From: Pen Name Charlotte <pennamecharlotte@yahoo.com>
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2000 08:18:00 -0800 (PST)
Subject: xfc: Chain Reaction (nc-17)
Source: xfc

From: Pen Name Charlotte <pennamecharlotte@yahoo.com>

Title: Chain Reaction

Author: Charlotte

Category: MSR

Rating: NC-17

Summary: This takes place right after the Goldberg
Variation. What
happens when Scully realizes everything has a
consequence.

*****

So, do I believe in cause and effect? Now what about
good luck?

Mulder sure did. It was a little weird seeing him pick
up on the pattern right away.

Cause and effect... I'm only waiting for the moment to
receive the effect of what Mulder gave me New Year's
Eve. I'd like to see the ramifications of that one
moment, beneath the TV in that waiting room, starting
up a dizzying domino effect, like the contraption in
the boy's hospital room.

And how would I like to see it unfold, you say? God
only knows I wish he or I would get on with it
already. It's been weeks since that night, and we
haven't spoken of it since. Maybe he feels there is no
need to speak of it. My God, I've waited so long for
him! The fact that nothing has been said just eats me
up inside. Is this only a one-sided infatuation? Is
Mulder truly only interested in me as a friend and
colleague?

I'd probably given him the wrong impression. That
*would* be just like me. I'm so used to hiding my
emotions that when it really counts, I have no way of
setting them free. When will be the right time? Our
luck has got to run out sometime. How much longer are
*we* going to cheat death?

Back to luck, then... I'd hardly make any bets on it.
How many times have we been saved by it, though? No, I
think the "powers that be" just let us off the hook.
But why? Maybe Mulder and I have been spared because
we are meant for something else? No. There is no
coincidence in what we've gotten ourselves into. We've
made our own fate.

My fate... with Mulder... how would that be?

To see his face every day. What am I saying? I see him
every day as it is.

To feel him close every time I need him. Hmm. That,
too. When has there been a time when he hasn't offered
himself as my own personal bear hug? It's me that has
been the one to push him away.

To be able to become part of *his* life. I wish I
could be the same in his eyes as he is for me. So,
what makes me think I'm not? He kissed *me*. Yeah, I
wanted it... wasn't expecting it, but I did want it...
more than anything. I wanted it as soon as he was back
from the hospital. Couldn't he tell what I was saying
to him -- my thumbs brushing across the lips I had so
longed to touch with my own. And then he closed the
gap that night at 12:00. He did what I was afraid to
do.

I guess the ball is in my court. It's my turn to make
the move: to push the next domino. He's been waiting
for me. How could I be *so* blind? What if I was *so*
wrong?

If it is my "turn" what am I going to do about it? I
can't let him slip through my fingers. I could very
easily screw this up. What did he say? "The world
didn't come to an end." No, it won't unless I tell him
exactly how I feel.

If I really believed that things happen for a reason,
I would have realized that Mulder and I belonged
together long ago. I think I did, but wouldn't accept
it. We practically live our lives together now. Maybe
I just can't deny fate anymore.

I walked along side Mulder out of the hospital. He
held the door for me as we exited the building and
made our way toward the rental car. We had a plane
ride back to D.C. in a few hours, which I loathed to
think of. Here I was, thinking about "us" when
normally I'd be thinking about writing up a report for
Skinner. I'll be sitting so close to him, as I always
do, but the anticipation is just going to be so
intense this time.

"Scully," his smooth, familiar voice broke into my
thoughts. I looked up at him across the roof of the
car. "The door's open," he replied with a wry smirk
faintly across his lips.

It was late in the afternoon, and the thought of an
airplane meal of roasted peanuts was not appealing to
me. Besides, I knew they would end up churning in my
stomach. I must have had a quaesy look on my face,
because Mulder kept looking at me through his
peripheral vision.

"Hey, partner, how's it going?"

"I'm fine," no, I'm not.

"You're looking a little green. You going to be OK to
fly?" Was I? I know I didn't want to get on a plane,
but would my anxiety have a *really* bad effect on
me... in the bottom of a wax-sealed brown paper bag? I
definately didn't want Mulder to see me like *that*.
Come on, Scully, it's now or never, remember? What
happened to accepting your fate? What happened to "the
ball's in my court?"

"Mulder, do you think maybe we could catch a plane
back to D.C. tomorrow? I don't know if I'm up for this
flight. I don't feel so great." Wonderful.. I've used
the oldest trick in the book: a damsel in distress...
and damned if it didn't work! He pulled the car over
into a parallel space.

"Oh, Scully, I'm sorry I didn't notice it earlier. Let
me give Skinner a call and tell him we'll be back
later than expected. I'll say we had some loose ends
to tie up." Yeah, I definately wanted to get these
loose ends tied up. He just didn't know which ones I
was thinking of. He began dialing, and then looked
over to me. "You want to reschedule the plane tickets,
or should I?"

"No, no, I'll do it. I'm not feeling *that* bad. And
maybe I can call back the hotel to reserve the rooms
again." He nodded, glancing worriedly over in my
direction between punching numbers into his cell
phone. "Thanks, Mulder."

He gave me a big toothy grin, which lifted my spirits
a little. How could I be afraid to speak to him when
he had such a positive, loving effect on me? Cause and
effect, Scully. Everything happens with a consequence.

Surprisingly, arrangements were not hard to set up. I
guess Y2K wasn't the bombshell everyone was expecting
with their computers. As much as I wanted to reserve a
single room, I didn't want to risk an embarrassing
misconception on my part, or on Skinner's, for that
matter. He *would* be looking at the expense reports.

When I finished with the arrangements, I found Mulder
twiddling with the radio controls. It was always a
challenge to find a good station, considering the
amount of places we're sent to. The little labeled
preset buttons for local stations were never really
set for too long. More often than not, the previous
renter had punched in their own taste in musical
selctions.

"So, we at the same place?" he asked between staticky
stations.

"Yup, same rooms." Mulder smiled, both at the thought
of the nice hotel for once, and that he had found a
funky jazz station.

"Well, then, I guess we'd better go check in. What do
you want to do for dinner? Are you feeling queasy?"

"Actually, I think a normal sit-down dinner would be
in order. I'm craving a good meal. Maybe it'll get my
energy back up." ...more like it'll buy me some time
to build my confidence up.

We checked in... again... and I got into my room,
flinging my bag into the corner. For once, I didn't
want to unpack. God, what was I doing? How had I
managed to get Mulder to agree to stay here an extra
night? I flopped down onto the bed, face up, and
pulled my fingers through my hair. Mulder knocked at
the door. I had left it unlocked, knowing he'd be by
at any second. I didn't bother to get up, but yelled
out to him: "Come in, Mulder."

"Hi," he said, and sat on the bed next to me, so that
his head hung upside down above mine. "You Ok, Scully?
Do you want to get room service, or something?"

"I'm not that hungry just yet." He studied my face,
and glaced up at my sprawled out body. I suddenly
became aware that I was wearing one of my newer,
lower-cut blouses, and that from this angle, Mulder
could probably see alot more than I intended. True, as
of late I had wanted him to notice, but I wasn't so
aware that he *did* until now. I, however, remained
where I was, swallowing my embarrassment to keep the
moment. If I really wanted to talk about this, I
shouldn't be worrying about whether he was checking me
out. It could work to my advantage.

"Mulder," I whispered, trying not to startle him from
his obvious distraction.

"Hmm?" He casually returned his gaze to my eyes. The
butterflies were whirling now. He was so close, I
could feel his breath floating over my nose and lips.
All he had to do was come down a little closer. This
was it. I had his full attention. His beautiful face
looming above me, his whole countenance awaiting to
serve my needs. If he had wanted me to stand up right
now, I would have failed miserably.

"Mulder... what do I mean to you?" I expected him to
pull away from me at the random remark, but he held
his ground, and looked deeply at me with those hazel
eyes.  Softness I had only seen from afar melted over
his face. A flash from his apartment doorway, Mulder
wearing that Yankees cap, holding my face, passed
before my mind's eye. It was the same look. My breath
was shallow, my arms felt like jello, crossed behind
my head. It was no use. I had pinned myself,
unwillingly in the most vulnerable position
imaginable.

"Scully... you're like... my other half. I couldn't
get along anywhere without you," he paused, eyes
clouding over for a moment in thought. "I don't know
how I got along before I met you."

"Do you believe that our meeting and working together
has had a direct influence on where our lives are
going to lead? Do you think we were brought together
for a reason?"

"We've been taking on the most important responsibilty
of the entire planet, Scully. Without us, the world
would..."

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh," he looked me hard in the eye. "What... do I mean
to you, Scully?" I could feel the stress running out
through my toes. I loved him so much, and I was about
to tell him so. "You're not really ill, are you?" He
trailed one finger across my hairline, brushing away
some stray whisps.

"Mulder... I..." Come on, Dana, "You have to know how
I truly feel about you," I closed my eyes, afraid to
see his reaction. I felt him come around to my side
and put his full weight on his elbow, now resting
beside my shoulder, his other arm balanced above my
stomach, just barely high enough so as not to touch
me. His mouth was beside my cheek. I could hear him
inhale slightly before he spoke.

"How do you feel about me, Scully?" His voice was just
above a whisper, but not raspy enough to be one. He
was very calm and quiet.

It was then that I ventured to slit my eyes open,
carefully looking to where Mulder was hovering beside
me. Oh, God. He was looking right at me, lust all in
his gaze. I had to hide it in mine. I wasn't ready for
this. But I couldn't help it. He was reeling me in. I
couldn't fight the passion welling up inside me any
longer.

"Oh, Mulder, you must know that I am so much in love
with you." He held his attention toward me as if he
had been expecting that statement for  a hundred
years. I searched for his hand by touch, never looking
from his eyes, and brought it up to hold to my chest.
He smiled at me, moisture glistening on his eyelashes.
His head lowered, waiting for me to plant a kiss above
his brow. I let out a short huff in amusement. Did he
really expect me to pull that maneuver again? I
reached up, and gently redirected his head so that our
lips met.

I felt him squeeze my hand tighter as we kissed. A
heavy comfort I had waited since New Year's eve to
feel was now making itself present in the form of a
long, steady kiss from Mulder. Everything was still.
All I knew of the world was his lips and his breath.
Nothing else existed.  A connection was growing:
something that was only  me and Mulder and nobody
else.

He seperated from me with a few smaller versions of
the previous kiss. "Tell me more," he whispered to me
in my ear. "You know I love *you*, Scully. I've loved
you since..."

"Since the Bermuda Triangle, I know..."

"No," he whispered again, puffing his hot breath onto
my neck. "So much longer before that," he lightly
dragged his lips across my collarbone. "So much longer
before Antarctica... before your cancer... I can't
even remember, Scully..."

I was a little taken aback. How could I have not seen
it for so long? How could I have denied this, denied
us together for such a long time. I had felt my love
for Mulder beginning to grow in the first year we
worked together. I had no idea he was feeling the same
way. He began tracing a line up to my chin with his
lips. I was taking short breaths by now, willing my
self-control. Oh, God, he was turning me on. If I had
known a confession of my love would have brought me
this incredible worship of my neck, I would have caved
the moment I first saw him in that basement office.

I tried to gently release my hand from his grasp, so
that I could feel the warmth of his face. I had to be
blushing rediculously by now. "Oh, God, Mulder," I
gasped. "I don't think I can explain what kind of, of
passion I feel for you. If you've loved me that
long... I can't even say that I haven't felt the same
way about you for that long either..."

"Why now, Scully? What made you say it today?"

"Today, I realized that I was lucky to have you. When
I saw that brief moment when Richie had lost his good
luck, I feared that ours would run out as well. But
because he was able to get it back... I didn't want to
lose you. I finally realized that I had to get you
back. You started to take me in, on New Year's, and
since then, I haven't known one moment when I didn't
want you to love me again." I paused for a deep
breath."I love you, I am *in* love with you, so much
that I'm afraid that I'd never get the chance again to
show you how you have affected me."

"Cause and effect, Scully?"

I nodded.

"Well, how does this affect you..." He pressed his
mouth to mine again, this time sliding the edges of my
lips with his tongue. I almost felt like I was going
to cry out of joy, but it was a dry sob, that caused
me to open my lips further to take in all that Mulder
could give me.

I felt him squeeze my shoulders as he concentrated all
of his efforts in my mouth. He was caressing my
shoulders through the thick padding of my blazer, all
the time moving closer to the edge of the lapel. Then
I felt the warmth of my blazer leave my arms, only to
be replaced by Mulder's burning hands. Oh, how I
wanted more from him. The fabric of my blouse was
preventing me from feeling his fingers upon my bare
skin. Then he did something that was even better.

He trailed down my neck again, and began to go further
down. I thanked my new taste in clothing a hundred
times over, because he ended up kissing right down to
my cleavage. I felt him push the light chain aside, so
as not to damage it. I gasped again, unable to believe
how sensitive I was to him.

He looked up at me, misunderstanding my reaction, "Do
you want me to stop, Scully?"

"Oh God, no, Mulder." This time I propped myself up on
my elbows. I wanted to see him. I still couldn't
believe this wasn't my imagination. How many times had
I put myself to sleep at night with the fantasy of
Mulder over me while I...

I took Mulder by the lapels of *his* blazer, and
peeled it from his broad shoulders. He never
faultered, but let me do what I pleased. I pulled his
tie loose, and lifted it above his head. Next were the
top buttons of his dress shirt. I didn't go all the
way down, still a little unsure he wanted to go this
far. I ran my hands over his undershirt, searching for
the muscles I knew were there. He was a lanky man,
which only made his anatomy all that much more
noticable.

His eyelids were shut, and his jaw hung open ever so
slightly as I made my exploration. He reached for my
thighs, and then up my waist, where he found the
bottom edge of the blouse. His hands penetrated the
boundary, and slowly raised up my back. I felt
goosebumps formimg all over my torso. My hands were
now beneath his undershirt as well, reading his body
as would a blind person reading braille.

I rested my head upon his chest. I could smell the
musk permeating from his body. Oh, if I could have the
foreplay forever I'd be happy. Foreplay?! I wasn't
sure there was any turning back now. It just felt so
good to feel him so close... closer than I had ever
let him be. Then he lifted the blouse above my head. I
was revealed, and a little shy. He raked his eyes
downward toward my sports bra --OK, I wasn't prepared
for this. Had I known, it would have been a black lacy
thing. But Mulder seemed to approve anyway.

He still didn't touch me there. Perhaps he was unsure
he wanted to go this far either. Instead, he brushed
the sides of my arms. Holding my gaze, he put his arm
around my shoulder, and drew me down to lie on the
bed, holding me from behind. I have always loved the
"spooning" position. It has always made me feel safe.
I think Mulder was trying to ease into this. It was
his way of telling me that he just didn't want to jump
my bones. He removed his own shirt, so that I could
feel his skin against my back.

The gentle vibration of his heart thudded against me.
Why had I been afraid to let Mulder hold me this way?
My hard exterior always got in the way of receiving
any kind of affection from anyone. But I needed this
just as much as anyone else.

"Scully?" he said at length.

"Mmm, hmm?"

"When did you first realize you..." he cleared his
throat nearvously, "...realize you loved me?" A
tightness caught my throat. Mulder needed affection
just as much as anyone else, too; and what have I
given him? So long... he has loved me so long... and I
him, but my stupid insecurities kept me from taking
the next step.

I had to think a moment. "I think the first time I
considered you as a potential..."

"Potential! What is that supposed to mean!"

"You know what I mean, Mulder. Just let me finish.
This isn't easy, you know. I don't know if I can
pinpoint my feelings that well." He shrugged into my
back and mumbled something sheepish.

"I think the first time I considered you as a
potential love interest was after that case in
Atlantic City. You know, the Jersey Devil?"

"Really?"

"Mmm, hmm. It was right after I was dating that single
father... gosh, I don't even remember his name. Well,
I decided that hanging out with you was something I
would much rather be doing." We both giggled softly. I
paused for a while, trying to think of the exact
moment when I truly realized I was in love with
Mulder. Then it came to me. "I think I realized I was
in love with you the moment you were almost taken by
someone else. In fact, up until a few months ago, I
still wasn't sure you weren't taken."

I felt his arms tighten. "You mean Diana, don't you?"

A huge sigh filled my lungs. Guilt for hating her so
much, and then finding she'd been murdered entered
into my thoughts. My eyes stung from tears, but I
wouldn't let them out. "Yeah," I said shakily. "I'm so
sorry, Mulder."

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't kill her." He
straoked my hair away from my face. "And by the way, I
never thought of getting back together with her...
that way. She betrayed me, too; although I didn't see
it right away. She was the easy out." He sounded as if
he had something else to say, but caught himself
before he did. "I wanted you, Scully. You are the only
one who knows me better than I do. My life would be
pointless, I think, without you there for me. I know
you'd at least give a shit, even if you didn't love
me."

I absorbed what he had just told me. It was quiet for
a long time. My stomach was completely covered by his
large hands. The light coating of sweat between us
welded us together as we lie there. This couldn't last
for too much longer, or it would just drive me mad. I
was torn between a need to make love to Mulder, and to
fall deeply into a comforting sleep in his arms. The
former won out as I realized his hardness pressing
against my backside. I brought my hands up to his, and
slowly, subtly moved them up toward my breasts. He
didn't move until I applied pressure with him,
signalling that it was O.K.

I became completely consumed by his touch. He was
everywhere at once, or at least it felt that way. His
fingertips mapped the cotours of my body, recording
each curve as he made the journey. He eventually made
his way back up to my breasts, hovering his hands
above them. He pulled the front of the bra down,
capturing my breasts in the frame of the stretched
fabric. His palms spread over my nipples, sending a
lightning fast reaction down to my abdomen. The ache
was wonderful, and the space between my legs became
suddenly humid.

As he continued, more of my skin was exposed, and soon
touching every part of his bare skin as well. I lost
all track of what was happening. How did we move so
quickly?  He kissed my mouth, my eyelids, and again,
sucked at my neck. Then I felt his knee nudge between
my legs, and then the shocking tickle of grazing
fingers between them. I clung to his back, trying to
force control over my reaction. He chuckled softly,
but contninued to stroke as I reached a maddeningly
beautiful state of euphoria.

It was getting close. My whole body turned into a dam
holding in all the seven seas combined. The pressure
was almost too much, and then, and then... Mulder
moved above me, kneeling between my parted thighs,
still gently sliding his fingertips in the most erotic
manner possible. He leaned in close to my ear, and I
heard him whisper,

"I want to feel you come." At the same moment, he was
inside me. A creaking groan escaped my throat as he
pushed, what felt like, right through me. A few more
thrusts and I was completely gone. The gates had let
loose the waters and their hot splash covered my body.
My pelvis crashed up into him several times, answered
by hissing gasps from Mulder with each contraction.

"I can feel you... I can feel you..." he repeated into
my ear. His mouth enclosed around its lobe. Then he
kissed me deeply on the lips.

Everything was soft and tingly, and then he started up
the rhythm again. A new pleasure seared through me, to
feel him inside, growing stiffer all the time. I clung
to his thighs, my own legs wrapped around his waist.
He began calling out to God in an inaudible voice. My
name came to his lips next, but it only amounted to
"Scu..." With one last hard  thrust, he pulled himself
from me and came onto my stomach, his essence
spreading in a warm pool.

He collapsed on top of me, his weight a welcome
pressure after such feelings that made me float out of
this world. Our breathing kept pace with one another.
Eventually, I lazily dragged my fingers through his
damp bangs. A soft "Mmm..." graoned from him in
appreciation.

The full realization of what we had done was creeping
up into the back of my mind. Is this going to be good
for us? I loved him so much, but is this going to hurt
our working relationship or help it?

I tried to force the thoughts out of my head. I wanted
to enjoy the moments we had. I kissed his hair. He
kissed my neck.

"Oh, no, Mulder. Don't do that again. I need a
breather," I said in response to the ache that came
with his lips upon my skin. With a roll of his eyes,
he peeled himself from me like a piece of velcro, and
headed for the bathroom. He returned with two
complementary towels, and a robe. He gave the robe and
one towel to me, wrapping the other around his waist.
We cuddled on the bed, my head tucked snugly between
his arm and chest.

"Wow..." he said in a tone as if he were admiring a
small jewel. I was glad he thought I was precious
enough to gloat over. The big stupid grin held both
our faces. "What was holding us back?"

I shrugged. "I guess the chain of events hadn't all
completed yet."

"I thought you didn't believe we were caught up in
Richie's cycle."

"All things happen for a reason, Mulder." He gave me a
shocked look. " I think this was *our* end result, not
his. Although, he may have been the trigger to finally
get us to realize it."

"So what do we do now?"

"Well we can't go back and do the same thing over." A
wry smile breached his lips. I smacked him playfully
in response. "No! I mean we can't go on acting like
before. Things are just going to be slightly more
complicated, especially at work. We'll just have to
see how things pan out."

"A new cycle in our lives?"

"I hope so, " I said looking straight into his eyes,
"I hope it's *our* life."

"Of course it will be, Scully. I'm not gonna screw
this one up for anything, no matter what the fates
have planned for us."

My hand rested upon his stomach. I felt a slight
vibration beneath my fingers, and giggled.

"I think the fates want us to eat."

"Sounds like a plan..."

"Nope, just the beginning of one."


*****

Feedback is greatly, greatly appreciated!!!

-Charlotte  :-)
pennamecharlotte@yahoo.com