From v.gray@student.qut.edu.au Sun Sep 29 22:58:54 1996 Return-Path: v.gray@student.qut.edu.au Received: from melia.qut.edu.au (melia.qut.edu.au [131.181.127.2]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.6/8.6.9) with ESMTP id WAA30991 for ; Sun, 29 Sep 1996 22:59:08 -0500 Received: from sparrow.qut.edu.au (n1546759@sparrow.qut.edu.au) by melia.qut.edu.au (PMDF V5.0-7 #13254) id <01IA3C3ZWIHC00XAWY@melia.qut.edu.au> for kelsy@ro.com; Mon, 30 Sep 1996 14:02:17 +1000 Received: from localhost (n1546759@localhost) by sparrow.qut.edu.au (8.7.5/8.7.3) with SMTP id NAA19752 for ; Mon, 30 Sep 1996 13:58:55 +1000 (EST) Date: Mon, 30 Sep 1996 13:58:54 +1000 (EST) From: VANESSA GRAY Subject: Circular Doubts by Vanessa Gray (A/PG) To: kelsy@ro.com Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT X-UIDL: 6f1d9b4fcb38050633ceda2c06bdad55 SERIES TITLE: Reflections on the Past DISCLAIMER:- All the characters and situations of the X-files television program are the creation and property of Chris Carter, and Fox Broadcasting and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. Please E-mail with thoughts, the good, the bad and the ugly. SPOILERS:- Set in the third season Episode Nisei (3x09) SUMMARY:- Scully Anguish. Basically it's reflecting on the effects of her abduction and where her life should go. NO MSR, NO VIOLENCE, NO SWEARING. Relationship that Scully is in e.g with her farther, Mulder and family. Circular Doubts By Vanessa Gray v.gray@student.qut.edu.au She had to get away from there fast; not in body, but in mind. The feeling those sights had evoked in her - how can you run from your feelings? She had to decide on how to deal with this. Subconsciously, she had left a lot of the information for Mulder to find. She felt he was here, that he would know how to look. Or was it that she was really afraid to face her fears. Maybe even fear was a waste because she could be wasting away herself. Cancer! Why was it the disease that everybody was dying from? Did those bastards give it to everybody? How was she going to tell her Mother? She had to tell Mulder first. He could help. She suddenly had a flash back to when she had been there. She pulled over, to the side of the road and fought the feelings that overtook her. She cried on the steering wheel. Oh God, she hadn't been dreaming! Her father had given her a warning, "We'll be together again, Starbuck. But not now. Soon." Was her time soon? Was she to come back to grieve for her sister only to have her mother grieve for her? Was fate so bitter and cruel an experience? This time shed know she was dying. All the things she had hoped to do, would go undone. Maybe she should give up the search for the truth, enjoy the time she had left. No! She had to continue the search! It was the only way she could keep herself occupied. Maybe she could get revenge by bringing the secrets to light. How many other woman had been used like her? Why? Why her; was it because she was Mulder's partner? Should she blame Mulder? No! That wouldn't be fair to him or to herself. He would blame himself though, so much more than she ever could. She should blame those that hid the truth. She knew or could guess who was responsible. But they were nameless. Sure she had the occasional flashback, but none nearly as strong as today's. Why was it visiting those woman in that house had produced these memories? Maybe she should go back. But not till she could handle it; the memories they evoked. Maybe her farther was right; maybe she shouldn't have gone to the FBI. She had gotten the feeling he was would be proud of her no matter what she did, but maybe all this wouldn't have happened. Maybe Melissa wouldn't have come back and made peace with the family. Maybe she wouldn't have meet Mulder. Maybe all of her family would be alive today. Sadly, though, she realized that her farther would have died anyway. Maybe she wouldn't have been abducted. Maybe she would now be bored to death. No! She had made a choice and it was now time to live with it, and the consequences that came with that choice. Helping Mulder had been her own choice. She hadn't been forced to do it. No use thinking of the alternatives. She had to live for the here and now. She should focus on trying to get justice for the woman at the house and herself. This case could help her get closure, just in case she ended up like that woman in the hospital. She had to think of the future, both optimistically and pessimistically. Be prepared for all outcomes. She started the car and headed back to Washington. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ^^ Vanessa Gray v.gray@student.qut.edu.au 00 MPPB, CMNB, NLEB, Ratnic, SPCDD #30, LGW #77 >< XPRA, RelationshipX, Myth Patrol, FanFic, Fictalk <:8)-- DS:- Apology has become policy (3X10) <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<