Date: 20 Aug 1998 07:53:22 GMT From: Dana N Fox Subject: REPOST: Confessions To a Spider Plant (1/2) Title: Confessions to a Spider Plant Author: Marnie Bacon Rating: PG Classification: SR Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance Summary: A tough day at the office leads to realizations Archive: Sure. Knock your socks off. Disclaimer: I don't own them. Except maybe the plant. Can I at least have the plant? Confessions to a Spider Plant Dana Scully opened the door to her apartment, stepped inside, closed the door and wearily leaned against it. To say today was just another taxing day at work would be the understatement of the century. Her day wasn't filled with monsters, mutants, aliens or anything else even remotely paranormal. No, her day consisted of mind-numbing paperwork in a stuffy basement office. These were the days when she dreaded going into work, and that wasn't because of the frequent hand cramps she experienced throughout the day due to filling out numerous reports. The cause of her apprehension was her partner Fox Mulder. Dana sighed, walked over to her couch and set her briefcase down, which was over-flowing with reports that were still to be filled out. She went into her bedroom to rid herself of another memory of the day. No more skirts and blouses for her. Her evening was to be spent in shorts and a T-shirt. Once changed Dana walked out of her room and into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, which she emptied with two sips and a large swallow. She placed the glass in the sink; not bothering to clean it and put it away. She would contend with the dishes later. She had more pressing issues with which to deal. Dana walked over to the chair closest to the window with the spider plant hanging from it and sat down. It was time to deal with those issues. "I was hoping for a nice quiet day of paperwork. I guess that is an unreasonable request when one's partner is Fox Mulder. "He began the day by getting a little too close and making a typical Mulder remark, and I knew where my day was headed. If only I hadn't mentioned those reports..." Scully looked up from the report that said something about not following bureau protocol on their last assignment. She was used to them and practically had the body of the report memorized. They usually came back from a case to find one or two already on their desk. This particular case produced five, a record for Mulder. Scully was annoyed with them. It wasn't just that they got them, but it was because she always had to handle them. She wasn't the one who broke the "official FBI rules." It was Mulder. Scully set down the report on top of the other four, looked at her partner and asked, "Mulder, do you enjoy crossing the lines?" Mulder sat up in his chair and pondered this for a couple of seconds. Then he stood up, leaned over the desk, got within an inch of her face, looked straight into her eyes and said in a voice that can only be described as pure male: "I don't cross the lines. I just move them. And I only do that when there is something rewarding on the other side." With that, he gave her a full Mulder smile that reached his beautiful dancing hazel eyes and walked out of the office. "I try so hard to maintain control in every situation. It's very important to me. Without it I wouldn't be where I am today. But lately it's getting more and more difficult to sustain this control around Mulder. More specifically, an ornery Mulder. "Even though I am almost certain I kept a stoic face throughout the situation, I am not so certain that I can keep up this facade much longer. One of these days I'm afraid I'm going to lose just enough of my control to reveal to him something that even I don't quite comprehend." Dana let out a short bark of laughter that sounded strange in her quiet apartment. "I can't believe I'm telling this to a plant. But my friends don't know the situation well enough to give me sound and accurate advice, and my mom just wouldn't understand. No, that's not right. I think my mom would understand all too well, and that's the reason I won't discuss this with her." She looked down at her hands that she was unconsciously massaging. "I'm rambling to a plant," she said disbelieving. "I suppose plants don't mind if you ramble though. Which is what makes them excellent listeners. That and the fact that they don't interrupt. "Anyway, all I know for sure is that when he leaned over and said that, a shiver went up my spine and back down again. This is what I meant by control. I have to learn to keep those kinds of reactions in check or Mulder will have the control I so desperately want to keep. He would also have information that he could use to his advantage during one of our conversations. He would drop small hints to show that he knew one of my secrets and to show that he had won. I am very competitive. I don't like to lose. Which was why I spent most of the remaining morning devising a plan to regain the control I believed I had lost. Even though I got practically nothing done, it was well worth the couple hours of non-production." Mulder was still at his desk completing the reports when Scully looked at her watch to see that it was about quarter after twelve. Time to put her plan into action. She gathered up a stack of papers on her desk and placed them in her briefcase. She grabbed her pen, stood up and said, "Mulder, I'm going to get some lunch. Want me to bring you back anything?" With this asked, she discreetly dropped her pen on the floor. It landed and rolled right next to Mulder's leg. He didn't look up from the form for which he was intensely working. He just responded slightly distant with, "No thanks. I'll just grab something later." Perfect. He was too involved with the work to foresee what she was going to do but just responsive enough to realize what she was doing when she was doing it. Scully bent down, picked up her pen, and while straightening up, she "accidentally" brushed against his leg. She heard his breath hitch and could have sworn she felt his muscles in his leg twitch when she touched him. Scully whispered "sorry" in his ear and walked out of the basement. She was back in control. "Sure it was a devious plan," explained Dana to her photosynthesizing friend. "But I was fighting fire with fire. I mean, two could play at the game that had started so long ago. He has been using the attraction and tension between us since the beginning of our partnership. What he thinks he's going to accomplish by doing this is beyond my understanding. What I do know is that this game that I had decided to play had rules that only Mulder had the privilege of knowing. And one of the rules was that I wasn't allowed to play. At least I wasn't supposed to play dirty. And the punishment for breaking the rules was a harsh one." Scully came back after lunch to an empty basement office. She walked over to the desk and found a note from her partner. Went to the pool. Mulder She sat down at the desk and started working on the paperwork that was still to be finished. Scully had been working on it for maybe ten minutes when she just stopped. This was absurd. Why should she continue to work on the reports while Mulder enjoyed the pool. The work was boring and monotonous, and for now she was done with it. Scully gathered up her things yet again, walked out of the office, locked the door and headed to the pool. When she reached the pool, she stopped and stared in awe. She did not see Mulder per se. What she saw was the human body at its finest. Muscles contracting and relaxing; working as a team to create movement. It didn't take many deduction skills for her to come to the conclusion that the beautiful, perfect swimmer's body was her partner's. I mean, it had to be his. There was no one else in the pool. Of course once she came to that conclusion, she ultimately came to another. More like a realization. She had been publicly and not so subtly ogling her partner. She quickly shut her mouth that had somehow become agape. It was a good thing that there was no one in or around the pool and that Mulder was still oblivious of her presence. That would have been embarrassing and difficult to try and explain. She wasn't going to deny that it hadn't happened before. She admired and, yes, was attracted to his physique. She would have been blind not to be. It's just that her assessment of Mulder was usually conducted in the safety of the basement and she never blatantly stared. Scully was much too dignified to stare. Well, that and she had more clever ways of evaluating. She walked closer to the pool and stood where Mulder would soon resurface and see her. Soon, Mulder finished his lap right in front of Scully. He lifted his head and was quite surprised to find a pair of black pumps in his line of vision. He followed the pair of legs, that he knew so well, and found his partner looking down at him. "Care to join me?" Mulder asked. "No thank-you. I forgot to bring my bathing suit this morning." Scully answered with a slight smile. "That's OK. You can skinny dip. I don't mind." he said with a devilish glint in his eye. She just stood there, unblinking. Absolutely no reaction. She had lost her control once today. There wasn't going to be a second time. Mulder, unhindered by her lack of response, asked simply, "So, why are you here, Scully?" Scully, unprepared for this question, suddenly realized she didn't have an answer for him. She couldn't tell him the truth and say she was lonely and missed his presence in the office. She would never hear the end of it from him. An answer came to her lips before she could even comprehend what she was saying. "I came to see if you had eaten anything yet." Scully mentally slapped herself. Her answer lame, but it would have do. She couldn't exactly retract the words. "I'm surprised, Scully. You know you can't eat before swimming." Mulder got out of the pool to the right of her, walked to where his towel was lying and started to dry himself. Scully, feeling that the conversation and therefore her visit were over, started to walk away from the pool. She couldn't even remember why she came here in the first place. Mulder had other ideas though. He dropped his towel and reached for her when she walked by him. "Hey, where are you going so soon?" he asked. "What do you mean where am I going? I'm going back to the office," she said slightly snippishly. "You never did tell me what you were doing here. I know it wasn't to check my health and well being though I am touched that you would care," he said with a smile. "But I am glad you are here because it gives us a chance to clear up a few things between us." Scully looked around wishing that the pool wasn't so empty. Fight or flight? She set down her briefcase and mentally prepared herself for what was to come. It was time to fight. From dananfox@aol.com Wed Sep 23 15:11:55 1998 Date: 20 Aug 1998 07:58:09 GMT From: Dana N Fox Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: REPPOST: Confessions to a Spider Plant (2/2) "It's about today," he continued as he guided her unknowingly towards the pool. "Scully, it's my game and my rules, and you didn't play fairly. And when one breaks the rules, one must face the consequences." Scully never had a chance to argue her case. Once Mulder was done talking, he nudged her causing her to lose her balance. She felt herself tipping towards the pool and reached out for Mulder. He was not expecting this and could not help her regain her balance. They both fell in the pool with a big SPLASH! She lifted her head out of the water and gasped for air. She heard rather than saw Mulder laughing at her disheveled state. Scully got most of the hair out of her face and saw him trying to contain his laughter before he burst out again. He could not wipe the smile off his face though, and his eyes were filled with laughter. Scully could find nothing funny about this situation. She was wet, and her clothes were ruined. She accurately depicted the definition of drowned rat. There was fire in her eyes. For a second she tried to keep her emotions under control but it was no use. She was furious. Scully took a step towards Mulder. He took a step back. She didn't know what she was going to do when she got her hands on him but you can be certain that she wasn't going to see if he was OK. He'd be lucky to come out of this ordeal with the use of all his appendages. Scully continued to walk towards him and he continued to retreat until he abruptly stopped. He had come to the end of the pool. The cement bit into his back as he tried to move further back. She walked up to him until she was practically flush against him. Still as angry as ever, she looked up and calmly asked, "Why did you throw me in the pool?" "You looked warm. I thought you might need to cool down," he said with all the courage he could muster. Scully laughed inside at his mention of "cool down." If the water was supposed to cool her down, why was it making her hotter? Her face revealed none of her amusement. She gave him a look that told him he better come up with a better reason. "I told you already. You broke one of the rules and that was the consequence," Mulder said, desperately trying to come out of this predicament unscathed. "Well, I don't appreciate being thrown in the pool for someone else's obvious enjoyment," she said crisply. With that, she started walking to the other end of the pool with every intention of getting out of the pool. "Hey, Scully. Wait," he said coming up behind her and putting his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sor-" When Mulder touched her, she lost the hold on her control. She wheeled around causing him to stop mid-sentence, hooked an arm around his chest and threw him to the bottom of the pool. The look of surprise on his face made all her anger dissipate. In fact, you could say that she lost her sanity along with it. She started giggling. This soon turned to uncontrollable laughter. Scully was practically in hysterics when Mulder resurfaced. He looked at her like she had gone off the deep end. He chuckled uncomfortably. Her laughter soon died down. She dried the tears she had produced from laughing so hard. She felt much better. Laughing relieved her tension. Scully collected herself and looked at her perplexed partner. "Are you OK, Scully?" "I'm fine." And for the first time that day, she really was fine. "I really am sorry that I pushed you in the pool." "I know you are. It's OK though. Maybe I needed to 'cool down' after all." They both smiled as they remembered his reason for pushing her. Scully continued. "I'm sorry I knocked you down." "'Knocked down'? Scully, you slammed me," Mulder said teasingly. "You shouldn't apologize though. I deserved it. But you didn't deserve what I did to you. I know you forgave me but I still feel awful." "Don't worry about it. It's in the past." So many things were in both their paths, what's one more event, she thought with sadness. "The past." Mulder sighed sadly. He had to bring the subject back to the original one. "Why I pushed you in the pool, I don't know." He shook his head. "Yes I do. What you did in the office today, well, you know," he said cryptically. "I just couldn't handle the...my reactions. You aren't supposed to do things like that. I was angry and confused and felt I had to get even." She didn't know what he was hiding from her with his ambiguousness, but at least she had a legit reason for his actions. Scully, uncomfortable with the silence that had suddenly enveloped them, started to straighten out her clothes and her overall appearance. She searched for her cross that had somehow twisted itself to the back of her neck sometime during her adventure in the pool. Mulder saw this and took a couple of steps towards her. "Let me," he said. He reached behind her and stuck his hand down her blouse to get her cross. Once gotten he twisted it around to the front and dropped it where it belonged. Scully did not move during his search. He was only helping her, but he was too close. When he reached down her back, she forgot how to breathe. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she was feeling woozy. She suddenly realized that she was in wet clinging clothes, and she was standing next to a man who was practically naked. She could feel the heat radiating off of him. Scully was hot again, but it wasn't from anger this time. She had to move away from him before either of them did something that they would regret. Mulder must have sensed this because he suddenly said, "Wait." It came out like a plea; almost painful in delivery. "Wait," he repeated softly. Scully felt his request like a caress on her sensitive skin, and reverted her attention back to the man in front of her. She looked up and into his eyes and saw them change from a hazelish color to a deep green. She waited in eager anticipation for what he was going to say. She knew what was transpiring between them would change things and the future only held more complications. Scully ignored the part of her that told her to stop this and stood still. She couldn't have moved even if she wanted to. Her body had stopped responding to her brain's messages a long time ago. Her hormones had taken over. They didn't want her to move so she didn't. Mulder opened his mouth to say what Scully believed to be a life altering sentence, but he thought better of it and abruptly closed it. He lifted his wet hand and brushed a stubborn lock of hair out of Scully's face and tucked it behind her ear. His hand lingered beside her check, and she unconsciously leaned into it. She was no longer in control of her actions, reactions or emotions. She was breathing heavily and her skin was tingling. Her body was responding in ways she had forgotten it could. Scully wished she could stay in the pool like this forever, but unfortunately, it wasn't her decision to make. Mulder's hand caressed her check and left her side completely. He broke the spell between them by saying hoarsely, "We better be getting back to the office." He cleared his throat and walked away from Scully to the side of the pool. He lifted himself out of the pool, found his towel, and walked into the locker room. Scully was still where Mulder had left her when he left her sight and out of the pool area. She was just standing in the middle of the pool looking like a lost, disoriented soul. She couldn't believe he had left her like this, frustrated and completely aroused. When she finally got her body under control (or at least when she could move it again), she got out of the pool, her shoes squishing with each step she took. Once out, she wrung out her clothes as best she could. Scully didn't bother to analyze exactly what had occurred. That required too much energy. She just picked up her briefcase and left the pool area the way she had entered. "I never knew why I kept a change of clothes in my trunk until today. I walked out to my car, got them and changed in the bathroom. I was cold, wet and miserable and people looked at me like I was some abnormality. Worse of all after I had gotten changed and improved my appearance, I had to go back to the office to face Mulder and all that paperwork. "I still couldn't make sense of the events that had occurred in the pool. And I didn't want to think about it either. It had to do with our relationship and those thoughts were not permitted at work. I just hoped he wouldn't bring it up when I got in the office. That way I could forget the whole incident, for the time being." Mulder was hard at work when Scully returned to the office. He didn't even seem to notice her entrance which was just fine with her. In fact if he didn't look up from his work the whole rest of the day, she'd be perfectly happy. A couple hours later Scully heard Mulder rustling around his papers on his desk and opening and closing his drawers. He probably had lost something, what a surprise. She ignored the sounds of his search for about five minutes. She put her pen down and took off her glasses. Mulder was still looking for that missing item, oblivious of the fact that he had disrupted her work. Scully decided to at least solve one of the mysteries and asked: "Mulder, what are you looking for?" He looked up at her, surprised that she was no longer working. He answered, "My watch. I had it; now I don't." Scully got up out of her chair and stretched getting all of the crinks out of her back. "You probably left it in the locker room." Apparently that was the right answer because a light bulb seemed to go on in Mulder's head. Realization had hit. "The locker room. Of course. Oh, I love you Scully." He then got up and jogged out of the office. When Mulder left and the statement finally registered, she fell back into her chair. Scully put her face in her hands and sighed. It was time to go home. "He probably didn't mean it. He couldn't have meant it. It's like when you say you are going to kill someone. You never mean it. It's just something you say when emotions are running high. He was pretty excited about remembering where his watch was, and I did help him. That must be it." Scully leaned her head against the back of her chair and groaned. "That is quite a reach, Dana. OK, I have to think about this logically. Why did he say that? "I'm sure there are numerous reasons. It could have just been a simple slip of the tongue. A Freudian slip so-to-speak. I'm sure if he wasn't in such a hurry, he would have taken it back. Because he doesn't love me. Or maybe he does. Maybe he meant what he said. Not exactly the most romantic way of declaring one's love. Especially if the receiving party doesn't know if it was an honest declaration or not. Maybe he wanted to say it fast and get out of the room so I couldn't respond. Not that I would have had a response if he did stay. I'm afraid I would have had more questions than answers. Like why? and how? "Why did he fall in love with me? And is he sure that it's love? Maybe he thinks he feels this way because I am the only one who actually listens to him, even if I don't always agree with what he has to say. But that's not enough of a reason to fall in love with someone, is it? "Oh, how could he do something like this. Everything was so perfect between us. We were great partners and best friends. Now I don't know if we can be that anymore. He has complicated things now. He's not supposed to fall in love with me. It just can't happen. There cannot be fraternization between partners. "Well, I can tell I won't be getting too much sleep tonight. I don't even know if this is worth losing sleep over or not. Did he mean it or not? This is pathetic. I'm horrible when it comes to matters of the heart-especially my own. "I can't believe he's putting me through all of this. Why didn't he just come back and explain himself. At least one mystery would have been solved and the remaining issues could have easily been dealt with, I'm sure. If he didn't mean it, then I wouldn't have to worry about my feelings towards him. If he did, then I would have to face them. So, what if he does love me? What are my feelings towards Mulder? I suppose this is a good time to finally decipher them. "OK, he's my partner and best friend. So there is trust and respect between us. That's a given. Is there more though? Does there have to be? Why is love always an issue between male and female partners? Why is there always a danger of falling in love? Can't we just be friends? Just because we work in a dangerous field where we trust each other with our lives, doesn't mean we also trust them with our hearts. In fact those emotions shouldn't even be a part of the working environment. You are supposed to leave your heart at home along with all that other nonsensical baggage. So, I can't possibly be in love with Mulder. "Yes, I do love him but in a different way; the way one friend loves another. How could I not love him. He has been there with me through some of the toughest times. So strong. Always comforting, even if it was somewhat awkward at times-whoever said expressing emotions was an easy task. I guess you could even say that he is probably one of the best things to come into my life. But am I in love with him. No. That kind of love is too complicated to stem from something as simple as this. It just wouldn't make sense. It's not logical." "Love has nothing to do with logic," a little voice inside Dana's head said. "True. But if it doesn't make sense, how am I supposed to believe in it? I'll admit, that kind of love does exist just not between Mulder and me. Sure, I may be slightly dependent on him and can't imagine life without him and don't want to remember the times when he was not working with me....." The revelation that hit Dana made her sit straight up in the chair. "Oh my God. I love him. I love Mulder. Somewhere in the middle of our five years working together I fell in love with him. Oh my God. "Now what am I going to do? How am I supposed to work side by side with him everyday and pretend nothing is different between us? Something is going to be different now. I'm in love with him and he's going to know. Well, he's at least going to know that something is wrong. I'm going to have to lie to him, and he's going to know that I'm lying because he always does. He may not press the issue at the time, but I know him. He'll eventually confront me with it, and then I'm stuck. I can't tell him I love him, not now. Maybe not ever. Look how long it took me to confront my feelings for him. What makes me think he has realized his? What makes me think he ever will? What makes me think he even has feelings for me? "OK, at least I can answer that one. The pool incident is just the most recent example of the sort of feelings he has for me. But how deep do they run? It may not be love. It may not be anything. I could be reading into all of this. "But, what do I do if he does love me? What do we do? Could we make it work? At work we can do anything if we do it together. We should be able to do this. Sure it would be a challenge, but we both love challenges. This could be the best thing to happen to both of us if I could just make the first move. Of course, it could always go the other way. We could try to make this relationship work and fail. Then, not only would I lose a love, but I would also lose a partner and best friend. Is it worth it? "Why did I have to fall in love with the one person I'm not supposed to have feelings for? This is confusing and I am starting to get a headache. "It's too late and I'm too tired to be thinking logically about something that has nothing to do with logic. I think I am going to go to bed. I'm too practical to believe that everything will look better in the morning, but at least I will be able to handle this better tomorrow. The rest should help. That is, if I can get to sleep tonight. "Good-night, my green friend. As always, you've been a good listener and a great help. Thank-you." Dana got up out of her chair, stretched her tired body and went around her apartment to turn off all the lights. Once accomplished, she went into her bedroom and closed her door. Her night of confessions was over, but Mulder's was just beginning. So, was it good, bad or indifferent? Give me a little while, and I will write the story from Mulder's POV. E-mail me at both DanaNFox@aol.com and mbacon@wam.umd.edu (I don't know what internet service I'll be using at the time of your E-mail) with any questions, comments or concerns.