty, but he'd been unable to get to sleep. So, somehow, he'd found himself driving aimlessly, feeling restless, and had decided to go into the office. *His* office. Mulder's. He didn't know what to think about that, now that Mulder was back. Yeah, from the dead like some vampire. He was one of his own X-Files. Again. He was surprised to see the door ajar and a light on when he got there. He figured it was probably Mulder, and hesitated at the door, unsure if he wanted to go through this now. Their first meeting had been less than spectacular. He'd been more surprised than angry at first, but he'd only take so much, no matter what Mulder'd been through. Better sooner than later, he thought, and walked in. But it wasn't Mulder sitting behind the desk. It was Scully. She hadn't heard him, and was sitting with her back to him, her shoulders slumped and head bowed. "Agent Scully?" he asked, concerned. "What're you doin' here?" She stiffened at his voice, wiping at her cheeks before turning to face him. "Agent Doggett... I, ah... I wasn't expecting you," she stammered. Doggett frowned as he took in her reddened eyes, evidence that she'd been crying. "I couldn't sleep," he shrugged, raising an eyebrow as he waited for her to continue. She nodded, her eyes flicking down to the desk, away from his gaze. "Me neither," she whispered. Doggett nodded in return, moving to sit on the edge of the desk. He waited quietly, having learned not to push her, but she remained silent, avoiding his stare. Finally, he spoke. "Agen..." he started, but stopped, and dropped the formality. "Dana. What's goin' on? Why're you here at," he checked his watch, "at a quarter to twelve at night?" he pried gently. She opened her mouth to reply, but said nothing, struggling against the urge to cry. Her breath hitched as she squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears. What the hell? he wondered. Why was she so upset? Now that Mulder was back, he thought she'd have been happy. He slid off the desk and crouched down in front of her, trying to get a look at her face. He reached out, laying his hand on her shoulder, offering what little comfort he could, knowing she wouldn't allow more. "Did somethin' happen?" he pressed again. She laughed, a bitter sound. "Nothing's happened. That's the point," she muttered. "You've lost me, here," he said. She swallowed, finally meeting his eyes. "I feel like I don't even know him anymore," she said, sadly, a tear escaping to run down her cheek. "Mulder..." he stated and she nodded. "It's like we're farther apart now than we were when he was missing. And I don't know what to do... I don't know how to reach him." "Scully, you've gotta give him some time..." She pushed away from him and stood, kneading her forehead in frustration. "I know, I *know*... I know what he's been through is terrible, and I know he's disorientated, but..." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "What?" Doggett urged her to continue. She turned back to him. "He's... he's acting like... it's like he's two completely different people. I don't understand... He's the same as he ever was with everyone else, and he's completely closed off to me. He's shutting me out." "I'm sure he's just..." Dogget started, but Scully cut him off. "He hasn't even touched me. He... he hugged Frohike, with the biggest smile I've seen on his face yet, and he hasn't even *touched* me.... It's like... he's deliberately distancing himself." Doggett considered for a moment before continuing. "Maybe he's just afraid. Maybe he needs to know that you, you know... to know how you feel." She shook her head. "I've been more honest with him about my feelings in the last 48 hours than I have in the last 8 years, John," she said softly, surprising herself with the use of his first name. But then, this conversation was anything but professional. Doggett nodded, "Well, maybe that's a part of it. Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with that. I mean, he's lost his balance; his equilibrium is all outta whack. Nothin's the same. Not even you." Scully drew in a sharp breath. "Not even me," she said painfully. He reached out and smoothed her arms gently. "So he's gotta try and get used to that. I think you just need to give him some time," he said softly. "Time is not something I have a lot of anymore," she said, placing her hand over her abdomen. He nodded. "What did he say about the baby? He must've been happy about that?" Doggett asked. She turned away, her face contorting as she fought off another flood of tears. "He said... he told me that he doesn't know where he fits anymore... he sat there and said he was really happy for me, and that.... and that he knew how much it meant to *me*... but that he doesn't know where he fits in my life..." Doggett looked at her, incredulous. "But he knows that he's..." She shook her head, and he fell silent. "He hasn't even asked. I think... I think he thinks it's someone else's. And I can't believe... I can't believe he could think that," she trailed off in a whisper, her tears flowing freely now. "It hurt too much... I couldn't tell him." "Dana..." he said, his voice full of sympathy. He turned her to him and was stunned when she leaned into him, burying her face in his shoulder. He brought his arms up around her, holding her loosely, smoothing her hair as she cried. It was a testament of how much had changed in their partnership over the last year. To have her trust him enough to let her barriers down in front of him, to actually accept his comfort... "Am I interrupting something?" John turned to see Mulder standing in the doorway as he heard Scully gasp. He stared back at them, coldly, his jaw clenched tight. Scully cleared her throat roughly, pulling away from Doggett. "What are you doing here, Mulder?" she asked him, wiping at the wetness on her face. "Something tells me that should be my line," he said, his eyes narrowing. "Just what *are* you doing here, Scully?" he said, a sneer in his voice. Scully's eyes widened in shock, and then her lips pressed closed in an angry line. "You're way off here, Agent Mulder," Doggett said, trying to disperse some of the tension he could feel building in the room. Mulder barely moved his stare from Scully's face over to Doggett. He blinked once and with a dismissive glance, turned his eyes back to his pregnant partner. "Couldn't even wait for the body to get cold, eh Scully? Or I guess it's warm, in my case." "Mulder..." Mulder shook his head in disgust and turned his back on her, storming out of the office. One look at Scully's hurt expression and Doggett was steaming out of the office after him, full o incredulous anger. "Agent Mulder!" Doggett yelled. Mulder turned, his expression hard as Doggett strode towards him. "What the hell's the matter with you?" "I don't know what you're talking about, Agent Doggett," Mulder said, and continued on down the hall. Doggett caught up with him. "You just about tore her heart out back there..."he said as he stepped in front of the other agent. Mulder stared back at him, his expression blank. "Scully'll be fine," he said, turning away. Doggett caught him by the arm but he pulled himself from Doggett's grasp and spun on him. "I said she's fine." Doggett grabbed Mulder by the collar and shoved him against the wall, hard "She's not fine! She love's you and you're hurtin' her. She's carrying your child, for Christ's sake!" he yelled. "Agent Doggett!" Scully called out harshly, stepping into the hallway. He turned and as she approached, he let go of Mulder, his hands going to his hips. Mulder stared open-mouthed at her, confusion playing over his features. "What?" Mulder whispered. "Mulder..." Scully started. "It's mine?" he asked, his voice small, hopeful. "Of course it's yours, you stupid son of a...," started Doggett, but Scully's hand on his shoulder halted him. "John," she said, her eyes pleading. A moment of silent communication passed between them, then he sighed and with one last glare at Mulder, seemed to surrender. "You'll be okay?" "I'll be okay," she said. "You call me, if you need anything," he said, gruffly. "I will," she said, with a nod that he echoed. She squeezed his forearm gently. "Thank-you." He nodded again, and then left them alone, standing in the hallway. Scully turned back to Mulder, her anger warring with her hurt. "Scully, I..." he stammered, his mouth gaping. "How could you?" she said, her voice low and dangerous. "How... Damnit, Mulder!" she shouted, anger winning out. "How could you think that I would... that I could *ever* have done this with someone else?!!" she asked, furious as she placed her hands protectively against her belly. For the first time since he'd been back, she saw a flicker of something across his face. Emotion seemed to flood over him suddenly, his eyes holding such remorse and sorrow she had to look away. She didn't want to forgive him so easily, even though she was already rationalizing his behaviour, understanding his point of view. Based on his past, she'd actually be surprised if he'd thought anything else. But, damnit, he should know her better than that by now! "Scully," he tried again, reaching for her, but she stepped away from him, away from the touch she'd been longing for but couldn't bear now. He sighed, letting his hand fall to his side. "Scully, the last I knew, the IVF had failed, and you didn't have any more chances..." She hugged her arms around herself, her eyes closed. "And then I come back, and you're pregnant... You know I'm.... Scully, you know how fucked up I am. I jumped to the obvious conclusion that--" "It was the wrong conclusion," she cut him off, her voice still laced with anger. "I know. I know... and I'm sorry. I..." he reached for her again, taking her by the shoulders so she would face him. "I'm so scared that you're going to wake up some day, Scully, and realize that I'm not worth it. You deserve so much better... and sometimes it seems like anything would be better than letting that happen, even if it means I push you away myself." "Mulder," she said, fighting the frustrated incredulity she felt. "All that I deserve, all that I want, is to be happy. You. Make. Me. Happy," she said, punctuating every word as she met his eyes at last, trying desperately to drive the truth home. She gave him a sad smile, one that begged him to believe her. "That's all I want," she whispered, taking his face between her palms, gently. He started to shake his head, but she stilled him with her hands. "Please, Mulder, just stop. Stop telling yourself you're not worth my love. I *need* you to believe me. I need you, and I love you, so it doesn't matter what you think anyway. I just need you to love *me*," she pleaded. "God, Scully, I do. I *do*," he whispered fiercely. "But..." Scully closed her eyes in pain. "But..." she whispered sadly. She tried to pull back, but he followed quickly, keeping him within his arms. "Scully, I don't know what that means," he tried to explain. She opened her eyes, staring up at him in shock. She opened her mouth to respond but he went on before you could get a word out. "I don't know what that means you want, from me. I need you to tell me, Scully. I need to know exactly what you want to happen here." He held her gaze earnestly. Something seemed to clear in her eyes, and she took in a deep breath, knowing that she had to put her fears behind her, that she had to tell him everything she hoped for the two of them or it was never going to happen. Still, it took her a moment before she could start. But, finally, she laid herself bare, letting him see everything that she had been holding back since his return. "Mulder, I want everything that this entails," she said, indicating her pregnancy and the two of them standing together. "I want you to be the father of my child in more than just name. I want to share every moment of his or her life with you. I want to share *my* life with you. I can't bear the thought that when I wake up tomorrow, you wont be there. I've had to live that, Mulder. I can't do it again. I don't want this life if its not with you. I want to love you. I want us to love each other, and our child. I just want you to believe that I want you," she said, trailing off sadly. "But if you can't give me that, then I want whatever you can give me. I need you to be a part of my life, in whatever way you can. Just don't shut me out." He said nothing for a long while, his face giving no indication of what was turning in his mind. Scully felt her chest constrict tightly, tears threatening again as he remained silent. "Are you talking marriage, then?" he asked finally, his face impassive. She shrugged, heavy-hearted, unable to meet his eyes. "No... or.. Maybe... Not necessarily, I... I don't know," she sighed. Her chin began to tremble as the urge to cry was quickly becoming more than she could withstand. "I think we should live together, first," said Mulder, casually. "I know you're mother may not approve," he continued as she slowly looked up at him, a smile working at the corner of his lips, "and God knows your brother will probably blow a gasket, but I'm sure we can deal with that. Your place would probably be better, it's bigger. Mine doesn't really feel like home much anymore, anyway..." he went on, his face lighting up with a full fledged smile as she stared at him in slowly dawning hope. "Besides, you've got the extra room, that should work for Jr..." "Mulder..." Scully started, breathing hard. He took her face between his hands as she struggled for words. "Scully," he said, growing serious. "I want to be everything you want me to be. I want to be able to wake up with you every morning, and to fall asleep next to you every night. I want to have a family." "Mulder..." she said, her voice hitching. Tears streamed down her cheeks freely. He smoothed them away with his thumbs and leaned in, his lips nearly touching hers. "I love you, Scully," he said, and kissed her, swallowing her joy- filled sob. She cradled his face, running her fingers through his hair, over his chin; touching him. "Oh God, I love you, Mulder," she said between their kisses. "..so much... I love you so much..." she murmured through her tears, her body trembling. Mulder pulled her to him tightly, finally feeling a spark of warmth begin to burn within him, and he marvelled at the strange feeling of sheer happiness that was swelling around him. "We're gonna have a baby," he said with wonder. She nodded. "Yes, we are," she agreed, her face streaked with tears, her smile blindingly happy. ----- "So, you're not having a thing on the side with this Doggett guy?" he said as they walked back to their office. "Mulder!" she started and then realized he was teasing her. She shook her head ruefully. "He's a good Agent, Mulder. A good man. You should give him a chance. He's not working under any agenda. He's watched my back, and he's saved my life. He's a good partner," she said, seriously. Mulder nodded. "I know, Scully. You trust him. And if you trust him, I'll trust him," he said, simply. She drew in a deep breath. "Thank-you, Mulder," she said. He shook his head. "No, Scully, I should be thanking you. You saved me. Again. You kept the X-Files open, waiting for my return. You never gave up on me. You did it all carrying my baby. You've given me more than I've ever deserved," he said. "I've only given you what we both deserve, Mulder," she said as they reached the door. They stood before it together. Scully walked through the door and turned, holding out her hand for him to follow. "Welcome home, Mulder," she said. -----------------------------------------------------