From: "patfiler@hotmail.com" Date: 26 Mar 2006 11:11:36 -0800 Subject: CSM Reads Vice Verses Source: atxc Title: CSM Reads Vice Verses Author: Pattie Rated: PG-13. (Those videos again... and the sexual innuendo.) Category: Vignette, Humor, Angst, Myth Arc, sequel to the other Vice Verses stories. Spoiler(s): All that lead up to the end of Season 5. Summary: It's time for C.G.B. Spender to find that piece of legal pad paper. Feedback: I would love to hear from anyone who has good or critical feedback at: patfiler@hotmail.com. If I don't respond immediately, don't worry. My own computer has no internet connection at this time. Archive: ATXC, Gossamer, Ephemeral. Others should ask me via email. Disclaimer: Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Studios own all the original X-Files characters and the title. I earn no money from writing fanfiction and intend no copyright infringement. Other original characters are figments of my imagination. Author's Note: The ending surprised even me. Technically, it could be a spoiler for the movie, "Fight The Future", but since I had no idea how this would end while I was setting things up, one could also think someone got there on time. That is also the reason I have not set a date for the story. J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING, 2:15 AM "No Smoking", the sign said. That didn't matter to the man who had "access". He entered the building via the parking garage door, basement level. As he headed toward the X-Files Office, he threw down what was left of his cigarette and lit another one. At this time of night, no one would be here. Besides, he knew that Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were both at home. It was time to see what the dear boy and his partner had been up to lately, without Skinner's help this time. That would prove somewhat harmful to Skinner later, but then it was business as usual for the Cigarette Smoking Man, as he had become known to Mulder and Scully. He had no problem unlocking the office door. Again, "Access". The desk had actually been dusted! "Don't tell me you're getting domestic on me, boy. Maybe the cleaning staff took the opportunity since your desk is clear." Usually, there were files, pencils, 'post-it' notes and sunflower seed shells scattered over the top of the desk. No matter. Old Smokey could always see the latest entries with a flick of the computer switch. Just by opening the top drawer of the desk, he was bound to find something of interest. Perhaps a contact, a tip, a newspaper clipping. What was this? A yellow legal pad paper, folded neatly and sitting on top of some 8" by 11" envelope. "Hmm. This might prove useful." As he unfolded the sheet of paper, he felt no guilt, for this was just routine. Snooping? Heck, no. Actually, this was quite a humorous read, in his mind. "My dear boy, you must have been tremendously bored the day you decided to list your own vices. Most men are too busy pursuing those very things." It was time to light up again. "Beautifully packaged brain? Yes, Scully does have that. It was sent to keep an eye on you. Well, we are dealing with her as well as you. Of course, you already know that. News Year's Resolutions? At this point, even if you did keep any of those, it wouldn't matter in the long run, but this could be interesting." This was going to be a good read. C.G.B. Spender made himself comfortable in Mulder's chair. " 'WILD GOOSE CHASES'. I take great pains to send you out on a lot of those, and it's an art creating a few oddities that you don't find on your own. The 'Flukeman' incident. We're still all laughing over that one. There's a whole colo- but never mind. Where was I? Heh heh. 'PARANORMAL INVESTIGATIONS'. 'Powers That Be' upstairs. You don't know the half of it, young man. Yes, we love your interest in the paranormal. Takes the strain off of us when you're going alien hunting, or tearing around the country checking on our military bases." Well, that cigarette was spent. Heck, he just stomped it out on the floor and reached for another one. "RUNNING. Keeping in shape is a vice? Okay. Personally, it's not one of my vices. Oh, and those leg injuries, well they're not just on the job hazards, they slow you down in your quest for 'The Truth'. Of course, I'd never tell you that. And your 'WORK-RELATED INJURIES' do buy us some time. You really are a smart boy, Fox, but it's getting harder to keep ahead of you, and we can't have you getting ahead of us now, can we? And I suppose any man with a brain in his head would appreciate a young, beautiful partner with a medical degree. I wonder just how much she 'attends' to you? Hmm... Yeah." C.G.B. looked at the 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster for a moment. "Oh, believe it. Just don't interfere." He continued his perusal of Mulder's self-admitted vices. " 'RENTING THOSE VIDEOS'. Oh go ahead. Have a little fun while you can. The real-life effort can have consequences... for all concerned. As far as Scully is concerned, I'm sure she understands you couldn't possibly pursue a relationship while you're on your quest. Or while you're working here. As for 'UTTERING SEXUAL INNUENDO', well it's still a boy's club, isn't it? Son, in my day, women were insulted if you didn't hint around. Only uttering it to her? You must be blind. Why there have been many women you've come across, and I'm sure you've been attracted to them. What's wrong with you? Oh no. It's hit you." Apparently, this train of thought had C.G.B. Spender perturbed. He stared off into space for a moment. This could definitely pose a problem: Now Fox was obsessed not only with his sister, but with his partner. He made a mental note to have that dealt with in some way. " 'DITCHING SAID PARTNER ON CASES'. Not only is he overly protective of her, that leaves us ample opportunity to intervene, if ever the need arises again... 'BUTTERED POPCORN', well, so what." He took a moment to rest his eyes and call one of his minions. "Yes. I'm at the office right now. Make sure to have it wired again by tomorrow night. Very good. I will expect that." As he continued to read Mulder's list, there was a paragraph that might come in handy some day, especially since there were references to people Mulder may or may not be familiar with. They were referrred to only as 'They', but it had Spender worried. The title was innocent enough: " 'TOTALLING COMPANY AND RENTAL CARS': Occupational hazard. When it comes to murderers, drug dealers and hostage takers, it's a risk I'll take to do my job protecting the public. As for my 'Unofficial' investigations... 'They', whoever 'they' are know full well what 'they' are trying to get away with and what 'they' are doing when 'they' have US pursued. You could say 'they' caused the accidents. Shouldn't 'they' pay for damages?" Spender pressed the speed dial on his cell again. "Better have theri apoartments wired, as well. Yes, I'm afraid so. And DON'T be careless!" Damn, Mulder may be on to certain people in the building. That was a risk The Consortium coulnd't afford at this point in time. "PARANOIA? You're right. It isn't paranoia when you know someone's watching you. Another bug sweep? Well, why the hell don't we just keep replacing them, Mulder. I'm right on it. We may as well put some cameras in your apartments and a couple right here at Hoover's Haunt. As for your meeting with "SHADY CHARACTERS IN THE DARK", they're both dead now. Wonder why? I know why." His cigarette was spent, and once again he lit another one. "So, you'll find 'The Truth' one day, and all that goes with it? We'll see about that. Perhaps the real 'Truth' is not what you might want it to be, my boy. Indeed, you won't know what you've found for a very long time... " The old man leafed through a few folders in the file cabinets, removing three or four, then lit up the trash can, with the self- admitted vices acting as a torch set things off, and there were many things that needed to be incinerated. The office would be mere melted metal, concrete and ash very soon. As he made his way out of the office, for just a second, he swore he could hear Bill Mulder's voice: "I won't sign a deal with those bastards no no matter what they threaten us with. There's a thing called honor. That's the legacy I want to leave my son." For a brief moment, there was a chilly guilty feeling running through old C.G.B. Spender's body. He shook it off. "Work. That's all I have now, my old friend." END