************************************************************************** This author's e-mail address has changed to: damienma@netroenterprises.com ************************************************************************** From: Jori Date: Sun, 04 Apr 1999 04:09:58 GMT Subject: NEW: Calendar Girl: Spring Ahead 1/2 MSR NC-17 Title: Calendar Girl: Spring Ahead 1/2 Author: Jori Rating: NC-17 for sex and language Category: SR Keywords: MSR Summary: Set immediately after 'Alpha,' Mulder and Scully partake in some Easter games. Archive: Yes Spoilers: All through season six, but mostly 'Alpha' E-Mail: damienma@bellsouth.net Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to CC, 1013 and FOX. I'm just airing them out for spring Author's notes: This is part of my 'Holidays: Calendar Girl' series, but really can be read on its own. All of these stories take place on holidays, and all you have to really know is that M&S became lovers on Christmas day. All previous stories can be found under 'Calendar Girl' at: http://www.freeyellow.com/members7/darrenr114/stories Thanks go out to Rachel and MoJo, my wonderful beta readers. Happy Easter! ************************************************* April 2, 1999 "I thought you were going to your mother's for the weekend," I say, startled to find Scully sitting in my dark apartment. "I was just thinking," Scully says quietly, not stirring at all as I turn on the light. She is sitting on the chair at my desk, still wearing her trench coat, her arms crossed in front of her. Scully left me at the office well over an hour ago, and I can only assume she has spent a good portion of that time sitting here in the shadows, waiting for me. "About what?" I ask her, as I shed my jacket, loosen my tie and sit down on the couch. "About you. About that," she says as she nods towards my computer monitor on the desk. We say nothing to each other for minutes, her eyes not leaving mine. "Scully . . ." I start to say, breaking the silence. "Never mind. It isn't any of my business, is it? No matter how close we are, we still have separate lives, don't we?" she says, as she rises up out of the chair. "It wasn't like that, Scully. I don't have a secret internet life that you don't know about. I met Karin after I sent her some feedback about a book she wrote. She replied, and the whole thing just . . ." I stop, not knowing how it turned into what it did. I thought I was helping but I probably cost the woman her life. I didn't think it was anything more than interesting conversation but it somehow turned deadly. "Snowballed? But that isn't the point. She thought it was more. What made her feel that way, Mulder? How many other women feel that way? How many women do you converse with that I don't know about?" Scully asks. She is standing across from me, her expression serious. "I don't have any idea how to judge what people on the internet expect of me. None of us can, really. We are only words flittering across a computer screen. You say that woman was attracted to me, used this case to get me there. But I don't see it," I say to her, as I pat the couch next to me, hoping she will sit down. "It isn't just words, Mulder. There's a person behind each of those keystrokes, a person with hopes and dreams. A person who is perhaps searching for something they feel only you can provide," she says. She doesn't move in my direction, but she doesn't head for the door either. "Maybe it is anonymity that I enjoy, Scully. I don't know how to describe it. It provides a certain degree of freedom that this life I lead, *we* lead can't provide. If you don't like something someone says on the internet, you are free to close it down, end that conversation with the flip of a switch. It is so much easier than . . ." I start. She is waiting for my next words. Scully stands there anxiously, her arms folded tighter across her chest than they were earlier. "Easier than a relationship with me? Are there any other relationships I should know about, Mulder? How anonymous do you like it?" Scully asks. I stand up and walk over to my desk. With a push of a button, my computer is whirring through its start-up mode, and asking for my password. "Go ahead, sit down again," I tell her, pointing at the chair, "Sit down and type in the password. I want to show you something." Scully looks away from me for a moment, before moving in my direction. "Mulder, you don't have to do this," she says. She doesn't sit down in the chair she vacated just moments ago, but stands resolutely beside me. "No. I want to show you something. No secrets, okay? Come on, Scully. It's not like I'm going to put you in the 'Vampires in Chains' chat room and give out your home phone number," I say to her with a smile, and she finally sits down. Her fingers type in my password quickly, and the menu appears on the screen. "Now what?" she asks me. I stand behind her, and put my hand over hers on top of the mouse, guiding her to the right place. "This is all the mail I have received and sent in the last month. I usually purge most of it eventually, just in case, but some I keep. And here is Karin Berquist's mail folder," I say, as I pull both her hand and the mouse over to the right file and click it open. "Dogs and Monsters?" she asks, noticing what I named the folder. "You can read any piece of mail in there and you will see clearly what my intentions were. I want you to believe me," I say to her. She moves her hand independently of mine, and closes the folder. "I know what your intentions were, Mulder. You are always seeking someone who believes in you. You are always looking for that one thing I apparently can't give you. Blind faith. You just don't know that is what you are looking for," she says softly, not looking at me. I can see her face reflected in the monitor, as she closes her eyes. "I wouldn't want our relationship to be any different, Scully. Why can't you believe me when I say that?" I ask her. It is true. I love her for what she is. Even when she is so damn annoying I could scream. "Your actions would indicate otherwise, Mulder. I can't say I blame you. Who wouldn't want someone who put them up on a pedestal, who provides them with a rapt audience for their every word? Not only that, but an anonymous person putting them on a pedestal . . . someone they will probably never have to meet. Someone that they can't really let down," she says. "Are you saying you don't have me up on a pedestal?" I ask her, and see in the reflection a tiny smile tug at the corners of her mouth. Maybe Scully is right. Maybe I do want someone to be enamored of me, instead of just people thinking I'm nuts. But I want that person to be her. I want her to believe in me, if only just once. But in asking for that, I would be asking for Scully to give up everything she is. I would rather be a mere mortal in her eyes and have her the way she is than to be aggrandized by someone else. She leans her head back against me, and lets out a deep sigh. I place my hands on her shoulders, wanting so much to hold her. "Are you ever going to take those down, Mulder?" she asks, pointing up to the blue Christmas lights strung across my curtains and down the window. "When you aren't here, they remind me of you," I say, as visions of our first night together play through my mind. A slow heat travels through my body as the image of her bespeckled with blue lights flashes with merriment through my head. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night, indeed. And here it is Easter already. Time sure does fly when you are wrapped up in Scully. "I really need to get going. I'm supposed to go to my mom's early and . . ." she starts to say. Scully stops the moment my tongue makes contact with the base of her neck. She tastes of salt, perhaps of tears. I can't imagine what she would be crying about. Perhaps sweat. "Stay with me for just a little while," I whisper in her ear, and she doesn't appear to be moving out of that chair, "I'm going to get out of this suit and I'll be right back." I change into jeans and a T-shirt quickly, and look around my bedroom. It is becoming a mess again, with pieces of a dismantled mirrored canopy resting everywhere. Scully hated it, so down it came. At least now I don't wake up in the middle of the night startled by the lunatic staring back at me. In the living room, I find Scully slowly scrolling through something on the computer. Her attention is captured completely and she is so wrapped up in her reading she doesn't hear me approach. "What are you reading?" I ask her, as I stand behind her again. "Nothing. I see you saved all the e-mail I ever sent you," Scully says, as she scrolls down a long list of mail. "Well, just in case . . " I start to say, but the 'in case' is too horrible to put into words. In case I lose her. In case they take her somewhere I can't find her. It isn't something I can say out loud, for fear of it coming true. She also notices I have hundreds of letters marked 'Scully~Unsent' that have been accumulating over the years, but she says nothing. If she opened my desk drawer right now, she'd find more in my leather bound journal. They weren't meant for her to ever read, and she doesn't seem to push the issue. "Just as long as you don't have them printed out and tied with little pink bows somewhere, I guess it is okay," she says. "Are you spending the night?" I ask, full of hope. I know holidays with her family are important to her, but I am also becoming attached to our holiday time, too. Just as I have become hopelessly attached to her. "I really should be going. I wouldn't want to take up any of your internet time," Scully says, as she clicks the proper button to get the modem connected. "You aren't taking up any thing, Scully. I told you, I don't have a secret internet life. The only secret life I have is with you," I say. My home page comes up, and Scully clicks on the mail button. She waits patiently as twenty-four pieces of mail are downloaded off the server onto my machine. I wince as she scans over the subject line of some of them. Okay. Maybe I do have somewhat of a secret internet life, but it isn't like I'm using it to purposefully meet women. "What is it you want, Mulder?" she asks, as her hand leaves the mouse and she leans back against me. "I don't always know," I tell her honestly. "I really need to get going. I have to get up early tomorrow. I'll see you on Monday, okay?" she asks, as she stands up and heads towards the door. I follow her and we kiss just once before she goes. "Monday," I say as I turn and look at my computer. Monday is so damn far away. I sit down at my desk and delete a large portion of my new mail without even glancing at it. Then I open up a new message, one I do intend to send to Scully.