From: Kennedy Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 17:26:42 -0400 Subject: xfc: "Coming Home 5: Home Fires Burning" 1/2 Source: xfc From: Kennedy Melissa Lee a.k.a "Kennedy" kennedy@usit.net TITLE: "Coming Home 5: Home Fires Burning" CLASSIFICATION: MSR/AU RATING: R for some disturbing images. WARNING: This installment discusses a disturbing sexual event in some detail. DEDICATION: To Jerry, Craig, Howie, Chris Owens, Tara Parker, Izzy, and all my other LA friends who listen with bemused expressions to my latest attempt at meeting the GOD-DESS. SUMMARY: Deals with the episode "Fire" and Phoebe Green. M/S must confront more demons from the past and try to have a life outside the FBI. AUTHOR'S NOTES: Once again, this assumes M/S have a life outside the bureau. Need to have read the other four to get this one. They can be found at www.xemplary.com or email me. ARCHIVE: Xemplary and Gossamer are fine. Others please ask first. "Coming Home 5: Home Fires Burning" Scully was waiting on Mulder to finish giving his sample. As he emerged into the lobby of the doctor's office, Scully asked, "how'd it go?" Smirking he replied, "pretty good considering I sat in a bathroom with a magazine jerking off. How'd your collection go?" Stifling a laugh she replied, "fine if you like having a suction tube stuck in you while your legs are in stirrups. As for you, I'd have thought you'd have enjoyed the reading material." "Ha-Ha." "Let's go home Mulder. We have to prepare for court in the Tooms case." Mulder silently wondered at the fact that Scully had opened her home to him. He had kept his apartment so he'd have someplace to go if she ever needed to take a break from him, but all of his clothing and intimate belongings were now housed at her apartment. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully's Apartment "Scully? You alright?" Scully jumped as she realized he was talking to her. "I'm fine Mulder. I was just thinking about something." "Want to talk about it?" With a slight smile she replied, "no. Not yet." Mulder continued to steal glances at her as the night progressed, and wondered what she could be thinking about. Internally a war was raging in Dana Scully. *I love him. He loves me. We made a commitment to each other in Hershey.* She smiled at the memories the trip brought up. As quickly as the smile formed it was replaced with a frown. *Why didn't I make love to him? Completely? I love him. I'm on the Pill, he wants to use condoms, pregnancy is unlikely, so why not?* Her mind supplied the answer for her. *Phoebe. He was doing her while I was pregnant. While I was in labor. That's in the past Dana. Live in the present.* Mulder's voice pulled her from her thoughts. "Scully? Are you ready for bed?" She began gathering and putting files away before making her way to the bathroom. When she emerged Mulder was waiting for her. "Scully, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" "I know. I just need to work through some things first, then I'll tell you. Just hold me please." Knowing that pushing her would only make it worse, he did as she asked. Reaching for Scully in his sleep, Mulder found only empty space. Groggily he called out, "Scully?" Squinting, he could see her sitting by the window. "What is it?" "Mulder, we need to talk." Mulder's breath caught as Scully padded back to the bed and sat facing him. "Mulder, I want to make love to you. Now. But I want to be honest with you, ok?" A bit confused, Mulder nodded for her to continue. "Mulder, I don't have much of a sexual history. I've done things, sure. But?." Mulder took her hand, urging her to continue. "This isn't coming out right. About Ryan, we weren't completely platonic." She felt his body stiffen slightly. "We didn't have sex. Not *that*, but we did comfort each other *after* Sarah died. I felt so alone and dead inside. It was near Christmas, and I was depressed. Severely." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Christmas 1981 "Dana, I'm worried about you. So are Missy and your parents. What can we do?" Rolling away from Ryan she mumbled, "leave me alone. Please." Ryan got off the edge of the bed and entered the living room. "Any luck?" Ryan shook his head. "Ryan, I can post-pone my trip if you want. I don't mind." Ryan gave a wry smile. "You deserve a break. Besides, your parents are only thirty minutes away." Ryan helped her load her bags into the car and waved good-bye. As Ryan was getting into bed, Dana spoke. "What Dana?" In a thick voice she rasped, "it's not fair Ryan! She was just a baby, a little baby! Why her? Why did God want *her,* my baby?" Wrapping her in his arms he replied in a soothing voice, "I don't know Dana. I don't." He held her for a long time until she began speaking again. "I'm tired of feeling dead Ryan." He murmured, "I know baby. It will get better." He placed what was meant to be a gentle kiss on her lips, but Dana wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. "Make me whole again Ryan. Make me feel alive please." Shocked, Ryan pulled back. "Dana, I can't." Even as he said the words his body began betraying him. Feeling his slowly growing bulge she ventured, "you said you were with a lot of women before you were with men." Ryan cupped her face. "Yes, I was. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you, but it wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to you. I can't give you anything more than this. No relationship." With an edge of desperation she continued, "I need to forget!" Sighing he answered, "I don't have anything, and I'm not willing to risk it." Dana closed her eyes in defeat. Ryan took in the dark circles under her eyes, and could feel how bony she'd become. Relenting, he kissed her tenderly and ran his hand up under her gown. His thumb grazed her nipple eliciting a groan from deep within her throat. She reached for his shirt, but Ryan stilled her hand. "This is for you. Only you." Dana became fluid in his arms as he eased her back onto the bed. Blushing she turned her head as he exposed her body to his eyes. "Don't turn away. You're beautiful." She moaned as Ryan glide his hands over her body. "Dana, has anyone ever gone down on you?" Her eyes were squeezed shut as she shook her head no. "If you don't like it, I'll stop." Parting her legs, he touched her with his lips. She jerked at the contact and moaned. He drew out the pleasure as long as he could before she convulsed under his mouth. Gathering her into his arms, he held her the rest of the night, and she slept. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Scully's Apartment "Every night for the next ten days we took pleasure in each other. The day after New Year's, I filed for an annulment. Ryan had given me back a part of myself. He made me feel again." Mulder was looking at her with such intensity that she was almost afraid. "The Hell I must have caused you." His voice broke on a sob. "There you go assuming again. Her death was not your fault." She waited for him to compose himself before continuing. "Besides Ryan, I have had sexual experiences with three other men. Jake, Jack, and Ethan." Hesitantly he asked the question he dreaded having answered. "Did you?have?sex with them?" He was refusing to look at her. "Will it make a difference if I did?" "N-No. It's just?well you brought it up." "Mulder," she touched the side of his face, "*you* and you alone are the only man to know the pleasure of my body." Releasing his breath he kissed the palm of her hand. "Why are you telling me this? I appreciate it, but I'm curious as to why?" "I?just wanted you to know. I don't want anymore misunderstandings to come between us." Mulder picked up on a bit of hurt in her voice. "I have a confession to make myself. I did something stupid the night you fixed Ryan dinner. I drove by your apartment after midnight and saw his car. The lights were off and I assumed the worst." He stopped to gauge her reaction. She motioned for him to continue. "Anyway, I was furious. Jealous actually. I drove to a seamy side of Arlington and?well, picked up a prostitute." Scully withdrew her hand from his. "We?went to a motel. I let her undress me, kiss me?." Scully sat up in bed and turned away from him. "I don't want to hear the rest of this Mulder. I don't need to." As Mulder touched her she flinched. "I don't think you understand." Scully let out a bitter laugh. "What's to understand? You *fucked* a prostitute. It's over and we weren't even together then." "Can I please finish? She kissed me, and I couldn't get hard. With a little help I finally managed a descent erection, but whenever I went to enter her, I'd go flacid. She finally just gave me a blowjob. It was mainly mechanical. That's how it's been, not being able to maintain an erection since you." Looking skeptical Scully asked, "Mulder, what do you mean?" "Scully, there have been a few women I've dated. One I even got serious about, but I could never *complete* the deal. I've given and received alternative forms of pleasure, but I haven't penetrated a woman in?." His voice trailed off as he remembered Phoebe and that damn tombstone. Scully's mind was whirling. *Who did you get serious with? Phoebe? It had to be her. You fucked her.* Scully suddenly realized something. *Maybe you didn't fuck her. Maybe you made love to her. Maybe you loved her.* Looking at Mulder she realized he was trembling. "Dana, there is something I need you to know. I have to tell you. I'm not proud of it, but I want you to know." She looked at him expectantly. Mulder glanced at the clock. 1/2 Melissa Lee a.k.a. Kennedy "I need some time before I tell you. It's the middle of the night and we have court in the morning. I'll tell you tonight, ok?" With a sense of fore boding she crawled back into his arms. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Court had gone surprisingly well, and Scully was feeling hopeful about the night to come. As they made their way into the car and got ready to leave, a chilling message began to play. It detailed the deaths by car bomb of several members of Britain's Parliament. Believing they were next, they sat in stunned silence. The tension was quickly diffused when the car door was yanked open. Mulder's relief quickly turned to anxiety as he realized who it was. *Oh. My. God. Phoebe Green. Shit.* He became even more startled when she kissed him. The situation suddenly became his worst nightmare when he realized Scully had witnessed the kiss. "Hello," she chirped, bringing Mulder back to earth. "Uh, Phoebe Green, this is my partner, Special Agent Dana Scully." Mulder paled even more at the look Scully was giving Phoebe. *Lousy bitch.* "She hates me," was Phoebe's reply. Mulder didn't know what to do. "So, you're *the* Dana Scully. The woman who broke Foxy's heart after stealing his virginity." Mulder blanched at the look of betrayal on Scully's face. "Oh wait. You had Foxy's baby. How is the little tyke?" Mulder grabbed her by the shoulders and hissed, "what do you want?" "I see you still like it rough." Mulder increased the pressure on her shoulders until she relented. "Ok, I need help with an arson case." After arriving back at the Hoover, he directed her to the arson labs and took Scully aside. "Scully, I'm not going to subject you to Phoebe's mind games. I'll handle this and then she'll be gone. I'm merely extending a professional courtesy to her." Trying to keep up a brave front she answered, "as long as that's all you're extending." Mulder smiled. "I'll see you tonight. Scully felt empty inside. *What all did you tell her about Sarah and I? That was private Mulder!* Scully struggled through the rest of the day before calling it quits around six. Around ten she went to bed but not to sleep. *Where are you Mulder? Are you with her? Screwing her?* She finally drifted off to sleep. When she awoke the next morning, the only sign Mulder had even been there was his suit from the day before. Finding a note that he would be out of the office all day, she went to work and began poking around the case on her own. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% *Why the hell did you have to come back now Phoebe? I finally manage to put that night behind me* "Fox?" "Wha-?" "I asked how long you and Agent Scully have been together?" "We've only been partners for a short time." Fingering his Celtic band she amended, "not in work, in bed?" Enraged he snapped, "that is none of your business Phoebe!" After interviewing the witness, they were reviewing the evidence. "Seriously Fox, how is fatherhood?" Mulder's jaws clenched. "Let's just concentrate on the case Phoebe." "Foxy you're no fun. What happened to the young man who enjoyed a certain youthful indiscretion atop Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tomb?" Mulder flushed at the memory. "Say Fox, I hear there are lots of grave yards here in D.C. Care to check them out?" "Just stick to the case. I have a clear memory of what happened that night in my mind. I do *not* want to revisit that memory." "I'm sorry." Mulder chanced a look at her and thought she looked hurt. The guilt he'd felt for all those years resurfaced. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did. You-you didn't deserve it." %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Mulder drove her back to her hotel and listened as she told him about a black tie affair in Boston later that night. Believing that the killer would make his move on Marsden, she informed him she had booked him a room. Nodding Mulder informed her he would need to call Scully. "I'll call her, grab my tux and then meet you there." As he hurried away Phoebe licked her lips in anticipation. *Oh Foxy if you only knew what I had in store for you.* "Scully." "Hey Scully it's me. Look, there's been a break in the Marsden case. We think the killer will strike tonight in Boston. I'm on my way there. What? Uh, yeah, Phoebe's going to. Hopefully we can wrap this up tonight and then get on with our lives." Scully hung up the phone and continued with her own investigation, pushing Mulder to the back of her mind. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Boston, Mass. Mulder arrived at the hotel to find an apologetic Phoebe waiting for him. "I'm sorry Fox but there was only one room available. I'm afraid we're going to have to share." Mulder looked at her skeptically. "I'm sure Phoebe. I'll take the couch. Now if you don't mind, I need to change." Phoebe excused herself and as Mulder was changing the phone rang. "Mulder. Hi Scully." He stared guiltily at his feet. "Mulder, I have some information on your case. I'm coming to Boston." Mulder hesitated. "Uhm, I anticipate being tied up all night Scully. Maybe you shouldn't come." Scully was hurt by his words but let it pass. "I'll see you tomorrow Scully." As she hung up the phone she took all of thirty seconds to decide on going to Boston. Mulder made his way downstairs and found Phoebe. After securing the ballroom and checking with all essential personnel, they were left to themselves. "Dance with me Fox." When he made no move to take her up on her offer, she continued, "oh come on; for old times sake." Taking in her dark eyes, and pouty lips, his mind replayed a nasty memory from the past. He could still see her naked form thrown across the tombstone as he drove into her. He shut his eyes against the memory. Phoebe sensed his anxiety and went in for the kill, easing into his arms in the next instance. They began to dance and Mulder began to talk. "Phoebe, I really am sorry about that night. I hope I didn't leave you with too many scars." Phoebe toyed with his lapel as she considered his statement. Sighing she began, "not too many Fox. I did suffer from nightmares for a while, and it was a while before I could be intimate with a man." Mulder cringed. "Oh God. I am so sorry. Did you suffer any medical problems?" "No. Not really. Now, tell me about your child. I really do want to know." "I really don't want to talk about it." She caressed the back of his neck as she cooed, "tell me, please." Taking a deep breath he told her about Sarah. When he finished he had unshed tears in his eyes. Phoebe brought his head down to meet hers and kissed him. Mulder was too stunned to react. Catching a glimpse of Scully, Phoebe deepened the kiss. Mulder pulled back just as Scully looked away. "I can make you feel better Fox." Deliberately she ran her hand down the front of his tuxedo. Before he could react, Scully came running and shouting about a fire. Mulder made his way to where the children were, but his fear of fire paralyzed him. He lost consciousness as the smoke overtook him. As he jerked awake, he saw Scully standing over him with a glass of water. He drank greedily. "I wasn't expecting you Scully." As Mulder was returning from the bathroom, Phoebe came barging into the room. " Glancing from Mulder to Phoebe she replied, "so I see." She noted with some satisfaction that he pulled the robe tightly around him before Phoebe left. "Scully, it's not what you think." He was silenced by her hand. "Now, do you want to know why I came?" She filled Mulder in on her findings and then left him to get dressed. As she stood in the hall Phoebe came up to her. "Dana, I am so sorry about poor little Sarah. You know, I was with Fox the night you went into labor. I believe your sister called Foxy, right?" Scully leveled her gaze. "It's *Agent* Scully to you, and don't ever speak of my daughter again. As for what did or did not transpire between you and Agent Mulder, that is none of my business." "Are you sure about that *Agent* Scully? You know, I should thank-you for breaking him in for me. It saved me the time. And trouble." Before she could respond, Mulder emerged from the room. Phoebe was accompanying the Marsden's back to the house, so Scully and Mulder rode together. Mulder tried in vain to talk to Scully. "Scully, will you please listen to me?" Scully continued to drive, but replied, "Agent Mulder, may I remind you we are on a case and that personal discussions have no place here." Mulder hit the window with his fist. Arriving at the mansion they found Cecil Li'vely about to torch the place. As he came down the steps Phoebe tossed an accelerant on him, causing him to erupt in flames. After all the statements were taken care of, Mulder began searching for Scully. He finally found an officer who gave him the message that she had already left for D.C. Swearing, he headed for the airport. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%5 Mulder arrived at her apartment to find a note taped to the door. Dear Mulder, I need time alone. Please respect that and stay at your place tonight. Scully Ripping the note up he turned to leave. Realizing that if he left now he may loose her forever, he turned back and tried to unlock the door. Finding the safety chain on he yelled, "Scully, open up. Now." "Go away Mulder. I'm not ready to talk to you yet." Scully shut the door and locked it. Without hesitation Mulder kicked the door in." "What the hell are you doing?" Grabbing her by the shoulders he drug her over to the couch. "I'm going to talk and you're going to listen." Going to secure the door with the kitchen chair, he returned and sat facing her. "Mulder-" Before she could get anymore out he shushed her. "Scully, I know what it looked like, but I had no intentions of sleeping with her." Rolling her eyes she retorted, "one room Mulder?" "That was her doing. More head games from the infamous Phoebe Green." "You kissed her. I saw that." "She initiated the kiss. I kissed her back, but only because I feel guilty." Mulder watched as the pain flickered across her face. "About what Mulder?" When he didn't answer, she finished for him. "I already know Mulder. I've known since right after Sarah was born." Mulder was confused. "What?" "She was with you the day I went into labor. Missy said she answered the phone." Mulder's mind was racing. "We were working on a psych project." Scully was trembling with anger. "Did it require you to take off your pants?" "What?!" "Missy said she heard you say you had to put your pants on." "Ice Tea." "What?" "Ice tea. I was trying to get away from her and knocked a glass of tea over into my lap. I had gone to change when the phone rang. I was in my boxers and didn't want her to see me like that. I asked her to get the phone. Damn!" "That's all well and good, but it does not explain why she was in your apartment at two o'clock in the morning, with you in the shower. She said, and I quote, 'Foxy can't come to the phone right now. He's in the shower cleaning up the mess we made.'" Mulder went visibly pale. "Oh God." Scully assumed the worst and asked him to leave. "No Scully. I need to tell you something. Please listen to me and then I'll leave. Earlier that day I called your house and Ryan answered. I heard you in the background. You told him it was bath time. I thought?." Mulder looked away and then back before continuing. "I thought you were happy so I hung up. I hadn't been drinking much at that point, but hearing that pushed me over the edge. I made my way to my favorite pub and proceeded to get hammered. God, I was so angry; at you, Bill Jr., the world, anybody was fair game. Especially myself. I was lying on top of Arthur Conan Doyle's tomb drinking a bottle of scotch I had picked up. I shut my eyes, and was just lying there. I felt someone covering me, then kissing me. I thought it was you; I hoped it was you. I kissed back until I opened my eyes and saw who it was; Phoebe. I pushed her off of me but she ripped my shirt in the process. I just snapped. Everything she had ever said or done hit me in the face. I wanted so badly just to hurt her. She had made it pretty clear what she wanted and I decided to give it to her. I shoved her to her knees and pulled my cock out. I was only semi-erect; I shoved it down her throat and told her to deal with it. I slapped her; a few times. I had never slapped a woman before, or since." Mulder paused to collect himself. "Mulder-" "No Scully there's more. Alot more. She stood up and kissed me after I...you know. I bit her tongue, then I-I...." "Go on Mulder, I can handle it." Mulder eyed her skeptically. "I told her to bend over. She said something about doing it doggie style. That just made it worse. I held the cheeks of her ass open and sodomized her. All I wanted to do was hurt her but I think she actually got off on it. Apparently she was into many forms of alternative sex acts. You know, men, women, animals, sex toys, S&M. Everything but children. She even got herself off during the act. Afterwards, I offered to walk her home, but she asked to come with me. I felt pretty low and guilty, so I let her. I went straight to the shower when we got to my place. I never knew there had been a phone call. She slept in my bed and I slept on the couch." With a bitter laugh he added, "that's where I picked up the couch habit." Turning back to face Scully he continued, "I offered her car fare home, but she said she wasn't my whore. Now do you see why I feel guilty?" Scully sat speechless and pale. Mulder turned to leave, getting as far as the door before she found her voice. "Mulder, wait, you don't have to go." Hearing the hesitation in her voice he cautioned, "if this makes you uncomfortable, I think I should leave." "I-just need time. This is alot to take in. Stay. On the couch. Besides, you ruined the door; again." Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Scully you could kick anybody's ass that came in here. You don't need me to protect you." She stopped him with her hand. "You're right, I don't need you to protect me, but I do need . We've come to far for this to come between us. I'm not sure how I feel, but I will not loose you over this." She pulled him back over to the couch and went to get a pillow and blanket. As Mulder began too undress he eyed the couch dubiously. *My back is going to kill me* %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% They spent the next week living like this while Scully pondered her feelings. *He fucked her. Well, not really. Not in the traditional sense. It could have been rape. But it wasn't. She got off on it. And if she hadn't? That would have been rape. Did he mean or plan to do that to her? No. So, what does that make it? I have no idea. Can you live with that? Yes. Yes I can.* "Mulder, I have come to a decision. Come by around seven instead of right after work." Mulder nodded as she left the office. *Uh-oh. Do or die time.* Mulder glanced at the clock and groaned as he realized it was only 4:30. Scully spent the two and a half hours since she'd left Mulder getting ready. She'd cleaned the apartment, taken a bath, and started dinner. She was in the bedroom lighting candles when he arrived. She greeted him with a warm hug. Mulder kissed her forehead. "Dinner's ready so let's eat." Silently he followed her into the dinning area. Dinner was silent and Mulder was getting antsy. "Scully would you please tell me whatever it is you've decided?" Putting her napkin down she gathered her thoughts. "Ok Mulder. While you were doing...*that* to her, if she had asked you to stop would you have?" Looking slightly confused he answered, "Yes. I think I would've." "Think or know?" Without hesitation he responded, "know. I know I would have. No matter how mad I was, I would never have forced myself on someone. Why?" Taking a deep breath she started, "I'd be lying if I said the thought of you engaging in any kind of sex act with Phoebe didn't bother me. What bothered me the most was the presence of violence in the act. In my head and heart I know you didn't make love to her, or really even have 'sex' with her. Yes, you committed a sexual act with her, but is that any different than Ryan going down on me? No. We've both done things with other people. Those are sex acts, not having intercourse. Making love. For eleven years I have carried the hurt of thinking you were with her while I was giving birth. And then when our daughter was dying. We should have had more faith in each other. We were young and we screwed up. That is water under the bridge now; we need to move on. The other part that bothers me is the violence. I needed to reconcile myself to the fact that you didn't rape her. I think she manipulated you, played on your grief and guilt. I understand the rage you felt. However, if you ever direct that kind of rage at me, no matter the cause, I'll leave you. Understand?" Mulder nodded. "So, you're not dumping me?" Standing in front of him she took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom. "Let's go to bed Mulder." They lay on the bed clad only in their underwear. Mulder was loving Scully's neck when she flipped him onto his back. Straddling his hips she began undoing her bra. "See something you like Mulder?" Grinning he nodded. Scully deliberately rocked against his sex. Leaning down so that her nipples grazed his chest hair she whispered, "make love to me. Completely." Mulder stiffened and gently pushed her back. "I-I can't." Misunderstanding, she giggled. "I don't know Mulder, it *feels* like you can to me." He glanced away. "Mulder? Surely you don't think you still can't....penetrate?" Sighing in frustration he said, "It's not , I know I can with you." She ground her hips against him again. "Then make love to me." Gently pushing her off of him he replied, "no." END Next up: "Coming Home 6: Interlude in Virginia" AUTHOR'S NOTE: Rape is a serious crime. Draw your own conclusions as to whether or not Mulder raped Phoebe. I did not write it to be construed either way. Scully's thought process on the matter is her way of referenc- ing , cataloging, and categorizing the event. Melissa Lee a.k.a. Kennedy "People, it's GOD-DESS, not goddess, when refering to Gillian Anderson. Learn it, know it, use it!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I'm NOT Worthy." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I like my Bubble. It's a good place. Really." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Practice random acts of kindness; tip your delivery driver.