From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 14:43:52 +1100 Subject: xfc: NEW: A Butterfly in China (Part 6 of 10) Source: xfc From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" A Butterfly in China By Nicknoc (nicknoc@hotmail.com) Part 6 of 10 The Red Parrot 11.30pm On the way to the nightclub Mulder briefed Scully on what the Lone Gunmen had found. Or rather *who* the Lone Gunmen had found. They had put a message out to their various contacts that they needed information on alternate universes. It was a long shot, but they'd come up short everywhere else, and as it turned out, it paid. Someone had contacted them by email. Byers had been excited when explaining to Mulder who this person was. Drew Sanderson, 19 years old and apparently a genius, was well known to many of the Lone Gunmen's contacts. Although when Mulder has asked why he was considered to be a genius, Byers was unable to say. He just kept repeating that according to his contacts, Drew had an insight into problems that went way beyond his years. And according to Drew's email, he had information that may be beneficial to Mulder and Scully. When they reached the nightclub, they checked in their jackets before pushing their way through the crush of people. Mulder tugged at Scully's t-shirt and indicated the balcony on the level above. She nodded and looked around to find the stairs. When they had found a place pressed up against the balcony and overlooking the stage, Mulder squeezed back through the swirling mass of people to get them a drink. Scully looked after him with amusement. He had said nothing about finding her in Fox's arms, but he hadn't been able to hide his annoyance and what appeared to Scully to be jealousy. On his return he found Scully engaged in conversation with someone who looked at least a decade younger than her. He paused to watch her as she laughed at something he said, noticing how the tight skirt showed off her hips and bottom. No wonder she had him drooling over her. He walked over and cut in, muttering to her admirer, "Hand's off. Go find someone your own age, kid." Scully shook her head at him and took the drink he offered. Pressing up on her toes she said close to his ear, "There was no need for that Mulder - he was sweet." "Sweet my ass, Scully. If I'd waited any longer he would have had you bent back over the balcony." She smirked at him. Jealous, Mulder? A screech of a speaker announced that the band was about to start and the crowd surged forward, pressing them up against the barrier. Mulder positioned himself behind Scully, partly so she wouldn't get crushed, and partly so nobody else would be rubbing up against her. If anyone was going to do that, it was going to be him. The music started without a word of introduction from the band members, and Mulder was surprised at how mellow it was. He'd been expecting thrash or something equally as horrible, but the music was funky and rather sultry. He was glad he'd checked in his jacket, as he was already starting to sweat. He wondered which band member they were meant to be meeting. Frankly, none of them looked like the genius Byers claimed. Another surge of people pushed him up against Scully, causing him to almost spill his drink on her. Tilting his head back he finished it off, leaning over to place the empty bottle on a nearby table. He placed both hands on either side of Scully against the waist level wooden balustrade she was leaning on and said into her ear, "Good music, huh?" She nodded, tilting her head back briefly to flash him a smile. She was moving in time to the music and seemed to be mesmerized by the sight of the band. Mulder chuckled to himself - it had been a while since either he or Scully had seen the inside of a nightclub, unless she had some double life he didn't know about. He felt Scully's bottom brush against his groin as her hips swayed. Whoa, that was an unexpected sensation. He tried to pull his body from hers, but the crush of people behind him prevented that. Scully's hips swayed persistently and he felt himself becoming erect. Shit. As the music picked up beat, so did her hips and he started to panic. A morning erection could be explained away, but this could not. He swallowed. She was bound to notice soon - in fact a part of him felt rather deflated that she had not done so already. He glanced down at her, but she appeared to be focussed solely on the band. Again her bottom brushed against his erection, this time more forcefully. Enough. Either she was totally oblivious to her surroundings or she was playing a dangerous game. Either way it had to stop, before he couldn't. He reached down and clamped her hips in his hands, causing them to still. She froze, and then still looking straight ahead moved her hips slowly, pressing her bottom directly into his groin. Fuuck. He grimaced with pleasure. She *was* playing a dangerous game, and it looked as if she didn't want to stop. Jeeesus Christ, this was fucking incredible. His gorgeous partner of 7 years was deliberately rubbing against his erection, slowly and sensually. He glanced down again at her profile, almost as if he needed to check that it *was* her. Her face betrayed nothing, her eyes fixed on the band, her lips wrapped around the straw of her drink. In fact her face was so impassive that for a second he wondered if her touch was accidental. Until she moved again, this time more firmly. She knew exactly what she was doing. His hands slip around to the front of her hips, his fingers splayed out across her stomach and hip bones. He pulled her slowly into him and gently thrust against her. "Scully," he breathed into her ear, unsure if she could even hear him above the music. Scully swallowed. She couldn't believe she had just done that. But when she'd felt his erection pressing against her lower back she had been taken by surprise by the waves of desire that had overcome her. As if her body was not her own, she had pressed back into it, and now his arms were wrapped around her and he was swaying to the music in rhythm with her. His hand slid slowly up her torso until it came to rest just under her breast. She stiffened slightly, but he made no move to go any higher. Relieved, she relaxed a little. They were just dancing. Nothing wrong with dancing - they'd done it before. Admittedly not quite as close as this, and she didn't recall an erection pushing into her back the last time. But it *was* crowded. So far they had done nothing that they could not step back from if they needed to. Until his thumb brushed lightly over the underneath of her breast, causing her to gasp. It must have been an accident, she thought hazily. He didn't mean to do that. Or that. She bit her lip to stop herself from moaning. She wasn't wearing a bra, and the heat of his thumb was burning into the sensitive flesh of her breast. Still, she could reason away his actions. He was caught up in the music, unaware of his thumb brushing lightly against her. It was an accident, or at the very least, it was something subtle enough to safely consider an accident. They were dancing like shaky tight rope walkers down *that* line, but they had not quite crossed it. Together they moved in a slow hypnotic rhythm, hips grinding together, sweat mingling through their t-shirts. Scully tilted her head back ever so slightly, although she still kept her eyes focussed on the stage below them and an impassive expression on her face. Mulder grinned. This was very Scully. Even through their slow seduction she was managing to appear cool, calm and collected. If anyone was watching them it would appear as if she was completely unaware of the drooling idiot draped all over her. Well he intended to change that. He bent his head down and whispered something about the music in her ear, making sure his lips grazed the delicate edge of her ear in the process. He felt a tiny tremor run through her body. Mental note: Scully has sensitive ears. He started whispering into her ear, saying anything at all just to maintain an excuse to keep his lips brushing her ear. He kept up a constant stream of inane comments on the people around them, the music, the band members, all the while aware that Scully's breathing was more rapid than usual and her head had tilted slightly to give him greater access to her ear. He smirked. She was enjoying this, even if she was pointedly staring at the band and pretending to ignore him. Feeling more daring, and determined to break down her barriers, his tongue flicked out and lightly licked her neck. Her skin was salty with sweat and her musky aroma was driving him wild. Scully stiffened and stopped moving to the music. Was that Mulder's tongue? It was such a light touch that she was unsure, but it felt wet and warm. A shiver ran through her body. No Dana, it couldn't be, she told herself. It must have been a drop of sweat landing on her neck. It was very hot and she could feel sweat beading between her breasts. That was it, she concluded. Sweat. Mulder was surprised. Scully hadn't reacted at all. For a cold, sinking moment he wondered if he was reading something into her body language that wasn't there at all. Maybe her brushing up against him *was* an accident. Maybe she had no attraction for him whatsoever. But then he thought about it. He had a huge hard-on pressing into her back, and she could definitely feel it and she was making no move away from it. She may be in serious denial, but she wanted this as badly as he did. He hoped. He knew Scully well enough to know that this would not be an easy leap for her to take. And he knew that if he didn't take her hand and force her to make the leap with him, it would probably never happen. Tonight he intended on making the leap. He ran his hands firmly back down her torso until they stopped at the front of her hips, framing the triangle between her legs. His fingers ached to sidle across and caress her there, but he was not that brave. Instead he contented himself with pulling her hips hard into him and swaying together with the music. Scully swallowed. Mulder's fingers were only inches away from where she was burning to feel his touch. Good God, how had this happened! One minute they were innocently dancing - okay, maybe not so innocently - and the next she was quivering with desire for him. Dammit Mulder! Was he doing this deliberately? Pull yourself together Dana, she thought, closing her eyes briefly. It wouldn't do to completely dissolve into a puddle of Dana-goo. Not now. These feelings for Mulder were not new to her, but they had never been this strong. Not that she would give in to them - the consequences of allowing herself one night of pleasure with her partner would not be easy for her to handle. Far better to not give in in the first place. She grit her teeth and lifted her head to focus on the band. They swayed together, both engrossed in their own thoughts, until the set ended. When the music finished the crowd pulled back a little, allowing Mulder to step back from Scully. When she turned around, she found she couldn't meet his eye. Mulder sighed. Typical Scully. Well he wasn't going to let her withdraw from him. Not this time. He ran a finger down her cheek until it rested under her chin and the tilted her head up so that she was forced to look at him. She seemed embarrassed, yet defiant, as if she was expecting him to tease her. Instead he tried to convey with his eyes what he couldn't yet say with his lips. He smiled at her, and after a pause, she smiled back. Relief washed over him. Maybe she wasn't going to hide from this. And maybe he was finally going to have the courage to do what he should have done years ago. Slowly he bent his head forward, eyes locked with hers. "Mulder, Dana. I'm Drew." Dammit! Mulder turned around with a glower at the young man standing before them. "Let's go somewhere quieter to talk." said Drew. "Follow me." Resigned, Mulder followed him. He grabbed hold of Scully's hand; partly so she wouldn't lose him in the crowd, but mostly because he didn't want to lose physical contact with her. He was afraid that if he let go of her physically, she would start to withdraw mentally. For reasons known only to her, Scully had crashed through one of her walls, and he didn't want to give her the chance to rebuild. "Cigarette?" offered Drew, when they reached the back room. Both Scully and Mulder shook their heads in unison. "Sorry, forgot. You don't smoke. So, Byers told me about your problem. He said you wanted to talk to me." "He said you may have information that can help us," said Scully formally, wondering why this young man seemed to know them. "Well, I don't know about that. I have information I s'pose, but whether it can help you is another thing." He took another drag on his cigarette, and seemed to be assessing them. "It happened to me too," he finally said. "When I was sixteen. I was involved in an accident. A terrible accident." He shook his head at the memory. "I should have died, but I just got up and walked away with only a few scratches. I was kinda dazed, y'know? In shock I guess...so I didn't speak to anyone, there were police and ambulances, but I just got up and walked away. I walked all the way home - 2 hours it took me. When I got home, nobody was there. Mum didn't work or anything, so I wasn't sure where she was. Dad was still at work, but as it was his car that I'd just written off, I didn't want to call him. So I just sat there, on the sofa, waiting for someone to come home. Eventually I got bored, and a bit uneasy. It was so quiet at home and Mum should have been home. So I turned on the TV. The News was on, and I wasn't really watching - just kinda staring at it. Until a story came on about a terrible accident. My accident. They said my name on the news and said I'd been terribly injured and rushed to hospital. My first thought was mistaken identity...until they showed a shot of someone being taken out of the ambulance on a stretcher, and they did a close up. It was me. God, it was me!" Drew paused, and inhaled deeply on his cigarette, hands shaking slightly. "Funny thing was, right away I thought - shit, I'm dead. I'm a ghost." He laughed, "I read a lot of horror stories and science fiction as a kid," he said by way of explanation. "I started running around the house like a madman, seeing if I could walk through walls. I found out pretty quickly that I couldn't. So then I thought - hey, this must be an alternate universe. Like I said - I read a lot of science fiction. I looked around to see if there was anything different. And there was - just little things, but it was definitely different. You have no idea how that feels - " He stopped suddenly. "Sorry, I guess you do." "Anyway, I didn't really know what to do, but I figured that it was an anomaly, and it would just snap back or something. I thought about waiting for Mom and Dad to come back so I could explain it to them, but I had enough common sense to realize that they wouldn't really understand," he said with a self-deprecating grin. "Hi Mom, I'm your *other* son from a parallel universe. Mind if I hang here until I can find my way back?" He laughed at the thought. "I visited myself at the hospital, just to make sure it was me. It was me alright. The first few nights I spent on the streets - I was terrified y'know? Jeez, I was just a 16 year old kid. I hung around near home a lot, at night time so nobody could see me. It was kind of comforting to be near my Mom and Dad at least, even if I couldn't talk to them. Eventually the other me was released from hospital, but he was a paraplegic. That really did it for me - I just couldn't watch him. So I left, moved to another city and everything. I hung out on the streets at first, and then got myself involved in a subversive sub-culture - that's how I met the Lone Gunmen, although I haven't told them that I knew them. I knew you guys too. Or rather, I knew *of* you guys." Scully and Mulder exchanged glances. "I kept track of Mom and Dad, and the other Drew. He did alright, y'know? But I was hell lonely. I didn't tell anyone what happened to me, not even the Lone Gunmen. I didn't think anyone would believe me. It was tough - I had no identity, no social security number. Couldn't get a proper job, couldn't open a bank account *legally*; basically I couldn't live a real life. I had some friends, but they were more acquaintances than friends, and I never had a relationship that lasted more than a couple of weeks. I was too afraid that I would be found out." He sighed. "You guys are lucky that you have each other." Drew lit up another cigarette and gazed into space, deep in thought. "So how did you get back?" prompted Mulder softly. "Well, I don't know for sure. Finally the loneliness got to me. 25 years is a long time to be alone." Scully gasped and sat down heavily on a nearby chair. 25 years! Her eyes sought out Mulder's and he placed his hand on her shoulder. "So I killed myself. I just couldn't handle it anymore. And instead of dying, I woke up from a coma 3 months after the accident. Only I recovered, with no real side effects, unlike the other Drew. I was sixteen again." "Drew, with all due respect, how can you be sure that your memory is not the memory of a dream from your time in a coma?" asked Scully. "I can't be," he replied simply. "I didn't actually remember it when I woke up. But for months after I had a strong feeling that I was missing something, that I had forgotten something. Finally the feeling was so strong that I underwent hypnotherapy, and it sparked my first memory. After that, the memories came thick and fast." He shrugged. "I'm not asking you to believe me, I'm just telling you what happened to me. But I think you do believe me. It's happening to you - why wouldn't you believe me?" "So you're actually 41 years old?" asked Mulder. "Umm, 44 mental years, I guess. But I'm 19," he said decisively. Scully looked skeptical. "You seem 19, not 44," she said, casting an eye over his tattooed body. "That's right," he said proudly. "Look, I've been given a second chance at life. I was a timid kid when the accident happened, and then after it happened I lived 25 years in fear. Now I get another chance, and I intend to live my life as if everyday could be my last. I'm trying everything!" With a wicked grin he lifted his shirt to show off his nipple piercing. "Man, I've tried almost every drug known to mankind - well not all. I may be adventurous, but I'm not stupid. And sex! Can you imagine putting what a 44 year old knows into a 19 year old body. The girls love me! You're right Dana, I seem 19. I am determined to be a 19 year old again." Mulder frowned. "So this means you've seen the future." "I've seen the future of another world, not this one," said Drew firmly. Mulder opened his mouth but before he could talk, Drew held his hand up. "Don't bother. I won't tell you anything." "I just want to know -" "No! Don't you understand? If I tell you *anything* you won't be able to help yourself acting on it. Anything I say may cause you to do something you may not otherwise do and that could cause the future to change. I won't tell you anything Mulder, so just drop it." Mulder scowled, but recognized the logic in what he said. "So let me get this straight," said Scully slowly. "Are you suggesting the way to fix this is for us to *kill* ourselves?" "Whoa, whoa! I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you what happened to me, that's all. You decide what *you* want to do. I don't know if that was the reason I ended up back here - it may have been something that occurred coincidentally at the same time I decided to off myself." Scully turned to Mulder. "I want to go. We need to think about this." She turned back to Drew. "Thanks for your time. For the record, I believe you. And I liked your music." "Thanks." He smirked, "I could see you were enjoying yourselves. It's about time too," he added cryptically. Scully blushed and walked back out into the throbbing crowd, with Mulder close behind. After retrieving their coats, Mulder and Scully exited onto the street. Back in the fresh air Scully took some deep breaths. She was shaken to the core by Drew's story. She knew she couldn't kill herself. "Godammit, I'm Catholic," she muttered, and then laughed bitterly at her choice of words. Some Catholic. She looked up at Mulder who was staring at her. No, he was *gazing* at her. With bedroom eyes. Damn, he had lousy timing. She turned away from him and began walking aimlessly away from the nightclub. The fresh air was clearing her mind and a part of her began to feel embarrassed about what had happened in the nightclub. She should never have let it go that far. "Mulder, we need to find somewhere quiet where we can talk about this," she said firmly. "Not tonight Scully," he said in a husky voice. "Tonight we're going to put this to the back of our mind." "Mulder, we can't just ignore this. We have to talk about it, *now*." "Not tonight Scully," he repeated, stepping closer to her. "Why not tonight?" she asked irritated. God, he could be *so* contrary when he wanted to be. "Why not tonight, Mulder?" "Because tonight I'm going to make love to you for the first time, and I would like your undivided attention." End Part 6 From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 14:47:06 +1100 Subject: xfc: NEW: A Butterfly in China (Part 7 of 10) Source: xfc From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" A Butterfly in China By Nicknoc (nicknoc@hotmail.com) Part 7 of 10 "Because tonight I'm going to make love to you for the first time, and I would like your undivided attention." Her eyes opened wide and she stepped back against the wall. Suddenly she needed support. Had he just said what she thought he'd just said? A wave of panic began to well up. She couldn't. Her world was topsy turvy enough. She couldn't. If she did, she would fall irrevocably in love with him and then she would be lost. She couldn't. "Mulder..." Sensing what she was about to say, he stepped forward and pushed her hard into the wall with his body. "Don't say it Scully. Don't say you don't want me. Don't say it." And not giving her a chance to say anything, he lowered his head and kissed her. Finally. Instantly she was swept away by her burning *need* for him. All thoughts of consequences were lost from her mind. This was no longer about want. She needed him like she needed oxygen. She opened her mouth to his searching tongue and he slid it along the roof of her mouth, demanding and desperate. She moaned and slipped her hands up around his neck, trying to get a better hold on him. He heaved her up so that she was at eye level with him, pressed up against the wall, feet dangling. She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him hungrily, oblivious to the fact that her skirt had ridden up to the top of her thighs. He refused to release her mouth, determined to taste every inch of her. He thrust his tongue back into her, and hers fought back, slipping and sliding together. Finally he drew back, drawing in a deep breath of air. "I'm taking you home," he said huskily. She could only nod. Mulder hailed a cab, and getting in he pulled her roughly so that she fell on top of him. Barely managing to give the driver his address he began kissing her desperately. With one hand clamped on the back of her head he used the other to pull her closer, so she was lying awkwardly across his chest. His tongue sought hers and his lips crushed against hers. She returned his kisses with equal passion. Okay, she wanted him. She *really* wanted him. She no longer cared if the world exploded because of her actions - she was going to have this man. After exhaustively exploring his mouth, she drew back and climbed off him. "My lips, I think they need a rest." He smiled. Her lips were very puffy, and he leaned forward so that his mouth was millimeters from hers. "Sore, huh? Sorry." His tongue darted out and gently licked her lips. Her stomach flipped at the eroticism of his gesture. Noting the effect he was having on her, he did it again, this time tickling the underside of her top lip with his tongue. Her mouth fell open and, with lips only just grazing hers, he worked his tongue in, teasing her gums and teeth. Her tongue reached out to his, and they tongue kissed languorously, reveling in the sensation of their tongues stroking while their lips barely touched. They stopped when Mulder realized the cab driver was getting an eye full. "Why do I get the feeling we're going to find ourselves stars on 'Taxi Cab Confessions'? murmured Mulder. Leaning forward he said, "I'll give you an extra twenty if you keep your eyes on the road and nowhere else - understand?" Returning to Scully's side, he placed a hand on her inner thigh, just above her knee. As he slowly ran his hand up her leg he leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "I want you Scully. I've wanted you ever since you first walked into my office. Do you know how many times I've imagined touching you, tasting you? You drive me wild." "Mulder,-" was all she managed to croak out, before his fingers touched her between her legs and she stopped mid-sentence. "Scully, you're not wearing anything under your pantyhose." She smiled slightly, mesmerized by the look of hunger in his eyes. God, he looked beautiful when he was aroused. His pupils were dilated and small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead. His mouth was slightly parted and it was all she could do not to launch herself towards him to try and crawl into it. And then he touched her again, and she forgot all about his mouth. "Are these expensive Scully?" She shook her head slowly, captivated by his eyes and the feeling of his searching fingers. "Good." With a small movement he tore a hole in her pantyhose, and then his finger was rubbing against her, slipping in her moisture. "Oh my god," she whispered. "Oh..." Quickly he slipped his finger into her and her muscles clenched around him. They both paused as they took in the sensation and looked at each other. The giddy realization hit them at they same time - they were really going to do this! He grinned and kissed her lightly. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began moving his finger inside her, not losing eye contact with her even for a second. She drew in a shuddery breath and licked her lips. Completely mesmerized, she watched him withdraw his finger and slip it into his mouth, sucking her juices from it. Then he leaned forward and murmured, "You taste better than I ever imagined." He kissed her deeply again, and she could taste herself on his tongue. Nobody had ever done that to her before. Ever. The cab arrived at Mulder's apartment and he tossed the driver way too much money. With great haste they made their way into his apartment. Mulder paused only to flip on a lamp, before he pulled Scully into a crushing embrace. As they kissed, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders so that it fell on the floor, and began unbuttoning his shirt. "Wait," said Mulder hoarsely, grabbing hold of her hands to stop her. At her surprised look he said, "I need to tell you something before we do this." He let go of her hands, and gently clasped her face. "Scully,...I love you." Her eyes widened and for a long moment she said nothing, while she processed what he had just said. Finally she said gently, "Mulder, you don't need to tell me you love me to get me to have sex with you. I want to do this." At her words, he reeled back, hurt and anger engulfing him. "You think I said that to get you into bed?? You think I said that just so I could *fuck* you?" "No Mulder, that's not what I meant. I just meant...I just meant that you don't have to love me. It's okay, it's okay if you..." she trailed off as he looked at her, aghast. "You don't believe me. You don't believe that I love you." He paused as an even more horrifying thought came to him. "Or you don't love me. Which is it Scully? Which is it?!" She shook her head, unable to answer. Finally she said, "I believe that you think you love me." He slumped down onto the sofa, placing his head in his hands. She stood there uncertainly for a moment, aching to go to him, but knowing that would not help either of them. So she left him there, and went into the bedroom alone. Safe behind the closed door she allowed herself to start crying. What the fuck was wrong with her? He'd told her he loved her, and she'd thrown it back in his face. Why? Because she didn't believe him. She *couldn't* believe him. She'd worked with him for seven years. She *knew* him, and she knew that his first love was his search for the truth. He may think he loved her, but given a choice between the truth, or her, she knew which one he would take. And it killed her to know this. Tears running down her face, she hurled a pillow across the room. Fuck you Mulder! Fuck you for doing this to me! Now she was heaving with sobs, and she buried her face in the covers so that he wouldn't hear. She knew she had hurt him, but if she'd allowed herself to believe his words, it would have been her who was hurt. She was ready to accept a one night stand; an outburst of passion that they could explained away as a reaction to their stressful situation. She could have moved on from that. Why did he have to bring love into it? **** 4.30am Mulder heard the door of his bedroom open. Hope flared in him, but died again as he heard her go into the kitchen and open the cupboard for a glass. He listened to her pour a glass of water. As she left the kitchen she came to the entrance of the living room, and paused. She turned to leave again, and he said softly, "Why don't you believe me?" She jumped, startled. He sat up and looked in the direction of her silhouette. "Why?" Frozen to one spot she took a sip of water while she collected her thoughts. "Mulder, do you really want to talk about this now?" "Dammit Scully, why don't you believe me!?" he repeated loudly. "Okay, this is why. You've spent your entire life, from the age of 12, searching for the truth about your sister. Everything else in your life is second-fiddle to that overriding quest of yours. I think you love me in your own way Mulder, but only as a person who is part of your quest. If I was to remove myself from your life, you would move on from that. I am not your reason for being. And to me, that's what love is." "You're wrong Scully. You *are* my reason for being. My search for the truth is a search for *your* truth too Scully. Yes, I want to know what happened to my sister. But God, I want to know what happened to you just as much, if not more. I want to find out who abducted you, what they did to you, why they did it. But if you asked me to give it all up, to stop looking for the truth, I would. And I love you because you would never ask." When she said nothing he continued. "When I wake up in the morning, you are the first thought in my head. Some days the only thing that gets me into work is the thought of seeing you. I watch you when you're not looking, hell, sometimes I watch you when you *are* looking. At nights when I can't sleep I run through my day with you, picking out moments when you smiled at me, or touched my hand. I have ridiculous fantasies of you and me married and bickering over the toilet seat. I would give anything to have a child with you, but I would be the happiest man in the world if I could just have *you* Scully." Scully stood frozen to the spot. Her thoughts were in turmoil. Had she misjudged him so badly? She placed her glass of water on the side table, spilling it in the process. A lump rose in her throat. She believed him. He looked up at her, unable to determine her expression in the dark. She moved towards him, until she was seated next to him on the sofa. Turning her head towards him, he could see that she was fighting to hold back tears. "Really?" was all she said. "Really," he replied. Brushing her hand roughly over her eyes, she said, "I'm so sorry Mulder. Do you hate me?" He couldn't help but laugh. "Did you hear *any* of what I just said?" She laughed and then let out a half-sob. Turning watery eyes to him she said, "I'm an idiot, but I love you too." He reached a hand up to brush a stray tear away from her cheek. "You may be an idiot, but you're *my* idiot," he said with an affectionate grin. Gently he tangled a hand through her hair and pulled her face towards his. With a smile he kissed her, and then pulled back to look into her eyes. "I love you," he murmured, and then leaned in to kiss her again. Her mouth opened eagerly to receive him, and he swept his tongue in to greet hers. They kissed deeply and then parted to get some air. Planting small kisses on her lips he said, "Have I ever told you how utterly kissable your lips are?" Smiling against his mouth she whispered, "Not that I recall." "You sure? Not even in your latest Professional Appraisal? Somewhere under 'Agent Scully's strengths' perhaps?" This time she laughed out loud. "No, I think I would have noticed that." "How remiss of me," he muttered, tugging on her bottom lip. "Especially as for the last 7 years every time I looked at you all I could think was 'kiss her, kiss her'." She crushed her lips against his, and then murmured, "No wonder I could never get any sense out of you." Gathering her in his arms he pulled her onto his lap, so that she was facing him. He moved forward slightly so she could tuck her legs behind him, and gasped when she pressed suggestively against his very noticeable erection. They were both wearing thin cotton boxers, which did nothing to disguise her wetness against his heat. He ran his hands up her back, under her t-shirt, delighting in the smoothness of her skin. His eyes wandered over her face and down her body until they rested on her breasts. Looking back up at her, he whispered, "I have a confession to make Scully. I *did* look at you when you were naked. I couldn't help it. And ever since then I've carried this picture in my head of your beautiful breasts. Did you know you have the most beautiful breasts in the world?" She smiled and taking his hand she placed it on her breast. "You wouldn't be somewhat biased would you Mulder?" He shook his head, staring at his hand on her breast as he brushed his thumb over her nipple poking through the cotton of her t-shirt. "Completely objective viewpoint. I am something of an expert after all." She snorted with laugher. "Mulder, I don't know if silicon counts." He smiled. "Maybe you're right. I'd better have another look." Before she could say anything he ripped her t-shirt over her head. His eyes wandered lazily over her chest until she was sure she could feel them burning hot trails into her. "No, I was right the first time - you have the most beautiful breasts in the world." Smiling at his compliment, she pulled his t-shirt over his head and then leaned back into his hands to look at him. She let her eyes wander over his chest - a chest she had seen many times, but never as a lover. "Beautiful," she murmured as she leaned forward to place a kiss on one of his nipples. She dragged her lips across to his other nipple and teased it with her tongue. She smiled into him as he moaned. Grabbing her head between his hands be brought her face up to his to kiss her again, pulling her body in so that her breasts flattened against his chest. Both of them moaned at the skin-on-skin contact. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rocked into him, determined to feel as much of him as possible. He released his hands from her hair and trailed them down her back and around to her side. He stroked the sides of her breasts until she pulled back a little, giving him the access he was seeking. Bringing both hands around to her front, he cupped her breasts, pinching the nipples and alternately stroking them. "Mulder, that feels so good..." "Hmm, it does, doesn't it," he whispered against her mouth, "You feel so good Scully." "Mulder, I think I need you in me...now." "Scully, haven't you ever heard that patience is a virtue? I actually had other things on my mind..." This made her pause. "Like what?" "I tasted you in the cab, but I need more," he said huskily. "I need to drink you, eat you, taste you...I want you in my mouth Scully." "Oral fixation...of course," she murmured, "Bless those sunflower seeds." He laughed and suddenly tilted her off his lap so she was lying on her back on the sofa. Teasingly he pulled her boxers down, kissing her legs in the process. "You have cute knees Scully." She snorted with laughter. "Now I know you're far gone Mulder. I have knobby knees - even my own mother says so." "I *like* knobby knees," he protested and proceeded to show her just how much by kissing and licking them until she was writhing in ticklish pleasure, letting out peels of giggles. He paused to look up at her. He'd never really seen Scully giggle before, in fact he'd never seen her this *happy* before. Thank God he could give her this. Thank God she would accept this from him. Finally. Slowly he made his way up her thighs until his mouth was at her entrance. He paused to breathe in her distinctive scent and then darted his tongue out to touch her. She gasped at the sensation, and her hands reached down to cup his head, as if afraid he would move away from her. He smiled. There was absolutely no chance of that. Now that he had *finally* tasted her, nothing in this world could stop him from exploring her depths more fully. He pressed his tongue more firmly against her, wiggling it about until he had parted her folds. Parting her thighs wider with his hands, he delved deeper into her, and groaned as he finally tasted her properly, head swimming with the realization that this was the most secret Dana Scully. He brought his tongue up to lap at her clitoris, and this time she groaned loudly. "Goddd yes, just like that, pleasepleaseplease." He continued his rhythm, taking pleasure in her cries and gasps, trying to ignore the fact that his tongue was getting very, very tired. He was obviously out of practice. Eventually he sensed her tensing and realized she was close. He slid two fingers into her while maintaining the motion with his tongue. Please Scully, he begged silently. Please say my name when you come. His silent prayer was answered when her hips arched and she cried, "Mulder, god Mulder!" Grinning like a kid on Christmas day he slid back up her body as she fell back into the sofa. She opened her eyes hazily to look at his flushed face, still glistening with her juices. Goddamn that was good. "Mulder, I swear," she said cupping his face with her hands, "that was *the* most intense experience of my life. But I still want you in me...now." His grin widened, and he moved to position himself over her. She brought her legs up and wrapped them around his waist before grasping his penis and guiding it to her opening. She rubbed the tip of it into her, lubricating it with her juices. She was actually a little nervous. He was big, she was small and it had been a *long* time. As if sensing what she was thinking he smiled reassuringly and said softly, "Gentle." "Gentle," she whispered. And gentle it was. He slid into her slowly, retreating every couple of inches before re-entering her, allowing her body to adjust. When he was completely in her, he stopped and looked into her eyes. "You're in me Mulder." "I'm in you Scully." Slowly he began to move, never once breaking eye contact with her. When she grasped his buttocks and began pulling him into her, he picked up pace. He knew he wouldn't be able to last long. "Scully, I can't-" Reaching up, she pulled his head down to hers and whispered into his ear, "Come for me Mulder." With a final thrust he did, calling out her name so loudly that she wondered if the neighbors heard. She didn't care - his sexual cry was the most wonderful thing she'd ever heard. He slumped over her, completely spent. Realizing that he was about to fall into a deep slumber she tugged at him. "Not here Mulder, let's go to bed." Reluctantly he dragged himself off her and stumbled towards the bedroom, bringing her with him in a loose embrace. Exhausted they tumbled onto the bed, and curling up together fell immediately to sleep. **** Scully felt warm and comfortable, and fought to stay asleep. Mulder's arms were wrapped around her, and his ever-present erection was pressed into her back. This time, however, she knew it was for her. Or at least it would be in a moment. Turning around so she faced him, she began stroking him softly, watching his face as he became aware of her presence. "Scully, unnhh, that feels good," he croaked. "What, you're not going to tell me to go away this morning?" she teased. In answer to her question he pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. Slowly they made love, still facing each other, her leg draped over his hip. When they had finished, she slipped out of bed to have a shower. "My turn to get breakfast this morning Mulder. You sleep some more." As she reached the bedroom door she turned to look at him again. Already he was drifting back to sleep, arms wrapped around her pillow, naked and golden. She approached the bed again and leaned over him. "I love you Mulder," she whispered into his ear. He smiled slightly in response and she placed a gentle kiss on his temple. Why had it taken them so long to reach this point, she wondered. Now it seemed so simple, so obvious. Meant to be. Casting one last look in his direction she headed to the bathroom. End Part 7 From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 14:49:03 +1100 Subject: xfc: NEW: A Butterfly in China (Part 8 of 10) Source: xfc From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" A Butterfly in China By Nicknoc (nicknoc@hotmail.com) Part 8 of 10 Putting his half eaten bagel down on the plate, Mulder placed one hand over Scully's and said, "You know, we're going to have to discuss what Drew told us last night." Scully flinched. In the cold light of the day Drew's story seemed even more unreal, and the implication of his tale even more frightening. Withdrawing her hand from his, she folded her arms and said, "Mulder, how do we know he's not just a 19 year old kid pulling our leg?" "We don't Scully. But it's all we have to go on. I rang the boys and they have nothing more. No more information, no more theories even. This is it, Scully." "This is it," she repeated hollowly. "Mulder are you suggesting we *kill* ourselves?" Mulder looked uncomfortable. "I'm not suggesting anything at this stage Scully. I just think we need to talk about it. Explore our options. We can't stay here for 25 years y'know." "I know that!" she snapped. He said nothing and picked up his bagel again. After a few minutes of uneasy silence, Scully tentatively spoke. "Mulder, I find this really difficult to even *think* about, let alone talk about. The idea of killing myself is something that I just can't consider. Especially not now..." He looked up, puzzled. She shook her head. God, he was obtuse sometimes. "You, Mulder. *Us*. I was referring to us. We've only just...how can I even *consider* doing something that might end this? After only one day?" She smiled, trying to inject some humor into their situation. "Mulder, I haven't even gone down on you yet!" He choked, spewing out crumbs of bagel. Did she just say what he thought she'd said?! When he regained his composure he waggled his eyebrows at her and said suggestively, "Well I'm happy to change that right now." "Don't get excited big boy," she said dryly. "Didn't Fox say he would come over this morning?" "Oh yeah," he said, dejected. "What was that for again?" "Ostensibly to see if we needed anything. But I think he's just intrigued by you. I think he wants to know more." "More what?" Mulder slumped even further into his chair. "Maybe he wants to know just how much of a loser I am, so he can feel better about himself." "Mulder," sighed Scully. "You are *not* a loser. How many times do I have to say that? And if you are, you're *my* loser." She walked over and stood behind him, draping her arms over his shoulders and kissing him on the cheek. A thought struck him. "What did you guys talk about Scully?" "Oh, just stuff," said Scully evasively. "What kind of *stuff* Scully?" "I don't know - stuff. My abduction, our sisters, our situation, that kind of stuff." "So you'd known him 10 minutes and you were willing to tell him all that, and it took me 7 years to get you to open up to me." "Mulder," said Scully, starting to get exasperated, "I didn't *open up* to him, I just gave him a broad brush overview of our situation. Nothing very intimate at all." Okay, that was a little white lie, but how could she explain to him that Fox felt much safer than him, at that time? He wouldn't understand that at all. "Then why were you hugging him?" She sighed. "Okay, I was crying and he was comforting me. Happy?" "What were you crying about?" "What do you think Mulder? Everything. My infertility, my sister, your sister, Emily...do you want me to go on?" Her voice broke and she pulled away from him, busying herself by putting the cream cheese back in the fridge. "Scully, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, whispering into her hair. "It's okay, Mulder," she replied quietly. "But for the record you have no reason to be jealous of him. That's what this is all about isn't it? You're jealous of him. But you have no reason to be. I love you. And I don't think he is *better* than you in any way, okay?" He nodded against her hair. Was he that transparent to everyone? Or just her? He smiled and kissed her ear. Just her. "Hey Scully," he murmured. "I just want to know one thing. It's kinda been bugging me. Who is the better kisser - him or me?" She started laughing, and turned around in his arms. "What's so funny?" "He asked me the exact same question," she snorted. "So - what's the answer?" he pressed. "Well," she said slowly. "He's very good - does all the right things with his tongue, not too sloppy but not too dry, right amount of pressure with the lips. He's really very good." She tilted her head, pretending to contemplate some more. "But in the end, while technically correct, he just didn't *do* it for me. When you kiss me, on the other hand, my world spins upside down, my knees go wobbly, my heart races so much I worry about cardiac arrest and my whole body tingles. So I guess I'd have to go with you." Mulder frowned. "But what about *my* technique Scully?" This time she slapped him playfully. "Dammit Mulder, don't you get it? You could be the worse kisser in the world and I'd probably still melt into a puddle every time you kissed me. But for the record, seeing as though you are *so* interested, you have the most nimble tongue I've come across, and you do the most erotic things with it. You lips are smooth and full, and you kiss me hard when I want it hard, and soft when I want it soft, you're not sloppy, and you have the most amazing passion and fire...I could kiss you forever Fox Mulder." Now Mulder smiled, and bending his head he kissed Scully with as much passion and fire he could muster. She responded with equal passion, and just when he thought she might just make good on her promise, there was a knock on the door. "Fuck," muttered Mulder. Scully just smirked as she straightened her clothing and indicated for him to get the door. Fox looked slightly ill at ease when he walked in, but broke into a smile of relief when Scully walked out of the kitchen. Walking over he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused Mulder to scowl. Scully looked at him pointedly until he composed his features into a more pleasant mask. If she had less control she would have laughed - it appeared as though Mulder had taken a dislike to himself. Still, she hadn't been forced to interact with herself, and she guessed she would also find it awkward. To break the silence she offered Fox some tea, which he gratefully accepted. When they were settled on the sofa, all clasping steaming cups as though their lives depended on it, Fox cleared his throat and said to Mulder, "This feels weird. I'm not sure exactly what to say to you. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror, except my reflection is not copying what I'm doing." Mulder smiled faintly. "I know what you mean. I dunno, do you want to ask me some questions? If you're like me, then I guess you're curious." "Sure. I'm not sure what to ask though. Maybe you could just tell me about yourself?" Mulder shrugged and began to give Fox a thumb-nail sketch of his life. Scully watched him as he talked. He obviously felt uneasy about this - she could see the tension in his shoulders and face. He brushed over Samantha's abduction without really going into the effect it had on him, referred to her abduction and cancer obliquely, but became more animated when he started going into the details of what they knew about the government actions. Then it hit her. He was afraid that Fox would pity him, pity him for what had happened to him, and what he had become. Feeling a surge of love for him, she moved closer and placed her hand on his leg. He flashed her a grateful look and placed his hand over hers. Fox listened agog at what Mulder had to say in relation to his theory on the government conspiracy, but he seemed more interested in what had happened to Samantha. "So you were only 12 when Samantha was taken. God, how did you...I don't think I could have coped with that." Mulder's grip on Scully's hand tightened. "Well, I don't know that I did cope. I don't think I'm exactly 'normal', every aspect of my life has been affected by what happened to Samantha. Everything." He was silent and Scully broke in. "Fox, I'm hesitant to ask, but do you think you could arrange it so that Mulder could meet Samantha? And, maybe, so that I could meet Missy?" Mulder's head snapped up to meet her eyes. "Scully, we talked about this. We agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea." "I know," she said softly, "but I've changed my mind. I need to do this Mulder. And I know you do too. How could we not?" They looked at each other for a long moment, saying to each other with their eyes what they were unable to find words for. Finally Mulder nodded and leaned forward to place a brief kiss on Scully's lips. She glanced over at Fox, who was watching them with a smile on his face. "Sure, that shouldn't be a problem," he said. "It might be a bit trickier with Missy, she might say something later to Dana. But I guess I can work around that. I can call Sam now, make up some excuse for you to visit her at lunchtime - she's not working at the moment so she should be home." Turning to Scully he said, "I'll give Missy a call. I promised I'd lend her a book on hypnosis that someone gave me at work, so maybe we can drop it off this afternoon, after work. Dana's at yoga, so she won't be home until later." He paused, "I haven't told her about any of this. Any other time I would have, but she's pregnant, and I'm worried that extreme shock could be bad for her. I know I'm being paranoid, but we've been trying a while to have this baby...God, I'm sorry Scully, I'm sorry, I forgot..." She shook her head, putting on a brave smile. "It's okay Fox, really. Don't worry about it." Mulder gripped her hand tighter and threw a furious look at Fox, which mollified slightly when he saw the distraught look on his face. Fox stood up clumsily. "I guess I'd better get back to work. I'll give you a call when I've spoken to Sam and Missy." Scully stood up and walked him to the door, with Mulder following at a distance. When they got to the door, Fox stopped and took Scully's hand. He didn't say anything, just looked at her and then gave her a brief kiss on the cheek. Nodding to Mulder, who was scowling again, he turned and left. ***** Scully stared out of the window of Fox's car, concentrating on controlling the butterflies in her stomach. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so nervous that she was almost physically sick. Thank God Missy didn't know yet that Dana was pregnant. It was going to be hard enough to act normal around Missy without talking baby talk with her. Her thoughts were interrupted by Fox. "I don't think he likes me." "Sorry?" "Fox, I mean Mulder. I don't think he likes me. Actually, I think he hates me - you should've seen the look he gave me when I kissed you." Despite her nerves, Scully smiled. "He doesn't hate you. I think he just doesn't know how to deal with you. And he's very protective of me, he always has been, although I find it kind of funny that he's directing that feeling against someone who is effectively *himself*." "So I noticed that the nature of your relationship appears to have changed somewhat," said Fox teasingly. Scully blushed slightly. "You could say that." "Good, I'm glad. You guys belong together. I should know." "Yeah, I know that too. But it's still going to be hard. There's things that we need to sort out...'issues' - to use an awful pop-psychologist phrase." "There's always issues Da-, Scully. It wasn't smooth sailing with us either, you know. Far from it. It took me ages to break down Dana's barriers. She was a very self contained person when I met her, so self-reliant and independent that it broke my heart. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was meant for me. Well, from the moment of our first conversation at least. But it took a long time to get through her walls. I'm guessing you're the same?" Scully just nodded, suddenly overcome by this insight into her personality. "But it was worth it Scully. Worth it for both of us, and I'm sure you'll find the same. It's meant to be, so you just have to make sure that you overcome the obstacles." Scully smiled sadly, "You make it sound so easy - I wish it was." He reached over and took her hand. "It *is* Scully. It's easier than you think. And now we're coming up to Missy's place. Are you ready?" Scully was suddenly gripped by a wave of panic. She looked at Fox wildly, "I don't know if I can do this! Maybe this is a bad idea. What if I cry? What if she realizes it's not me - I mean Dana?" "Hey...hey," he said soothingly, "It's okay. Let's take a minute - there's no rush. You'll be fine Scully. We won't be long, but if you've changed your mind-" "No, I need to do this. I just want to see her again, hug her." Scully took a deep breath, checked her face in the mirror and turned to Fox. "Let's do it - now." When Missy opened the door Scully felt the blood drain from her face. "Dana! Are you okay? You look terrible! Come in." Missy reached out her hands and pulled Scully into the house, draping an arm around her shoulder as she led her into the kitchen and directed her into a chair. She sat down in the chair opposite her, concern radiating in her posture. Throwing an apologetic glance at Fox, Scully said, "I'm fine Missy, just a bit tired. I'll be right in a second." "Well...if you're sure," said Missy doubtfully, "There's a terrible bug going around. Maybe you should have an early night tonight just to be sure." Scully smiled and nodded, looking at Missy closely for the first time. She looked just the same, only with a few more lines around her eyes. Impulsively Scully reached across and grabbed Missy's hand. "You look good Missy." "Thanks, I just had it cut. I didn't think you'd notice - it was only a trim really." Scully smiled at the misunderstanding. Now that she had hold of Missy's hand she didn't think she could ever let it go. "Tell me about your week," she said impulsively. She just wanted to sit there and watch her sister talk. While Missy chatted on, Scully ran her eyes over her sister. She was so...alive. So warm and animated. God, she missed her. Despite her attempts to maintain her control, she felt her eyes tearing over. "Missy, could I have a glass of water?" she interrupted, hoping Missy didn't detect the catch in her voice. Fox did, however, and he moved forward to place a hand on her shoulder while Missy got up to get the water. Scully squeezed Fox's hand gratefully. "Do you want to go?" he whispered in her ear. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. When Missy returned with the water, Fox said, "We'd better get going Missy. I think Dana needs food," he said with a chuckle. "You know how she gets." Missy laughed and walked with them to the door. "I'll see you on the weekend Dana." Scully nodded and reached forward to hug her. As Missy squeezed her in a bear hug she wanted to break down and cry, to clutch her sister to her forever and sob that she missed her - that it was so hard living without her. But she remained silent, and breathed in her sister's familiar scent, memorizing the feel of her, the smell of her shampoo, the faint trace of her favorite perfume. Reluctantly she let go, and quickly turned her head away so Missy would not see the tears in her eyes. "Love you Missy," she choked out before turning her back on her sister and walking away. "Love you too," Missy called after her. "See you soon!" Fox drove two blocks away before he stopped the car and touched Scully on her shoulder. She hadn't moved since they left Missy's place. "You okay?" Scully shook her head, and then her shoulders began shaking with stifled sobs. Fox slipped off his seatbelt and reached forward to pull her to him, clasping her to his chest in an effort to absorb her heaving sobs. "It's okay, it's okay," he whispered in a soothing tone. Scully pulled back from him roughly, "It's not fucking okay! It's not fucking okay! My sister is dead. DEAD dammit! God I miss her. I miss her," she cried. She crumpled again, and didn't resist as her pulled her into his arms once more. "I miss her, I miss her," she repeated through her sobs. "God help me." Fox rocked her until her sobs quieted, and then he gently placed her back against her seat before starting the car. She needed to be with Mulder. Mulder was home and waiting for her when Fox brought her in. He took one look at her red puffy eyes and in two strides was with her, his arms wrapped fiercely around her. He nodded his thanks to Fox, and then took her over to the sofa. Pulling her back from his chest, he rubbed his thumbs over her tear-stained cheeks. Her eyes stared dully back at his. "I know how much you miss her Scully. I know how much it hurts." He placed a kiss gently on her lips, not expecting much of a reaction and not getting one. "I'm going to run you a bath and I've made us some dinner. Then we're going to sit on the sofa and cuddle. Okay?" She nodded and tried, but failed, to muster a smile. An hour later Scully felt drained, but more human. Mulder had cared for her with more gentleness than she thought possible, rubbing her dry after her bath, sprinkling her with loving kisses, taking every opportunity through brief caresses to let her know how much he loved her. She put down her dinner plate, food that she had eaten without tasting, and fell back against the sofa. Mulder quickly took their plates into the kitchen and then returned with the rest of the wine. Refilling her glass he sat back next to her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. "Better?" "Much." Her voice sounded funny to her ears, and she realized she hadn't spoken since she had returned. "Mulder, I'm sorry. I haven't even asked you about Sam." "Sssh Scully. No sorries okay?" He nuzzled his lips against her temple. "I love you, and I'm glad I was here for you. I thought it would be a traumatic experience. But was it worth it?" She nodded. "I touched her Mulder. I hugged her - she smelled just the same." She turned to look at him. "I miss her so much Mulder, it's like there's a hole in my stomach. A cold, hard hole and I carry it with me all the time." He nodded, stroking one finger lightly along her cheek. The significance of this moment wasn't lost on him. This was the first time he could recall Scully telling him how she felt about Missy's death. "I know Scully, I know," he whispered. "But you know what? It does get better over time. It's a cliche, but it's true. I carried that hole around with me for a long, long time." He paused and smiled gently at her. "But you filled that hole for me Scully." She leaned forward slowly and rested her forehead against his. "I love you Mulder." She rubbed her nose against his in a gentle Eskimo kiss. "Now tell me about Sam." He shrugged. "It was...odd. I mean, I've never really had a relationship with her as an adult. It was good to see her, good to see she has a happy life here, at least. I don't know - I'm happy I saw her, but I guess I didn't get any strong feelings of familiarity that you had with Missy. I guess I just kept thinking, she's not *my* Sam, I still haven't found *my* Sam. I didn't expect to feel that way, I expected to feel a strong brotherly connection, I guess. But I didn't." Scully squeezed his hand comfortingly. "I'm sorry Mulder. But I'm glad you saw her." He leaned back into the sofa, pulling her with him. "Wanna watch some crummy TV and maybe fool around a bit?" She finally smiled and snuggled into him, insinuating a hand under his shirt so she was stroking the fine hair on his stomach. "Sounds good to me," she murmured, running her lips up his neck. He bent his head to meet her lips and they kissed deeply, tongues lazily circling. Scully felt some of the emptiness dissolve as they expressed their feelings with lips, tongues and hands. She sighed into his mouth, feeling the blood pulsing in her ears as her arousal increased. Sex with Mulder was still new enough to fill her with a sense of wonder mixed in with her excitement. And tonight sex with Mulder was going to be an expression of life - pulsating warm bodies moving together to drown out the coldness of death that so often permeated their lives. Wriggling out of his embrace momentarily, she climbed onto his lap to straddle him, and pushed him further back into the sofa with the force of her kiss. "You're mine Mulder. I can't believe you're mine," she murmured into his lips. "I want you." He felt liters of blood race to his cock at her words. She was still kissing him furiously, her small, hot tongue teasing his, lapping at the roof of his mouth, clanking her teeth against his. He grasped her hips and pulled her sharply onto his erection, causing her to gasp. Right on target. "You like that Scully?" he murmured, thrusting his hard penis against her hot center. "Uunh," was all she managed to get out. He stopped moving against her. "How much Scully? Tell me how much." She ground her hips against him, trying to find *that* spot. "A lot Mulder. A lot. Now move dammit!" He grinned and began a slow thrust against her again. "Tell me what you want Scully." "You - I want you." He smirked. "I know that. Tell me what you want *from* me - I want to hear you say the words." He lowered his voice and whispered into her ear, "Talk dirty to me Scully." She pulled back to look into his eyes, matching his thrusting with her own languorous movements. "I want your cock inside me Mulder. I want you thrusting into me so hard that it almost hurts." As she talked she pulled her top off over her head, and reached behind to undo her bra. Naked from the waist up, she began running her hands over her breasts, teasing her nipples into stiff peaks. "I don't just want it Mulder, I *need* it. I need your tongue in my mouth, your hands on my breast and I need to feel you pounding into me. Now." Pulling her quickly off his lap Mulder struggled with her jeans until finally she helped his shaking hands undo her buttons. Together they stripped him, laughing as they managed to get tangled in a knot of limbs and clothes. Finally he was in her, thrusting hard. She threw her head back and grasped his buttocks in her hands, encouraging him to pick up pace. She didn't want slow and gentle, she needed fast and dirty. He complied and the sound of their bodies slapping together filled the room, drowning out the low murmur of the TV. "Scully, I'm gonna come," he grunted. "I can't -" "It's okay Mulder, keep going." She watched his face as it contorted and he cried her name. She could feel his penis pulsing inside her, a feeling she had come to cherish. Mulder fell forward in a slump. After a few moments he raised his head. "Scully," he whispered, shaking off the drowsiness threatening to overcome him. "You didn't come." She shook her head smiling. "I don't mind. You gave me exactly what I wanted Mulder. It was great." He rolled off her and pulled her around so they were lying side by side along the sofa, facing each other. "Well that may be, Scully, but I have my male ego to pander to." He reached down and began stroking her clitoris softly. He slid his other arm under and around her, pulling her face towards his. She smiled as he began to kiss her. His kisses were gentle at first, light brushes with his lips and then his tongue. As her lips parted he stroked them with his tongue before forcing her mouth open and kissing her deeply. She moaned. Mulder's kisses undid her every time, and she could feel her hand trembling as she raised it to stroke his cheek. With his fingers working their magic between her legs and his demanding tongue exploring her mouth she knew she was on the verge. She managed to mutter an encouragement into his mouth as she draped her leg over his hip, giving him better access. Oh God, he was good. He increased pressure with his fingers and she felt the tension in her groin increase. And then she was coming, in strong powerful waves causing her whole body to temporarily clench. When she relaxed Mulder pulled her on top of him and draped the blanket over them. She seemed half way asleep and he was loathe to move her into the bedroom. He ran his hands gently over her hair. It was good that she slept now. Tomorrow they needed to make a decision. End Part 8 From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 14:50:54 +1100 Subject: xfc: NEW: A Butterfly in China (Part 9 of 10) Source: xfc From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" A Butterfly in China By Nicknoc (nicknoc@hotmail.com) Part 9 of 10 Scully woke an hour later, still draped over Mulder. Her arm had fallen asleep wedged in between him and the back of the sofa, and her feet had slipped out from under the blanket and were now like two blocks of ice. She sat up as quietly as she could, hoping not to wake him. "Scully?" "Sssh, go back to sleep Mulder," she whispered, stroking his cheek. "Wasn't asleep," he mumbled, turning into her hand to kiss her palm. "Just dozing." "Sure you were," she whispered. "At the risk of waking you even more, I'm going to move into the bedroom and I'd like it better if you were there with me." He smiled sleepily, and she helped him into an upright position. His arm draped around her shoulder, they made their way into the bedroom. Mulder was asleep almost as soon as he flopped down onto the mattress, staying awake long enough to pull Scully towards his chest. She pulled back from his embrace slightly, and propped her head up on her hand. With her free hand she ran her fingers lightly over his stubbled chin, delighting in the sand papery feel of his chin, and the contrast to his soft lips. His nose twitched slightly when she ran her finger over it, but he didn't wake. She didn't want to go to sleep, she just wanted to lie there and look at him. Her lover. She continued running her fingers lightly over his face, unable to stop touching him. His paper-thin eyelids, the lines on his forehead. She wondered how many of them were a result of worrying about her. Probably many. Her fingers continued their journey down his neck, to his chest. His nipples tightened at her touch and she smiled at how small they were compared to hers. His chest muscles were firm and his skin soft. She leaned forward and placed a small kiss on his chest. Pulling back, she left her hand on his chest and gazed at his face. His eyes were twitching and she wondered what he was dreaming. She hoped it was good. God knows, he needed a good dream every now and then. She sighed. She knew that tomorrow he was going to ask her what she wanted to do. She also knew what he had decided. He believed Drew's story and he believed that it was Drew's act of suicide that allowed him to go back into his world. The only thing she knew, the only thing she *really* knew, was that she could not commit suicide. She just couldn't do it - it wasn't in her make up. She knew she had to make a decision, and she knew she had to make it *her* way. The one thing that frightened her more than the thought of going through with the act, was the thought that she might do so just because Mulder wanted to. At her strongest, he had persuasive powers that sometimes frightened her. With him at her side she had done things that she would not have even considered when she first joined the FBI. And sometimes she worried that she did those things just because of him; because she wanted to please him, wanted his approval. Now that they were in a relationship she was even more conscious of maintaining her independence of thought. She loved him, but that was not a sufficient reason to agree with him. Especially not over something this important. She sat up against the headboard, and pulled Mulder over onto her lap. He came willingly, burying his face in her thighs and wrapping his arms around her, although he didn't wake. She ran her fingers through his hair as she considered their limited 'evidence'. First, this world was different. Her sister was alive, his sister was alive, and she and Mulder already existed. Mulder believed they were in an alternate universe but this seemed the stuff of fairytales to her. Unfortunately, the only alternatives she could come up with were that this was a *very* long and lucid dream, or she was hallucinating. Neither seemed plausible. Which led her back to Mulder's theory again. Alternate universe. She supposed it wasn't impossible. There were many things that science could not explain, and in many respects, time and space were dark unexplored areas. And they did have limited evidence to support the theory in the form of Drew's story. Although she had expressed skepticism to Mulder about Drew's credibility, she *had* believed him. She just hadn't wanted to. She smiled down at Mulder and stroked his cheek. Okay, score one for you, she thought. I'm willing to believe this *is* an alternate universe. She turned her mind to considering the consequences of them not being in their 'right' world. Currently there were two of them in this world, so logically there was no Scully and no Mulder in 'their' world. It wasn't the same as dying - they obviously weren't dead. Is it possible that their world had stopped in time? Was it necessary for alternate universes to continue forward at the same speed in parallel time dimensions? Her mind started spinning at the thought. And then a phrase from a high school science class came back to her - "Nature abhors a vacuum." She remembered her teacher saying it, although she was *sure* he wasn't talking about alternate universes at the time. Yet it seemed appropriate for their situation. Nature abhors a vacuum. Their absence would create a vacuum in their universe. If they could release themselves from this universe, they should automatically get 'sucked back' into their own. It made sense to her. That left the problem of releasing themselves from this universe. She reflected on Drew's story. Although he had not wanted to advocate suicide, she could see in his eyes that he believed it was that act that had precipitated his return to this world. Scully tried to think of other ways of releasing themselves from this universe, but kept coming back to the same thought. Death was the only way. Death in this world. Her stomach clenched again at the thought of suicide, but she pushed aside her feelings of horror. This was not a time to let emotion to get in the way. Based on the limited evidence she had, and using scientific reason, the only conclusion she could come up with was that suicide was the only way out of this world. Only it wasn't really suicide. Suicide was committed with the intention of ending one's life. If she and Mulder were to commit suicide, it would not be with that intention. It would be with the intention of continuing *their* lives, in *their* world. Although still disturbed by the thought, Scully was satisfied that she had reached her decision in her own way. Emotionally, she didn't like her decision, but rationally she was satisfied. She snuggled back down against Mulder, causing him to stir. "Y'okay?" She nodded against his chest. "Go back to sleep," she whispered. "Love you," he muttered into her hair. "Love you too," she replied. **** Mulder was taken aback. He had expected Scully would say more - much more - than "Okay Mulder." His mouth opened but he couldn't think of what he wanted to say. In the end he stuttered in astonishment, "You'll do it? I kind of thought you'd ... argue, or something. I mean...this is serious..." he finished weakly. She smiled slightly. "I know Mulder. I thought a lot about this last night. I don't know if I believe in my heart that it will work, but I believe in my head that it will. And I know that I love you, and I believe in *you*. You believe this will work, and I *hope* this will work. I guess that's enough." "So how are we going to do it?" he asked shakily. "I've thought about that," Scully answered, surprised that her voice sounded so strong. If she could draw on her doctor persona she could get through this. She described to Mulder the combination of over the counter pills they could take which would induce a painless death. When she had finished, he took her hands in his. "Are you scared Scully?" he asked tenderly. She nodded, immediately feeling tears well up. "I'm scared too," he said simply. "I don't want to do it now," she said in a strained voice, eyes lowered. "I want to spend some time with you. Just doing normal stuff. Maybe a picnic or shopping, or something. It's sunny out there." She looked up hesitantly, afraid that her desperate need for 'normality' would come across as weak. She was relieved when she saw his warm smile. "Scully, at the risk of sounding insensitive," he said with humor, "I'd rather die than go shopping. But a picnic sounds perfect. If I get the food, will you make the sandwiches? You may have noticed that in the 7 years we've been working together that I've *never* brought in home-made sandwiches for lunch. There's a reason for that." She laughed, determined to banish dark thoughts for the rest of the day. "Deal. Make sure you get sun-dried tomatoes. And some brie." **** "You know, I'd completely forgotten it was Saturday. I didn't realize the park would be this crowded," grumbled Mulder, glaring at a nearby dog who was eyeing their picnic food with relish. "That's okay," replied Scully. "This is nice. Kids, families, dogs - I like it." She paused and then added shyly, "Sometimes those things make me sad; they remind me what I'm missing. But I don't feel that way when I'm with you." He looked up from his sandwich in astonishment. Scully was constantly surprising him with her newfound openness. He liked it. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me Scully." She smiled, and ran her hand through his hair. "Y'know Scully, I kind of had in mind a slightly different picnic scenario. I was picturing a quiet park, a blanket, some kissing, some fondling. Maybe some secretive sex behind a tree." He glanced over at the dog again, who was now wagging his tail in anticipation of being fed. "However, I'm afraid if I try any of that, I will offend hundreds of outraged parents, or at the very least that dog will steal my food when I'm not looking." He threw his crust to the dog, and then kissed Scully. "If I can distract the dog with scraps, I can kiss you with no fear of being robbed." Scully giggled. She threw another crust to the dog, and leaned forward for her kiss. Grabbing the packet of cookies, she began throwing them at the dog, receiving a kiss for each one. Finally she pulled back, gasping with laughter. "So if a cookie equals a kiss, what do I get if I feed the dog the whole picnic?" They both laughed at the thought. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Scully sat back against his chest, looking out at the families at play. Happy, normal families. Leaning against Mulder, she could almost imagine being a happy family herself. Until a flash of red hair caught her eye. She gasped, and sat up. Before she could say anything, she saw the other Dana Scully turn, and stop sharply as she caught sight of them, causing Fox to bump into her. She felt Mulder tense behind her, as they watch the scene play out before them. A panicked Dana, a soothing Fox. They couldn't hear what he was saying to her, but they could see the tumult of emotions running across her face. Once her fear passed, anger seemed to drive her. She wrenched out of his grasp and stormed over to them. Standing before them, she said nothing. Underneath her anger, it was clear that she was still in shock. Finally she spoke. "I believe you know me," she said icily. Both Mulder and Scully scrambled to their feet. Mulder was the first to respond. "Dana, I'm...Mulder, this is...Scully." He held his hand out to shake hers in introduction. Both Scully and Dana looked at him incredulously, eyebrows raised in unison. "I think she knows who we are," Scully said eventually. Turning to Dana she said, "I know how hard this is for you. I felt the same way when I first saw you and Fox. It's very hard to believe. Very hard." She shook her head, still amazed that she *did* believe. "But don't blame Fox for not telling you. He was just trying to protect you." As soon as she uttered the words, she knew she'd made a mistake. She of all people should have known how well *that* would go down. Dana glanced at her coldly. "I think I can look after myself actually. Now I suggest somebody tells me what is going on." Glaring at Fox, she sat down on the blanket, waiting for them to follow her lead. "And give me your hat," she said to Fox, snatching his baseball cap from his head as he sat down next to her. "I don't want people staring at me. One redhead is noticeable enough." Scully ducked her head to hide a smile. Was *she* ever this grumpy? Probably. She let Mulder do the talking, while she snuck surreptitious glances at her double. Incredible. They looked so alike, although she noticed that Dana was already putting on some weight around her face as a result of the pregnancy. At the thought of Dana's pregnancy she felt a strong stab of jealousy. The emptiness in her womb was palpable, and she wondered if she would ever recover from the blow her infertility had struck her. Suddenly she realized the others were quiet, and she looked up to find them all staring at her. "What?" she asked, more sharply than she intended. "I was asking if you would like to go get an ice-cream with me," asked Dana, slightly impatiently. "I'd like to speak to you." "Sure," shrugged Scully, trying to cover her nervousness. Now she knew how Mulder had felt. They walked towards the park cafe in uncomfortable silence. Scully simply did not know what to say to her double. She had never felt so vulnerable; this was one person who really *did* know her as well as she knew herself, and she felt as if she was naked. Finally, Dana said, "Was it awful seeing Missy?" Scully gasped slightly at the direct question and stopped to face Dana. It felt odd staring into her own blue eyes. "Yes and no," she said simply. "I miss her so much." "I know, I'd miss her too. I'm sorry about everything that has happened to you Dana. Sorry...Scully," she corrected herself. Scully smiled slightly, but chose not to respond to Dana's expression of sympathy. She didn't want to break down in front of her. "Frankly, I'm amazed that you believe our story." Dana smiled in return. "Normally I wouldn't I guess. But it's a bit hard to disbelieve *yourself*. Besides, I know you're not my twin, so what else could you be?" They continued walking, again in silence. Scully felt as if she should say something, *anything*, about Dana's pregnancy, but every time she tried, the words stuck in her throat. For the second time, Dana broke the silence. "What's your favorite ice-cream flavor?" It took a moment for Scully to catch up with the change in conversation. "Umm, all flavors actually. Except vanilla - too boring." Dana laughed. "Me too." Relieved at the change in conversation, Scully relaxed. Chatting with herself wasn't so bad. It was as if she had another sister. They compared notes on favorite movies, childhood memories and the bad habits of the two Fox Mulders. They studiously avoided any mention of Dana's pregnancy, or anything else that might raise an emotional response. Scully smiled slightly when she realized this. Then again, she reflected, what did she expect from a conversation with herself? She was not known for wearing her heart on her sleeve. By the time they returned to the picnic blanket they were more comfortable in each other's company. "So what now?" asked Fox when they returned. Scully and Mulder exchanged glances. "We think we know how to get back. But it's probably best if we don't tell you what we plan to do." The four of them sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment. "We should be going," said Dana. "People are looking at us." They got up from the blanket and made their awkward goodbyes. As they walked away, Scully called out, "Wait! Dana...good luck...with the baby." Dana smiled and instinctively placed her hand on her stomach. "Thanks." "You okay?" asked Mulder after they had gone. Scully nodded. "What did you two talk about?" "Everything else except the baby. I felt bad about ignoring it, but I just *couldn't* Mulder. I think she understood. We talked about safe stuff." "Like what?" "Our favorite TV shows, what clothes we wore. Nothing too personal," she said, laughing shakily. "You know me Mulder." "There are other ways to have a baby Scully." She looked at him, startled. Where had that come from? "What do you mean?" "You'd make a great mother. You could train me to be a passable father. There are other ways." He tilted her chin up so he could look into her eyes. He could see they were shining with tears. He hadn't meant for her to cry. "Mulder, you've never indicated a desire to have a baby. It's not something you do to please someone else." "I know that Scully. I'm not saying I'm ready for it just yet. I'm just saying that I think I will be ready for it. And I want you to know that." He bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Thanks Mulder. That means a lot to me." End Part 9 From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 14:52:46 +1100 Subject: xfc: NEW: A Butterfly in China (Part 10 of 10) Source: xfc From: "nicknoc@hotmail.com" A Butterfly in China By Nicknoc (nicknoc@hotmail.com) Part 10 of 10 Mulder's Apartment 5.30 pm As soon as they arrived home, their mood darkened. Without a word, they knew the moment had arrived. Mulder watched Scully's trembling hands as she tipped the pills out of their little white containers. Sleeping pills first to send them asleep, and then the pills that would actually... Mulder couldn't even think the words. Not because he was afraid of suicide - God knows he'd considered it many times in his life. No, he was afraid of killing the person he loved more than life itself. His survival instinct for himself sometimes dimmed, but his survival instinct for her was overwhelming. He had to fight every primal instinct to prevent himself from sweeping the pills to the floor, from clutching her to him and begging her not to go through with it. His mind raced frantically trying to think of some way they could make this work, some way to reassure her that they would be okay, that they could live here and nobody would ever find them. But he knew it wasn't true. While they were in this world things were not okay. Instead, he took Scully's hand in his and pulled her to him, kissing her gently on the lips. "This will work Scully, I know it will. You are the bravest person I know, and I love you." "I'm not doing anything braver than you Mulder," she whispered. "Yes you are Scully. This act goes against every fiber of your being. I know that. It goes against everything you are, everything you stand for. But it will work; I feel it in my bones." She squeezed his arm. "I wish I could feel it in your bones too Mulder," she joked feebly. He chuckled slightly. Leaving the pills on the table, he took her hand and drew her up from the sofa. He wanted to make love to her before they did this. Just in case. They walked arm in arm into the bedroom, kissing before they even reached the door. Their lovemaking was passionate and desperate, both of them expressing their fears physically rather than verbally. When Mulder lay slumped over her, Scully buried her nose in his hair, breathing in his scent. She couldn't stop the unbidden thought that this might have been their last time together. Her fingers gripped at his back and her throat tightened. The thought that she might lose him so soon after finally letting down her walls was unbearable. She knew with striking clarity that if she didn't do it now, she would never do it. She would never have the courage to part from him. "Now, Mulder," she whispered. "It has to be now." Hearing the ache in her voice, Mulder shook himself out of his post-orgasmic drowsiness and rose from the bed to prepare for their final moments. Irrationally, the first thing he checked was that the apartment was clean. Then he made sure the envelopes he had left behind for the Lone Gunmen and Fox were in an obvious place. The envelopes contained everything they needed to know about the Consortium, the Government experiments and his beliefs about extra-terrestrial involvement. What they chose to do with the information was up to them. And then he collected the little white pills in his hands. When he was settled back onto the bed, he handed Scully a glass of water and her pills. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Her throat was so constricted with tears that she found it impossible to speak. "It's okay Scully. You don't have to say anything. I know," he said huskily. She nodded, and staring into his eyes she swallowed the pills. He took the water from her and repeated her action. They lay down together, entwined in each other's arms, Scully's head resting on his chest, her arms gripping him tightly. She wanted to hear his heartbeat, even though she knew she would probably fall asleep before he did. The first thing Mulder noticed was her arms slacken their grip on his body. "I love you Scully," he croaked, aware that this was the beginning. Or the end. He felt her breathing deepen and knew she was asleep. And then her body started twitching. She jerked in his arms and he started crying. He hadn't been prepared for this. He hadn't realized that he would feel her death throes. Just when he thought he could bear it no longer, sleep mercifully took hold. He slipped into nothingness. ******* "Dana? Dana honey, it's Mom." Scully opened her eyes to see her Mom's concerned face hovering above her. She tried to speak, and instantly felt a searing pain in her throat. "Don't try to speak sweetie. You took a blow to your throat and it's quite bruised. You're okay though - a cracked rib and some severe bruising. Mulder's okay - he only needed some stitches and was released straight away." Her mother brushed her hand over her forehead and kissed her lightly. "I'll just get the doctor so he can tell you more." Scully smiled slightly. Her poor Mom. She was so used to being there when she woke up in hospital that she knew *exactly* what questions she needed answered. Thank God Mulder was okay. Her mother returned with the Doctor, and Scully smiled at him. "Ahh, my favorite patient is awake," he said with good humor. "And I suppose you want to know exactly what is wrong with you?" She nodded and he chuckled. "I see you've already discovered your throat injuries. Your larynx is bruised and you probably wont be able to speak in more than a whisper for at least a few days. You have a slightly cracked rib and some severe bruising covering most of your torso. Some minor cuts, but you were shielded from most of the glass. And, of course, concussion. You've been out for 2 days." Her eyebrows flew up in surprise. Only 2 days. For some reason it felt longer...much longer. She'd been expecting him to tell he she'd been in a coma for weeks. Strange. Her Mom grabbed her hand. "I gave Fox a call honey. He said he'd be right over. He's been quite worried about you." Scully smiled at the understatement. Knowing Mulder he'd probably been frantic, harassing the Doctor constantly for updates, pacing up and down. She wondered if he'd slept. As if she could read her daughter's thoughts, Mrs Scully said, "I sent him home to get some sleep." She leaned in closer. "Frankly, he was driving all of us up the wall. He's blaming-" She stopped when Mulder walked in, carrying a huge bunch of flowers. "Fox, you look much better after a bit of sleep. I'll go find a vase for those," she said, slipping out the door so they could be alone. "Hey," said Mulder. "Hey," Scully whispered, wincing slightly. "Sorry, I forgot about your throat." He handed her the flowers, and she smiled widely. She couldn't recall Mulder buying her flowers before. He sat down next to her, and took her hand in his. "Scully, I'm so sorry-" "Mulder," she interrupted in a rasping whisper. "This was not your fault. You weren't to know about the bomb." He looked at her in surprise. She didn't know. "Um, I wasn't talking about that Scully. Your injuries, they're my fault." At her quizzical glance he continued, a blush of remorse and embarrassment rising in his face. "I...uh...landed on you. The weight of me cracked your rib, and they think it was my elbow in your throat that caused that bruising. I'm really sorry." He hung his head in misery, and then looked up to see her reaction. She was laughing silently, shoulders shaking and tears starting to run out of the corners of her eyes. "You don't hate me?" She shook her head, still laughing. Impulsively she pulled his head forward and kissed him on the forehead. She couldn't resist him when he looked like a sad puppy. He smiled in relief. "I was so worried about you Scully. I thought that you'd never wake up, that this time I'd finally fucked up irreversibly. I promised myself that if you woke up I'd never take you on a wild goose chase again, and then I remembered that you'd hate me even more if I ditched you, so I -" he stopped when he realized he was rambling. "Anyway, I'm glad you're awake." She ruffled his hair and kissed him on the forehead again, surprising herself with this sudden need to touch and caress him. It's because I can't speak, she told herself. I have to communicate with him somehow. He looked at her in surprise. She wasn't normally this demonstrative. Not that he was complaining. Taking advantage of the moment, he grasped her hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm glad you're okay. When they let you out, I'll cook you dinner to make up for it." Remembering the condition of her throat he added, "Something soft. Semolina maybe?" She grimaced, and he laughed. "Okay, ice-cream. Sorry, Tofutti non-dairy dreamwhatsit, or whatever that stuff was." Mrs Scully returned with the vase, glad to see her daughter looking so happy. She noticed Mulder quickly release her hand, and smiled. Well at least they were at the hand-holding stage, she thought. It has been seven years - give them another seven and they might even kiss. Mulder got up. "Here Mrs Scully, you can have this chair. I'd better get back to work." Turning to Scully he said, "The doctor said you should be released tomorrow, so I'll come by on Sunday to check you're okay." Realizing she couldn't say 'No Mulder, I'm fine' he pushed his luck even further. "In fact I might pop over tomorrow night and tuck you in." As he walked out the door, he turned around and said with a wicked grin, "Y'know, this is the first time in seven years you haven't had the last word. I could get used to this." The magazine she threw at him crashed uselessly against the door frame, and she could hear him laughing as he walked away. **** Scully's apartment Tuesday 11.30am Scully sat listlessly on the couch, book unread in her hand. Her ribs were too sore for her to move much, and she was sick of reading. There was nothing good on TV and she didn't have the energy to go out and get a video. And something was bothering her. Ever since she'd awoken in hospital she'd had this feeling, as if she had forgotten something. Something important. The more she tried to remember what it was, the more elusive it became. The only thing she could pin down was that it had something to do with Mulder. She sighed as she once again racked her brain, going over the events that led to the bomb blast. She didn't think she'd forgotten anything, she seemed to remember everything clearly. And yet it was there. Tickling at her subconscious, becoming stronger whenever she thought of Mulder. Which lately, was quite often. In fact, she was having trouble getting him out of her head. And she was dreaming about him. Explicit dreams that made her blush when she remembered them in waking moments. Not that she hadn't dreamt about him like that before, but these dreams seemed different. These dreams seemed real. The phone rang, breaking up her thoughts, and Scully looked at it with loathing. Her throat still hurt to talk, and she was reluctant to use the phone. Skinner had called her over the weekend to tell her she was on compulsory sick leave for a week, and when he had heard her husky voice he'd laughed. He'd said she sounded like a porn queen. It was probably Mulder, she thought and picked it up, saying nothing. If she *did* sound like a porn queen, there was no way she was giving Mulder some free thrills. "Scully, don't talk. I'm just letting you know I'm coming over. I'm just around the corner so I'll be there soon." "Mulder-" she rasped. "No arguments Scully. I'll be there soon." He hung up, leaving her frowning at the phone. She was just going to ask him to pick up some ice-cream. Dammit. True to his word, he arrived moments later. With ice-cream. And a container that looked like soup. The man was a gem. Seeing her eyeing off the packages he said, "I got Pistachio Dream and Mango Madness. The Mango is a sorbet so it's non-dairy. And I got soup - Cream of Chicken. What do you want first?" She licked her lips. "All of it," she whispered. "I'm starving." "I'll start you off on the soup Agent Scully. Somehow, I think your eyes are bigger than your stomach." Scully settled herself down onto the sofa again. Surprisingly, she was content to let him wait on her. She knew he felt guilty about her injuries, and he seemed eager to make it up to her by playing nurse. Well, for once in her life, she was happy to be looked after. Especially by him. Mulder hummed to himself as he spooned soup into a bowl. Frankly, he hadn't expected such a smooth run with Scully. Normally she was a prickly patient, who took great pains to make it clear that she could look after herself. Over the last couple of days she had put up with his molly-coddling with uncharacteristic patience. In fact, she even seemed to be enjoying it. He smiled to himself, tasting the soup. He'd never let her know, but the last few days had been some of the more pleasant days he could remember. He'd spent almost all of Sunday with Scully, reading stupid articles out of some magazines he'd bought her, watching TV - she'd even let him cook her soup for dinner. He didn't tell her that he'd never cooked soup in his life. He'd been sweating bullets as he poured over her recipe books, trying to find the simplest recipe. The final result, however, was actually very good. He couldn't work out whether her attitude towards him had softened. Had she *finally* let down some of those walls she'd constructed, or was it just her injured throat that meant she couldn't push him away with some well placed words? He hoped it was the former. He was a patient man, and he was prepared to wait for Scully. However, his patience was wearing thin. And his attraction to her was getting harder and harder to hide. Placing the soup bowl and a glass of juice on a tray, he took it out to her. "Work?" she asked. "Skinner gave me a half day. Things are quiet at the moment. You're not missing anything." She smiled and took a sip of soup. "Mmmm." They ate the soup together in comfortable silence. When she had finished, Scully leaned back and turned to look at Mulder sitting next to her. He seemed so familiar to her, more so than ever before. And again she had that feeling in the back of her consciousness; the feeling that she had forgotten something important. Something that involved her and Mulder. "Mulder," she rasped, "I feel as though I've forgotten something. Something important." He frowned, not really sure what she was talking about. "You've lost something?" "No, I mean ever since I woke up at the hospital I feel as if I've forgotten something important. Something that happened to us." He twisted so he was looking at her. "Would it help if I went through my memory of what happened?" She nodded, and he started going into the details of that night, from the time they left his apartment to when the bomb went off. In typical Mulder fashion he didn't leave out a thing, including what she was wearing. When he finished, she sighed in frustration. "That's what I remember." "Well unless we both forgot the same thing, which I think is a very slim chance, then I don't know what it could be that you have forgotten." "I guess if it's important it will come back to me." Mulder suddenly jumped up from the sofa. "Speaking of forgetting things, I got us some videos. They're in the car." When he returned, she had made herself more comfortable, with a small rug draped over her legs, and one behind her head. "I got two chick flicks, and one boy film. What do you want first?" "Chick flick," she whispered, smiling when he grimaced. Still, she noted as he popped it into the video, his version of chick flick was "Something About Mary". She raised her eyebrow at him and he said defensively, "It's about a girl. That classifies it as a chick flick." Shaking her head at him, she settled down to watch the movie. Two hours later they were into their second movie. Although it was only early afternoon, Scully found waves of tiredness washing over her. She needed a nap, but she couldn't face her bedroom. She'd spent too much time in there lately. Besides, she was enjoying Mulder's presence. It was comforting and very familiar. Like she was experiencing a long episode of dj vu. Yawning widely she turned her bleary eyes to him. "I need a nap." "Do you want me to go?" he asked, disappointment clear in his eyes. She shook her head, and he smiled slightly. "I might sleep here. Just doze." She paused. "I need to put my head up there," she said, indicating his end of the sofa. "I can't lie on my right side." Instead of moving, he pulled the light rug off her legs, and folding it loosely, placed it on his lap. "Here's your pillow then," he said, patting his lap tentatively. She sat there, compelled by his offer. She caught his eyes, and was transfixed by the mute appeal she saw in them. He seemed nervous of her answer. She knew just how he felt. Why did this seem so important? "I won't bite," he said softly. "Not unless you want me to." She chuckled slightly, relieved that he had lightened the moment. Gingerly, so as not to hurt her ribs, she lay down so her head rested on his legs. He pulled the other rug that had fallen down behind her and draped it over her, and then turned the sound on the TV lower. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. So familiar. So important to her. She brought her hand up and slid it under the rug so it rested on his leg. She felt his thigh muscles twitch and then relax. Mulder looked down at her bright red hair flaring out against the cream rug. Holding his breath he reached out and placed a hand softly on her head. "Comfortable Scully?" She nodded. Emboldened, he started stroking her hair. She sighed softly and his stomach clenched. This was probably the most intimate contact they had ever had, if he excluded desperate hugs in stressful situations. He felt her fingers grip his thigh slightly, and feeling braver, he ran his index finger down the side of her face. Her cheek felt soft and downy. His whole being focussed on the feeling of her skin under his finger. Mulder's heart was pounding and his mind racing as he continued trailing his finger over her cheek, nose and temple. He'd always told himself that he would know when she was ready. That he could read her signs. God knows he'd been able to read her signs saying 'Turn back here'. But now he wasn't so sure. Was this a sign? She was letting him stroke her face, something he was sure she wouldn't have allowed only weeks ago. What had changed? Sure, they'd been in another dangerous situation, however this was nothing new for them. But had this time been the last straw? He felt her shift under his fingers, and she grimaced as she twisted around so that the back of head was against his leg, and her face turned up to him. He held his hand over her, uncertain whether to continue his caresses. Scully opened her eyes and he blushed, realizing how ridiculous he must look with his hand floating inches above her face. She reached up and took his hand, placing it gently back on her cheek, and then closed her eyes again. He let out the breath he had been holding. Okay, *that* was a sign. Elated, he stroked her cheek and traced her jawline with his fingers. Her lips. He wanted to touch her lips. Slowly he ran his finger from the middle of her forehead, down her nose until it rested on the indent under her nose. Carefully he traced around the outside of her lips, and then, finally, across the full, pink flesh. He almost groaned aloud at the hot flash of arousal that passed through him. His eyes fell closed. He wanted to block out all senses, so he could concentrate only on his sense of touch. Scully shivered slightly as he ran his finger lightly across her lips. She couldn't get an image out of head. It was an image that had been haunting her ever since she'd left the hospital. Her and Mulder, in his bed, making love. It was just a flash, him bending over and whispering "I love you" in her ear. She didn't know where this had come from. She'd given into her sexual feelings about Mulder many years ago, and had indulged in a number of steamy fantasies about him. But she'd kept her fantasies about sex. They were never about love. The thought of loving Mulder had always terrified her. And that's when it hit her. The thought no longer terrified her. She loved him, and she was no longer afraid of that. She almost laughed aloud at the realization. "What's so funny Scully?" he asked huskily. "What are you smiling about?" Opening her eyes she saw him staring down at her, eyes filled with respect, compassion, friendship and tenderness. All the emotions that made up love. Why hadn't she seen it before? "I just remembered what I'd forgotten," she responded, her voice husky for reasons other than her sore throat. "What was it?" Struggling, she sat up so her face was level with his. Leaning forward, she pressed her lips softly against his. When she drew back, he smiled goofily and brushed a stray hair away from her face. Without saying a work, she lay back with her head in his lap, and closed her eyes. It was just a small kiss, but it would do for now. Small actions often had big consequences, and she was sure that this consequence would be worth waiting for. THE END