From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 16 Dec 2002 23:04:09 -0000
Subject: ...But He Was Me by XFKirs
Source: direct

Reply To: jennascully1013@yahoo.com


Title: ...But He Was Me
Author: XFKirs
Rating: PG-13 for some language and sexuality
Classification: MSR....obviously!
Spoilers: Small Potatoes (Post-Ep)
Summary: It finally hits Mulder what
he saw taking place in Scully's apartment between she and Eddie
Van Blundht. There are some things that need some clearing up...
Disclaimer: The X-Files are not mine. Neither are the characters
of Mulder and Scully. This is for entertainment only. I am making
no money out of this so don't sue me.
Archive: Just let me know where please
Feedback: Please!!!! jennascully1013@yahoo.com


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  What a day!, Mulder thought as he lay own on his couch. After all,
it isn't every day you investigate a guy with a vestigial tail who can
appear as anyone, and by doing so, goes around impregnating women who
then give birth to babies with tails!


  At least Eddie Van Blundht, with a silent "h", Mulder thought to
himself condescendingly, was now safely in custody and behind bars.
Just thinking that Scully had been his next target made him shiver.
Luckily, he had gotten to her apartment just in time though; just
before she was going to--


  Mulder bolted upright on the couch as the magnitude of his thought
finally hit him. Scully had been about to kiss Eddie, yes, but to her
he had appeared as Mulder. Scully had thought that Eddie was *him*.
And she had been about to.....


  Mulder stood up and headed quickly out the door. There were some
things that needed some clearing up.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Scully awoke at 2AM to the sound of urgent and insistent knocking on
her door. It had to be Mulder. No one else would come unexpectedly at
this hour. But if he was here about taking off on some new case, so
help her God....


  She put on her silk robe and headed to the door. She looked through
the peephole to find that it was indeed Mulder. Something seemed
strange, though. As if this was no ordinary visit. Somehow he
looked.....different. She opened the door and asked him, "Mulder, is
everything OK?"


  He replied hesitantly, "I don't know." He sounded very...confused.


  "OK," she said, not quite sure how to respond to that. She was
expecting something more along the lines of 'I'm fine, Scully.'


  "Well, come on in, Mulder. Do you want to tell me what's going on?"


  He walked in and she shut the door behind him. He sat down on the
couch and she joined him, turning on the lamp beside it as she sat
down herself. Mulder was staring straight ahead. She was about to
touch his arm when he suddenly snapped out of his thoughts and asked
her, "What did you talk about?"


  It wasn't said as a demand. It seemed more like curiosity. "What?"
Scully asked. What the hell was he talking about?


  He repeated himself, more slowly this time. "What did you talk about
with him?"


  Then she understood. Duh, Dana, she mentally slapped herself. He had
walked in that evening when she had been about to
kiss,...well,...*him*. She had been about to kiss who had looked liked
Mulder but had really been Eddie Van Blundht. Now, Mulder was tearing
himself apart trying to figure out why she had been ready and willing
to kiss someone who had appeared to her as the man who had only been
her partner and friend for the last four years.


  "Well, we talked about my prom night actually."


  "Your prom night?"


  "Yeah. He came in here and asked me what was stopping us from really
talking and the next thing I knew we were having champagne with a fire
in the fireplace and I was telling him all the ridiculous details of
my twelfth grade prom."


  "And then...." Mulder urged.


  "And then,....we talked about life a little bit and whether we would
change any decisions we had made.....and I think you know what
happened, or almost happened next, Mulder."


  "Yeah, I saw that part.....Scully, you thought he was me."


  "Yeah, I did Mulder."


  "And you were going to let him, or me, kiss you?"


  Scully wasn't sure what to say. It was like he knew something about
the way she felt about him now and it made her feel very vulnerable.
But who was she kidding here? This was Mulder. She trusted him with
her life every day. Why not trust him just a little with her heart?


  "I was. Yeah, I was going to let him kiss me, Mulder."


  Hell, she had gone this far. Why not just say it?


  She continued, "And do you want to know why?"


  He nodded the affirmative. He anxiously awaited her answer.


  She took a deep breath. "He was being the side of you that I've
always wanted to see. The side of you that I know is there, but for
the same reasons as I have, you have always kept hidden. We have a
wonderful partnership and an even deeper and more meaningful
friendship. I'm sure that we both have the same concerns. Concerns
that if we were to get involved, it would destroy the partnership and
the friendship, which is something that neither of us would want to
risk. Not to mention the danger that would be inevitable if it were to
happen if certain people found out. Also, even though I knew that I
had feelings for you, I had no way at all of knowing what you felt.
We've been throwing the innuendoes back and forth since day one, but
since we never have gone beyond that, it's hard to tell. So I guess
when he, or you, made that first move, I wasn't afraid to hold back
anymore. I've always wanted to have something more with you, Mulder.
Tonight I was able to do that."


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Mulder could not believe his ears. Scully had basically just said
flat out that she wanted a romantic relationship with him. That she
always had. Was he reading this into her words or had she really meant
it? He wasn't sure what to do next. There was a long silence between
them. He wanted to think this through first so that he could say it
right.


  "Scully,....I know exactly how you feel about the danger and losing
what we have. I never wanted to risk the partnership and friendship we
have just because of my selfish feelings.  Like you, I wasn't sure how
you felt about me. I guess that has to do with the virtual
noncommunication beyond the work. If I had ever been sure that you
wanted things between us to be that way, then I would have done it in
an instant. But I didn't know. I wished for it all the time but I
would never want to sacrifice our friendship over something that
wasn't desired by both of us and that both of us weren't prepared to
deal with the effects of."


  "And now?" she asked.


  "Now I do know," he replied. "We both know."


  Mulder watched her eyes light up and a smile grow on her face. She
looked so beautiful. He had never seen her look so radiant. He loved
her so much. He didn't want to wait any longer. He had waited four
years to get to this moment. He was going to make his move- now.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Scully was in the exact same situation as she had been a few hours
before with Eddie Van Blundht. Here was Mulder, leaning in to kiss
her. Oh my God, she thought. Is it real this time? Is this really
Mulder? It had to be. She couldn't possibly be *that* unlucky!


  She wanted it to be so badly. This time, though, she wasn't only
going to be on the receiving end of this gesture. This was going to be
a reciprocated action. They had just revealed to each other in not so
many words that they loved each other and had for years but never knew
if the other could share the same love. That was how their
relationship had always been. They knew the hidden meaning of words.
They never needed to spell things out for each other for the message
to be received.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  He started to lean towards her and she began leaning in as well.
Then, in a moment that they had been building towards for four long
years, their lips finally met. There was a spark between them like
electricity. He had expected as much with the obvious chemistry
between the two of them and the amazing and unique bond they shared.
However, he had never imagined it to be like this. It was absolutely
breathtaking.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Scully couldn't put the feeling into words. It was beyond words,
literally. She was kissing Mulder, the man she had loved for four
years. She had only dreamed of this. Never had she actually believed
that one day it would become a reality. But it was. This was real. She
felt more alive than she ever had in her entire life.


  For once, it was just the two of them. They were together. They were
alone. And they were kissing. It was amazing, to say the least. It was
passionate and deep. It was four years of pent-up emotion finally
being released all in one instantaneous yet neverending moment. She
didn't want it to end. But it had to.


As they pulled away from each other, she wasn't sure what would come
next. Luckily, Mulder settled that matter for her.


  "Well, its late Scully, and I woke you up as it is. I'm going to
head home. But I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" he said.


  She paused at his last sentence. Her brow furrowed. "Mulder, we
don't work tomorrow. Tomorrow's Saturday." she replied.


  He grinned. "I know that."


  Oh my God. He was certainly ready to move things fast now! But she
liked it. She had been waiting for it and now it was here. Plus, she
couldn't say no to him as it was before, much less now.  At first she
couldn't find the words to speak. After a few moments had passed, she
finally replied.


  "Ok, Mulder. I'll see you tomorrow, then," she agreed casually.
Inside, she was screaming with delight.


  They both rose and walked to the door. Mulder turned back to face
her.


  "Goodnight, Scully," he said gently. Then he leaned down and kissed
her cheek. Before pulling away he whispered into her ear, "In case you
didn't know, I love you, Scully." It took everything she had not to
shiver outright.


  "Goodnight, Mulder." He started to walk away, his shoulders slumped.
She couldn't figure out why until she realized that she hadn't said it
back. God, she was being such an idiot tonight.

   "Mulder!" she cried. He turned around, a flicker of hope on his
face.

   "I love you too. I always have."

   His face broke into a wide, toothy grin. He quickly walked back to
her and gave her a fierce, passionate kiss again. When they pulled
apart, they both smiled. Without another word, he walked out the door.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Mulder entered the elevator. As the door closed he leaned against
the wall. They had done it, he thought. They had finally gotten passed
the single barrier between them. However, they would have to be very
careful about moving forward with this new side of their relationship.
It would be a new experience for them, but if anyone could get through
it, it was the two of them.

  Then, Mulder left Scully's building and got into his car. He headed
back home to his apartment. He let it sink in that what had just
happened with Scully was real. A smile grew across his face.

   "Scully loves me," he said aloud. "Fuck me!" He thought about what
laid ahead of them in their future together and his smile grew even
more.


X-------X-------X-------X-------X

  Scully closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Had that
really just happened? Well, one thing was for sure, things were
definitely going to be different from now on. But change can be a good
thing, she thought happily.


  And even then, their feelings had not changed at all from what they
had been a few hours ago. When she thought about it, they had even
been mistaken as a married couple earlier that week at the fertility
clinic. They had shared in grief, suffering, triumph, and joy
together. In essence, they had been married for a long time, at least
in their hearts.


  She walked back to her bedroom and hung her robe on the hook next to
the door. She climbed into her bed and buried herself snugly under the
covers. As she drifted off to sleep, she thought about everything that
had happened, and anxiously awaited the future.

Author's Notes: So I wrote this about two years ago and I'm finally
getting around to posting it. This is like the 5th fic I post but it
is actually the first one I wrote. Be lenient. :)