From: lilxphile@aol.com (Em Laurence) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Repost: Coming to Terms Part 1 of 2 Date: 9 Nov 1995 13:03:49 -0500 This didn't work the first time - let's give it another shot! And don't forget - send any feedback you have, good or bad, to me PLEASE! -Em Coming to Terms Part 1 of 2 This is my first attempt at real fanfic. Every other X-Files story I've ever decided to write has never gotten past the "still-in-my-brain" stage. But I guess there's no time like the present to actually start typing 'em up. This particular story is meant as a sort of "filler" between "One Breath" and "Firewalker". After I saw "Firewalker" I felt like there was a little something missing. I wished that there had been a little bit more information about what had happened to Scully than what was shown. Little did I know that in my mind those bits and pieces of unresolved conflict were forming into an idea for a story. For some reason, reading "Guardian" (thank you again, Amy) made me remember those bits and pieces and also made me want to type them up. So, here they are. Please send whatever comments you have to Lil XPhile@aol.com. Please feel free to distribute this as long as I am acknowledged as the author and it is not changed from its original form. Have fun and remember to eat your sunflower seeds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and the characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are the property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting. The remaining sections of this story are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A million and three thanks to Britta, a.k.a. BritSkye, who proofread this story and whose valuable comments and criticism were very much appreciated. May her VCR someday develop the ability to tape Fox. "Coming to Terms" by Em Laurence ~~~~ Sunday evening, 7:30 p.m. ~~~~ Dana Scully opened the door to her apartment , letting out a sigh. She was glad to finally be free of that awful hospital and in her own home again. Anything was better than the horrific yellow room. Just the thought of the putrid color of the walls made her sick. She looked around the apartment, feeling herself relax as the familiar furnishings came into view. She hesitated for a moment before looking into the living room, not wanting to be reminded of that night not so long ago when *he* had come. He. Duane Barry. The memory of what had transpired that night sent a shudder down her back. "Dana, are you cold? Oh, there must be a window open somewhere, I'll go look...." Her mother's worried voice cut into her thoughts, bringing her out of her reverie. "It's okay, Mom, don't worry about it. I'm fine." The expression on Margaret Scully's face told Dana that her mother did not believe her, but at least she had stopped fussing over her for the moment. All the way home from the hospital she had been constantly leaning over the top of the seat to make sure she was okay. It had been the most annoying twenty minutes of her life. "Mom, Dana's told you she's fine a hundred times already today," her sister Melissa interjected. "Don't be so worried. She can take care of herself." "Are you sure you'll be all right by yourself tonight?" her mother asked, obvious concern in her voice. Dana sighed in exasperation. "YES, Mom. Don't worry," she said, spitting out the words in annoyance. "Well, all right, if you're sure...." Mrs. Scully's voice sounded concerned and slightly hurt. "I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to be rude, but I'm fine. You don't need to worry," Dana said hastily. She could understand her mother being a *little* concerned, but really...... "Come on, Mom, she'll be fine, and besides, she probably wants to be alone." Melissa started to steer her mother towards the door. After brief good-byes and a few more warnings to be careful, Melissa managed to get Mrs. Scully to leave Dana in peace. With an exasperated sigh, Dana flopped into a nearby chair and stared out the window into the twilight. "Mothers," a voice said from the hall. She jumped, then relaxed and smiled as Mulder came into view. She'd almost forgotten he was there. He walked into the room, setting down the little bag containing the few things they had brought for her while she was in the hospital. "I swear, for the next week or two she's going to drive me insane," Dana said in annoyance. He grinned. "Aw, shucks, that was going to be my job." She smiled briefly before the exasperated look returned. "Did you see the way she hovered over me in the car? My God, it was like she was afraid to let me out of her sight. I thought for sure she was going to bump you while you were driving and we would crash." Dana looked at Mulder, expecting him to crack a joke, but his face was serious. "Well, can you blame her? Look at what she had to deal with. She almost lost you, Scully. Of course she was being overprotective." Mulder leaned back against the wall. For a moment, the room was quiet as Dana thought. She stifled a yawn. "Mulder, I'm kind of tired. I think I'm going to go to bed." "Goodnight, " he said, and sat down on the couch. She looked at him, puzzled. "You can go home, Mulder. I'll be fine here on my own." He glanced up at her. "That's okay, I'm taking tomorrow off anyway. It's not a problem." No sooner had he spoken the words than he felt her eyes boring into him. Looking up again, he saw that her lips were set in a thin line and her hands were folded across her chest. "Mulder, you don't have to watch over me. I can take care of myself, thank you very much. Please don't try to protect me." Without thinking, he had insulted her pride by making her think that he felt she needed protection, and now he had to face the consequences. < Nice job, you idiot, > he thought to himself. His mind searched for an escape, but none came to mind. he told himself in disgust; He stood up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you needed a guardian. And I know you can take care of yourself. I'm staying because it would make me feel better if I knew you were all right." Scully advanced towards him slowly. "So you don't trust me, either," she said coldly. "Why didn't you just say it, instead of playing along with me." Mulder fought the urge to raise his voice. An idea was forming in his mind. Putting on his best hurt-puppy face, he said, "Well, if you really don't want me to stay--" "No, I don't." Mulder gave a long, drawn-out sigh. "Fine, I'll leave. Goodnight, Scully." "Good-bye, Mulder," she said, and went down the hall to her bedroom. Mulder walked deliberately loudly to the door. Swinging it open, he flipped the lock and shut the door with a bang. He heard Scully come back down the hall, and he slipped into the kitchen, hiding in the shadows of the corner. Hardly daring to breathe, he watched as she looked around the room. Satisfied that he had left, she returned to the bedroom. Mulder tiptoed into the living room and carefully sat down on the couch to prevent it from creaking. He fought the urge to pick up the newspaper that was lying folded on the coffee table because if he did she would surely hear the paper crinkling. His desperation for the sports page was at its height when he heard faint noises coming from the bedroom that he couldn't quite place. Stretching, he got up off the couch and headed for the bedroom, stopping just outside the door to listen and attempt to discern what the noises were. He slowly opened the door to check and see if he could discern the source of the sound. Scully was half-sitting up in bed covered in a pale blue blanket. Although the room was dark Mulder could see her shaking. She sat with her back up against the wall and her knees drawn up close to her chest. Her face was buried in her pale hands and she was crying softly. Obviously she had been trying to prevent him from hearing her. Mulder entered hesitantly; and hearing no protest over his presence from Scully, he sat down next to her on the bed, wrapping his arm around her. "What's wrong?" he asked gently. She said nothing, just continued to cry. He waited, stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her; and then tried again. "What happened?" Still no answer. He was silent for a while after that, giving her a chance to calm down. Finally her head lifted from her hands, and she tried her best to dry her tear soaked face with a corner of the blanket. The sleeves of her silk nightshirt were soaked, and a sizable damp spot had developed on the blanket. "Are you all right?" he asked her. he thought, She took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "Yeah, I'm...... I'm okay." Both of them knew it was a lie, but Mulder knew better than to pursue the subject. He tried another topic, this one more dangerous. Looking directly at her, he asked, "Would you like me to stay here?" For a moment she was silent, then she answered, "No, you can leave. I'll..... I'll manage." Mulder wasn't sure if he should leave and respect her request, or stay for the sake of his own peace of mind. On the one hand, Scully had said that it was okay with her if he left and that she would be all right, and he had always trusted her judgment, even if his own eyes contradicted her words. But on the other hand, there was definitely something wrong, and if he left her in her present condition, with the chance of another nightmare, he would spend the entire night worrying. He thought for what seemed like ages, then decided it would be best if he left her alone. After all, she would feel insulted if he stayed, and he wasn't in the mood to battle her stubborn streak again. He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze, said good-bye, moved carefully off the bed and left the room as quietly as he could. Back in the bedroom, Scully curled up under the covers and closed her eyes. She could hear Mulder moving around in the other room, then the sound of the front door closing and locking. For a moment, she almost considered getting up, going outside, and stopping him, telling him that she had changed her mind and that she wanted him to stay; but decided against it. If she asked him to stay, it would show him that she was afraid, and make him think that she needed him to protect her. She would never tell him about the nightmares, either. She refused to let anyone, especially Mulder, think that she needed someone to watch out for her. Exhausted and afraid, she drifted off into an uneasy slumber....... ..........and the nightmare wove its way into her mind......... .......it was dark, very dark, and she didn't know where she was......... but somewhere nearby, a man was laughing........ his voice was dry and raspy, sharp as a knife; and loud......... then she called for someone to help her........ anyone......... someone to rescue her from this dark place....... but there was no one, no one to help her......... and she was falling......... she saw them reaching out to try and catch her........... her mother........... her father.......... Mulder......... but every hand missed her........ always they were just a minute too late.......... and just as she was about to hit the ground.......... her eyes flew open. Trembling, she wiped the sweat from her forehead and glanced at the clock. 4:30 a.m. She'd been asleep for almost seven hours, though it had seemed more like seven minutes. The dream had seemed so real...... but it was only a dream, she told herself. A tear rolled down her cheek. she told herself, it was no use; the floodgates were open and not about to close. Burying her face in her pillow, she cried herself back to sleep. Scully was jolted awake at 6:00 the next morning by the harsh sound of the alarm on the clock radio jangling in her ear. Muttering, she poked at the flat top of the clock until her fingers found the off button and pushed it. Making a mental note to turn the alarm completely off before going to bed later, she fell back into the pillow and fell asleep again. Closer to 10:00, she awoke for the second time; and for a moment she lay still, relaxing in the thought that there was nowhere she had to go and nothing she had to do. She had been given as much time off as she felt she needed, and she planned to take the next week and get back into the swing of things. Yawning, she headed for the kitchen and, more importantly, the coffee maker. It had been a long while since she'd had real coffee. The first sip woke her mind up, and she breathed a sigh of content. The entire mug was almost empty when the phone rang. She reached for it and was about to pick it up, but something stopped her. A memory........ .........of a man, smashing the phone with his foot while she screamed for Mulder..... for Mulder to come and help her...... but he wasn't there..... no one was there....... and the man was taking her away........ The insistent ring of the phone brought her back to the present. She looked at her hand, still grasping the receiver of the phone, and saw that it was shaking; and that the rest of her was shaking as well. The phone continued to ring, and she almost decided to let it ring, but common sense somehow prevailed over her fear and told her that it would be best to answer the phone. She took a deep breath. Forcing herself to relax, she lifted the receiver to her ear. "Hello?" she said, hoping that her voice wasn't wobbling enough for whoever it was to notice. "Hey, Scully, it's me," Mulder's voice calmed her down somewhat, but her hands were still shaking. "Now don't tell me *you're* going to play my mother and check up on me--" "Don't worry, I'm sure that your mother is fully capable of driving you insane without my help." She managed a smile before she spoke. "So why are you calling, then?" "Well, actually I was wondering if you felt like going out to lunch later on." Silence. "Scully, are you there?" "Oh, yeah, sorry. I was thinking. Sure, I'll go." "Great...." He paused. "Are you all right? Your voice sounds kind of strange." She thought fast, trying to think of something to fool him, but at the same time knowing full well that he wouldn't believe whatever it was she came up with. "I'm okay, I was reading the paper and I got distracted." "Oh...." She could tell that he didn't believe her, and she hoped he wouldn't push the issue. "Well, I'll come get you around noon, then." She closed her eyes briefly in relief. "Okay. Bye," she said, and hung up. It was then that she noticed her hands; they were still shaking, and she was sweating profusely. she thought, and headed for the shower. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mulder set the receiver back in its cradle and leaned back in his chair. He knew that something was wrong. Why Scully refused to admit it, he wasn't sure. For a moment he thought that maybe, just maybe, she didn't trust him enough to tell him what she was feeling. That idea worried him more than he cared to admit, until he realized that he was overreacting. he thought, and he went back to his paperwork. To Be Continued.... Em (X-Phile extraordinaire - the name says it all... Lil XPhile@aol.com) **Melissketeers Join Together** =========================================================================== From: lilxphile@aol.com (Em Laurence) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Repost: Coming to Terms Part 2 of 2 Date: 11 Nov 1995 07:36:54 -0500 Here's the rest of the repost of "Terms".... remember, I want e-mail! You flooded me after Barrier, do it again! -Em "Coming to Terms" Part 2 of 2 Scully emerged from the bathroom feeling much better than she had when she went in. While she had been in the shower she had forced herself to get over the incident with the phone, and now that it had been dealt with a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She took her time getting dressed, letting herself slip into the same peaceful state she had been in when she woke up. Grabbing the novel she had been reading, she slouched in one of the living room chairs next to the window and read while she waited for Mulder. As she turned the page, the bookmark she had been absently playing with slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor, drifting under the chair. She got down and knelt on the floor, groping blindly under the chair for the missing bookmark. Something sharp pricked her finger. Instantly she pulled her hand out from under the chair and lifted the edge to see what had poked her. The light from the nearby window reflected off a piece of broken glass. Curious, she said, "Wonder where that came from--" but she didn't have to wonder for long. Her memory held the answer.... ........she pulls back the blinds..... *he* is at the window..... the glass shatters, throwing her backwards onto the floor...... her desperate cries for help are heard by no one, but herself..... and him...... Scully buried her face in her hands as the tears flowed down her face. The fear she had felt that night engulfed her like a massive tidal wave, and she could do nothing but cry. There was a knock at the door, but she couldn't bring herself to answer it. She heard Mulder call her name, then the sound of him fumbling for his keys, then the door swung open. "Scully? Are you here-- oh, my God." He ran to her, sat down on the floor and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "What's wrong?" he asked her. She swallowed, taking a moment to compose herself. "I was reading, and I dropped my bookmark," she said slowly between sniffles. "I was trying to find it, and I looked under the chair, and there was glass there from the window, and......" She was unable to finish her sentence as a fresh wave of tears poured down her face. Resting her weary head on his shoulder, she cried as if she would never stop; as if she had reached the breaking point and passed it by a long time ago. Mulder was not quite sure what to do; the most levelheaded person he knew was sitting on the floor, crying like there was no tomorrow, and he had no idea how to make her feel better. He awkwardly put his other arm around her, feeling very uncomfortable with the whole situation. At last her tears stopped, and she lifted her head. Mulder looked at her, and was surprised and almost frightened by what he saw: sitting in the place of the neat, intelligent, controlled Dana Scully that he was accustomed to, there was a frightened, confused, and very much rumpled woman. The wounds which had appeared to be healed while she had been at the hospital had reopened as soon as she returned home and tiny reminders of that fateful night made themselves visible. Mulder longed to ease her pain, but he didn't think he knew how. The only thing he could think to do was to get her to lie down, and so he took her hand and led her gently to the couch. She lay down on the soft cushions, still holding his hand; and lifting the light blanket from the back of the couch, he spread it over her limp figure. The sudden burst of emotion had tired her out, and she fell asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. Mulder tried to slip his hand away from her so that he could change position, but Scully stirred the moment his hand was no longer in contact with hers. He replaced his hand and tried to relax, but the position he was forced into sitting in was about as comfortable as sitting on a tack. The phone rang then, and Scully lifted her head just long enough to ask him to please get it before drifting back into peaceful slumber. Mulder carefully lifted his hand from her loose grasp, walked into the kitchen and lifted the receiver. "Hello?" he said. "Is that you, Fox?" Mulder recognized Mrs. Scully's worried voice. "Yes, it's me," he said, forgetting to be annoyed that someone had used his first name. "Could I talk to Dana?" she asked, and Mulder was about to answer when he noticed Scully standing behind him leaning on the door frame. Her face was tearstained, she looked awfully pale, and her hands were still shaky; but she asked for the phone, and Mulder handed it to her. "Hello?" she said, in a surprisingly calm voice, and waved Mulder from the room. He left, and headed straight for the chair she had been next to when he came in. Lifting up one side of the chair, he spotted the piece of glass and picked it up carefully so as not to cut himself. Now he was left with the problem of what to do with it. It would not be wise to bring it to the kitchen and throw it away there, because Scully might see it in his hand and start crying again. He was not ready to face another episode like that so soon after the first, not to mention the fact that it would worry her poor overburdened mother. Quietly, he carried the fragment of glass to the bathroom, and dropped it in the wastebasket there. He then dropped a tissue in the basket to block the shard from her view. He walked back to the living room and slumped down on the couch. From the kitchen he could hear Scully trying to convince her mother she was all right. Mrs. Scully must have noticed that there was something wrong by the tone of her daughter's voice. Curiosity got the better of him, and he strained to hear what was being said.......... "Mom, I'm okay, don't worry, you don't have to come all the way back here--" Scully was cut off by a long speech from her mother. Annoyed, she tapped her fingers on the table until her mother finished. "Mom, I don't think that would be a good idea--" again she was cut off. She looked out into the living room at Mulder and made a face. He grinned, partially in relief that the incident a few minutes ago had been forgotten; and partially because she had looked like a fool when she made the face. She turned her attention back to the phone, her mother must have finished. "Mom, I know you're worried, but don't be, I'll be just fine here." She made another face as her mother launched into yet another speech; Mulder guessed she was about ready to hang up the phone. Suddenly the look on her face changed, this time to match an emotion he couldn't quite place. Although, from the way she looked, it wasn't a good emotion; and whatever it was her mother had said was definitely not something she agreed with. She turned around so that she was facing the wall and drummed her fingertips on it. "Mom, I'm not in the mood to drive all the way to your house now, couldn't it wait till this weekend?" Mulder was about to crack a joke when an idea hit him. The change of scenery would probably be good for her, even if she was none too willing to make the trek. As long as she stayed at her apartment, there was always a chance that she might spot something else, purely by accident, that would set her memory off and launch her into another fit of tears. Maybe if she just went for a day or two....... of course, there was the problem of convincing her to go in the first place......... He stood up and went to the kitchen, tapping her on the shoulder. "Hang on a second, Mom," she said, glad to be able to escape the conversation for a minute. She pushed the "hold" button on the phone and set it on the table. "What?" she asked. He took a deep breath before speaking; if he didn't phrase this right, she would be mad, and no matter how he said it he knew she would be insulted. he thought, and said, "Scully, you should at least think about going, even if it's just for a day or two." She turned to face him, and said coolly, "Mulder, please don't play my mother; I already have one and she's currently driving me insane. I don't need you to do that, too." He thought again before replying, no matter what he said next she would jump on him for trying to protect her. He took another deep breath. "Scully, when I came in here today and saw you it scared me. I had *never* seen you so disturbed before. I'm just afraid that you'll see something else in here and what happened with the glass will happen again. Maybe you need a change of scenery......" He waited for her to lash out at him, and for a minute it looked like she would. But something stopped her, and she slumped down into one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table. "I hate to say it, Mulder, but you're probably right......." Should she tell him about the incident with the phone earlier that morning? she thought, She took a breath. "Mulder, when you came in and saw me........ the same thing happened earlier this morning when you called. I saw the phone, and--" He cut her off. "Don't worry about it now. At least you're admitting you're scared. That's the most important thing." He grinned. "I finally beat that stubborn streak of yours, huh?" She gave him a look that could have derailed a train. Hastily, he turned back to the more important subject. "So will you go?" She hesitated a minute before answering. "I guess I could.... But only for a day, understand?" She tried to look as if she was reluctantly conceding to his wishes, but there was relief clearly visible in her eyes. She lifted up the receiver, depressing the button. "Mom? I guess I'll come out for a day or two." By the expression on Scully's face, Mulder guessed her mother was a little too thrilled to be rational. "Okay, Mom, I'll see you--" Whatever it was her mother said next, it surprised her. "I guess so......... Hang on." She turned around to face Mulder, a look of confusion on her face. "She wants to talk to you; for what reason, I can't fathom." She handed him the receiver and left the room. He lifted the phone to his ear. "Hello," he said. Mrs. Scully's voice, which had lost its worried tone, filled his ear. "Whatever it was you said to her, thank you," she said. "How do you know I was responsible?" he asked, but he knew the answer even before he asked the question. "She never would have decided to come if someone hadn't convinced her to." There was gratitude and frank admiration in Mrs. Scully's voice. "As far as I know, you're the only one there." He smiled. "It was no trouble. I think she needs a change of scenery." There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Good-bye, Fox, and thank you," she said. "Good-bye," he answered, and hung up the phone. For some reason, he didn't mind her calling him Fox. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Despite her original claim to Mulder that she was only going to spend a day or two at her mother's house, Scully had decided to stay until Saturday. It was a choice that she claimed to occasionally regret making; her brothers and sister were also there, and they were apparently hovering over her every minute of the day. Her older brother had been especially annoying, following her around constantly. It had annoyed the hell out of both her and Melissa, who had been forced to get whatever it was he thought Scully might need. She had complained about it to Mulder, and he had suggested, only half- joking, that they push him in the lake. The scheme had worked rather well, except for the fact that Melissa had fallen prey to the same stunt the next day. Scully had been protected from the same treatment by her mother's solemn oath that anyone who pushed Scully in the lake and got her sick again would be disowned. Mulder had laughed hard when he heard this. It made him feel much better in knowing that his partner was, more or less, back to her old self. He just hoped it would last. He knew that everything could, and probably would, all come back as soon as she returned home. He hoped against hope that maybe it wouldn't be as bad as it had been before, but a nagging voice inside told him that she would be dealing with the memories for a long time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sunday night, Scully sat down on the couch in her apartment. Her mother had pleaded that she stay longer, but she had been adamant about returning home. She wanted to get back into her old life. After a week of relaxing, she was bored. Another week sitting around the house did not sound appealing. She was afraid of the memories that might come up. Just staying at her apartment all the time was hard. She had gotten very little sleep last night, and the two nights that she was home before she had gone to her mother's. There were too many horrible memories, and the nightmares........ She shuddered even thinking of those. No way was she spending another week at home. Somehow she would have to convince Mulder to let her come back to work. It would be a tough job, but she had to get out of the house before she drove herself insane. Maybe if she didn't tell him she was coming, and just showed up in the office tomorrow morning........ She went to bed late, and set the alarm clock a little earlier than usual. That way she could get there before him. For a long time she just lay in bed, afraid to drift off. she told herself, Still, she didn't want to have to deal with them. She was fighting sleep, trying to stay awake, but it was a losing battle. she thought, but she knew there would be. A nagging voice inside her told her that she would be dealing with the memories for a long time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mulder walked into the basement office the next morning to find a familiar coat on the coat rack. He looked around, and saw Scully sitting with her back to him at her desk. "What are you doing here, Scully?" he asked. She turned around in the chair to face him; she looked a little bit pale, but otherwise she appeared fine. "I was bored, Mulder," she answered. "I was sick and tired of sitting around doing nothing. I've been doing nothing for too long." Mulder shook his head. "Not long enough. You need more time to rest." She looked him directly in the eye. "Mulder, don't argue with me on this. I'm not going home. I'm staying right here, and don't try to stop me because I promise that you can't." He looked at her, and knew she was probably right, he couldn't stop her from staying right where she was. He had beaten the Scully Stubborn Streak once before, but this time he had a feeling that he wasn't going to be able to accomplish that difficult task. He sighed in resignation. "Okay, fine, you can stay, but this is under protest." She leaned back in her chair. "So what's on the agenda for the day?" He didn't answer, just shook his head and laughed. "My God, Scully, I bet I could throw you off a bridge with a brick tied to your ankle on Friday afternoon and you'd still bounce back and be all business Monday morning." Scully smiled mischievously. "I don't know about Monday. How does Wednesday sound?" Mulder grinned. he thought. Suddenly she bent down and retrieved a plain white envelope from her bag. "Here," she said. "My mother asked me to give this to you." The puzzled look on her face indicated her curiosity about what was going on between Mulder and her mother. He ripped open the envelope. There was a simple card inside with a printed message on it. He read it silently. It was short, but important: "I stopped having the dream. But you were wrong, I'm not afraid anymore." Mulder smiled. He had needed to hear that. The End There you go... hope you enjoyed it! And Send E-Mail Please! Em (X-Phile extraordinaire - the name says it all... Lil XPhile@aol.com) **Melissketeers Join Together**