From: danil001 Date: Tue, 19 May 98 18:14:32 -0500 Subject: NEW: "Clinging To Hope" (1/?) by Lisa Author's Note: This story pretty much wrote itself after the last scene of the finale. Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully aren't mine. They belong to Chris Carter, who wouldn't approve of the scenario that I'm generating for his characters. Category: V, A MSR Rating: R (language, sexual situations) Spoilers: The End Archive: Lynn: Go ahead and of course, Gossamer. Everyone else ask me first. Summary: What do you do when everything is taken away? Feedback: I don't see why not. "Clinging To Hope" by Lisa (danil001@bama.ua.edu) As I stood there, my head resting on Mulder's shoulder, I couldn't believe this happened. The fire. The whole office was destroyed. All the work we've done the past 6 years - gone. I couldn't even imagine what Mulder was thinking right now. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face deeper into his chest. However, this gesture elicited no response from him. I guess I expected him to hug me back. He didn't. It was like I was holding onto a statue. I don't think he's comprehended what has happened yet. Too numb from the past few days. I let go of him and backed away, taking another look at our office amidst the ruins. Mulder still had a blank expression on his face. I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? No words would soothe him at this moment. This was too much for him to process. I walked over to him touching his hand lightly. "C'mon, we can't do anything now." I told him. I needed to get him out of here. Mulder looked at me as if he's forgotten I was there with him. He walked out and I followed behind him. We walked in silence to the parking garage and got into my car. Mulder slumped down in the passenger seat staring aimlessly out the window. It was so quiet. I didn't turn on the radio. The only sounds were made by cars rushing past us as I drove. My mind wandered to Diana Fowley. Even though I had spoken with Langly, Frohike, and Byers I still didn't have a clear picture of their relationship. Seeing them together talking and touching was the last straw. I had to get out of there. Rushing to my car, I hoped they wouldn't come out and see me. I was so hurt, I almost cried right there in the driver's seat. Instead, I called him and told him to meet me at the office. I wanted to be on familiar territory. The office. That was *our* place. She couldn't have it. My voice had been so shaky, I was surprised I kept it together during the call. I was waiting for Mulder to ask me if I was OK. Of course, I would have said that I was fine, my standard reply to his ever-present concern for my well-being. It bothered me how badly I wanted to know about their relationship. I couldn't just ask Mulder - he wouldn't tell me anything, at least anything important. Were they lovers? God, I can't believe that question has been running through my mind since I first found out they had a history together. I really have no right to know. It's none of my business. Mulder and I are partners, nothing more. If we were a couple I'd have more of a right to know. Hell, we've never even had a date. I guess I'm just jealous because I feel that Mulder is mine now. We've been working together for six years and I have come to care about him very much. Six years, wow, that is longer than some marriages last. We share a certain intimacy, but we aren't intimate. We were at his apartment complex now. Mulder got out, walking swiftly through the door and to the elevator. I had to hurry to catch up with his long strides. Nothing was said in the elevator, either. We walked through the door of his apartment. It looked the same as it had an half hour ago except the atmosphere had changed. It was filled with tension, before it had just been worry. Mulder kept looking around the room as if an answer to our problems would appear out of thin air. Then, he kicked over the desk chair and knocked over the books and papers with one sweep of his arm. "Dammit!" he yelled. "Mulder . . ." I went over to him. I was a little afraid to touch him when he was like this. "I've wasted seven fucking years of my life, Scully!!" he screamed. "Mulder, no . . ." "Yes, Scully and I've done the same to you." he said, the anger in his voice softening a little. "No you haven't." "Oh yeah, I forgot They made you waste these years with me. That's even worse." he replied dejectedly. "Mulder, they haven't been a waste." I said. "You're wrong, Scully. What have we learned? Nothing. Every time we get close to the truth, they pull the rug out from under us." I could tell from the sound of his voice the anger was coming back. "We just know three things. Number one: I'm a joke. Number two: You're made fun of because you're my partner. Number three: They can get away with anything they damn well want to by covering it up with enough bullshit!" Mulder slumped down on the couch, his head in his hands. I heard him sobbing softly. I moved to sit down next to him. "We can't give up." I said quietly. "That's what they want. We have to try and fight Them every step of the way." "I don't know, Scully. I . . . I don't think I can cling to the hope that things will get better." He was still crying. It was my turn. My turn to touch him. I put my arms around him, pulling him into my embrace. But, it was just like earlier at the office. He didn't move at all. I pressed my lips into his hair murmuring words of comfort to him. It wasn't working and it hurt too much to see him like this. I kissed him softly on the forehead. Then moved down to his cheeks tasting the salt of his tears. Mulder now wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. Before I knew what happened, he was kissing my face, my cheeks and finally my mouth. It was the most erotic kiss I had received; needy, frantic, and passionate. He pressed me into the couch and began unbuttoning my sweater. Mulder's hands were now on my heated skin as we resumed kissing. I felt like we were two lovers who haven't seen each other in a long time and *needed* to touch each other. He stopped. "Mulder . . ." I moaned. "Don't. Don't stop." "Come here." he said before taking my hand and leading me to the bedroom. It was dark as we each took off our clothes. I guess it was only fitting we would have sex in the dark. We've already done everything else in it. Well, it wasn't totally dark. My eyes adjusted and I could make out his naked body from the moonlight filtering in through the open curtains. We fell into bed together. Mulder's hands and lips roamed over my entire body now. My only response was a low moan as I pulled him closer to me. I felt him push my legs apart and enter me. I cried out from the pain and pleasure of it. He started to thrust into me until I couldn't stand it anymore and dug my hands into his shoulders crying out his name in the darkness of his bedroom. I felt him collapse on top of me. I heard my name escape his lips in a way I never had heard before. It was like a whispered prayer. Of hope, maybe? Mulder moved off of me as I struggled to recover from the intensity of the past few minutes. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me against his sweat-slicked body. After a few minutes, I finally decided to break the silence. "Where do we go from here?" I asked him. "I don't know." he replied before tightening his arms around me and softly kissing my hair. Neither did I. END? You decide. Yes? No? - L. ****************************** "I wonder if the stars sign the life that is to be mine" --Roma Ryan ******************************