From: "Sarah Ficenec" Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1999 19:12:50 -0600 Subject: Connections II Title: Connections II Author: S Ficenec Email: ewizard@msn.com Distribution statement: Spoilers: none Rating: G Classification: V Disclaimer: Amanda is my creation. Otherwise, Mulder, et al belong to CC, 1013, et al. I'm using them without permission. d'oh! Summary: What Scully feels about Mulder's hidden past. Author's notes: When I posted "Connections" last night, I got feedback asking why Scully was so understanding and wasn't mad at Mulder for keeping his secret. This is an attempt to expound on that, but I am not quite sure if it suceeded. It kind of went somewhere else than I intended. ANYway, this story probably won't make a lot of sense unless you read "Connections". Those of you who did read it, I've got plans to explain more about Amanda and her purpose for returning, I just have to find time to write it. ~ I sat, pretending to do the paperwork on our latest case. In reality, I was sneaking glances at my partner, who's own head was buried in his expense report. The case had been quick, local, and ridiculously easy to solve. But I was glad for that, because my mind was on something else entirely. Mulder had been married. It still sounded foreign to my ears--Dr. and Mrs. Fox Mulder. Mrs. Amanda Mulder. The phrase made me ill. When Mulder had told me, only four nights ago, I had tried to remain calm. My partner had always been an enigma, someone I strove to understand. Only every time I uncovered another piece and came closer to his essence, I found another layer. But I never would have expected this to appear. It hurt when he pushed me away on the street in front of the Hoover Building, not introducing me to this woman that he obviously knew. It hurt even more when he ditched me after the meeting with Skinner. I had expected him to be out in the hallway, waiting for me like I always wait for him. When I found the noted from him on my desk, telling me he left early for personal reasons, I wanted to strike out. He had "personal reasons" he couldn't tell me about? That hurt even more, since I tell him everything. I finished off that day at work, looking through a couple of cases Mulder had set aside and making notes on them. As soon as I got inside my apartment, though, I turned around and headed to Mulder's. Seriously, I hadn't even taken off my coat or even turned on a light. I just opened the door and left. When I got to Mulder's and saw the ring, I almost cried. I had sensed there was a past between my partner and that woman, but I never would have guessed they were married. My partner, who steers away from anything resembling a normal relationship, had been married for what he thought was happily-ever-after. It was unreal, but reality can be that way sometimes. It hurt when he told me about her because he never told me. It's not like he's never had a chance to tell me, he just choose not to. But when he finished, I forgave him for keeping his secret. Had it been my life, I probably would have kept that story from him too. I was glad I knew, because it explained so much, but in a way I wish I didn't know. The telling hurt us both badly. Waking up the next morning was a surprise, finding Mulder's arms around me. I ... well, I had dreamed for a long time that I would wake up in Mulder's embrace. But when it actually happened, I was just in a daze because of the events of the night before. So I didn't get to fully appreciate the moment, unfortunately. "Scully?" Mulder was looking in my direction, the glare off his glasses masking the depths of his eyes. "Hello, Scully, anyone home? You were just staring off into space like you were lost or something." I smiled back at him. "I know right where I am, Mulder. Are you done with that expense report? I have a discharged weapons report here that you still need to work on." He gazed at me in mock horror. "No, anything but that. Actually, I was just trying to decide how to ask the Bureau to pay for another trenchcoat that I ruined running through back alleys. They only accept so many of those claims a year and I might be over my quota." I smiled again and turned back to my paperwork. That was the first time Mulder had made one of his bad jokes since the meeting with his ... well, with her. Everything felt better. Back to normal. "Hey, Scully." He was looking at me and didn't speak again until my eyes met his. His were dark and deep, but somehow I knew I could see the bottom, into his soul. "Are we okay? You know, about my ... about me telling you about Amanda?" "Yeah, Mulder. We're okay." I stood up and walked around to his desk, leaning back on it a little. I touched his hand lightly with mine, never once breaking eye contact. "I wish you'd told me sooner, but I understand why you didn't want to. Just remember that you can tell me anything. I'm here for you, Mulder, and I'm not going anywhere." He grasped my hand in his. For a moment, his touch seemed desperate, needy. But then it was just warm and familiar. "I'll remember that." I went back to my desk and tried to dive back into my paperwork. "Hey, Scully?" The voice this time was softer, more timid. I looked at him. "Thanks." I gave him a small smile and nod, then turned back to my work as I sensed him do the same. Yeah, we're okay. end.