From: Sculldog42@aol.com Date: 5 Jan 1999 19:21:16 -0800 Subject: "Confusion" 1/3 Category: MSR (sort of), UST Rating: PG or PG13 (for language only) Spoilers: none Disclaimer: i don't own mulder or scully - unfortunately. all the credit for those wonderful characters goes to chris carter. Archive: anywhere, just let me know. Feedback: i love it! please, let me know what you think!!! "Confusion" part 1/3 "Mulder, wait-" Scully pleaded, placing a petite hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off, turned to look at her, tears of frustration and pain in his eyes. For a moment, he softened, tempted to fall back into the same trap he'd been stuck in for almost 6 years now. But as he looked at her, his eyes hardened and he turned and walked with deliberation out of her apartment leaving Scully speechless. A single tear slid down her porcelain cheek as she raced to the door watching Mulder storm down the hallway. "What have I done?" she wondered to herself sliding against her open door and falling to the floor. ~ A Few Days Earlier ~ "Mulder, we've been through this a thousand times before-" Scully sighed, setting her pen lightly down on the case file. Mulder rose from his reclined position in his desk chair placing his hands on his hips. "I know, Scully. It's just that I think there's something we've missed-" Now it was Scully's turn to rise from her chair placing two hands firmly on the desk to emphasize her point. "Mulder, we have NOT missed something - there's simply nothing to miss. The case is a fluke. You know it as well as I do." Mulder could tell she was frustrated, yet he didn't take the hints to shut-up and sit down. Instead, he opted to brave the wrath of Scully. "You don't know what I think, Scully. I think there's something to uncover here and I think it's poor judgement on your part to simply give up." Now Scully was angry. "Give up? That's what you think I'm doing, Mulder?! You know I'm not a quitter. If I were, I'd be dead three times over by now. I don't give up, however, I do use my common sense and logic to know when a case is going absolutely nowhere! It's a lost cause and there's nothing either one of us can do about it." With that, Scully picked up her briefcase, threw her coat over her arm and stomped out of the office letting the door slam on her way out. "Damn," Mulder muttered running a hand through his hair and flopping back down into his chair. High heels clip clopping on the hard tile floor, Scully walked determinedly out of the office and out of the Bureau building. Mulder's words still stung. It seemed like all they were doing lately was arguing. But, this argument was especially bad. She usually never let herself unleash like that, but after putting up with Mulder's God- damn persistence of ridiculous cases for the past few weeks, she couldn't help herself. It wasn't as if he was even especially interested in the cases either. It just seemed like he stuck with them to annoy her. "What's happening between us?" she wondered. Everything was just starting to come together. She had finally opened herself up to Mulder and had become honest with herself: she knew she cared for Mulder in more than just partnerly way. She had been certain of these emotions and had thought Mulder had felt the same way. Now, though- She wasn't sure of anything. The past few weeks had been one conflict after another. Scully was tiring of arguing with him. In the past, their arguments were spirited and passionate. Now, it felt as if it they were searching for things to argue about. It seemed almost a necessity to fight about one thing or another each case. She didn't know how much longer she could put up with the whole situation. Back in the office Mulder attempted to go over the case file again. Frustrated, he pushed it away from him and sat back in the chair. "Scully's right. This case is going nowhere," Mulder admitted. He had known it even as he argued with her. Why he insisted on sticking to the case file was beyond him. But that's the way it was supposed to be - he stuck to the ridiculous case while Scully tried to convince him that it was a bunch of bull. Shaking his head, Mulder muttered, "This is different, though. We argue about everything lately." Closing his eyes and placing his arms behind his head, Mulder remembered back to just a few weeks ago when things with Scully hadn't been better. But now, things were so complicated. He knew how he felt about Scully, but did she feel the same way? He could never tell anymore. May-be that's why he was being so difficult - if he distanced himself from her, he wouldn't have to deal with these feelings. The worst possible thing that could happen would be for him to lose Scully. May-be the way to solve this problem was to get everything out in the open- "Confusion" part 2/3 ~ Later that Night ~ Popping the cork of a bottle of wine she had picked up on her way home from work, Scully poured the crimson liquid into a goblet. What she needed right now was to drown all these mixed feelings in a good bottle of wine. But before she got too carried away, Scully decided to write down all of her emotions in her journal. She needed something concrete to refer back to in order to make sense of the whole situation. Taking the goblet in hand, Scully settled into the comfort of her couch. Setting down the wine, she picked up a small leather bound book and began to write: <> Sighing, Scully carefully closed the journal and pulled her legs up to her chest. What the hell was she going to do?! ~ The Next Day ~ Scully reluctantly opened the door to the basement office holding her breath - almost afraid of what that day would hold in store for her and Mulder. Mulder wasn't in the office, but she noticed his briefcase on his desk signaling his presence. Hearing heavy footsteps in the hall, Scully sat down in her corner of the room, wanting to avoid any and all confrontations. Mulder entered the office, cup of coffee in hand. It took him a few moments to register that Scully was in the room. "Oh-Scully. You're here already-" "Yeah," she breathed, then, noticing his somber mood, decided to try to lighten the atmosphere a bit. "Hey, Mulder-where's my cup of coffee?" She meant the comment to be teasing, to break the ice between them. However, Mulder seemed to jump to his own defense. "Well, gee, Scully," he began, sarcasm and annoyance dripping from each word, "How was I supposed to know you'd want a cup? I never knew I had ESP. May-be we should investigate that possibility..." Hurt and taken aback , Scully started to open her briefcase, willing to let Mulder's rude comments go unanswered. But, the more she thought about what he had said, the angrier she got. "God, Mulder, do you have to go and turn every little thing I say into an argument?" Scully spat out. "Well, may-be if 'every little thing' you said wasn't an insult or stab at me, I wouldn't have to!" Mulder shot back. Now Scully was on the brink of tears, the mixture of confusion, frustration, and anger becoming almost too much. But, she refused to let Mulder have the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She was never this emotional, but when it came to Mulder- "Mulder, most of what I say has no relevance to you at all. May-be if you weren't so damn egotistical you'd be able to see that!" Scully returned, overwhelmed by the whole situation. Mulder was obviously hurt by her last remark and decided to come back with an insult he knew would get to Scully. "Egotistical, huh? Well, Scully, at least I'm not void of all emotion as you seem to be-Ice queen." Once the words came out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back. The look of hurt that came over Scully's face was too much to bear. He knew how much she despised that awful nickname the other agents had pinned on her and should never had succumbed to using it. Scully sucked in her breath at his last comment. It had hit her like a knife through the heart. She couldn't breathe. She had to get out of there. Grabbing her coat and briefcase, Scully stormed out of the office, refusing to let the tears fall until she had reached the hallway. "Scully-" Mulder started after her. "Shit, " he muttered to himself. What had gotten into him? He only hoped that there was something he could do to get Scully to forgive him for his outburst. ~ Later That Night ~ "What's done is done," Scully thought to herself as she folded herself onto the couch after replacing the phone receiver. Picking up the remote to her CD player, she clicked the button. Soft strains of a dismal melody wove through the air and into Scully's thoughts. "Suiting," she thought. The recent encounter with Mulder had confirmed her belief that she and Mulder could no longer remain partners if they wanted to remain friends. As heart wrenching as it was, she had made the pivotal decision to ask Skinner for a transfer-not necessarily out of DC, just far enough away from the X-files. The meeting was scheduled for early tomorrow morning before Mulder could stop her. She only hoped he'd understand. It was easier to stop being with him professionally than to stop being his friend- "Friend?!" Scully sighed. They had been headed on a more intense path just a few weeks ago, but what had gone wrong? May-be that just wasn't meant to be-? Punching the volume button on the remote Scully settled further back into the comfort of the couch cushions determined to convince herself that she had made the right decision. Why did everything have to be so confusing?! Mulder flipped restlessly through the TV channels, not even comprehending the images flashing on the screen. The only image in his mind was of the hurt look on Scully's face after their little "episode" earlier that day. He felt horrible. He didn't know if he should let things settle down until the next day at work or if her should call her-? Even better - he'd go visit her. Picking up the phone, Mulder began dialing Scully's home number almost subconsciously. But, he suddenly stopped himself, hanging up the receiver. Grabbing his jacket and keys, he decided to surprise Scully. "At least this way she can't hang up on me," he thought aloud. And it was going to be hard enough saying what he had planned. After almost 6 long years of loving his partner, his best friend, he was finally going to tell her how he truly felt. "May-be then w can be together. Hell, I'd do anything to get past this arguing and may-be getting all this out in the open is the only solution," he thought as he started his car and began the familiar drive to Scully's. ~ Minutes Later ~ Taking a deep breath, Mulder raised his hand to knock at Scully's door. His heart say uncomfortably in his throat and his palms wouldn't stop sweating. "Here goes nothing," he whispered to himself as his fist connected with Scully's door. A few moments later Scully opened the door revealing a surprising picture. Her normally perfect hair was tousled and dark circles sat out of place under her beautiful blue eyes. Her apartment was dimly lit and music softly played in the background. "Mulder-" Scully said softly, surprised, "What are you doing here?" she questioned, refusing to meet his gaze. "Scully, is everything ok?" Mulder asked, worried. Sniffling slightly, Scully pushed a hand through her mussed hair, "I'm fine, Mulder." "Like I haven't heard that one before," Mulder thought to himself. "Can I come in?" he asked placing a hand on the door and pushing it farther open. Scully stepped aside allowing him entrance. "Scully, I-I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier today. I-" Mulder trailed off. "Mulder, it's ok," Scully cut him off. "I think I know why we've been arguing so much lately and, umm-well, I think I've found a solution." She walked closer to Mulder as she spoke, her voice softer and lower than usual as if she was almost afraid. "Oh God," Mulder thought, his heart racing. "She knows. She's going to tell me she loves me-that has to be the solution - admitting out love." But he didn't drive all the way over to Scully's only to have her beat him to it. Taking a deep breath, Scully's statement having given him confidence and reassurance, Mulder took a step forward and blurted out, "Scully, I love you" just as Scully said, "Mulder, I'm quitting the X-files." It took them a moment to comprehend what the other had just said. Tears sprung to Scully's eyes at the horrible realization at what she had done. "Mulder-wha-?" "Quitting, Scully?" Mulder said shaking his head, "That-that's your solution? I-I-" Scully placed a hand on his arm, "Mulder, I-I didn't know- Everything's just been so damn crazy and confusing lately. I was just-I-" sighing, she gave up, looking to Mulder for a response. He returned her gaze, but all she saw in his green gray eyes were hurt and pain. "Mulder-" "I never thought of you as a quitter before, Scully," Mulder began, pushing Scully's hand from his arm, "But I guess I was wrong." With that, he turned and began walking out of her apartment. "Mulder wait-" Scully pleaded, placing a petite hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off, turning to look at her, tears of frustration and pain in his eyes. For a moment, he softened, tempted to fall back into the same trap he'd been stuck in for almost 6 years now. But as he looked at her, his eyes hardened and he turned and walked with deliberation out of her apartment leaving Scully speechless. A single tear slid down her porcelain cheek as she raced to the door watching Mulder storm down the hallway. "What have I done?" she wondered to herself sliding against her open door and falling to the floor. Confusion 3/3 ~ Days Later ~ Scully had called and cancelled her appointment with Skinner. She informed him instead that she'd be taking a few days off. She desperately needed time away from everything to make sense out of the past few days. She was right back to where she started - uncertain and so damn confused. Mulder had said he loved her. She had been waiting for so long to hear him say those 3 simple words to her and now she had ruined it. Ruined it for herself, for Mulder, and for any hope they might have had at a relationship. But how was she supposed to have known that he was going to come out and say that? It seemed the most unlikely thing to come out of his mouth given the constant state of conflict they had been in. But, that was Mulder for you - always unpredictable. "God, how am I going to fix this?" she wondered aloud. Mulder hadn't called in days. She was worried about him. But as much as she wanted to go to him and explain everything, she decided to wait a few more days until she returned to work to say anything. ~ A Few Days Later ~ Scully walked down to the basement office of the FBI Building, her head swimming and heart racing. "I can do this," she reassured herself as she opened the door to the office she and Mulder shared. He was already there. A surprised look crossed over his face when he saw Scully standing in the doorway. His face quickly hardened and he went back to the file in his hand, pretending to be greatly interested in its contents. "Good morning, Mulder," Scully said, her voice barely above a whisper. He grunted a response. "Strike one," Scully thought as she placed her things at her desk. "Mulder, can we please talk about what happened?" she asked watching him run a hand through his already tousled hair. Mulder raised his head that patented "hurt puppy dog" look on his face. Leaning back in his chair he set the file down on his desk. "Go ahead, Scully. I think I've said all I needed to." Nodding, Scully sat down and began to explain everything that had been going on in her head the past few days. She told him everything from her mixed feelings about him to the confusion and uncertainty she had been feeling. After finishing, she sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Mulder. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I should have opened up to you before things got so crazy." Mulder placed a hand over Scully's and spoke. "It was unfair of me to just come out and say what I did. I just couldn't believe how horrible things had gotten and, well- I thought.." "I know, Mulder," Scully said. "Let's just put all this behind us and start over, ok?" Mulder nodded and picked up the case file sitting on his desk. Waving it I the air he began, "This just came in from the Houston field office. It looks like a classic case of vampirism." Getting up, he turned on the slide projector. "Take a look at this, Scully-" Scully rolled her eyes and smiled, relieved and glad that things were back to normal - whatever "normal" was! THE END