From: "mezzosoprano" Date: Mon, 26 Apr 2004 16:44:24 +0100 Subject: Comparisons by Mezzosoprano Source: direct Title: Comparisons Author: Mezzosoprano Email: mezzosoprano@blueyonder.co.uk Category: MSR; Mulder/Other friendship Rating: R (For language) Keywords: XF/Moonlighting crossover Archiving: Anywhere - but please, keep these headers attached Disclaimer: I *do not* own any of the characters herein. Everything XFiles belongs to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Tv, David & Gillian, and anyone else that I don't know or can't remember. Everything Moonlighting belongs to Glenn Gordon Caron, Picturemaker Productions, ABC Circle Films, Bruce & Cybill, and whoever else owns the rights to Moonlighting these days. No infringement intended, no money being made. Spoilers: Pilot; Abduction Arc (Abduction, Ascension, One Breath); Anasazi; Christmas Carol/Emily. Author's Note: Moonlighting was my all-time top tv show... until The X Files came along. Until 1996 (yes, I admit it - I only got into The X Files from 'The Blessing Way' - shame on me. But I bought the box sets for seasons 1 and 2 and caught up quickly though) I was of the opinion that no relationship could better anything that Maddie Hayes and David Addison had. Then along came Mulder and Scully.... All I can say is, if Maddie and David took each other to heaven, then Mulder and Scully went into orbit. All this *and* they waited more than four seasons to dance the naked pretzel. Feedback: I'd be delighted to hear from you! Email the above address at your leisure. Summary: A bar in the middle of nowhere - and Mulder ends up finding the one person who knows *exactly* how he feels. Whould'a thunk it? Comparisons by Mezzosoprano "Get the fuck outta my sight!" That, and the door slammed in his face had been major pointers to Mulder that Scully was royally pissed. Even Mulder wasn't so dumb as to mess those signals up. Trouble was, now that he and Scully had, for want of a better expression 'moved their relationship to a whole new level' (he'd vowed *never* to drink red wine again, if it meant his brain came out with flowery crap like *that*), they'd only booked one motel room. Which he'd just been booted out of. So. What to do now? Scanning his surroundings, his eyes came to rest on a ramshackle hut. At first glance it seemed to be a toilet, but the billboard with the picture of a beer bottle on it told another story. And so it was that Mulder did then what every other guy had done in those circumstances, right down through history; whenever they'd pissed off their beloved and been thrown out... he headed to the bar to get drunk. As soon as he stepped through the door, Mulder decided that his first impression of the building had been correct. Certainly smelled like a toilet, anyway. The floorboards creaked beneath him as he crossed the floor to the bar. He fished a $10 bill from his back pocket and signalled for the bartender. "What'll it be, friend?" "Whisky. Strongest you've got. Double - and keep them coming." "Sure." Mulder sank onto a well-worn leather topped stool, and heard a slight chuckle from his left. Deciding he didn't want company, he ignored it. A sigh only drew a further chuckle though, louder this time. Against his better judgement, he turned his head. "Something I can do for you?" "Nah," the stranger shook his head. "I just know that look, that's all.." He paused. "What's her name?" "Excuse me?" "Usually a woman involved... what is she? Wife.. girlfriend... boss?" "Nobody I want to discuss with you." "Ah, so there *is* someone." "Look.." Mulder's patience was wearing thin. "I don't wanna be rude, but-" "Sorry," the stranger smiled, scratching his head. "Didn't mean to get you riled." He paused, then offered his hand. "David Addison. Friends call me Dave." Eventually, Mulder smiled too, and took the proffered hand. "Fox Mulder," he said. "Friends call me Mulder." The handshake was warm and firm. "So," he went on after they'd picked up their drinks, "you mentioned something about recognising my demeanour." "Don't remember putting it like that, but still..." Dave's voice tailed off. "I'm trained to study people. It's what I do." Mulder was intrigued. "Yeah?" Dave nodded. "Yeah. Private Investigator." He paused. "That, and... well, I had a *situation* myself once. I recognise the signs, that's all. A fellow 'underling'." "I don't follow," Mulder told him. Dave studied Mulder's face for a moment. "Look, tell me to butt out, it's your privilege," he began. "All I know is that when I was 'mixed up' with a woman, and I use the term 'mixed up' as the understatement of the twentieth century, I sure coulda used someone to bend my ear about it. Someone who understood." "Don't tell me..." Mulder laughed. "You learnt a few lessons and now you roam the country dishing out wisdom to anyone who seems to need it." "I learnt more than a *few* lessons," Dave assured him. "And no, I don't roam the country dishing out advice. Just finished a case and I'm taking some personal time." "Sorry," Mulder apologised. "I's just, in my experience, there's never been anybody who ever understands what I'm going through. Or wants to talk about it. Except-" "Except the one person you can't talk to, because that's who most of it's about," interjected Dave. It took just a few seconds for Mulder's brain to register that here was a person who maybe, just maybe, could understand how he felt. "Okay," he told Dave. "Tell me your story." "I think you'll need to fill your glass first. As stories go, this is a bit of a blockbuster..." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "Okay," began Dave, when their glasses were suitably full. "Lemme ask you a question. Where were you in 1985?" "1985? Erm.. I had just come back from college in England," replied Mulder. "I wasn't 25 yet." "Well.. I was 31. Running my own Detective Agency in Los Angeles - 'City of Angels Investigations'. Well, I say my *own*.. I was just the Manager. But, as we'd never actually met the owner face to face, the person who'd invested in the agency, it just kinda *felt* like mine. Anyway... One weekday afternoon in the spring of 1985, all that changed.. and my life changed with it. Forever." "How so?" "The owner showed up, but only to tell us she was closing the agency down. I'll never forget how it felt, that first day she walked into my office..." Mulder recalled a similar set of circumstances in 1992. "I didn't know her, as I said. Not personally, anyway. I was just interested in keeping the agency open, making sure everyone kept their jobs - including me. 'Course, it didn't hurt matters that she was also drop dead gorgeous, but at that point the agency and the staff were really all I was interested in." "What d'you mean you didn't know her personally? How else did you know her?" "She was a model," explained Dave. "Wait a second. How old are you?" "I'm 43." "Right. Well, you mighta seen her picture around sometime in the 70s. Or maybe your Dad had the hots for her." A wry smile played on Mulder's lips. "Erm.. my Dad had other things on his mind in the 70s. What was her name?" Dave paused for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts. "Her name was Madolyn Hayes," he replied at last. "Known to some people as Maddie." Mulder recognised the way he said her name. Such reverence, in much the same way he uttered 'Scully', and 'Dana'. "I think maybe I saw her in a tv commercial once," said Mulder. "Maybe. I'm not sure." "They called her 'The Blue Moon Shampoo Girl'," recalled Dave. "So, when she finally agreed to keep the agency open, that's what we named it. 'Blue Moon Investigations'. And we ran it together." "Pardon me for asking, but didn't you say she was a model? Did she have training?" Dave looked at Mulder. "It's just.. well, I know a litle bit about it. I work for the FBI," he explained. "I'm a Federal Agent." Eventually, Dave smiled. "In the beginning, she didn't have any experience," he said. "But she pulled her weight. They were... all those cases..." he looked off into the middle distance for a moment, then met Mulder eye's again. "They were stormy, row-filled, angry.. and heart-achingly wonderful. The best times of my life." Mulder nodded, understanding. "'Cos you see, in the beginning, it really *was* all about the agency. Don't get me wrong, I thought she was hot - I'm only human. But, as time went on, something happened that I didn't plan for. I didn't admit it to myself for such a long time... but then it just got to the point where I couldn't fight it anymore. Didn't want to fight it." "What?" "I fell for her. I fell so hard... I didn't know what was happening to me. See, I was always 'Dave Addison, Class Clown', always fooling around. I wasn't *meant* to feel that way. I didn't think so, anyway. Worst thing was, she didn't seem to feel the same way. There was no way I was gonna give her my heart, just for her to play baseball with it, was there?" Mulder shook his head, and Dave continued. "So, we just played the denial game for a few years, until... until I nearly lost her forever. The first time." "What d'you mean... the first time?" A wry smile now played on *Dave's* lips. He turned his head. "Bartender? Same again, please." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "Sam." "Who?" "That was his name. Didn't know a thing about him until I met him. What a night *that* was." "But, who was he? Her brother, family friend, what-?" "Well, she said she'd grown up with him, so I guess that made him a family friend. Thing is, the night I first met him, he'd just come from her bed." Mulder nodded slightly in understanding. Dave thought for a moment."Ever been jealous, Mulder? Ever been so jealous, it's all consuming and it feels like you can't even breathe?" "I think I have." "You *think* you have? Lemme tell ya, if you only *think* you have, then you haven't. It felt..." He laughed a little. Self-deprecating. "It felt as if she was cheating on me. Stupid, right? I mean, it's not as if we were actually physically involved at that point. It just felt... I dunno." He sighed. "I, er... I never necessarily thought she'd go for anyone. Just kinda thought that... when.. *if* she did... it would be for me." "I can understand that. Working with someone so closely for so long... it can start to feel exclusive.. even if it's not." "Mmm. And I still didn't feel as if I could tell her how I felt about her. There was still this little voice inside saying :'What if she doesn't feel the same, Dave? Best case scenario - you feel like utter crap and can't look her in the eye again ever. Worst case scenario - she takes offence or can't deal with it or something, and you lose her forever.'" He sighed again. "Just... it was too great a risk, so I didn't say anything. Even when...." "Even when what?" Dave looked away again for a moment, and when he turned back Mulder could see the pain in his face. "Even when Sam asked her to marry him." "Oh God... what did you do?" Mulder was surprised to see him smile, then. "What did I do? I, erm... " He even laughed. "I trashed my office." "I couldn't get away with that," Mulder informed him. "My boss would have my ass in a sling." "Yeah, well.... *She* was my boss, so I didn't really think about it. My secretary wasn't too thrilled, though." "I'll bet. So - what happened? Did she marry him?" "No. What happened? I finally got the courage up to tell her how I felt, that's what happened." "Mm. But you didn't live happily ever after?" "Not even close. We had an amazing three weeks together." "Three weeks?!" Mulder choked on his whisky, then mentally kicked himself for it. 'What if she died, you idiot?' He asked himself. "Sorry. What d'you mean?" "I mean... we had a terrific date one night, and we reaffirmed to each other how we felt, and..." "-and?" "And... I showed up for work the next morning, she didn't. I stopped by her house, and found that she'd packed up all her clothes, some of her belongings... and gone. She'd just cleared off; no note, nothing to say if she was alright or where she'd gone, or... or anything." "You never heard from her?" "Eventually. I tried every way in the world to find her... but she eventually called me. She'd gone to her parents' house in Chicago. But the hardest part was still to come." Mulder watched as Dave went on. "She pleaded with me not to call her there, just to let her call me. Which she did about twice, as I recall." "What's wrong with that?" "Twice.. in four and a half months." He swallowed. "But I was still expected to run the agency, wait for her to get things together in her head, wait for her to come home. I got very good at waiting." There was an edge to his voice now. "I gotta tell ya... it just about crucified me. I couldn't talk to her, couldn't hear her voice.. couldn't see her. It just about killed me." "I can understand that, too," Mulder informed him. Dave looked at him, with interest. "What d'you mean?" "Well... you were right. There *is* someone. I work with her.. and we have a relationship. But, quite early on in our working partnership, she was abducted. Missing. It was only a month, but it felt like eternity. However, I didn't have any idea what had happened to her, or if she was hurt or anything." "But she got back okay?" "Depends on your opinion of okay. She was alive... just. Showed up at a DC hospital, in ITU and no-one had any idea how she got there. Her family showed up, and prepared to say goodbye to her, let her go. I couldn't handle it. She was.. comatose for a bit over a week, and deteriorated further when they took her off life support. I was in pieces, because I'd witnessed her living will giving them the permission to do exactly that." "Jesus. How did you cope? What happened?" "I dunno. She.. she just eventually woke up. Nobody ever did give a conclusive explanation as to why. I was just glad she was back.. really back. And I think that's when I realised that I'd fallen for her. But, like you, I didn't think it was a good idea to actually tell her. I mean, that wasn't something she needed to know, right?" Dave could see what Mulder was saying, and nodded. "Thing was, I'd sat at her bedside in ITU, in the hospital cafeteria, in my car... just saying over and over to myself 'if she makes it, I *will* tell her'. And then, when she did, I just moved the goalposts. 'She's recovering, she doesn't need anything like this right now.' Or 'She's here, she's safe... it can wait'. So I kept it to myself... for another few years. But I was in no doubt at all that I was in love with her... that I love her." "At least you admitted it to yourself. I cannot tell you how long it took for me to get my head around it...and for a while, that was kinda my 'get out clause.' 'I can't get my own head around it, explain it to myself... so how the *hell* can I explain it to her?'" "But you did." "Yeah.. I did. And we finally got it all sorted out, or so I thought. But there were a couple of twists to the tale before it was through." "Like what?" Dave didn't intend to shock Mulder at this point, but he did. "Like... me finding out that she was pregnant. And I mean 'finding out'. She didn't tell me... one of our employees did. Like... her not knowing if the baby was mine or not. Like... her marrying another man on the train ride home." For once, Mulder was speechless - nearly. It took him a few moments to recover from this onslaught of information. "Wait a second... she *married* another man?!" "Yep. So, by the time she was back, she was basically telling me that 'the baby's not yours, and I'm married to someone else'." "Mm. I'm almost afraid to ask... if you trashed your office when you found out about the other guy's proposal.. what was your reaction to this?" Dave toyed with his shot glass. "Erm.. I threw her a wedding." "You.... you what?!" "I threw her a wedding. Well, *them*. I threw them a wedding. It wasn't the other guy's fault. Walter, that's what his name was. He just got in the middle of something he couldn't possibly hope to understand. Nearly went off without a hitch, too. But... my lamaze partner went into labour just after the minister started." "You'd been attending lamaze classes?" "Yeah. I figured... just in case she ever came to her senses and told me that the baby *was* mine, just in case she wanted us all to live happily ever after... I figured I'd better be prepared." "Just in case." "Yeah. Anyway, I was lucky to find a class with an understanding nurse, and she knew of a single mom-to-be who was looking for a lamaze partner, and we were introduced. Terry. Terry Knowles. We sorta hit it off, and I asked her to come to the wedding as my guest. She said yeah, but we really were taking chances 'cos she was only two weeks from her due date. Her waters broke not long after 'dearly beloved'." "Maybe, deep down... on some unconscious level.. you invited her to make Maddie jealous, maybe?" "What are you, a psychology major or something?" Dave laughed. Mulder smiled. "Sort of. I've got a psychology degree. That's what I was studying in England up to 1985." "Oh, right. Well, maybe. You could be right." "So, what happened?" "Well, Maddie being Maddie, she chose the wonderful time when Terry was in advanced labour to tell me she hated me, never wanted to see me again/then that she loved me, and would love me forever. Well, sorta." "And then..." "And then.. the baby was born. Beautiful little boy, and Terry called him Walter Hayes Addison Knowles, after us all. Mm.. he'd be about fifteen years old now. And you would think that that would set things up for a happy ending." "Did it?" "No. You see, Maddie was still married, and the baby still wasn't mine. Or so she said." "What does that mean?" "It means... it means that I was never sure if she *wasn't* sure, y'know? I mean, maybe she told me it definitely wasn't mine just to keep us apart... and by the time she figured out what she wanted, she couldn't go back on her word. Truth be told, I'm not sure she ever knew exactly *what* she wanted... apart from the baby. But.. she got an annulment from Walter, and as far as she was concerned, we were settling down to be a proper little family, that the previous five months or so hadn't happened. However, I had a slight problem with that..." xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mulder returned from the bathroom to find that the bartender had set them up again. "So," began Dave, as Mulder re-took his seat. This, er.. 'significant other' of yours...... she got a name?" "Yeah... Dana Scully. But I just call her 'Scully'. She calls me Mulder, just like everyone else." "Why is that?" "I think, to start with, it was a way of keeping everything professional, distanced. I only ever used her christian name when I *really* wanted her attention. She only ever used my christian name once... because I don't like it. 'Sfunny though... we used that as a means of keeping distanced.. *now* I use her christian name as.. well, it's got a feeling of intamacy, y'know? Still don't like her calling me 'Fox' though." "Mm. Whenever Maddie used to yell 'Addison' at me, I was usually in trouble." "Yeah? I usually get my whole title, as in: 'Special Agent Mulder!' And it's usually spat at me." He paused. "In trouble a lot, were you?" "I guess so. It was generally of my own making though, so I suppose I can't complain." "Did you ever know why? I mean, there's some times when, like now, I get the message that I've pissed Scully off. But I don't know why." "Sometimes there doesn't have to be a reason," laughed Dave. "And, I would say: 'What have I done? Or what *haven't* I done?' and she would just say: 'If you don't know, Addison.. then there's no point in trying to explain it to you.' What do you do with that?!" "Not a lot," agreed Mulder. "But, we digress. What happened with the baby?" "Ah, the baby. Well..." Dave's smile faltered, then disappeared completely. "As I said, Maddie was well up for it. Happy families, baby showers, sorting out the nursery." "Sounds good." "Yeah. A bit too good to be true. It was like.. like the previous five months hadn't happened. Don't get me wrong, I *tried* to get past it. I *tried* to just.. let things go, and plan for the future. But, I couldn't get all those lonely days and nights out of my mind. Couldn't forget how I felt, just staring at the phone most nights, willing it to ring. And she's all laughing and joking... I couldn't. So, in the end.. I blew. I told her everything I'd been through, and how I felt. I mean, it was like she loved me and was coming home, then she married this other man 'cos maybe she didn't love me as much as she *thought* she did... then she gets annuled from this other man 'cos she realises she does love me after all. And this is before we even *start* discussing anything about the baby." He took a large gulp of whisky, and let it settle before he continued. "I told her..." He paused. "..I told her that.. 'if a man had done to me what she'd done to me... I'd have knocked his teeth down his throat'. I couldn't understnd how this person *had* eventually used my heart as a baseball.. and yet.." He swallowed. "And yet.. I still loved her with every fibre of my being." "So it worked out? Gimme some hope here, I'm taking notes," Mulder quipped. "Sort of. Things happened that... well, things happened. And I realised that I just had to accept everything that had gone on, or I would lose her for the third time. Just had to keep telling myself: 'Two people can make it if they try'. And we did... sorta." "Sorta? And the baby?" Dave's face clouded over. "We organised a baby shower for Maddie," he said. "It was a great night.. food, drink, dancing... I'd never seen her as happy in a long time. I hadn't been, either. I finally felt as if we were in line for a happy ending." He paused a moment to collect his thoughts, and let out along held breath. "We were dancing together when she suddenly clutched her stomach in pain. Someone called an ambulance and we got her to hospital.. but she lost the baby." "I'm sorry," murmured Mulder. "Yeah. Well.. we went back into denial mode, and... things just weren't the same after that. We split some time afterwards, and just lost touch." "I know what it's like to lose a child." "You had kids?" "Not really. Scully.. she had a daughter. Kinda felt like my daughter too, in some ways. She died." "What was her name?" "Emily. She was three years old." "Jesus. I don't know what's worse.. a miscarriage, or losing your kid like that. At least the baby wasn't.. I mean it didn't really have an identity yet. Not like your little girl. How'd your partner cope with that? What happened?" "Oh, Emily had been ill for some time. Scully's... erm.. I guess there's no point in lying about it. It tore her apart, and she's still trying to deal with it." "It's not easy." "Nah." Mulder took another gulp of whisky. "So... what advice would you give to someone like me?" "Someone like you?" "I'll be perfectly honest with you, Dave. I've had a couple of other relationships in my life - they bombed, in spectacular style. This is the first relationship I've had that I really, desperately, want it to work. She's not just my partner, she's my best friend, she's.. the reason I breathe in and out every day." "My advice? Just like I said before, I think. 'Two people can make it if they try.' Maddie and I just didn't try hard enough. That, and 'don't be afraid'. There are things that can scare you shitless in this life. Don't let your partner be one of them." Mulder nodded. "Another?" asked Dave, raising his glass. "Just one. I think I'd better go back and see how the state of play is... before she shoots me again." "She *shot* you?! Even Maddie never tried that one. How the hell did *that* happen?" Mulder stared at him. "Long story, Dave. Bartender? Same again, please." The End. 'The baby's not yours, and I'm married to somebody else' comes from the Moonlighting episode 'Maddie Hayes Got Married', and was written by whoever wrote that episode. 'If a man did to me what you to me.. I'd have knocked his teeth down his throat' comes from the Moonlighting episode 'And The Flesh Was Made Word'. It was written by whoever wrote *that* episode! 'Two people can make it if they try' and 'Get past your past' comes from the Moonlighting episode 'Womb With a View', and I think Glenn Gordon Caron was responsible for that one.