From: Sabrina Hunt <ibelievex@hotmail.com>
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 11:49:41 -0400
Subject: Confessions 5

Title: Confessions ( 5/ ? )
Author: Sabrina Hunt < ibelievex@hotmail.com >
Rating: PG-13
Classification: S/H/A
Spoilers:  Latest episode ?!?
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this series to Chief Kay and The
Non-Ellen Look-alike, both of whom are past teachers of mine, but also
friends. Without their assistance, encouragement and interest in this hobby
of mine, I probably wouldn't be writing these wacky stories... ThankX a lot
guys!!!  ---<---@ Sab.
Summary:  Mulder and Scully's new lives begin... Heeheeheehohohohahaha.
(That's positively evil laughter BTW ) Let's just say that they put the
past behind them... Way behind them... So far behind, they forget...!!!

Read on ! Later dudes ! Feedback, is welcome ! < ibelievex@hotmail.com >


Confessions - 5/? ( question mark at this point seems to signify 11) 
by Sabrina Hunt

	~ " All alone, lost and dazed, like a stranger in a foreign land..."

**************************************************************************

	The rest of the week went by quickly,  and without incidence. Though
Mulder and Scully woke up, the morning after their mutual dream, and
couldn't recall whether it was real or not, their thoughts were never far
from each other...
	Scully's week was uneventful, but heaven on her physical, and emotional,
self. By Friday she was well rested and had regained her usual out look on
life. She felt at peace with herself, and her past, and was now ready to
move on. She longed to be back in DC, telling her family and friends she
was getting married. Of course, her mother already knew, but she wanted to
call her brothers, and tell them the good news... Well, it was good news
for her, at least. She wasn't sure how Bill jr. was going to take it. He
wasn't exactly fond of Mulder... She also wanted to see the faces of her
not so amicable colleagues, when she told all those macho men who tried to
woo her, Colton for example, that she was already spoken for... By Spooky
Mulder...

	Unfortunately for Mulder, his week seemed impossibly long, moved
torturously slowly, and was lonely. He didn't feel like doing anything
without Scully. he'd lost his ambition. And so, he'd sat in his hotel room,
moping, and trying to get back into Scully 's mind. He'd figured he mustn't
have been trying hard enough, though, because he wasn't able to make that
psychic connection...
	Finally, Friday rolled around and Mulder sat hoping he would get a call
from Frohike. He already had it all planned out. The second he got the
official OK, he was going to call Scully and whisk her off onto the plane,
to join him...
	All morning Mulder waited for the call, but the phone didn't ring once.
Then, knowing how no one ever calls if you're waiting, he decided to go out
shopping, and get something for Scully, but what ? He didn't think another
ring would make a good gift, nor another necklace. He knew for a fact that
she didn't need the next installment in the Superstars of the Super Bowl
video collection because he already had it, and before long, their videos
would be one huge collection... Mulder walked past an occult shop, then
turned back, a jewelry display in the window catching his eye. He just
never knew where he'd find a suitable gift...
	Mulder stepped into the black light lit, incense filled shop, tried not to
stare at the swarm of New Age Vampires, and browsed the jewelry. Of course,
there was the usual assortment of skulls and such, but there were also
items that bore fascinating symbols which had powerful meanings. Mulder
perused these accessories, finding mostly the classic crosses and
semiprecious stones. Then he stumbled across a small silver ID bracelet. It
was a simple silver chain, with a small plate on it. In the top of the
plate was carved a very  elaborate pentacle.  The back of the plate sat
open for inscriptions. 
	Mulder took it with him, as he looked through the rest of the merchandise,
but saw nothing that compared. So, he inquired about getting it engraved.
	" Fifty dollars total..." The Goth-girl vetted all in black, responded to
his queries. Mulder nodded and passed the bracelet over the counter.
	" What did you say you wanted engraved ?"
	Mulder smiled as he told the girl. Scully was going to like this...

	When Mulder made it back to the hotel, he was pleased to find that someone
had left him a message... The receptionist behind the desk shuffled some
papers around, and pulled a folded sheet out, with Mulder's name on it.
	" Sir, you received a telephone message, while you were out..."
	Mulder snatched the paper from the man, rather rudely, yelling a "
Thanks!", over his shoulder, as he made a bee line for the elevators. As
the doors glided open, Mulder charged in, almost trampling three people.
The paper in his hands trembled. It had to be from Frohike... Unless
something bad had happened to Scully... Then someone would be calling him,
to break his heart... He would not open it until he reached his room... The
bell chimed off the floors... Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen... As
soon as the doors opened, Mulder shot down the hall, pulling his key card
out as he went... He hastily swiped it through the door. Red light. He
tried again. Red Light. Mulder kicked the door, and yelled, " OPEN!", then
swiped it again, and again. " Open sesame!" Mulder said, slowly dragging
the card through the slit... Green light.
	In a flash Mulder was in the room, phone in hand, spread out on the bed.
He unfolded the paper, and read the words that were indeed, from Frohike.
He smiled, imaging a hotel staffer taking this message. It read:
 " The lonely wolf howls at the moon, calling his fair haired mate back to
him. Hunting season is over..."
  
**************************************************************************

	Scully lay in the hammock, in the back yard, scanning over the last few
pages of her book. She'd already read it three times this week, and the
more times she read it, the less she appreciated John Grisham... She tossed
the book down listening to it's dull thud, on the luscious green grass, as
she examined the perfect sky, through the foliage of the trees, under which
she hung. The sky was big and empty, a solid shade, with no clouds to make
it interesting... Scully decided paradise was boring, especially when you
had no one to enjoy it with... Somewhere, not so far away, but not so
close, a bird began to chirp... A very odd sounding bird... It made a kind
of a breeeep-breeeep sound... 
	Scully sat up quickly, and lost her balance, flipping out of the hammock.
That was no bird chirping, that was her cell phone. She picked herself up,
off the ground, and raced into the house, almost trampling the older woman
in her haste. She was just about to run past her, when she realized the
woman was holding it.
	" I was just on my way down, to bring it to you..." She said, warmly.
	Scully smiled, appreciatively, and took it from her hand. " Thanks..."
	She checked the caller display. It was Mulder.
	" Hi!"
	" Hey Firefly! Coast is clear!"
	Scully couldn't have been smiling wider. " I missed you so much! It's
really boring here without you..."
	" Can't beat me. I stayed in my hotel room all week."
	" Mulder! That's not healthy! when I'm not there, you should at least try
to take care of yourself ?!?"
	" Oh, I tried Scully. But I just couldn't get up, I was so heavy
hearted..." Mulder said, in a woeful tone.
	" Oh, my heart is breaking..."
	On the other end of the line, Mulder was grinning like an idiot. Classic
Scully.
	" I already bought you a plane ticket... It's under the name Kate. D.
Redlum."
	Scully smiled. " What time is the flight ?"
	" Um... It's at seven... at the Kingston airport."
	" Mulder! It's four thirty here, on the island. It takes two hours to get
from there to here!"
	" I know you'll pull something off... You always do..."
	Scully groaned, heading upstairs to pack her things, in haste. " Oh, by
the way, I had the weirdest dream...."

**************************************************************************
	The plane taxied down the runway, and Scully was barely able to remain
seated. Finally, they were reunited! As soon as the flight attendants
allowed, Scully was up out of her seat, with her carryon luggage, and out
the door... Mulder. She had to find Mulder...
	Fortunately, the LAX wasn't too crowded, which surprised Scully. Usually
getting through it was like trying to push a bowling ball through the eye
of a needle. Today though, there were only a few hundred people coming and
going. Scully wasn't complaining, at least she could get her bags and
run... But when she got to the turn about, where the luggage usually came
out, she couldn't find hers. She made two trips around it, until she heard
a familiar chuckling behind her.
	" Looking for something ?"
	Scully turned around, and addressed the tall lanky figure, with a serious
tone, and a straight face. " So you steal my heart and my clothes ?"
	Mulder grinned, and bent over, wanting to hug her, but not being able to
with her bags, so he settled for a quick kiss instead. " I missed you..."
	Scully smiled and pulled one of the suitcases from his hand, putting her
available hand in it's spot. " Mulder, I think *missed* is hardly the word
I would choose. It was more like *dull-throbbing and anxiety, topped with
prolonged memory recollections and severe pangs of loneliness*."
	" Like I said, I missed you Scully..."
**************************************************************************

	The winters were not so long in LA, and the on that particular night, the
sky was clear, and beautiful, the sun just setting on the horizon. Though
it was late, and they were both tired, Mulder and Scully decided to go for
a walk, in the park. It was after dinner, and Mulder saw no danger in going
for an outdoor excursion, so long as they were back inside by the time the
street lights came on. Besides, he wanted to give her his gift. 
	And so they set off through the park, hand in hand, enjoying the foreign
scenery. LA was nothing like it had seemed the first time he was here... Of
course, he'd been in the bad side of town then... But the most amazing
thing was, that none of this reminded him of Kristen. And he knew that from
now on, it would remind him of Scully... he slowed his pace as they
approached a park bench.
	" Scully ?"
	She turned to look at him. And for the first time he wondered, Why did she
always look so serious ? It was as if she was keeping a million things
inside her, like she was always thinking. he knew she was in a light
hearted mood, he could sense that much, and he knew she was happy...
	" Why do you always look so serious ?"
	She gave him a questioning look, creasing her brow. " What ?"
	" You just always look so distracted... Like everything you do has to be
thought over..."
	She dropped her head to one side, and considered what he had just said.
	" I don't try to look serious... Why ?"
	Mulder shrugged. " I don't know. I just wondered what goes on inside that
brilliant mind of yours..."
	Scully smiled.
	" I bought something for you, while you were back in the islands..." he
said, reaching into his pocket. He extracted a small box, then placed it in
her hands...
	" What is it ?" She inquired, curious.
	" Just open it..." Mulder encouraged. He was eager to see her reaction.
	She carefully opened the box, and a smile spread across her face as she
picked up the silver bracelet.
	" It's beautiful Mulder... Pentacle for protection, right ?" 
	Mulder nodded. " Check out the back..."
	She turned it over, and read the inscription. " Dubitera et Crederor... "
She smiled, and went up on her tiptoes, spreading her arms. That was the
only way she could reach him around the neck, to give him a hug. " Thank
you..."
	He bent down, so she could reach, but he surprised her by lifting her off
the ground. " Thank you Scully..."
	" What for ?"
	" For loving me, despite my best attempts to dissuade you..."
	She poked him in the ribs, as he put her back on solid ground. 
	" Oh, while I'm at it, I might as well give you this back..." He said,
reaching up to unclasp the gold chain, from around his neck. She put her
and on his chest.
	" No. You keep it..."
	Mulder looked puzzled. " Are you sure ?"
	She nodded. " Come on, let's keep walking..."
	And so they set off once more down the walkways and streets, carrying out
a lively conversation about what the worst x-file ever was. They were
oblivious to what was going on around them. They were purely preoccupied by
their love for each other. But their love was blinding them. The Men were
gone... Scully was safe... They were safe. At least, that's what they
thought. But sometimes being confronted with big problems everyday, makes
people forget about smaller problems, ones that could happen to anyone, at
anytime...
	Looking back on it, they would say an eerie peace had settled upon them,
and they had let themselves be surrounded by it, without thinking of the
consequences. They had forgotten. Nothing came that easily, nothing was
free. There was a price to pay for joy, happiness. And though they thought
they'd prepaid for those things with the events of the past to weeks, they
were wrong. Their previous challenges had been a mere down payment. the
worst was yet to come. Fate wasn't finished with them yet...
	" Well what do we have here ?" Someone asked, stepping out from an alley.
His henchmen stepped out too, blocking their path.
	Mulder turned, holding Scully's hand tightly, as he realized they'd walked
blindly into a dangerous situation. They were surrounded by Leather
Jacketed LA Thugs. 
	" Looky here boys. We got ourselves a party!" the leader said, nodding to
Scully. 
	" Mmmhmm. She sure is fine..." One of the second in command man added,
pulling his eyes over Scully's body. Scully seemed to shrink a bit.
	Mulder slowly and carefully slid his hand to his hip, with the intention
of unholstering his gun. Unfortunately, he'd removed it earlier, when going
to pick up Scully, at the airport. He swore.
	" Oh, hey... Pretty boy here's got a mouth! Maybe we should tell his=
 Mommy!"
	The thugs laughed.
	" What do you want ?" Scully asked lowly, coolly.
	The main man snapped his fingers, and the thugs fell into rapt attention.
	" The chick's right. Back to business boys... Give us all your money..."
	Mulder prayed that that was all they were after.
	"... And your girlfriend..."
	Mulder passed them his wallet. They went through it, took all the valuable
stuff, and snapped all the credit cards.
	" Aren't you forgetting something ?" The thug asked, sliding towards
Scully. Mulder stepped in between them. " Over my dead body..."
	The thugs whistled. The leader looked Mulder straight in the eye. " Is
that a challenge ?"
	Mulder stood his ground.
	" ...I hope not." The thug went on. " We wouldn't want anyone to get
hurt..." 
	He reached out, and touched Scully's cheek. Mulder pulled her forcefully
towards him. " Keep your hands off of her..."
	The thugs laughed again. " Oh, now you're going to get tough... I'm=
 scared!"
	He approached Scully again, but this time he grabbed her face, and kissed
her, hard. She bit down on the tongued he forced into her mouth. The leader
jumped as her sharp teeth injured him.
	" Hey now, doll, that wasn't very nice..."
	" I'm not your doll..." Scully hissed, between clenched teeth.    
	" You are now..." The thug said, as his men drew their knives and guns.
	He put his callused hands on her shoulders, and tried to  kiss her again.
She spat in his face. That angered the thug.
	" No one, no one disses the Black Bastard..." He said, as he wiped the
saliva from his face.
	" I don't think I'd use such mild language to describe you..." Scully
quipped.
	And that's when he hit her. In one blow, she was knocked to the ground.
	Mulder jumped on the ring leader. " I'm going to kill you..." He yelled,
as he attacked. But the fight was unfair, uneven, and the odds were stacked
against the Agents. A scuffle ensued, which resulted in the slashing of
numerous parts of Mulder's body. As the gang men controlled Mulder, the
main men took Scully and beat her, knocking her out with the butt of a gun.
The last thing Mulder saw, before being knocked out himself, was Scully's
limp body being dragged away, into an alley. " Scully..." he called, but
then he felt a weight come down on his head, and all became dark. As it
would turn out, the thugs ended up stealing more than just their cash and
valuables. they also stole their time and memories...

**************************************************************************

	Pain. Throbbing. No. Stop. It hurts. Help me. Someone. Mom... Can't think.
Can't breathe. Can't see. Eyes closed. Must open eyes... A white and
blinding light glared into her eyes, and she groaned.
	Dana Scully's eyelids fluttered, as she slowly came to. It was two days
after the mugging, and just now she was waking up in a DC hospital, after
having suffered from a severe concussion...
	 The past two days had been long, and painful for Maggie. The emergency
system in LA had received an anonymous call reporting an unconscious woman,
with no ID. The doctors in the LA hospital had run her picture on the six
o'clock news, and had heard from one Margaret Scully soon after. And so,
Dana had been airlifted to Washington DC, where she was just now awakening.=
 
	" Dana ?" 
	Scully rolled her head. It hurt to move it. She opened her eyes, searching
for her mother. " Mom ?"
	Maggie lay a hand on her daughters, and took a breath, her lips sealed to
try and contain the tears of relief and worry. " Oh my baby girl! " She
spoke at last. 
" Do you know where you are ?"
	Scully tried to shake her head, but found that she couldn't without a
terrible pain shooting through it. " No... And my head hurts. What happened=
 ?"
	Maggie looked away, unable to look her daughter in the eyes. She saw too
much pain and confusion there. " You were on vacation with Fox..."
	Scully's brow twitched. Recognition, but not remembrance. " Fox who ?"
	Just then, Bill Jr. came into the room, causing an interruption in their
troubling conversation. " Dana... How are you feeling ?"
	Scully smiled slightly. " Like I just got run over by an ice cream=
 truck..."
	Bill smiled. " So I heard you say you don't remember what happened...
	Scully acknowledged this, as he shook his head in disbelief. She waited
for him to fill her in, but he didn't. Instead he changed the subject.
	" Well, Mom and I are going to go now, let you get your rest. We'll be
back to check in on you later..."
	Maggie was going to object, but the look Bill gave her, made her comply to
his wishes.
	" But..." Scully wanted to stop them, but didn't have the energy. Maybe
they were right, maybe she did need more sleep. She closed her eyes, but
the peace didn't last long. Out in the hall her brother raised his voice,
and her mom whispered fiercely. She couldn't quite make out what they were
saying...
	" What was that about, Bill ?"
	Bill stood tall, in the navy way, and spoke to his mom, gently but with a
firmness that meant that he wasn't going to be sweet talked out of whatever
he had planned. " She doesn't remember him, does she ?"
	Maggie shook her head. " I'm not sure. She didn't recall the name Fox, but
she called him Mulder all the time. And besides, she just came out of it..."
	" We can't tell her..."
	Maggie narrowed her eyes a bit. " Why not ?"
	" Because, he was never good enough for her..."
	Maggie began to object, but Bill cut her off. " Don't you see, God has
given her a second chance. She can start over. She can have the life she
always dreamed of..."
	Maggie stepped closer to him. " You obviously don't know your sister very
well. Why would you, you were off to sea for so long... She's changed so
much in the last few years... She was so close to having what she wanted...
She was in love with Fox, Bill, and even you can't deny that. They had
finally crossed that line..."
	Bill cut in. " But was her changing for the better or worse ?"
	Maggie didn't even honor that question with an answer. " I won't lie to
her Bill. She loves Fox, and I know he loves her..."
	" Then where is he ?"
	Maggie opened her mouth to defend Mulder, but couldn't find the words. 
" I don't know where he is, but there's a good chance that he was injured
in that mugging as well... I know Fox would protect her... He'd do anything
to save her... He would die for her..."
	" And maybe that's what he did. Did it ever occur to you that he may be
laying, stone cold in some dumpsite in the back streets of Los Angeles ?"
	Maggie pursed her lips.
	" And how would that help Dana ? We tell her about him, about everything
that happened, that she was going to get married, and then say,  " Yeah, it
was wonderful, but now he's dead. Sorry."...? "
	" But we don't know..."
	" Exactly. Besides, don't you want her to be safe ? We can't tell, or
she'll go back to the x-files, back to the job that got Melissa killed..."
	Maggie swallowed hard. though she didn't want to give up on Fox, her son
had a point. She had to do what was best for Dana... But she had been so
happy... She was going to get married, have kids... Would any of that
matter though, if Fox was dead ?
	" Fine, we won't tell her... BUT, we give her three days to remember him,
or for him to show up, before we feed her a story."
	Bill smiled at his victory over the sorry-son-of-a-bitch. " You're doing
the right thing, Mom..."
	Maggie grimaced. " Then why does it feel so wrong ?"

**************************************************************************

	Scully was discharged from the hospital late in the afternoon of the next
day. After having completed a morning of tests, the doctors had concluded
that Scully did indeed have partial amnesia. The last six years of her life
had been lost somewhere in the gray matter of her mind. They weren't
completely gone, but hung, somewhere in between recognition and
remembrance. The doctors told Maggie, that if she surrounded Dana with
pictures, and let her ask questions, but didn't answer her, that her mind
might come up with their own answers. When it did, Dana had to tell Maggie,
and her mom would tell her if she was right. but Scully wasn't that
patient, and began asking questions, as soon as they arrived at the car.
Maggie so wanted to go back on her promise to Bill, but wouldn't. Dana was
going to have to win this battle herself. And so, she drove her daughter
home her apartment, in the hopes that it would jog her memory...


	...Unfortunately, Scully's apartment didn't help her feel better, it just
distressed her more, for when she swung open the door, the place looked
like a wreck. It wasn't ransacked or anything, but the fireplace was full
of paper ashes, the carpet bunched, the couch cushions on the floor. The
Christmas tree had shed most of it's needles, having dried up. In the
kitchen sat a pile of dirty dishes, a pan of dried on spaghetti sauce, like
cement, sat atop the oven. The bathroom cupboards were wide open, contents
missing. In the bedroom, closets and drawers were left open, clothes strewn
everywhere. The empty bed had been left, unmade... Scully couldn't remember
why she'd left so fast, or whose boxers lay abandoned on her bed.
	Margaret Scully was amazed at the disorder of the place. She'd never known
her daughter to be a slob... Why had she and Fox felt so fast ? It was no
use questioning the owner of the apartment... And so together they set
about straightening the place up. Mrs. Scully used the opportunity to
search for pictures and letters of some kind, to try and remind Dana of
Fox. Mysteriously, she could find none. What had happened before her
daughter had... runaway ? She hoped one day she'd find out.
	When all the tidying was done, Maggie left, leaving Scully to her own
devices. After she left, Scully kicked around her home, watching TV,
exploring, probing her brain for answers. She felt so helpless. She was
screaming inside, trying to recall what had just happened to her, but no
one knew. And the most frustrating part was that she had a feeling someone
knew, someone really close to her, but that person was gone, missing. She
felt alone...
	 Deciding she couldn't keep trying to remember things at random, she
decided to start with small things, and then try to uncover details later.
So where did she work ?.... Last time she remembered she'd been at
Quantico... Logically, she had to be doing something medical... But for
some reason she remembered a small basement office, with only one desk, and
a door... One name on it, but two people shared it... F something... F--
M-----...  The door opened... She felt curiosity, wonder... Emotions of
trust, a friend... Then the flash faded... gone... 
	She moved around the house, touching different objects, feelings and
flashes flooding into her, but they were so little. They gave her so little
to go on...
	She touched the couch... Someone sitting next to her... a male...
comfort... gone... 
	The kitchen sink...sadness...the same guy...water...tears...then
comfort...warmth...forgiveness... And music... soft and steady...
dancing... gone...
	Scully moved into her bedroom, seeking shelter from the images. They left
her more frustrated than ever. But at least they were a start... She
collapsed onto the bed, but instead of falling into sleep, she was assailed
by forgotten memories and feelings... Loneliness... empty... It was dark...
She was cold... Suddenly a warmth entered the room... it was him... He lay
down beside her... She could almost feel his protective arms around her...
he loved her... she loved him... peace... sleep...
	And that night, Dana Scully fell asleep with invisible arms wrapped around
her...
**************************************************************************
	She was woken up the next morning by the sound of birds chirping outside
her window. It wasn't even eight yet, she had yet to open her eyes, but
already, sounds began to remind her of the past... Warm sunshine...
Beaches... Joy conflicting with a small undertone of ever present fear...
She was not alone here...  He was with her... He was always with her...
gone... Who was he ? It was going to be a rough day, that much she knew.
	She rolled out of bed, and dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt... In the
woods...Hiking somewhere... A ranger with them... Her, and him again... the
truck had a flat tire... had to reach the cabin before darkness... Bugs...
too many bugs... Lights glowing in the night... gone...
	She walked into her bathroom, and studied her features in the newly
restocked medicine cabinet. Her image was more mature than she remembered
looking. And serious... < Why do you always look so serious...> < What ? >
< I don't know, you always look so serious...> The man was there again.
Relief. Exhaustion. Reunited... gone... Scully washed her face, then headed
out the door. She didn't know where she was going, but she had to get away
from the apartment. Maybe she could find her mom... Maybe she'd be able to
tell her who the mysterious F.M. man was...
**************************************************************************
      It looked like just another office building from the outside, but it
hid the government's secret government. They all met inside one small,
smoke filled room, in the center of the building. Today, like so many other
days, the lights were dimmed, no natural light coming in. Captain William
Scully Jr. stood in the corner of the room, and tried to calm his nerves.
He was just meeting another man... But this other man held the world in his
hands... He spun lies with his fingertips, which he tied around people,
creating a web a mystery, of deception. Bill knew that Fox Mulder, was one
of this man's spindles... He also knew that his sister was the one
unraveling him. That was a dangerous thing to be doing... Which was why he
was here today. He was here to report to The Man, that Dana Scully had no
recollection of the past six years of her life... She was no longer a
threat, therefore they could leave her alone....
	The door swung open for an instant, allowing passage to The Man. Then, as
quickly as some light had been cast in this shadowy room, it disappeared
again. The only part of the man himself that was visible from where he
stood was the glowing tip of a cigarette. He smoke he exhaled slowly
contributed to the stench in the room.
	" I understand you wanted to see me ?" The Cancer Man spoke, evenly.
	" Yes, Sir. I wanted to inform you of the situation surrounding my sister."
	The man shifted in the shadows, and drew another long breath. " Ah, yes.
The brilliant Agent Dana Scully... She's a quite good at escaping you=
 know..."
	Bill wasn't sure whether to take his comment as a compliment, or a warning.
	" Yes. As you may already know, she has recently lost her memory..."
	A small, twisted smile surfaced upon his lips. " Really, how=
 unfortunate..."
	Was his tone slightly sarcastic, or was it just his hearing ?
	" She is no longer a threat to The Project. Mulder is nothing but a ghost,
floating around her head..."
	The wrinkled man's face appeared in the dim light. " Has you sister taught
you nothing about ghosts ?"
	Bill wasn't sure he understood. He deflected the question. " You don't
need her..."
	The man leaned back into shadow. " Do not fear for your sister. She amuses
me..."
	Bill didn't like the idea of his only surviving sister being a toy in the
hands of this man. 
	"... I think I will keep her around for a while..."
	" What about the Bureau, and Assistant Director Skinner ?"
	The Man snuffed out his cigarette, and Bill couldn't help but think of the
lives this man had done the very same thing to. The very same thing he
could sense was going to happen to Skinner.
	" That problem will be taken care of. Your sister will work at a walk in
medical facility near her home. She will be the head doctor. Be sure she
finds that opening. If she doesn't, you just never know where she might end
up..."
	Dana turning up in a dumpsite came to mind. " Yes Sir."
	And with that, the meeting was over.

**************************************************************************
	Scully pulled up out front of her apartment. It had been another
uneventful day, her memories still eluding her. Her mother had been of no
help at all. She had refused to tell her what was going on, what had been
going on for the past six years. The highlight of the afternoon, however,
had been mentioning to her mom the man she kept seeing, feeling, in her
flashes. The enigmatic  F.M. Scully knew she was on to something, when her
mother had smiled at the mention of those initials... But now, she was
tired, and couldn't focus her energy on remembering anymore. What came,
came, and what didn't, she would try to retrieve again tomorrow. She
trudged up the stairs, into her apartment, and went to bed immediately.
Maybe sleep was what she needed...

						~~~

	She was out side. It was raining. Puddles formed around her feet her body,
sucking up coldness of the water, as if she were some delicate flower. Her
hair hung limply in her face, obscuring her vision, dripping icy drops down
her back... She was cold, so cold. But she had to keep moving. The sky was
crying, for her loss. It's face cold and gray. She had to keep moving
despite the growing storm, she had to reach him... Him... He stood in a
shadow, barely visible. And he was shivering too. At the distance between
them, she couldn't see him, but she knew he was there, waiting for her,
calling her. Help me... She couldn't let him down. That was her biggest
fear. That she would let him down. 
	She didn't know when this quest had started, when he had first asked her
for her help... But now she found herself ever walking down the cold, hard
cement sidewalk, to find him. He was so close to crossing that line. If she
stopped for even a second, he would step back, and fall into complete
darkness. She wouldn't let him do that. She couldn't. She loved him too=
 much.
	 Along the edges of the sidewalk, stood people she knew, people she held
dear to her. People who would bring her out of the rain. But often those
people wouldn't help Him too. And she wouldn't leave him...
	It felt as if she took two steps forward, then ended up taking one step
back. Her journey to him was slow, and monotonous. But though her voyage
was without change, she herself was changing. She was growing older, her
hair growing longer and turning gray. Wrinkles began to form on her face.
She began to walk slower. And then she realized he was aging too, and if
she slowed down, she wouldn't make it on time. She sped up, despite how
much it hurt her old bones... And then finally, there she was, two feet
from the opening. She thrust her hands out to hold him, to pull him close.
Her old cracked voice spoke, a wavering whispering kind of noise.
	" ... It's all right. I'm here... I came..."
	And then the wind blew, and the lightening flashed , and she could see
that all that was left of her friend was a skeleton. And in his bony hand
he clutched her decaying heart... She was too late...

						~~~ 

	Scully sat up, straight in bed, covered in a cold sweat. Where was he ?
Who was he ? She felt she had been so close to finding out. She was
terrified she would never see him again. She loved him, but who was he ?
She pounded the bed with her fist, bitter tears of frustration running down
her cheeks. Why did this have to happen to her ? What had happened to her ?
She was supposed to be getting married... Married ? she suddenly realized
she'd remembered something important.  She looked down to her left hand,
and saw the engagement ring... she began to remember... Christmas...
snow... a party... singing... Him... they were only friends, though... but
they weren't... mistletoe... forbidden fruit... It tasted delicious... she
wanted to taste it for the rest of her life... Yes... gone... Her flash
ended. And then, suddenly, her instincts took over. She reached for the
phone and dialed a familiar, but forgotten number. It rang three times,
then a machine kicked in. 
	" I'm not here, leave a message." Beep.
	She hung up. 
	That was his voice. She was sure of it. Why didn't he identify himself on
his machine ? She cursed him, pulling the phone book out from under her
bed. She leafed through it. M------, F--. How many listings was she going
to have to read ? She checked the thickness of the M section. Thousands
upon thousands. She closed the book, and put it back under the bed. She
stood up, and walked into the kitchen. It seemed so lonely in her
apartment. She must have gotten used to having him around, on a conscious
and subconscious level. She couldn't remember him, yet she felt him with
her. She was so confused.... She wandered out into the living room, where
she lay down on the couch. It was here that she could feel him the most.
She felt safe here. She laid down, and went to sleep...
**************************************************************************
	The next day started off well. Scully rose just after eight and set about
the house, cleaning and focusing on keeping her mind blank. She'd tried to
remember Him again, earlier in the morning, but when she had, she'd been
washed over by such a sense of loneliness and finality, that she had
abandoned her attempts to recall Him. It seemed as if the more the day
progressed, the more lonely she became. What she didn't know was that she
wasn't the only Scully dreading the passing of the day...
	 Margaret Scully was acutely aware that if Dana did not remember Fox by
six o'clock that evening, that Bill was going to feed her a story, that
would affect the rest of her life. And would she be better off, for not
knowing the truth ? Maggie had to believe she would, just to be able to put
up with her guilty conscience. They were doing what was best for Dana...
But where would she go ? What would she do ? Would the FBI try to find
their missing Agent ? Maggie had a feeling they wouldn't be hearing from
Mr. Skinner ever again... And without Skinner, no one would even think
about Fox Mulder. Maybe ten years from now, some new maverick agent would
stumble into the x-files. Then the stories would be told of this young
man's predecessor, and maybe then they would ask, " What ever happened to
Spooky Mulder ?" And he'd be an x-file himself. His case would forever
remain, unexplained...
**************************************************************************=
	
	
	Bill dropped by Dana's apartment around two in the afternoon. She answered
the door with the hopes that maybe it would be Him, coming back, but
instead her face fell at the sight of her brother.
	" What ? You're not happy to see me ?" He asked, teasingly, as she let him
into her apartment.
	She smiled and shook her head, but her face fell serious again. " No. I
just thought that you were someone else..."
	At that comment, Bill's own face fell. She couldn't be remembering, could
she ? Four more hours. That's all he needed.  He made a few small
inquiries, as he seated himself on the couch. " Who were you expecting ?"
	Scully watched him sit on the sacred sofa, and decided she'd prefer to sit
in the chair, opposite him. He watched her hesitate, as she passed by the
couch, her eyes focused far off. He knew she was remembering something...
	" I'm not sure who..." She answered, snapping back to reality. " I just
have this feeling... I'm so alone, but I'm not..." She looked up at him
then, eyes pleading.
" Bill, Mom won't tell me what's going on... But I know I'm supposed to be
getting married... I've had these flashes, these memories. And there's a
man in them. I just... I need to know Bill, please, tell me... It's tearing
me apart..."
	Bill looked at his sister, so close to tears, and for a second, a fleeting
moment, he had second thoughts about lying to her. But then, his heart
sealed over again. Had she been in love with anyone but Fox Mulder he would
have told her, but he was too dangerous. Bill loved his sister too much, to
put her back into that situation. He decided he was going to have to play
the cards, now, before she remembered anything more.
	" Tell me everything you remember, Dana..." He said, leaning forwards,
resting his, forearms on his knees.
	She smiled slightly. " Thanks Billy, I knew you would tell me the truth..."
	He swallowed hard, and tried not to make it too obvious.
	" You see, I had these flashbacks... feelings mostly... All I know is that
I'm supposed to be getting married to a tall, lanky guy. He's been my best
friend, for a long time, and one night, around Christmas, he proposed and I
said yes... I love him Bill... I feel him with me... but I don't know who
he is... His initials are F.M.... I feel so alone... I had a dream last
night, about him. I was walking, and walking, and I had to reach him, I had
to get to him... I had to save him... But when I got there, I was too
late... And he was gone..." A tear slid down her cheek.
	Bill closed his eyes, and knew what he had to do. He was going to repair
her heart, whether it was truth or not.
	" Dana, it all started five years ago... You were recruited by the FBI,
and assigned to the Violent Crimes Section... It was there that you met
Frank Matthews. It was an odd partnership. He was driven and had a tendency
to exaggerate things. But he also had a brilliant mind... You, on the other
hand, were always the practical one, backing up your theories with hard
facts... but because you were partnered with a quack, your reputation was
pulled down, despite the fact that you two had one of the highest
conviction rates the Bureau had seen in years.  Then one day, there was a
terrible accident. During a hostage taking, Frank lost it, and shot the
hostage, in order to catch the criminal. As a result, the two of you were
dismissed from the Bureau. It wasn't so bad though, because soon
afterwards, he proposed to you, and you accepted..."
	Scully interrupted. Some of the things he was saying seemed to make sense.
Others of it made her more confused. It didn't seem to ring true, but she
blamed it on her memory loss. " That was at Christmas..."
	"... Two years ago. This year, you two went on vacation together, and
ended up in LA, where you were involved in a car accident, that resulted in
your memory loss, and Frank's death..."
	Scully caught her breath. She really was alone. " But there was no
funeral..."
	Bill shook his head. " No, there wasn't. You see, your car was teetering
on the edge of a cliff. A passer by stopped his car, and ran over to help.
He pulled you out, but didn't have enough time to rescue Frank... His body
was completely destroyed by the fire that broke out, when the car hit the
bottom..."
	Scully began to cry.
	"  The passer by took you to an LA hospital, were you stayed until Mom had
you airlifted back home. You were unconscious, but relatively unharmed..."
	" ...And then I woke up with amnesia." Scully finished for him, wiping her
eyes.
	Bill nodded solemnly. She had swallowed it... " I'm sorry Dana..."
	Scully nodded, and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She had so
much to absorb, to make sense of... But she was grateful for having finally
been told the truth...
	
	That night, when Bill told Maggie the story, she broke down and cried. But
her tears were not for her daughter. Her tears were for the man she
regarded as her surrogate son. Fox Mulder. Never again would they meet...
She hoped if he was alive, that someone took him in. She hoped he had the
second chance her daughter had. Maybe he would find his sister, or maybe he
would fall in love... But deep in her heart she knew, that neither Fox
Mulder, or her daughter, Dana Scully, would ever find anyone as special to
them, as they had been to each other. That once in a lifetime had passed
them by...

	After that day, Scully went to work as a the head doctor at a drop in
medical facility. It was fine, the work was good, but she often found her
mind wandering, as she filled in patients paperwork and prescription. she
was still trying to make sense of everything... Soon, the days had turned
into weeks, and the weeks into a month... And despite what she had
believed, the pain didn't go away in time... Every night she returned home
to her empty apartment, and felt more alone than she ever had before... But
she continued to go to work, everyday, hoping that one day, it would all be
over, and she'd be able to move on... For the time being, she threw her
heart and soul into her new job... She'd study her patients, as if, in some
small part of herself, she thought she might find Frank. Maybe he hadn't
died in that car crash... Maybe there'd been no body because he'd gotten
up, and walked away... Her logical mind told her that that was
impossible... But still, she found that she wanted to believe...

**************************************************************************
	
	He was in a cold, dark, place. The air was thick and suffocating. There
was no warmth here. He was alone... A rain drop fell and landed on Fox
Mulder's face. Somewhere deep inside his subconscious, he registered this,
and slowly rose from his unconscious state. It had been three days since
the mugging, but he was still at the scene of the crime... His eyes opened
slowly, to the harsh glare of an overcast sky, and wondered where he was...
Who he was...
	He sat up slowly, the bloodied side of his head protesting. What had
happened to him ? Mulder stood up, and looked around. He was cut up and
down his arms and legs, the worst of his injuries being the one on this
left temple. He was alone, wet, and dirty, in a back alley of some city...
The wind came up, and blew dust around him, as the sky began to spit. A
soiled newspaper fluttered by on the ground. Mulder stepped on it as it
slowly tried to pass him. He bent down, his head screaming, and looked at
the title... The Los Angeles Times January 12th, 1999.
The last he remembered was meeting someone at work... Work was the FBI...
1993... a partner... a friend... Scully... someone Scully... and he was
Mulder... Fox Mulder... Mulder immediately wished his first name could have
remained forgotten. He reached for his wallet, to check his ID, but found
that it was missing... So he'd been mugged... He knew he was in trouble.
Where did he live ? What had happened to, and during, the past six years of
his life ? He was a stranger in a foreign land, with no one to turn to, no
one to trust. He needed help...
	And so, Mulder set off on this gray and rainy day, in search of his past.
He wandered aimlessly, just trying to find the edge of this dismal side of
town... He looked really bad, but no one noticed him. He was just another
face, another victim, another statistic of the Los Angeles crime rate...
But as he was wandering through a prostitution neighbor hood, someone
recognized him... As it turned out, it was hi past that found him...

	One of the women working the street, clad in leather and zippers, spotted
the soaked man, before any of the others...  She could tell it wasn't just
his outer self that was drowning in the rain...  To her he seemed familiar,
but she hadn't seen him in a very long time... She walked up to him, and
evidently, he'd seen her coming, and stopped.
	" I'm not interested..." He said, staring at her, while inside he asked
himself, < Who is she ?> He searched his mind for answers that eluded him.
Fortunately, she introduced herself.
	" Fox Mulder, right ?" 
	He was surprised, she knew who he was. Maybe she could help him. He tried
to stay calm. " Yes..."
	" You don't remember me, do you ?" 
	He looked at her. she was tall and leggy, with red, red lips and long
rich, dark brown hair. But the thing about her that most grabbed his
attention was her dark, almost black eyes. They were so soft and
understanding, like she knew everything bout you, but he couldn't read into
her. A sudden flash back of memory invaded him... misery, cold, alone,...
he was shaving... he shouldn't be here... this woman... dangerous...
tempting... black... red.... blood... lust... Gone.
	" It's Kristen. Kristen Killar."

**************************************************************************

	The hotel room was large and spacious, but it didn't make the room feel
any more safe, or welcoming. It was dark, the lights off, the only source
of illumination, the moonlight that seeped in through the curtains, and lay
in scattered fingers across the furniture and floor...
	Kristen unlocked the door and led Mulder into her home. It reminded him of
someplace he'd been with her before, where demons hid in the corners of the
rooms, watching, waiting... She dumped her purse on the side table and
turned around, smiling, displaying beautiful white teeth that had been
filed down to sharp points, on the incisors. But that wasn't why she had
brought him here tonight. She wasn't after him. She was going to help him,
as he had tried to help her before. Whether she was successful or not made
little difference to her. what did matter though, was that she broke even=
 ...
	On the way over in the car, for reasons Mulder couldn't explain, he'd told
her everything about his "situation"... He didn't know what it was, but
there was something about her that intrigued him... She was dangerous, but
beautiful... And he felt like he could tell her anything, and she wouldn't
be surprised, but she seemed so innocent, as if she had nothing to hide...
It was more than just a physical attraction, though it wasn't emotional...
It didn't matter though. She'd promised she would help him. She knew more
about those missing years of his life than he, himself knew, and whether
she told the truth or not mattered little to him. She was his only hope.
Even if what she told him was a lie, at least he would have more than he
would have had before...
	" As you can see, I didn't do much with my life after the house burned
down... I was lost, I was dead... It was a wonderful feeling, to be dead...
so peaceful. But I made the mistake of drinking the blood of a believer. I
drank my own blood, I took my own life... I made myself immortal... Now I
wish I could die."
	Mulder shook his head, as she went around to the side tables, lighting
candles he hadn't known were there... He watched as the flames flickered
and licked at the air, throwing abstract shadows across her sad face.
	" I'm sorry, Kristen... I don't remember any of this..." He stated,
ashamedly, as he sat on her couch.
	She smiled woefully, and blew out the match, that burned in her fingers.
	" No, you wouldn't... " She sat herself across from him, and examined what
had become of Fox Mulder... He really didn't look all that different from
the last time she had seen him, not much older... Maybe his hair was a
little longer, the smile lines around his mouth more pronounced... She
smiled as she spotted the cross that hung around his neck.
	" Did she come back ?" She asked, taking the cool metal between her
fingertips.
	" Who ?"
	" Your partner..."
	Mulder shrugged. He was getting depressed. " As I said, I don't remember
anything."
	Kristen let the cross fall back onto his chest. " I can tell you every
thing I know, but it still won't be enough, you know that don't you ?"
	Mulder nodded, and she smiled sympathetically, beginning her story.
	" Your name is Fox Mulder, and you're a Agent of the Federal Bureau of
Investigation. I first met you in 1994 when you were in LA investigating a
series of murders that appeared to be cult related. All the victims had
been bled to death, or at least bitten, the telltale marks being two
puncture wounds that resembled fangs, on the jugular... They were the
Trinity Killings, perpetrated by three men, who believed they could become
immortal by practicing vampiric beliefs... I was the girl friend of one of
those men, and so became tangled up in the investigation... We first met in
a Haven in the low side of LA. I was there for blood, you were there for
business, but somehow we met. You were fascinated by us, by our beliefs...
You were willing to believe anything... You had just experienced a great
loss. Not a lover, a friend.... Your partner... You were wearing her cross
when we met. I was a symbol of your faith that one day she'd be returned to
you... But you were suffering so much, as was I, and we saw eye to eye...
We both needed a physical release... We shared our frustrations with each
other, and so much more... But it wasn't love. It was understanding. And
though I knew you said she wasn't anything more than a friend, I knew she
meant more to you... You loved her... Maybe you still do?"
	Mulder ran a hand over his eyes. Too many bad memories were coming back,
too many feelings of a rime when he'd been so alone... " I did love her...
I proposed at Christmas... She accepted..." Mulder suddenly sat up,
realizing what he'd remembered... That must mean she was alive,
somewhere...    
	" You live in Washington DC... your phone number is..." She trailed off,
as she twisted around top retrieve a hard covered, black telephone book
from off the table behind her. "...  1-213-555-1086."
	Mulder smiled. " Thank you so much Kristen..." He said, extending his hand.
	She shook her head. " No, I'm not done repaying my debt... Tomorrow, I'll
fly you back to DC, and make sure you find your home. I want to make sure
you get there all right..."
	Now it was Mulder's turn to shake his head.
	" It's all right, I'm sure I'll..." He trailed off as he saw the look
Kristen suddenly had in her eyes. Her pupils were dilating, covering her
irises. Something about the way her jaw was set, and the way she held her
body, told him not to turn her down...
	" Thank you, I'd appreciate the company..." He said, as he stood up,
watching her cautiously.
	Kristen smiled, her teeth glittering in the candle light. She seemed calm
on the outside, but on the inside her vampire was taking over...
	<< NO! I don't want him!>> She yelled at herself, inwardly.
	But she felt weak... She was hungry... She needed it... The smooth, thick,
dangerously sweet taste...
	<< Take him now, while he's vulnerable...>> It roared inside of her...
	She looked at him, and saw him observing her, oblivious to the danger he
was in. He didn't know... She had to get him out of here, before she lost
all control.
	" Fox, get out of here..." She said, standing up.
	Mulder looked confused, but backed towards the door.
	" It's not you, it's me... It's in me... The unholy spirit... it's
hungry... GO!" She yelled, grabbing the arm of the sofa, her long nails,
puncturing the fabric, as she fought to remain in control. Mulder opened
the door, and took the card key she'd said was for the room she'd said was
already booked in his name... Just before he felt her, standing in the
flickering light, he said his goodnights.
	" See you at dawn..."
**************************************************************************
	... However, he never saw her again. And he felt as if he was having d=E9j=
=E0
vu...
	When he stepped off the elevator to her floor the next morning, he saw the
police in front of her room. Having recovered his baggage that he'd packed
long before any of these new challenges had risen, he'd also recovered his
badge and gun. Though he couldn't remember the last time he'd used them,
they worked just fine to get him access into her room... He walked up to
the man who appeared to be the officer in charge.
	" Excuse me, sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to..." 
	Mulder cut the cop off. " FBI." He said, extending his badge. " What's
going on here ?"
	The police man looked at his badge, then grunted, and begrudgingly led
Mulder into the room, shutting the door as soon as possible, to prevent the
gawkers outside from gaining any information. The investigators were all
over the place, dusting and photographing, swarming around the body like a
colony of flies.
	Mulder swallowed hard as he spotted the covered body on the floor.  
	" What happened ?"
	The cop put his hands on his hips and twisted around, trying to keep the
horror out of his head. " Cleaning lady came up this morning to do her
thing, and discovered..." He paused, as he squatted down beside the body,
and pulled back the heavy sheet. "...this."
	Mulder wasn't ready for what he saw. There was Kristen laying, stone cold,
a piece of a wooden chair leg jammed through her heart.
	" We can't figure it out... probably murder..."
	Mulder fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, while he closed his
eyes. trying to keep his breathing even. " I was here last night... She's a
friend of mine... Was a friend of mine..."
	 The cop gave him a confused look. " You were here last night ?"
	Mulder nodded. " Her name is Kristen Killar, and she has no surviving
family... that I'm aware of. She believed herself to be a vampire... And it
wasn't murder, it was suicide."    
**************************************************************************
	The plane engines droned on and on, the passengers beside him snapping gum
to keep their ears from popping. Mulder, however, was too distracted by the
letter in his hands. It was a suicide letter, addressed to him, from
Kristen...

Dear Fox,
	I wish I didn't have to say good-bye this way, but I figure it's a better
one then I gave you last time I "died"... I hate this world and my life...
and seeing you again only reopened old scars. However, you should not blame
yourself for my problems. I wanted to die, and I love you for having come
to me, and finally helping me to tie off old knots, as well as the one on
my metaphorical noose. Thank you for setting me free.
	But now, I find myself wanting to set you free as well... There is
something I need to tell you, for me to be able to move on. I've been
looking for you for a very long time, but I never had the courage too
contact you... I have... I had AIDS, Fox.
AIDS couldn't kill me, but it can kill you... and there's a good chance I
passed it on to you. And that's not all... As you already know, I didn't
die in that fire, my life went on after that... How do I say this? Fox, I
was pregnant, with your child... but... I had an abortion... I know you had
a right to know, but... we didn't mean anything to each other... and that
child meant nothing to me... I'm sorry... I hope I haven't caused too much
pain for you...
				Always believe, Fox,
							Kristen.

**************************************************************************

	Mulder found his way home, and back to his life. Eventually, he returned
to his work, to the x-files, but something was different, something had
changed. His little office seemed much to big and spacious, like someone
was missing... and someone was... Scully. Though he didn't know who she
was, or what she looked like, he often felt her around him, near him. He
knew she was alive, somewhere, but where ? And so, his quest in life took
on a new meaning. He was no longer driven by the need to find his sister,
but by the need to uncover his past, and to do that he had to find the
enigmatic Ms. Scully. She was the only one he could trust, his only
friend... But how do you find someone you don't know ? He would have asked
his superior, AD Skinner, but unfortunately, he'd been in a very serious
car "accident", and the future wasn't looking good for him... Nor for
Mulder. As the days turned into weeks and weeks into a month, Mulder
continued to avoid going in for AIDS testing. He didn't feel bad or sick,
and his initial encounter with Kristen had been years ago, so surely the
signs would have shown up by now...? But he was scared. He didn't want to
die alone... And every time he thought of that, he had a flashback to a
time, in a  hospital, when Scully had been sharing the same fear, that he
felt now. He'd been so scared of losing her... And now he had... And with
that realization his heart began to crumble.
	The radio on his desk began to play a song he hadn't heard in a long time,
and Mulder promised himself he'd go to his doctor's office tomorrow for
testing. After all, if he didn't have Scully, what was left to live for ?

Lately, I've been trying 
To fill up my days since you're gone. 
The speed of love is blinding, 
And I didn't know how to hold on. 
My mind won't clear. 
I'm out of tears. 
My heart's got no room left inside. 

How many dreams will end? 
How long can I pretend? 
How many times will love pass me by, 
Until I find you again? 

	Mulder seriously wondered if he'd ever find Scully again... He missed her
so much... But then he shook himself, and remembered that he was in love
with the invisible woman... Was she real ? Or was he insane ? He knew
nothing about her, as far as he knew, she'd never come back from her
abduction... Maybe all his memories of her were false, made up by his own
imagination, to quell the confusion that bubbled inside of him. He was so
eager to believe... Maybe he was too eager.
  
Will the arms of hope surround me? 
Will time be a fair-weather friend? 
Should I call out to angels, 
Or just drink myself sober again? 
I can't hide, it's true. 
I still burn for you. 
Your memory just won't let me go. 

How many dreams will end? 
How long can I pretend? 
How many times will love pass me by, 
Until I find you again? 

I'd hold you tighter, 
Closer than ever before. 
Yeah. 
No flame would burn brighter, 
If I could touch you once more, 
Hold you once more!  

How many dreams will end? 
How long can I pretend? 
How many times will love pass me by, 
Till I find you again? 
Till I find you again . . .

**************************************************************************

	It was a beautiful day when Scully awoke. Outside, the sky was a brilliant
shade of blue, and the sun was shining, as if promising the end of a long
and dismal winter. It was February second, and Scully could honestly say
she was ready for mild spring. Spring was a time for new beginnings and
regeneration. It signified a new hope, a fresh start. A time to let go of
the past, and make plans for the future... To find old friends that had
been buried and lost in the thick, blinding blanket of snow... She yawned
and stretched. It was going to be an incredible day.

**************************************************************************

	Mulder rolled over, and the sun glared onto his face, causing a sudden
contrast between the darkness of slumber and the light of day. He groaned
and sat up, his hair all askew, a few days stubble lining his jaw... And
suddenly, another flashback assailed him... warmth... comfort... a hotel
room... Miami... she was there, beside him... always beside him...
together... he loved her so much... gone. Mulder rubbed his eyes, and swung
out of bed. Would he ever find her again ? He asked himself that question
every morning. He really didn't feel like facing his lonely office again
today... And he remembered, he had requested the morning off, for     "
personal matters ". Today, he'd promised himself to go for the testing...
	After having cleaned himself up, and eaten a light breakfast, Mulder
pulled on a pair of jeans, and a purple t-shirt, convinced that spring had
sprung outside. He grabbed his black leather, bomber jacket off his
coat-tree and pulled it on, opening the door as he did so. Even his
apartment was starting to seem lonely...
	He shut the door quickly, locking it behind him, and took off down the
four flights of stairs, three steps at a time. It was incredible, how he
felt... Maybe it was spring fever, but he felt so full of life, and
energy... And with every step he took towards the outside world, his frozen
heart slowly began to thaw out.
	He stepped outside into the wonderful chaos of the street and took it all
in.The sun was shining brightly, melting what little snow lay on the
ground. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and in a nearby tree a bird sang
it's morning calls. People hustled and bustled around him, heading this way
and that, each one setting off to work, or to meet someone... And Mulder
felt the hope rising inside of him that today, he would meet someone too...
	
	... And he did. He was walking down the street, a casual expression on his
face, glancing in store windows as he went by. He stopped briefly at a
cross light, the busy world around him stopping as well, for a few moments,
then they all went on their way. He glanced at his watch, and hastened his
steps. It was close to nine thirty, and he wanted to make sure he could get
to his doctor's office before the usual scheduled appointments began... 
	He really had meant to be on time... But as he was passing the window of a
walk in clinic, he happened to glance inside. And for whatever reason, he
stopped, and considered going in there instead. The line wasn't too long,
and there was no guarantee he was going to get in at his own doctor's
office... Then he shook himself. Why would he even consider going to a
walk-in clinic ? Half the time those doctors didn't even know what they
were doing... He was about to walk on, when he saw a door room open and a
patient walk out. Close on his heels was the doctor... And every thing
around Mulder began to disappear. The colours in his peripheral world began
to drain, and the noise was drowned out by a dull silence, so thick you
could cut it with a knife. All he could see was the bright colours and
scene going on inside the office. Everything took on a dream like quality
and played in slow motion in front of his eyes...
	She was short, not much more than five feet tall, but was slim, and well
built. She looked strong, both physically and emotionally, and had a
confident air to her. Her auburn hair hung to her shoulders, her bangs held
back at the sides by two gold clips. It framed her slightly round shaped
head perfectly... But despite what he was sure was her best efforts, a
disobeying strand fell loosely onto her face, and into her big, blue,
sparkling eyes... An elegant hand came up and tucked it away, behind her
small ears, in which she wore simple pearl earings. She spoke to her
patient, words which could not be heard by Mulder, but he swore he could
hear her serious yet beautiful voice, soft at times, but hard when
needed... One which could not carry a tune... The patient turned around and
tossed some comment at her, and a beautiful smile emerged from under her
perfect, cupid's bow mouth. It was a smile that knocked the wind right out
of you... She laughed, and her nose crinkled up a bit, at the bridge, the
corners of her eyes turning into creases as well. He noticed she wore
little or no make up, with the exception of a little lipstick... Not that
she needed it. Her complexion was pure and ivory,  except for some light
freckles along her cheekbones... She wasn't his type, and he never would
have looked at her before, but she had to be the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen...
	Flashbacks came at him left and right as he watched Drop-Dead Red fill out
the man's prescription in her familiar, clear and precise writing. She
smiled and handed it to him, looking out the plate glass window as she did
so... And then, the smile faded from her face, as she saw the man that was
leaning outside, against her plate glass window, staring at her as if he
was feeling the very same thing that she felt, seeing him at that moment...
 
	The inside of the building began to disappear around her, fading to dull
gray tones, as she caught sight of the man, who stood outside her door, on
the edge of her world, waiting to be let in... He was a tall, almost lanky
man, but looked well built and muscular, like he could be a law enforcement
official... but his hair was all wrong,. It was too long and out of control
for him to be in that field. Mind you, the dark, almost black, brown
strands sat nicely on and around his slightly oval shaped head, in an
almost stylishly messy fashion... Also, the way it fell brought attention
to his deepset, soft, almost sad looking, hazel eyes, which were covered
every so often by hunkering eyelids. she knew those eyes had seen sides to
people that she had never known were there... Sides no one wanted to see...
But it didn't look like he'd been sad his whole life... He had crows feet
beside his eyes that suggested he had shared many happy times with someone
close to him... She let her gaze flow over his handsome facial features,
examining everything right down to the biggest thing, in his case, his
nose, to the smallest detail, a mole on his right cheek... His big hand was
pressed up against the glass, his long, tapered fingers fanning out. He
looked like a little lost boy, staring in the window of a candy shop... And
at that moment she knew she'd seen him before... somewhere... but at that
moment, remembering wasn't a problem. Flashbacks were racing through her
mind so fast, that a sense of vertigo came over her, and she stumbled back,
into a chair that a secretary had pulled out for her. Everyone was so
distracted by the actions of their doctor, that no one saw the handsome
stranger come in and take a seat in the line. He knew that he didn't want
his fate being told to him by anyone but this mysterious and beautiful
woman...
	And then suddenly, the world came off pause, and the commotion and chaos
returned. People were mumbling to each other, staff gathering around their
doctor. Someone was shaking her, someone pulling out the smelling salts,
someone else ordering a bystander to call an ambulance...
	" No, I... I'm all right... I'm Ok..." Scully blinked, and shook her head,
bringing a hand up to her forehead. The spell was broken.
	A heavy set woman with short, blunt cut, brown hair raised her arms,
pushing everyone back and announced to the concerned staff members and
patients, " All right guys, lets just give her some air. She's all right,
show's over."
	Many of the patients sat back down, some left altogether. The staff went
back to their jobs... All except one. The round faced nurse bent down and
looked a still startled Scully in the eyes. She gently lay a hand across
Scully's and spoke in a gentle tone, that seemed familiar to her...
	" Dana, I know things have been rough lately, and that you're very
confused. You're probably wondering where I've been, but you have to know
that you're getting somewhere, everything is for a reason... Now listen
very carefully to me. You've been lied to, about events which occurred in
your past... Events which are just now coming back to you... Listen only to
what your heart and your head are telling you. Only if you do that, will
you fing the truth..."  Then the nurse stood up, and left Scully's field of
view. Scully stood up to go after her, but when she turned around, the
nurse was gone... She looked around, but couldn't see the kind woman. She
gently tapped an assistant on the shoulder.
	The young girl with bouncy, blond, curly hair turned around and smiled.
	" Oh, Doctor Scully, can I help you with something ?"
	Scully smiled. " Yeah, I was wondering if there was a Nurse Owens on staff
here ?"
	The girl, Lucy, punched some keys on the keyboard, then turned back to
Scully. " No, I'm sorry, I don't see anyone with that name listed here..."
	Scully shut her eyes and sighed, running a hand through her hair.
	" Is something wrong ?" Lucy asked.
	Scully shook her head. " No, I'm fine..." But as she said those words,
another flashback hit her... dark... cold... scared... terrified... bad...
bad man... he's going to hurt me... hands tied, mouth gagged... where was
he ?... where is he?... partner... I need help... Help me!... the bad man's
going to kill me... Pfaster... no... NO!... falling... rolling... pain...
stairs... gun within reach... if I could only get that gun... NO! he kicked
it... noises at the front door... relief... he came... he found me... "
Scully, are you OK ?"... " I'm fine."... gone.
	Suddenly Lucy's head was in front of her face. " Ms. Scully ?"
	Scully smiled weakly. " Sorry, Lucy. I... I'm going to... ah... finish off
this crowd, then head off for the afternoon."
	Lucy nodded, concerned, but smiled none the less. " All right. Sounds=
 good."
	
	Meanwhile, Mulder sat in the last available seat and watched the scene
nfold. He was convinced it was her. Doctor Scully, and Scully, his Scully,
the same person... He smiled and waited for his chance to meet her. And
waited, and waited and waited... As the morning progressed, the line grew
smaller and smaller, until he was next. A sense of both dread and
anticipation had come over him. Would he tell her? Would he even be able to
tell her? And would she understand ? Did she know ? There were just too
many questions, and not enough answers...
	What he also didn't know, was that she was feeling the same dread and
anticipation. Every time a patient left, he came closer and closer to being
next... She felt curiosity bubbling up inside of her. Who was he, and why
did he look so familiar ? Why had he had such an effect on her ? She wanted
to talk to him, to try and figure all this out... but at the same time, she
was scared. She knew he held the power to turn her world upside down... It
felt dangerous, but she also felt as if she could tell him anything...
Could this man be who she'd been looking for, in all her patients ? Could
he be... Frank ?
	Finally the door to the examining room opened, and the previous patient
walked out, waving good-bye to the doctor as she left. Mulder stood up.
	<< OK, this is it, don't screw it up!>> His mind cautioned. He took a deep
breath.
	Scully followed the patient out with her gaze, then turned her eyes
towards the last patient of the day. She swallowed, took a deep breath,
then smiled at him, approaching and extending her hand. Mulder smiled, her
smile knocking the air out of him, and took her hand in his. She offered
him a nice, firm, grip.
	" Hi, I'm doctor Scully." She said, trying to stay cool. His touch was
electrifying familiar.
	" Do you believe in past lives ?" Mulder asked, off the bat.
	Scully blinked and looked at him, surprised that she was not surprised by
his comment. " I'd settle for a life in this one..." 
	A flashback shocked through both of their minds at the same time. Scully
covered quickly.
	" I don't, but I used to have a friend who did..."
	Mulder grinned, knowing what she'd just revealed. " Really ?"
	Scully nodded, still smiling. This quick witted banter felt so right.  "
Do I know you ?"
	Mulder swallowed, unsure of what his next move should be. " I'm not sure,
but I think we have met before..." Scully raised her eyebrow and a pain
shot through Mulder's heart. " My name is Mulder..."
	Scully tried not to let the disappointment show... She'd really been
hoping he'd introduce himself as Frank Mathews... Mulder suddenly
interrupted her thoughts by speaking up.
	" What's wrong ?" He asked, sensing her feelings.
	She looked startled. Had her reaction really been that obvious ? "
Nothing... I, uh... Mulder, you say ? Do you have a first name ?"
	Mulder looked away. " You really don't want to know my first name... It
doesn't really matter anyway... My friends call me Mulder..."
	Scully smiled, as she led him towards the examining room. " Let me
guess... Fox ?"
	Mulder's jaw could have dropped to the floor. " Yeah, actually... How did
you know ?"
         Scully asked herself the same question as she closed the door. "
Good guess?"
	Now it was Mulder's turn to look skeptical. " I really think we've met
before... Dana."
	It had slipped out of his mouth so fast, he didn't know he'd said it,
until she looked at him, eyes wide.
	" What did you just call me ?" She asked, trying to stay calm. She'd never
told any of her patients her first name, and her staff hardly ever used it.=
 
	" Dana. That is your first naem isn't it ?"
	She looked away, suddenly nervous. How did he know so much about her ? And
why did she feel so defenseless aound him ? " Yes, that is my first name.
How did you know ?"
	Mulder shrugged, sensing that he was stepping on thin ice. He could have
told her he knew her first name was Dana, the same way he knew her middle
one was Katherine... And that her apartment number was 35... And so much
more about her. He even knew what she looked like first thing in the
morning... but he didn't tell her. " Good guess ?!?"
	She nodded, avoiding his analytical gaze, and pulled out some papers for
him to fill out. She began to fill out his name for him, but ended up
filling in his birth date, phone number and address, without even
consulting him. She handed him the papers, not realizing what she'd done. "
If I can just get you to fill these in..."
	He interrupted her as he glanced at the papers, both pleased and scared by
what he saw. " I don't think there's much left for me to fill in!" He
stated, as she looked at her papers. She saw her own, neat handwriting in
the spaces indicated. She looked up at him and their eyes met... In that
instant, Mulder realized he'd never been as sure about something in his
life, as he was sure that this woman was his Scully. But why didn't she
remember ? Did she have amnesia too ? nothing made sense...
	...Scully didn't know what to say. How had she known those things about
him? His name... She suddenly realized his initials. F.M. Could it be ?
       << YES! You've been lied to remember? It's him, it's him. Only he
can tell you! >> Her mind screamed.
	<< You love him! Tell him you remember! Don't lose him again!>> Her heart
yelled.
	Somewhere inside her, the wall she'd put up to block out emotion, came
crashing down. A sudden warm breeze fluttered inside her. It was a good
feeling, she felt safe. She only felt it around him... but it confused her.
Her stomach rolled and she swallowed hard, trying to keep her breakfast
from rising. She knew she was going to have to leave... " All right, I'll
be back in a few minutes..." She said to Mulder, as she opened the door and
left the small room. Once in the hall, door closed behind her, she took a
deep breath of air, and felt her stomach settle down. Too much was
happening. too many questions... but she knew all she had to do was ask,
and he'd tell her the answers... What had nurse Owens said ? << Listen only
to what your heart and your head are telling you...>>  Scully took one mre
deep breath and prepared herself for whatever would come next. She returned
to Mulder.
	" So what's wrong ?" She asked, once again closing the door to the room.
Once again, they were alone. 
	Mulder looked at the hands he'd folded in his lap. " I, uh... need a blood
test."
	Suddenly Scully was afraid again. " What are we looking for ?"
	Mulder swallowed hard. " The HIV virus."...

	... " OK. We're all done." Scully said, putting away the blood sample.
Mulder nodded and pulled his shirt sleeve back down. Both of them were
quiet for a few minutes, each one contemplating how that single vile of
blood would affect their lives. Scully broke the uncomfortable silence.
	" The results should be in, within the space of a week..."
	Mulder nodded, and took the hint, standing up to leave. He was about to go
out the door, when he turned back to face her.
	" Thank you." He said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She smiled, not at
all disturbed by his actions.
	" Don't thank me Mulder. I haven't done anything yet."
	He smiled, thinking to himself, << Yes you have. You've given me back my
faith in Fate, love, and in myself...>>  He would have given anything at
that moment to have a justified reason to give her a hug, but he knew he
couldn't. Instead, he let his hand travel from her shoulder to her cheek,
where it caressed the soft, smooth skin. Her eyes grew wide, and he looked
right into her. She looked so vulnerable. She was putting so much faith in
him, even if she didn't consciously know that she was. What pleased him
most though, was to see the flash of recognition that seemed to rekindle a
small flame that was still burning for him. Her subconscious remembered,
her body remembered... If he could only pull those memories into
daylight... Then, he realized what he was doing... He began to pull his
hand back, but her own small hand reached up and caught his, holding it in
place. This surprised Mulder...
	" I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." 
	She cut him off. " No. Don't apologize... I, uh... I'm taking the
afternoon off, heading out for lunch. Would you join me ?" She looked at
him, her beautiful eyes besieging him. He smiled.
	" I'd like that very much... I know a place that has a wicked rootbeer on
tap."
	She shook her head, smiling, despite the flashback that assaulted her.
	" No, I was thinking more along the lines of iced tea."
	Mulder smiled. " I can do iced tea..."
	
	And so, for the rest of the afternoon, mulder and Scully wandered around
DC, stopping here and there, getting reacquainted. Though for Scully, it
could have been a first date, for Mulder it was a reunion. He was
remembering. Everything. But he didn't tell her. And that fact would haunt
him for the rest of the week. Should he tell her ? Obviously someone, Bill
Jr., Mulder suspected, had lied to her, to make it easier on her. She had
reconstructed her world around a lie... Would she still want him, if he
destroyed her perfect universe, by telling her the truth ? And was it even
safe to assume that they'd be able to pick up, where they'd left off ?
These questions and others began to drive Mulder insane, as the week
progressed. It also didn't help that memories were coming back to him, like
the first prints off an old forgotten roll of film taken by his
photographic memory. He was both blessed and cursed to possess such an
ability... Would Scully be able to remember everything though ? She did
have a good memory, but not one that could remember every second of every
day...
	
	... The answer was yes. And during that long, lonely week between visits,
her memories did come back to her. Her problem was which ones to believe...
She had no way of distinguishing between fact and fiction. What was the
truth ? And who was lying to her ? Was her fianc=E9 Frank Mathews, a man who
had supposedly died in a car accident, or was he Fox Mulder, the man who'd
mysteriously shown up in her life ? Who could she believe ? Her heart said
Mulder, her head said her brother. Family, or stranger ? Her heart insisted
stranger, her head demanded family... And so she began to dread the end of
the week, when she'd be forced to confront the past, and the truth.

**************************************************************************

The End

To find out what happens, read part 6
Here's a big hug for all those of you who're still reading! O
Here's a big boo for those who aren't reading this because they quit
already. BOO      
Feedback ? Yes please. < ibelievex@hotmail.com >


From: Sabrina Hunt <ibelievex@hotmail.com>
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 11:49:16 -0400
Subject: Confessions 6


Title: Confessions ( 6/ ? )
Author: Sabrina Hunt < ibelievex@hotmail.com >
Rating: PG-13
Classification: S/H/A
Spoilers:  Latest episode ?!?
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this series to Chief Kay and The
Non-Ellen Look-alike, both of whom are past teachers of mine, but also
friends. Without their assistance, encouragement and interest in this hobby
of mine, I probably wouldn't be writing these wacky stories... ThankX a lot
guys!!!  ---<---@ Sab.
Summary: Mulder and Scully must rediscover what they lost, and learn to put
up with each other again.  The old saying, " If life deals you a lemon,
make lemonade.", seems to apply! 

Read on ! Later dudes ! Feedback, is welcome ! < ibelievex@hotmail.com >


Confessions - 6/? 
by Sabrina Hunt

	~ " Never like strangers, but never the same, two circus side shows, that
laughed in the rain..."

**************************************************************************
	 Scully was surprised when she arrived at work the following week, to NOT
find Mulder there waiting for her to open up her doors, and her heart, to
him. She'd been mentally preparing herself to find him there, anticipating
her arrival... Waiting for her to remember... A week had passed, and in her
mind it was no longer deniable that they'd shared some sort of past
connection... They were just too close, mentally and emotionally. Though
they had been physically separated for over a month now, she still felt
something inside her stir when she saw him, thought of him... It was as if
something inside of her was waking up from a long slumber... And she
believed it was her love of life. though she hadn't wanted to admit it to
herself at the time, that month, when her heart had been asleep, had taken
it's toll on her. She'd shed pounds, as if they were clothes... And her
big, empty apartment had slowly worn her down, it's loneliness pulling her
into a state of depression... But seeing him again had done something to
her... brought her back around... brought her full circle. Her world
revolved around him.

	Mulder kicked around the house all morning. though he'd woken up at five
thirty, he couldn't seem to work up enough courage to head out the door and
go meet his once in a lifetime. Part of him longed to see her again, just
to be around her, to be in love with her... but another part of him wanted
to run and hide. What if she rejected him... refused to remember ? What if
she couldn't remember ? Or even worse still, what if she did remember, and
still didn't want him back. He was sure he would die if he never got to see
her beautiful face again, to wake up at dawn, and see her small body curled
up next to him, still lost in slumber... Or the look in her eyes when she
told him she loved him. Sure he'd survived being away from her for a month,
but that was different. There was a very big difference between being
separated involuntarily, and still searching for each other, and being
separated by choice, because there was no room left for each other
inside... But it was his thought he had, close to noon, that really got him
moving and out the door, to see her again. What if he didn't tell her, and
they stayed friends, a fresh start... Up until that time, he'd almost
decided upon doing that, but then he thought,         << What ? And go back
to the way things were at the office ? Always lingering a little too long
after work, just to be together... Always having to settle for a touch of
the hand, when all you really want to do is take her in your arms and hold
her so close, that you can feel her heart beat, and know that she'd still
with you ?>> Mulder decided that the latter would be much worse, than any
form of separation. He'd just have to take that chance. It was only a
broken heart at risk...

**************************************************************************
   
	Scully's morning moved quickly. It was a slow day, so she'd finished up
some paperwork between patients.  One of those patients, however,  was not
Mulder. He didn't show up all morning... And for someone who had started
the day dreading his arrival, Scully now found it funny that she was upset,
because he hadn't shown up... And she was scared. What if he never came
back ? She felt her stomach knot, and though she couldn't understand why,
she missed him.
	That's why she almost leapt on him when he finally came through her door,
a little after one o'clock. He looked worried and like he hadn't slept well
the night before. He was wearing black jeans, and a gray, heather tone
T-shirt that was just a little to small to conceal his muscles. He smiled
when he spotted Scully behind the desk.
	" Hi Scully !" He said in a false cheery tone.
	She smiled and walked around the counter. " Why so glum ?" She asked, only
half teasing.
	" Did the results come in on my blood test ?" He asked back, tactfully
avoiding her question.
	She nodded, and smiled. " Negative."
	He sighed, but somehow didn't feel as relieved as he thought he would. He
knew it was because he had more to accomplish. 
	" Thanks Scully, that's great."
	And then she did something totally unexpected. She went up on her tiptoes,
and gave him a gentle hug. He knew it was meant as a gesture of friendship,
but they both held on just a little too long.
	" We need to talk." She whispered into his ear, just before letting go. He
nodded and tried to avoid her gaze, watching the women behind the desk,
instead. But no one noticed him. No one but Scully.
	" Mulder, I need some answers..."  She said, as she took her white
overcoat off, and led him back towards her office. He followed her into the
room, where she shut the doors behind them. There was no turning back now.
He sat down, heavily, in a chair across from the desk, behind which she
sat. They were both silent for a few minutes, but finally, Mulder spoke up.
	" I don't really know what I should be saying, so I guess I'll start at
the beginning..."
	She nodded, but didn't interrupt.
	" It all started on March 6, 1992..."

**************************************************************************

	"... And we've been together ever since. That's why we recognized each
other, when Fate brought us back together."
	Scully hadn't said a word through the whole thing, but Mulder could tell
by the rigid and stoic manner in which she held herself, the pallor of her
face, and the vacancy in her eyes, that she was wagging a war inside. She'd
said she wanted answers, but now she had one too many. Nothing made sense
anymore. It was all a jumble in her head, and it was going to take her a
while to get it all figured out.
	Mulder waited for her to react. What was going to happen now ? He felt
better for having  put the truth out in the open... but he really wanted
her to tell him how she was feeling... It didn't look like she'd be doing
that any time soon... She certainly hadn't been overly enthusiastic, but on
the brighter side, she also hadn't plugged her ears and yelled at him to
get out of her life, forever... He smiled at her, and came to her, hoping
she would open up. He knelt down beside her.
	" You all right, Scully ?" He asked.
	 His tone was so caring and gentle, she just wanted to nod and hug him,
and make everything OK . But everything wasn't OK. She was torn.
	When she didn't answer him, he reached up and put his big hand on top of
hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze, but she didn't react.
	" Scully I don't expect you to still-"
	She nodded, cutting him off with her actions. She pulled her hand out from
under his, and crossed her arms. Bells went off inside Mulder's head. He'd
seen her do this too many times before... She was closing and locking all
the doors, and once they were shut, they'd be impossible to open again.
He'd be back to square one with her. He couldn't let her do that. He wanted
to touch her, make her look at him, but he knew that that would only make
things worse.
	" Scully ? Don't do this..." He warned, his tone urgent. " Look at me
Scully..."
	And so, she looked at him, but he didn't like what he saw. Al he saw were
her blue eyes, solid doors, that had once been open windows to her soul.
Now, they showed no emotion. He felt his heart and his stomach constrict.
It was his last chance...
	" Scully, please don't shut me out."
	And she wanted to promise him that she'd never leave him, but she couldn't
and wouldn't. She had to get everything straightened out, before she made
any decisions.
	" Scully, I lov-"
	" NO!" She yelled, standing up. Her tone quieted, as she backed away from
him. " NO." She said again, as she went around the desk, to the other side,
farthest from him. " No. Don't say it Mulder..." She whispered. She leaned
against the farthest wall, back against it,  and took a deep breath. Then
she looked over at him. And he returned her saddened stare. Tears came to
her eyes, as she realized just what she was doing to him... but what she'd
be doing to herself, if she let him back in now, would be even worse. She
was sure she'd lose herself, completely, and the woman he knew and loved
would shatter into a million pieces... She spoke lowly to him, her voice
wavering as she fought to hold back the tears.
	" I can't hear that right now... I can't..." She bit her bottom lip,
allowing only a single tear to escape, and roll down her cheek. Mulder knew
he couldn't be the one to catch it. He looked at the floor, a lump forming
in his throat.
	" Crocodile tears..."
	Scully's mouth turned up the slightest bit. " I remember, Mulder. There's
a lot I remember, but there's also a lot I still don't... I can't deal with
this..." she motioned back and forth between them, with her finger. " ...=
 Us."
	Mulder exhaled sharply. He wasn't mad at her, and he didn't blame her, but
he was frustrated. " I'd like to try and help you remember, if you'll let
me. Let me be your best friend..."
	She shook her head and turned away.
	" I can't right now, Mulder... I can't commit myself..."
	And with that she stood up, and grabbed her jacket off the pegs behind the
door.
	Mulder stood up. " Well, can I at least call you ?" He asked, desperately.
	She smiled sadly, and shook her head. " Please Mulder..."
	And then suddenly, he was angry. " So you're just going to leave me ?" He
couldn't help it. He held his breath for a moment, cooling down, and ran a
hand through his hair, then exhaled slowly. " Will I ever see you again ?"
He asked.
	Scully nodded. " I promise I'll call... when I'm ready."
	Mulder nodded, and watched her open the door. She was just about to leave,
when she turned back around. " I'm sorry." She said, and then she was gone.

**************************************************************************

	It wasn't a long drive to Margaret Scully's house. Her front door bell
rang soon after two o'clock in the afternoon, and she was surprised to find
her daughter, in tears, at her door step.
	" Dana ? Whatever is the matter ?" Maggie asked, hustling Scully into her
home.
	Between tears, Scully managed to take off her coat and collapse onto the
couch. Maggie came over and sat down beside her, putting a comforting hand
on her back. She crunched over, unto her mom's shoulder, and for a few
minutes, all she did was cry. Eventually, though, her tears slowed, and she
was able to speak again.
	" Mom I need to know the truth. Who is Fox Mulder ?"
	And then, Maggie was crying too. " I never thought I'd hear you speak of
him again... I'm so sorry Dana..."
	Scully sniffed. " I don't want an apology Mom, I want answers. Who's lying
to me ? There's a man I met at my clinic, Fox Mulder, F.M. I feel so close
to him, but he's a complete stranger. And then today, he told me that we
used to be in love, and that we were partners when we worked together at
the FBI, in the x-files, and all this terrible stuff happened to us, to
me... And it all sounded so fictional, like it could never have happened to
me..." Scully's words came out in one big, run on sentence. " ... I don't
know him Mom, but I do... And who's Frank Mathews ? I... I need help... I'm
scared... He knows so much about me, and one minute I just want to tell him
everything, but then I learn that he already knows it... just by looking at
me... and it's like he's a stalker... he's got this dark look in his
eyes... but it doesn't feel that way... There's no way he could know that
much, if I hadn't told him, unless we'd been together for a very long
time... But that's impossible because of Frank, right ?" Scully began to
break down again, and for the first time since Bill Jr. had told Maggie
what he'd told Dana, she realized what she'd done.
	" Oh my poor baby girl... What have I done ?"
	It was meant as a rhetorical question, but Scully spoke anyhow.
	" What have you done ?"
	It was time for the truth to be told. " Dana, Bill and I lied to you..."
	Scully shook her head. " But why ?"
	Maggie looked away, unable to meet her daughter's astonished stare.
     " Because we wanted to protect you... It was mostly Bill's idea, and
being the stubborn man he is, he convinced me it was what was best for you.
I wanted to tell you, Dana, but he made me promise not to tell you...  He
never approved of Fox, so he told you the story about Frank Mathews... Your
real fianc=E9, the one you still love and trust is Fox Mulder."
	Scully's stomach tossed and turned, like a wooden raft being thrown about
by the ocean of emotions that crashed through her... So everything he had
told her, just a little while ago had been true... But somehow, she wasn't
surprised. She'd known it was true all along. She just wouldn't let herself
believe.
	" So how did we end up like this, and why don't I have any pictures of us=
 ?"
	Maggie opened a drawer, and pulled out a photo album labeled, " Fox and
Dana." She sat down on the couch, book on her lap, finally facing Scully.
	" Fox has been in love with you for a very long time... Since 1994, when
you disappeared. He never openly admitted to it, but I could tell just by
the way he spoke of you... He never stopped searching for you... and when
you were returned, he was at your bedside, waiting for you to wake up. Even
when we took you off life support, he stayed with you... He always kept you
safe, to the best of his abilities... He never forgave himself for having
lost you...  You've been through Hell and back with each other...  He
proposed at Christmas, and it was supposed to be your chance at Heaven...
After that, though, I don't know what happened... You just took off, ran
away from something. The next thing I knew you were being airlifted to DC
from LA, where you'd been mugged. As for proof..." She handed Scully the
photo album. 
	Scully opened it and flipped through the first few pages, her and Mulder's
smiling faces beaming up at her. There weren't that many photos in it, but
they meant a lot to her. The last picture in the album was the one that hit
her hardest. The date read, 98.12.25. It was a picture of Mulder, asleep on
the couch, arms wrapped around the small, red haired woman that was curled
up on top of him, a sleepy, contented smile on her face. They looked so
happy together... She knew it would take time, but she wanted that life=
 back.

**************************************************************************

	Scully stayed home, all week, and thought about what she was going to do.
She knew Mulder would be there for her, no matter what she did... And so
she spent the better part of five days trying to remember the better part
of six years of her life. 
	Mulder, meanwhile, was trying very hard to be patient, but he wanted to
know how she was doing. If he thought he'd been lonely before he found her,
it was nothing to how he was feeling now. All he ever did was wait for her
to call... And he wanted things to be all right, to be back to normal. He
still loved her, and he wanted to make sure she knew it. But how could he
show her, without driving her further away from him ? Mulder thought about
that for most of the week, until Finally, Friday the 14 of February came
by... Valentine's day...

	... Scully heard the knock on her door, and went to open it, but when she
did, no one was there. She was about to close the door, when she glanced
down to the floor. There at her doorstep lay a bouquet of a dozen red
roses, with a small card on top of them. She smiled, having no doubt about
who they were from, and pulled the card off as she closed the door. She
smiled when she read the inside. He was so sweet. He must be feeling just
as lonely as she was, if not more so... but he was probably afraid of
pushing her away. She knew what her decision would be...

	< Happy Valentine's Day, Scully. I still love you. Mulder. >

**************************************************************************
   
	Mulder's door bell rang just before five o'clock. he wasn't expecting
anyone, so he was surprised by the interruption in the silence. He swung
his feet off the couch and stood up, wandering towards the door.
	" Who is it ?" He called, just before he reached the door. he swung it
open, surprised, but not at all displeased to see the woman that was
standing there.
	" Hello Fox." Margaret Scully said, a smile on her face. Mulder smiled
back and asked her in. She accepted his invitation.
	" Hello Mrs. Scully. Long time no see. What's a woman like you doing in a
place like this ?"
	" You can call me Maggie, if you like, and I just wanted to come to
apologize to you."
	Mulder looked confused. " What for ?"
	" For making things harder on you and Dana."
	" I don't understand..." He was scared all of a sudden. " What's wrong ?
Is she all right ?"
	Maggie smiled slightly at his over protectiveness. " She's fine, Fox... "
	Mulder let out his breath, his body sagging, visibly relieved. " I miss=
 her."
	" I know. And she misses you too."
	" Really / I was kind of under the impression that she didn't believe
me... didn't remember... didn't want to see me."
	Maggie looked away. " She didn't believe you, Fox, because she was
listening to her brother..."
	" Bill ?"
	"... and I. we lied to her about you."
	Mulder was hurt. He'd always considered Margaret Scully as a second mother
to him. 
	" It was Bill's idea. He didn't want..." maggie trailed off, knowing what
her words would do to him, if she told him. But then again, he deserved the
truth from her.
	" Didn't want what ?"
	" He didn't want Dana to marry you."
	Mulder looked away, angry and sad. He'd always felt so welcome around her
family. " Well I guess he got what he wanted..."
	" No, Fox. He wanted his sister to be happy and safe. She isn't either of
those things without you."
	" Safe ? She got amnesia by being beaten by muggers that I couldn't
protect her from!"
	" How did you end up in LA ?"
	Mulder lead her over to his sofa, and cleared a spot for them to sit on.
 
	" Scully called you, looking for me, on the day she was sick, right ?"
	Margaret nodded.
	" Well, I was out running some errands, when I noticed I was being
followed and... " He paused, formulating his idea. " Long story short, they
were coming to abduct her again, so we ran, to the islands. We stayed too
long in the same spot and they caught up, so we hid her on a tiny island,
while I went to LA..."
	Maggie picked up the story. " ... until they were gone, and then dana flew
out to meet you, and soon after you were mugged ?"
	" Yup." He nodded, not wanting to talk about that anymore. Maggie sensed
this, and instead told him what Bill had told Dana.
	" We told Dana that she used to work in the FBI, with a man named Frank
Mathews... F.M. Your initials... You see, she remembered you, emotionally,
maybe spiritually... She said to me once that when she came home at night,
she could swear someone was supposed to be with her, moving around in her
apartment. A significant other... And at night, she used to feel cold
around her shoulders and waist, where someone used to hold her... She'd
kill me if she knew I'd told you that... She still feels the same way about
you, her love for you wasn't forgotten, just who the love belonged to, but
she has to have time to figure out what's real and what isn't.  She needs
you to help her, Fox."
	He swallowed, hearing what Scully had been feeling during all those long
lonely nights, because he'd been feeling like he wasn't all there. When
he'd lied awake on his couch, he hadn't felt like he was where was supposed
to be. He'd felt like he'd left himself, to go someplace where he wasn't
alone... He decided it was best if he kept that secret to himself, and
turned his attention back to her words.
	" But I don't want to rush her... I don't want to scare her away, push her
too hard, too far. I..." He stumbled on his words. " I can't lose her."
	Maggie smiled. " You know her, Fox. You know she'd rather suffer than ask
for help... And I'm positive that if you went to her now, today, she
wouldn't turn you out. She's ready... And you couldn't have chosen a better
day to get back together..."
	Mulder wasn't entirely convinced. " Are you sure ?"
	Maggie nodded and stood up to leave. " If she gives you hell, tell her
sent you." She winked, then left Mulder to get ready to face his future.

**************************************************************************

	Scully was in the kitchen, going through her take out menus, when she
heard the gentle knocking on her door. She set down the package of folded
papers, and listened carefully. If she had had the radio on, she never
would have heard it. She made her way to the door, and peeked out. There
was Mulder, in a black t-shirt and jeans, his leather bomber jacket hanging
off of him, undone. His hair was combed and he'd shaved... He looked so
good. She twisted the knob and let him in, happy to see him.
	" Hi Mulder!" She said, a smile on her face.
	He didn't know if she seemed gorgeous, because he hadn't seen her in a
while, or if she became even more beautiful everytime he saw her..." Hi
Scully. You look..." He wanted to tell her how wonderful she looked, but
didn't want to sound like he was trying to hard to impress her. " ...=
 pretty."
	She blushed, and motioned for him to come in. " So, how've you been ?" She
asked, trying to make conversation, to take away the awkwardness that had
surrounded them. He came in, but made no move to go anywhere. 
	" Lonely."
	Her smile faded slightly. " Me too."
	Mulder wanted to hug her, and make sure  she wasn't lonely ever again.
" So, do you want to do something ? I mean, if you're ready or..."
	Her smile perked up a bit. " I'd like that."
	Mulder smiled. " Really ? Cause, you know, if you're not ready, I can
wait..."
	She shook her head, and a loose clump of hair fell into her face. He
automatically reached up, and tucked it behind her ear. Then, realizing
what he'd done, he dropped his hand, but instead of letting his actions go,
she reached down and took his hand in her own.
	" I still trust you, Mulder." She said. And then she hugged him. " So do
you want to go to dinner ? Or we could order in something ? I was looking
at my take out menus before you came." She asked, pulling out from him just
enough so she could speak.
	Mulder let her out of his arms. " Actually, I was wondering if you wanted
me to make us something ?"   
	Scully smiled. " That sounds good."
	She walked further into her apartment, her sock feet making soft noises on
the carpeting.  Mulder shrugged off his coat, and hung it on the coat rack,
then followed her into her home. And it was almost as if nothing had
changed, since he had last been here, just under two very long months ago.=
 
	He smiled as she sat down on the sofa, and left room for him to sit down
next to her. He accepted his offered seat, and it was Scully's turn to
smile. This felt so right.
	" Can we talk, Mulder ?" 
	" Isn't that what we've been doing ?" 
         Her heart crunched. She'd missed his sense of humor. " No, I mean
seriously."
	His face straightened. " Yeah, sure. What's bothering you ?" He leaned in
closer to her, placing his elbow on his knee, and his head in his hand. 
	" I've been thinking... about us. I've come to realize that I still love
you, Mulder. I've just been so confused lately..."
	He nodded. " I understand, Scully. If you need time alone or anything...
space... I can drop off the face of the planet. But I still love you, too.
And my offer still stands..."
	Scully raised her eyebrows, questioning him silently.
	" Be mine, Valentine... We can nullify our engagement."
	Scully shook her head, vigorously. " No, I don't want to do that... I
just..." She sighed. "... I don't know what I need... I just know that I
don't want to lose you again." Her voice caught in her throat, as she
choked back tears.
	" Please don't cry, Scully... You just need time. We'll be all right.
You'll see." He  held her hand, wanting to touch her cheek. But he wasn't
sure if he was allowed...

	The weeks following Fox Mulder and Dana Scully's reunion were awkward to
say the least. Both of them felt so close to the other, but at the same
time, more distant than ever. It was almost like a prearranged marriage...=
 
	Though Mulder had regained all of his memory, Scully was still foggy at
times. He didn't blame her though. He knew this whole experience had been
hardest on her. For weeks she'd been haunted by the loss of her own
history, then for a month she'd been convinced by others that her fianc=E9
had died in a car accident, that she was single, and that she was all
right. Then suddenly he'd shown up, and dismantled her brand new history
all over again. He didn't expect things to be like they were before, but he
knew she was trying... 
	Scully was frustrated by the step back in their relationship. Thankfully,
she remembered most of their six years together, but there were times when
Mulder would know something she didn't, ask her about it, then pretend he'd
never mentioned it. She wanted to know. She dearly wanted to remember, but
he insisted on treating like a china doll. They no longer shared her
apartment, Mulder was afraid of invading her space... They no longer spent
every waking moment with each other, Mulder thought she needed time... What
she really needed was her best friend back... So it was a welcome surprise
when she came home after work one day, to find Mulder in her kitchen,
preparing dinner. She was glad he could cook, because she most definitely
couldn't. The aroma of the spaghetti sauce simmering away suddenly reminded
her of something... She kicked her shoes off, and dumped her coat on the
coat tree, untucked her shirt front her skirt, and wandered into the=
 kitchen. 
	" Hi Mulder..."
	Mulder glanced over his shoulder at her, continuing to stir. " Hey Scully.
How was your day ?"
	That was another thing she missed. Working with him. Challenging him. when
they had gotten back together, and had straightened everything out, they
had decided that Scully should remain at her clinic. Mulder, for now, was
still in the bureau, with the x-files, but was making plans to split from
there as soon as possible. Scully didn't want him to. She liked it when he
brought cases home to work on. Then she could work on them too.  She
answered his question in her usual tone.
	" Fine, I guess. Boring." 
	Mulder stopped stirring, and put his hands on his hips. " You're not going
to start that whole work argument again, are you ? I thought we decided it
was for the better this way ?"
	Scully shrugged, and leaned back against the counter. " It lacks mental
stimulation... Did you bring any cases home ?"
	Mulder shook his head. " Nope. It's just you and me tonight..."
	That made Scully smile. " Good. I like it when you're around all the=
 time..."
	Mulder could sense where she was going with this. " Scully, don't you
think we ought to cool it, just for a bit. Just until..."
	She cut him off. " Mulder, I want to marry you..."
	" I know, but so much..."
	"... I love you. Do I have to spell it out for you ?"
	" I just want you to..."
	" Being apart all the time doesn't help me to remember anything! If you're
going to keep insisting on staying in separate apartments, and only seeing
each other whenever, we might as well call the whole thing off! And I
really don't want to do that. Having you here and having you avoid our
relationship is no better than me having no memory!"
	Mulder looked stunned for a minute. " I'm not avoiding us, and I don't
want to call the whole thing off... I just want you to be OK, before we go
any further..."
	Scully looked at the ground, considering her response, as she tucked a
straying clump of hair behind her ear. " Mulder, I need you, to be OK. I've
recovered everything I had before, except you... I miss you. You are that
missing part."
	Mulder glanced at the sauce, before deciding it could wait a couple
minutes. He put his hands on Scully's shoulders, and she looked up at him.
He could see that having lost her memories and scarred her, deeply. She was
right, she did need him now.
	" I love you Dana Scully. Don't you ever forget it."
	Scully smirked. " Nice choice of words, Mulder!" But then, she hugged him
anyhow. 
	Mulder began to back away, to go stir the sauce, but she wouldn't let him=
 go.
	" Scully, I have to stir the sauce. I'm not going anywhere."
	" Mulder..." She complained, letting him slip from her grasp.
	He smiled. " Go get changed. When you come back, dinner will be ready..."
	So Scully reluctantly left the familiar smelling kitchen, and went to get
changed. She turned on the radio as she went...

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

	Scully began to hum along with the song, it's words ringing true to her.
So much had happened to her, to them, since they'd gotten engaged. And now,
once they were reunited, he was holding back from her. It was aggravating.
She knew she had to make a plan, and suddenly, another memory came running
back to her.
	" Mulder!" She yelled, running out into the hall, where the stereo was.
not only did she have a memory back, she had a plan... " Mulder!"
	Mulder came running into the room, and grabbed Scully by the arms. 
	" What ? What's wrong ?" He asked, rubbing her arm with a gentle urgency.
	She smiled. " Nothing's wrong... I remember!"
	Mulder let out a  breath, and dropped his hands. " You nearly gave me a
heart attack, Scully!"
	" We were here, at home... And I was crying..."
	" That doesn't sound like something you want to remember!"
	" No... I was crying, and you were too, but you were trying to hide it.
You were in the kitchen, looking out the window, and I came up behind you,
and hugged you, and then I got you to dance with me..."
	Mulder smiled. " That was Christmas Eve..."
	Scully beamed. " Dance ?"
	And she'd laid her trap so convincingly, so well, that for once, Mulder
didn't see through it... He accepted her offer.

 I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

	Mulder was happy. She was back, all the little pieces of her returning.
Some of them were out of place, but he was up for the challenge of a
multidimensional jigsaw puzzle...


I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
  
	Mulder smiled and held her. He didn't want to let go. And apparently
neither did she, because he had to rip himself away from her, when he heard
the pot hissing, boiling over, in the kitchen. He hoped that would be the
worst thing that would tear them apart from now on...

	Dinner was wonderful, as usual. It had been a long time since she'd had a
home cooked meal... At least their children wouldn't grow up on
Moo-Goo-Gai-Pan. But then, that brought to mind the subject of their future
again, and son their amorous conversation had turned into another argument.
She didn't feel like fighting with him, but it seemed that lately it was
the only way she could get through to him.
	" So what have you been working on, at the office ?" She asked. Her
question was innocent enough, but he knew what it entailed.
	" Nothing really interesting, just a whole lot of paperwork."
	Scully nodded, swallowing some spaghetti. " Need help ?"
	Mulder put down his fork. " Am I ever going to win this one, Scully ?"
	She shook her head. " No."
	" Well you still want to get married, right ?"
	She nodded.
	" And you still want to try for kids, right ?"
	She nodded again.
	" Then there's really no sense in you coming back on... You'll be off on
maternity leave, and..."
	She shook her head. " Mulder, we're not even married yet. If I came back
now, I'd have at least a year..."
	" Why are you so eager to come back, Scully ?"
	She frowned. " Why don't you want me to come back ?"
	" It's not that Scully..."
	She was angry suddenly. She tried and tried to get close to him, and he
still wouldn't let her inside. There was still some part of him, holding
out on her. " Then what is it, Mulder ? It's just easier when you don't
have someone to question you ?"
	" Scully, I just worry about you..."
	She looked him, dead on, in the eyes. "	 How do you think I feel ? I sit
in a boring clinic all day, thinking about you, and if you're bored doing
paperwork, or out in the field, in danger of being shot... No one's there
to back you up!"
	He looked away. " I guess now would be a really bad time to tell you that
I have to go away."
	Scully stood up, and leaned forward on the table. " When and where ?"
	" Day after tomorrow. Cleveland."
	" I'm coming." She said, quietly.
	" What ?"
	" I'm coming with you."
	" No, Scully." Now he was getting angry.
	" Mulder, I want to be your partner, you know, like Lois and Clark,
Sherlock and Watson, Bonnie and Clyde... Why won't you let things be the
way they were ?" She demanded, angrily.
	" Because things have changed." He said, standing up, voice level rising.
	" The only thing that has changed, evidently, is how you feel about me.
I'm not your china doll, Mulder."
	" Is it really that bad, if I love you ?"
	Scully looked incredulously at him. " Love ? Is that what you call keeping
me all safe, and tucked away ? If you really loved me, then you wouldn't
push me away."
	She saw the glint in his eyes, and the shadow that crossed his face. He
was really mad. " Push you away ? I asked you if you needed room, I told
you I'd do what it takes to avoid pushing you away... You said you were
fine, and now, you question my love, and say I'm pushing you away. ' I'm
fine, Mulder.' Sound familiar ? How many other times have you told me that,
and it's been a lie ? No wait, I know, I'm just the stupid old dog who
comes back after every beating, hoping that it won't happen again. Trusting
you. How can you say I don't love you ? How can I trust you, anymore ?" He
turned on his heels, and headed for the door, grabbing his coat off the=
 tree.
	" I never said you didn't love me. And I have never lied to you. I trusted
you, when I didn't know who to trust, if I could trust anyone at all...
Where the Hell do you think you're going ?" She yelled, running to catch up
with him. 
	He twisted the knob to her apartment and flung the door open. " Out. " Was
all he said, before he slammed the door behind him, and left Scully
standing in the middle of her apartment, to stare after him...
	
         She couldn't believe what had just happened. Why was he so damn
stubborn ? All she wanted to do was work with him, be near him. Since he
semmed to avoid spending time with her at home, then the only way she could
think of, to be around him, was to work with him. She'd tried asking him to
stay, to move back in with her, but he always changed the subject, or
avoided her questions. Didn't he want to be with her ? And then she
remembered that he'd brought up that she thought he didn't love her... And
maybe he didn't. Maybe too much had changed during those two months apart.
She began to cry, as she realized that it wasn't her who was having
problems readjusting, it was him. He'd turned all the tables, so it looked
like she was the one who needed time, when all along it had been him, and
his distrusting heart, who were scared to death. She knew he'd been burned,
badly, in the past, by Phoebe Green, and that fact made him very insecure,
romantically... But, damn-it! She'd been with him for seven years, loving
him, picking up after him, trusting him. How had she come to lose his trust=
 ?
	Mulder couldn't believe he'd just walked out on her. They always got along
so well... But he couldn't remember a time when he'd been so mad at her.
Why couldn't she understand ? He wanted nothing more in the world, than for
her to be back with him. But he was really worried about her. He just had
this overwhelming feeling that something bad was going to happen. Maybe it
was just because so many good things had been happening to him recently...
It felt like everything in his life was spinning wildly out of control, and
he had no choice but to comply. He didn't want to tempt fate and lose her.
Again.

	After having driven around for most of the night, and having cooled down,
Mulder pulled up out front of her apartment, just after one in the morning.
As he stepped out of his car, he glanced up at her window, and saw that her
lights were still on. He hoped she hadn't waited up for him...
	Mulder opened the apartment door, as quietly as possible. There she was,
curled up on the couch, asleep. It was incredible to him that the beautiful
creature that lay in front of him now, was the same woman who'd been
yelling at him earlier.He frowned, as he made his way over to her couch,
and knelt down beside her, seeing the dried salty tear tracks on her face.
She'd been crying, and he knew it was his fault.  A guilt pain tightened in
his stomach. as he reached up and lay a hand on her warm cheek. " I'm
sorry, Scully..." She seemed to stir a bit, but didn't wake. He twisted
around to stand up, when he noticed what was spread out on the coffee
table, in front of her. On it's surface sat a bottle of iced tea, her
silver ID bracelet, and a picture of them, he'd never seen before. It
showed him, stretched out, asleep, on the very same couch that she was
sleeping on now, Scully curled up on top of him, his arms curved
possessively around her. He figured Maggie must have taken it on Christmas
morning, before they'd woken up. He smiled, and turned back towards Scully.
She was so sweet, and caring... She tried hard to pretend she didn't care,
to show people that she could take it. And that fact about her sometimes
made him forget that even Wonder Woman is a person too... He stood up and
kissed her lightly on the forehead, getting ready to leave her in peace. He
was just about to step away, when he felt a gentle tugging on his jacket.
It was Scully, frowning slightly, still looking sleepy, her red rimmed eyes
watching him.
	" Hey, I didn't know you were awake ." He said, a tiny smile flashing,
momentarily, across his face. However, she didn't return his smile.
	" Neither did I... Mulder, I'm sorry."
	He sat down on the very edge of the couch, and put a hand on her head,
stroking her coppery hair, gently.
	" I know. I 'm sorry too. I guess I just worry about you too much... but
there's nothing you need to prove to me, Scully. If I ever lost you... "
	She reached up and lay her index finger against his lips, silencing him. "
Shh. I know. I won't push anymore. I just felt like that was the only way I
could get through to you... You wouldn't listen to me any other way... I
miss you. And I do  still trust you. Can you forgive me ? Trust me ?"
	Mulder felt like he was falling to pieces. " I think I should be the one,
asking you to forgive me... to learn to trust me again. I blew it. I always
do. And here I am, back at the beginning again..." He examined the floor,
feeling like the piece of lint that was peeking out from under the couch.
	" What are you so afraid of ?" 
	Her question startled him, and he looked up, to see her watching him,
intensely. " That I can never be everything you need me to be. I'm no good,
Scully. I got your sister killed, I got my father killed... I almost got
you killed. Hell, I even got myself almost killed. What can you possibly
love about me ?"
	He looked into her misty blue eyes, and saw such sadness there, it was
almost intolerable. " I was there to pick you up, Mulder, when you almost
died. I'm always there. Just like I know that you're always there for me..."
	" But what if I can't... What if I'm just to late... Or I get killed, and
I can't save you, Scully. What then ? "
	" Then I'll know that you died, trying. "
	He looked at her then, and truly wondered what he'd ever done to deserve
her... She reached over the coffee table, and picked up the picture. " See
this ?" 
	He nodded in response.
	" I want us to be like we were then. " She stated, in a definite manner.
	And he had no choice but to smile. " I have an idea, a compromise. You
stay at the clinic, and I'll move back in with you."
	Her frown disappeared, as she smiled. " Really ?"
	He nodded. " Plus, I think it's time we started making wedding plans..."
	Her smile broadened, as did his. She extended her hand to him, which was
in a fist, holding something. He opened his own hand, and she gave him her
engagement ring. He looked confused, but she smiled.
	" Will you put it on me ?" She asked, in a sleepy, but excited voice. He
smiled at her. She never ceased to amaze him. He picked up her little hand,
and slid the ring onto her finger. " I love you, Dana Scully."
	She opened her arms and he leaned down, picking her up in his embrace. 
	" I love you too Mulder... Don't let me forget it." She whispered into his
ear.
	" I won't." He whispered back.

**************************************************************************
The End

Same as always  < ibelievex@hotmail.com >