From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Tue, 6 Jun 2000 01:55:25 -0500
Subject: \"COME HOME\" by Sue Ann
Source: direct

Reply To: sue@chaffin.com


Title:  "Come Home"
Author:  Sue Ann
Category:  MSR, post-"Requiem" V, PG
Disclaimers:  Not my characters.
Spoilers: "Requiem" and "All Things"
Summary:  Since Mulder's disappearance, Scully's nightly prayers
have turned into long confessions and pleas for his return.
  


A child is all I have.  You are gone; and the only evidence of our
love is wrapped up in the little life growing inside me.  A child is
all that holds you here; though my thoughts are consumed with
memories of you.  

And my heart is empty with loss, my head filled with confusion.  My
arms are empty and my eyes, longing.  All that exists is this life
inside of me; a life given to me by you; a life which I never knew
could be possible.  

I find myself constantly wondering how I could have been given the
gift of a love so deep and so untouchable, that it would not be
susceptible to even the most powerful of forces.  I have been granted
the treasure of motherhood and have become a reformed woman.  I am no
longer cursed to remain loveless and childless for the rest of my
life.  How can this be?  I am no one special.  Just a woman, working
day to day, trying to live my life to the fullest and learning new
things every step of the way.  I am not any different from anyone
else.  I can't understand why it is that I have been so blessed. 

I see you every night in my dreams.  Remembering the night we made
love...  it was so perfect, so right.  You took such care of me,
treating me like a porcelain doll, so breakable and treasured.  I was
supposed to be asleep where you left me that night, on your sofa;
cozily wrapped in your blanket.  But there was no possibility of
sleep when you walked away.  All I could do was lie there, breathing
in your scent from the blanket, like an addict. 

 "Why did you leave me, Mulder?", I recall thinking.

But the words were unable to escape my lips.  I could hear the
noises of your nightly rituals coming from the next room - your room.
I caught a glance of you walking by the door, wearing nothing at all,
and making your way to the bed.  How I wished that I were lying in
that bed just then, awaiting you, studying you, observing and
appreciating every inch of you.  The lights never went off.  So long
I waited, listening for any sign that you lay awake, possibly
thinking the same thoughts about me.  But I could hear nothing; I
could see nothing.  

Hours had gone by, the darkness outside had grown so much darker. 
My eyes remained open; tiredness had not yet set in.  My fantasies of
you had consumed me as I found myself in so much of a daze, that I
almost didn't hear you call to me.  My name softly echoed from within
the room, in which you had appeared to be asleep.  I hesitated at
first because I had no idea what this calling was really about. 
Maybe you only wanted to see if I was still there, or maybe you were
dreaming and talking in your sleep.  But I knew.  Something deep
inside me told me that we were both ready and had come to this
realization at the same time.

Quite presumptuously, I removed the remainder of clothing I still
had on.  Slowly and cautiously I made way to the door of your
bedroom.  I made sure to peek in at first to be sure that you were
awake.  I realized you were in for quite a surprise, but I was
ready.  

But Mulder, I was the one who ended up surprised.  My eyes wide, my
breathlessness obvious; I entered the room only to find you standing
there, at the foot of the bed, a small velvet box in your hand.  I
almost didn't notice the box as I stood, stunned at the beauty of
your nude body.  I suddenly felt very self-conscious.  But you moved
toward me, took my hand and said my name in the softest and most
sensual way.  That was all it took to make me feel secure.  I felt so
connected to you.  Without saying a word, you led me to the foot of
the bed, pulled me down and set the box in my hand.  Blue velvet,
slightly rectangular. I stared at it for a moment, cherishing the
wonderment of what was inside.  I opened it and found a beautiful
anklet that you'd had made especially  for me.  A beautiful star-
sapphire charm hung down from a silver chain, almost exactly the same
as the one I'd told you I had as a teenager, the one I'd lost so long
ago.  But you remembered.  The tears that welled up in my eyes served
to be a tender prelude to the kiss which followed.  I drowned in that
kiss.  It was then that I realized you were the one, my soul mate.  I
took you into me and kept you all night long.  There was never a true
romantic moment in my life before that night; never a genuine sense
of wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone.  But I knew it
then, as I know it now; that you are the reason I breathe, the reason
I love and the reason I go on.  My touchstone.

This life I live; this child growing inside of me, this person I
have lost...  the love I have lost- there must a catch.  The one life
I would give my own to save, is the one life I find myself powerless
to protect.  You are gone.  Gone willingly, perhaps foolishly, and so
unnecessarily.  Why now?  Why would you leave now, Mulder?  If only
you knew all that awaits you here.  If only you knew how my thoughts
are consumed every night as I lie in bed, desperately trying to fool
myself into sleeping.  But I cannot, I will not.  If you could only
hear the things I say to you at night...  But you do hear them don't
you, Mulder?  You hear them right now.  Can you hear us breathing? 
Hear the way we call to you?  A friend, a partner, a lover, a father.
You are all of these things, Mulder.  We are your family.  Did you
know you had a family waiting for you?  Well, you do.  And we will
wait- forever.  Come home, Mulder.  Please come home.

----End----