From: formysunshineboy Date: 3 Dec 2003 19:26:47 -0800 Subject: xfc: Collapse by shawntaw Source: atxc Title: Collapse Author: shawntaw Rating: I'd say R. Its definitely racier language-wise than I usually write. Spoiler: I don't have time to look up the title, but its the eps in Season Two when Mulder's Dad gets killed and Melissa is killed too. Disclaimer: I didn't create them, but I enjoy giving them a fuller life than they were allowed on the show. Thank you Chris Carter for giving me such neat toys. Summary: Mulder returns to his apartment after the hug with Scully at the hospital we see at the end of the ep. All that has occurred - his being drugged, his father's murder, Scully's sister's murder - is catching up to Mulder. Note: I've had a lot going on in my life lately. Had a minor surgery...went to an Autism Conference in Canada (my son's Autistic) and my wonderful father passed away this month. I just thought writing might be a good escape for me right now, so if it isn't exactly polished - I apologize. Hope you like... Feedback at shawntaw@hotmail.com And now the curtains rise........ ********************************************************************** * ******************* Using the full extent of his fury and with an audible grunt, he slammed the door and then - for good measure - kicked it for all he was worth. Mulder wound up for the pitch and threw his keys into his apartment as hard as he could from where he stood just inside the doorway. The keys clattered off the side of the fish tank, startling the fish and sending them swimming en masse to the opposite side. He tried to maintain the anger he felt, but it was impossible to hold onto it. As it drained from him, it took his strength and he took several wobbly steps to collapse onto his couch. Even though the lassitude was overtaking him, the first sob came as quite a surprise. Why was he here? What was the point? His damn pointless life had been completely defined by the quest for his sister. Nothing else mattered. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. That had been his mantra ever since he'd come out his self-induced semi-comatose state of shock after his sister had been taken. I will find her. I will make everything right. We'll be a family again. Mom won't escape into a pill bottle. Dad won't escape into the booze. They won't treat me like I don't exist. Mom and Dad won't get divorced. I will find her and everything will be right again. And we will be a family and everything will be alright...NOTHING ELSE MATTERS... Mulder realized he was holding himself tightly around the waist and rocking and made himself stop. He hadn't had such clear thoughts about his motivation for finding his sister since he was twelve or thirteen years old. It had only come out again under regressive hypnosis and he had discussed it with noone. Lord, he hadn't thought like that in years. Did he really - a full-grown man in his thirties - still think that finding his sister would make everything alright again like some kind of bandaid for a scrape on the knee? Well, that obviously couldn't happen now. Not now that his father had been murdered by that animal Krycek. Mulder closed his eyes and sobbed painfully deep in his chest. He remembered the surprising hug that his father had greeted him with not long before his murder. He had called him son. Mulder felt himself fall forward until his forehead touched the cool surface of the coffee table. There never would be a chance to make things alright now that his father was gone. Mulder sobbed again, louder this time - unable to hold it back - and in a burst of fury, upended the coffee table and stood ramrod to his feet. Papers, magazines and files fluttered around him as he continued his internal battle aloud. "And why, huh? Why, you smoking bastard?!!! YOU had something to do with this, didn't you?!! You and that son of a bitch Krycek!!!" Mulder yelled toward his ceiling and then toward his window. "Drug my water?!! Drug my fricking water?!!! You can't kill me, you bottom-feeder!! I'm like a cockroach and I'm coming for you!! YOU HEAR ME?!!! I'M coming for YOU!!!" He fell exhausted to the floor and continued rambling aloud. "..and Scully? Why Scully? She has nothing to do with this!! You killed her sister!! HER SISTER!!!! Did you engineer that irony too?!!" Mulder broke off in a sob and sagged to hold his face in his hands, crying to the Heavens for mercy. ********************************************************************** Just felt like Mulder would have a little bit of a meltdown when everything settled down again and all that had happened had a chance to really soak in. Feedback at shawntaw@hotmail.com