From: LienMajors@aol.com
Date: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 04:51:11 EST
Subject: Consequences of an Unintended Result by Lien Majors
Source: direct

Rating:  PG
Category:  MA
Spoilers:  The Truth
Keyword:  Missing scene.
Disclaimer:  Yes, Chris, I'm playing with your toys.  I promise not to hurt
them or make any money off them.  I'll put them back in the toy box when I'm
done.
Summary:  Mulder realizes his own complicity in William's adoption.

CONSEQUENCES OF AN UNINTENDED RESULT
by Lien Majors

Life is a series of confronting the consequences of 
unintended results.  You do something expecting a certain 
response.  The world, however, has a different idea.  My 
whole life has been like that:  saving my favorite toys for 
a little brother who turned out to be a glorious little 
girl; being in charge the first time Mom and Dad left us 
without a babysitter only to have my sister disappear right 
under my nose; sitting at the top of my class at Oxford 
with a brilliant and beautiful woman interested in me and, 
unbeknownst to me, every other guy on campus; expecting to 
make Deputy Director of the FBI before I was 40 and then 
scurrying out of VCU before I became as sick and twisted as 
the perverts and bastards I was investigating; searching 
for something to heal my psyche and stumbling upon the X-
Files, fascinating cases which appealed to my still 
brilliant, though frazzled mind; uncovering the repressed 
memories of the night my sister was taken only to find more 
questions than answers; vowing to find her and then finding 
her, destined to be fourteen forever; searching for the 
truth and finding a lie so horrible and all-encompassing 
that most of civilization could never comprehend it as even 
being possible; believing that finding and exposing that 
truth would save me, Scully, maybe even the world, and 
learning that knowing the truth was not as exhilarating or 
freeing as I thought.  The truth is a heavy weight bearing 
down on me.  I want to believe that it is one I can carry 
and maybe even some day discard.  But I am afraid that, 
like so many other times in my life, the world will respond 
unexpectedly and the weight will crush me.  But right now, 
I'm not worried about the "World."  I am worried about my 
own little "world" and how, once again, I must confront the 
consequences of an unintended result.

EARLIER

"The military says they got a body."  Doggett's words rang 
in my ears.  How?  Knowle Rohr can't be killed!  That was 
the crux of my defense.  Of course, I expected that they 
would try to come up with some body.  Scully's fingers 
turned to ice in my hands.  "It's not him," I said.  "Well, 
they say it is."  Doggett smiled wryly and shook his head.  
Scully began disengaging herself from me.  "I'd better go 
look at it."  She looked into my eyes and I saw more than 
longing, more than happiness, I saw fear.  I knew she was 
afraid for me.  She had reason to be.  I wasn't sure I 
could win this war; I only knew I couldn't go down without 
a fight.  But there was something more in her eyes and 
finally it dawned on me.  She looked like she was afraid 
"of" me.  She was putting on a good show of hiding it but 
there it was, lurking under the surface.  I grabbed her 
hand again and studied her face.  I couldn't put my finger 
on it.  I nodded okay.  Scully pulled her hand from mine 
and left with Agents Doggett and Reyes.  Now, I'm really 
scared I thought as I watched Scully depart.  

Forging ahead, I turned to Skinner and said, "What's wrong 
with Scully"?  It seemed to catch Skinner off guard.  "What 
do you mean"?  To be honest, I had to admit, "I don't know.  
Something just seems off."  Skinner avoided looking at me.  
Something is really wrong here.  "What is wrong"? I 
demanded.  Skinner just squirmed.  "Tell me!"  I shouted.  
When Skinner finally looked at me, I could see he bore the 
weight of a terrible truth.  I knew the feeling.  I'd had 
it since I booted up that PC at Mount Washington.  Skinner 
shook his head, "This should come from Scully."  "She may 
not be back for hours."  I threw back at him.  I couldn't 
wait that long.  Too many possibilities were running 
through my head.  "Has her cancer come back"?  Scully's 
cancer had been in remission for a long time but that 
didn't mean it couldn't rear its ugly head anytime.  
Skinner looked relieved and shook his head no.  Turning to 
the next possibility I asked, "Is it William?  Is he okay"?  
Skinner's head jerked up and he studied his response long 
and hard before he answered.  "William is safe."  I nearly 
fainted from relief.  William and Scully were both okay.  
That still didn't take away the feeling in my gut that 
something was wrong.  And something besides the future of 
mankind or the predicament of one very tired, very lonely, 
heavily burdened man.  "Then what is it"? I asked quietly.  
I could see him wavering in his decision not to tell me.  
Wow!  Calm was going to work where anger had not.  "I need 
to know."  I whispered and that seemed to do it.  Skinner 
sighed and said, "Yes, there are some things you need to 
know."  

As Skinner collected his thoughts, I braced myself for what 
he had to tell me.  I was terrified of whatever it was even 
though my need to know was staggering.  Scully and I had 
been apart for such a long time, I didn't want any barriers 
between us just in case the time we were spending together 
was close to the last we would ever have.  Even if I got 
off, what time we had together was limited anyway.  That 
was the truth.  I walked over to the wall, slid down it and 
settled my arms on my knees.  Ready for whatever it was, I 
looked at Skinner.  He still looked uncomfortable.

"Not long after you departed, Scully and I tried to 
discourage Agent Doggett from looking any further into the 
circumstances surrounding William's birth.  Scully then 
came to me distraught saying maybe she was wrong.  Maybe 
there was something about William.  She had seen him move,"  
"The mobile above his crib," I interrupted.  Skinner looked 
shocked.  "You knew." I nodded.   "That first night at 
Scully's.  That was part of the reason I decided to go.  I 
had to find out how that came to be and if there was 
anything we could do about it."  

Skinner shifted on his feet.  "Well, there's more.  While 
investigating an alleged attempt of water tampering, Agent 
Doggett ran across another old Army colleague.  The woman 
said that she and Knowle Rohr, and their abilities, were 
part of a government program and that William was in danger 
from these same people.  During the events leading up to 
your aborted return, Scully was told either you or William 
had to die.  That was confirmed during our undercover 
investigation into the people threatening your life.  Those 
people, in fact, believed they had succeeded."

I interrupted him at that point.  "That's what they were 
supposed to think."  Skinner looked sharply at me.  "You 
were behind that rumor?  Do you know we had to tell Scully?  
I tried to keep it from her but it just wasn't possible."  
Chastised now, I wondered if that was the vibe I was 
picking up from Scully.  "You had someone undercover?  I 
didn't think Kersh cared that much."  Skinner pinned me 
with a glare.  "The Deputy Director does care, Mulder.  
That's why we're standing here right now."  Okay, so maybe 
Kersh does care but that wasn't the point.  "Why did you 
have to tell Scully"?  

"She came to us demanding to know what was going on.  The 
undercover agent on the case, believing William to be the 
focal point of some upcoming alien invasion, tried to 
smother him in his bed.  A UFO cult believing the same 
thing then kidnapped William.  Scully and Reyes found him 
alone at an abandoned and scorched campsite that was still 
burning."  Skinner's words dealt a solid blow to my solar 
plexus.  I had unwittingly contributed to two attempts on 
William's life!  No wonder Scully looked like she was 
afraid of me.  She should be.  With what little air I had 
left I whispered, "I never dreamed." I looked up at 
Skinner, pleading for forgiveness.  Even though he wasn't 
the one I needed it from, he gave me an out.  "I don't 
think your ruse would have affected their actions one way 
or another, Mulder.  They were desperate people."  Sighing, 
I muttered, "Aren't we all"?  I would have preferred to 
stop there but I was certain Skinner wasn't finished.  I 
kept telling myself that William was safe.  He said William 
was safe.  But safe, what did that mean?    I had to know.  
"There's more, isn't there"?

Skinner took off his eyeglasses, pinched his nose and 
finally replaced his glasses.  "Yes, we found a man, a 
disfigured man, rifling through the X-Files.  He said you 
had sent him.  At one point, we thought he was you.  Scully 
even took him into her trust.  But he betrayed her; he 
betrayed us all.  He injected William with something that 
raised the iron levels in his blood.  While it didn't harm 
William, it scared Scully.  Later we learned the man's 
identity; it was Jeffrey Spender.  He told Scully that 
William was safe now; that he no longer had what the 
invaders were looking for.  But he also said he didn't 
think that would stop people from trying to get control of 
William.  Scully did some hard thinking and she made a 
decision."  Skinner paused, hopefully not for effect, 
before he delivered the news that sent my little world 
crashing.  

I braced myself for what was coming.  Scully had made a 
decision; she was logical.  She was reasonable.  She would 
weigh all the pros and cons, consider all the angles and 
make the appropriate decision.  I trusted Scully.  Whatever 
she decided, it would be the right thing to do.  "Sir," I 
said.  Skinner didn't respond.  "Sir," I said again.  
Skinner looked me straight in the eye.   "Scully gave 
William up for adoption."  Then he averted his eyes.  
"Anonymously."   The words reverberated in my head.  Scully 
gave William up?  Scully gave up something she had wanted 
so desperately?  Scully gave up the one small thing I was 
able to give her in return for all that she has given me?  
Scully gave up the miracle we had been given?  Scully gave 
up, Scully gave up, Scully gave up.  I jumped up shouting, 
"No!"  and paced the length of the room.  "No!  The 
injection wasn't supposed to hurt him!  It was supposed 
to,"  I was stopped by Skinner's incredulous cry.

"You did send him, didn't you?  You sent Spender."  Skinner 
put his hands on his hips and scowled at me, like I was an 
impetuous child who had acted without thinking; I was.  
"Did you understand what you were doing?  What the 
repercussions might be?  What were you trying to do"?  I 
whirled around at him enraged, "I was trying to protect 
him!  To protect us!"  I calmed down a bit.  This was going 
to take some explaining and doing it at the top of my lungs 
wasn't going to make the process any easier.  Besides, why 
let the bastards holding me in on everything I knew.  "The 
injection was supposed to neutralize whatever anomalous 
brain activity William had.  It was similar to the 
operation the Smoking Man had performed on me.  Just more 
refined and less invasive."  Skinner didn't get it.   
"Invasion's cancelled if the so-called leader no longer 
possesses his special powers." I explained.  I took to 
pacing again,  "Spender was supposed to meet me with the 
serum.  I was going to come home and let Scully check it 
all out first.  But I was unexpectedly delayed.  So, 
Spender must have dreamed up some plan of his own to 
inoculate William.  I may be grateful to him for that but 
he shouldn't have scared Scully.  I suppose you can't blame 
the guy for expressing his opinion.  When you think about 
it, after what he's been through, it's easy to see why he 
would be pessimistic, why he might think that these people 
would never back off even when there was nothing to be 
gained, why they would never stop coming after Will,"

"Mulder."  Skinner interrupted me.  I stopped pacing but 
couldn't turn to face him.  I was rambling and I knew it.  
It was my way of avoiding the glaring truth.  If I faced 
it, and I wasn't sure I could, the searing pain in my chest 
might just kill me before any aliens or their conspirators 
ever did.  But there was no escaping it.  The room was too 
small; my head was too small; my heart was too empty.  
William was gone.  Out of my reach.  Forever.  "I missed 
him, and Scully, so much."

"I was tired and alone and the longer I stayed away, the 
more impossible it seemed that I could succeed.  I wondered 
if I was wasting what time I might have with William and 
Scully.  I decided it was enough if I could keep William 
and Scully safe from any further interest by the aliens or 
their conspirators.  I was on my way home when the keycard 
for Mount Washington showed up.  Dropped into my lap 
unexpectedly.  It was a chance to beat Them at their own 
game; to ensure that no parent would ever go through what 
my parents or Scully went through; to put my family back 
together."  I turned to Skinner looking for some 
explanation for the heartbreak my family had endured.  "Is 
that so much to ask? "  Then it hit me, just what my 
arrogant overzealous actions had cost.  "I thought I was 
doing the right thing, to save the world."  Finally, I let 
the grief wash over me.  Tears rushed down my face like a 
flash flood down a once-dry creek bed demolishing 
everything in its path.  I stood before Skinner, a broken 
man.  "I was so wrong.  I couldn't save the world!  I 
couldn't even save one little boy!  My little boy!  
William!" I cried and crumpled towards the floor.

Skinner caught me and we both fell to our knees.  Gruffly 
placing his hand on the back of my neck, he whispered, "I'm 
sorry, Mulder.  I'm sorry that you and those you love are, 
seemingly, at the center of this despicable plot.  But you 
weren't wrong.  You have never been wrong to follow your 
convictions."  Somehow having the courage to follow my 
convictions didn't seem all that appealing without William.  
"William is gone." I said collapsing to the floor.  Skinner 
put his hand on my shoulder and tried to comfort me.  
"William is safe.  Something in which you played a great 
hand.  Maybe the outcome wasn't what you planned but don't 
doubt your motives, Mulder."  Skinner's words held no 
comfort for me.  I had failed the one person entirely 
dependent on me.  I curled deeper into myself.  Skinner 
gathered me up in his arms and began to speak.

"When I came home from Vietnam, the veterans were greeted 
with revulsion and distaste.  For a long time I thought I 
must have been wrong in signing up to go.  It wasn't until 
much later that I realized that it was the war and the 
reasons for waging it that should have been hated and 
reviled; not the veterans.  They were only puppets for the 
secret agenda of a power-lusting minority.  All I had 
wanted was to defend the principles of democracy and 
freedom this country represents.  My motives weren't wrong.  
I wasn't wrong!  And neither are you, Mulder.  Your only 
desire since you were thrust into the middle of this 
frenetic race was to expose the truth, to give us a chance 
to leave our children a world better than the one we have 
known.  That you've been used at almost every turn is not 
your fault.  This war may be wrong, Mulder, but not your 
reasons for fighting it.  I know you've been dealt a 
terrible blow today, at a time when you are weak and 
vulnerable; and it may seem like the forces lined up 
against you are unbeatable so you might as well give up.  
But you can't give up, Mulder.  We can't let the forces of 
darkness win without a fight.  There are too many innocents 
out there who deserve a chance at a life of their own 
choosing.  And tomorrow, we are going to take our best shot 
at giving it to them.  But for now, Mulder, go ahead and 
grieve.  I've got your back."

Skinner is gone now and I am alone.  I must have fallen 
asleep once the storm of tears passed and I'm sure that he 
has more important things to do than minister to some 
beaten down ex-employee.  A small shadow of my former self 
smiles at the picture of me, jailed in a military prison as 
an "illegal combatant" facing a military tribunal, bawling 
in the arms of my husky former boss, an assistant director 
of the FBI.  There must have been a great opportunity there 
for one of my infamous one-liners but as Skinner said 
earlier, my ass is on the line here.  That thought sobers 
me and I begin to think about all that has been lost in 
this battle with the insatiable forces struggling for 
dominion over the future.  Many people ultimately paid with 
their lives because they tried to help me bring the 
disastrous truth to light. 

Suddenly, I am no longer alone.  I can see them here in the 
cell with me; their voices echo Skinner's words.  Deep 
Throat, Duane Barry, Albert Hosteen, the Thinker, Victor 
Klemper, Melissa, X, Betsy Hagopian, Penny Northern, Max 
Fenig, Agent Pendrell, Dr. Kurtzweill, the well-manicured 
man whose name I never knew, Cassandra Spender, Kritchgau, 
Diana, Absolom, Krycek and my constant companions, my 
mother and father, and my sister forever a beautiful teen.  
As I soak in the presence of my ephemeral guests, I 
realize, as they must have, that the time may have come to 
choose between being manipulated once again and standing 
against those who would sacrifice the entire world's future 
for their own personal gain.  I am sure they all hoped that 
helping me would free them from the bonds of the 
opposition.  Instead, they found themselves boxed into a 
corner and that's when it dawned on me:  life is a series 
of confronting the consequences of unintended results.

I thought how each of them, in their own way, had thrown an 
obstacle into the path of the men who supposed to be so 
powerful, so clever, so ruthless, that nothing could stop 
them.  If they hadn't stopped them, then the souls, no, the 
conscience present there in my cell, humanity's conscience, 
had seriously hampered the efforts of such arrogance.  My 
enemies, too, are learning that life is a series of 
confronting the consequences of unintended results.

LATER

William is lost.  Removed from the machinations of 
egomaniacal men and their plots; mine included.  It's not 
what I expected when I vowed to go home and do whatever was 
necessary to save my son's life.  It did not include 
sacrificing my family once more or taking from Scully her 
long awaited miracle.   I realize now it was never within 
my power, despite my formidable talent for imposing my will 
upon the world.  It was within my power to make it 
impossible for my son to be used as a pawn and I did.  When 
I think of William I am comforted by the knowledge that he 
is safe and can no longer be used by others for their own 
gain.  

I consider the circumstances I find myself in.  While I 
have found the truth I so desperately sought; I find no 
comfort in it.  My enemies have attempted to prepare me to 
do their bidding.  I am not sure whether their goal is to 
destroy me because I speak the truth or ridicule me in 
order to keep an unsuspecting world unaware of their 
motives.  I will not play into their hands even though I 
know what the outcome of my trial will be.  It may be 
foolish to believe that this horrible rush to the future 
can be stopped but I want to.  It can certainly be slowed 
down.  Already it's been over 50 years and in those years, 
my silent guests have surely impeded the efforts of my 
adversaries.  If all I can do is thrust the consequences of 
an unintended result upon my enemies; so be it.  As I 
consider the possibility of soon joining those that have 
gone before me, I am not afraid.  I will always be there 
for my son, encouraging him not to be upset when the world 
reacts unexpectedly, reminding him to remember that he too 
has a steering wheel to this big bus we call life and 
assuring him that while life may be a series of confronting 
the consequences of unintended results, the bus never goes 
down a one-way street.

Author's Notes:  I thought the look exchanged between Mulder and Jeffrey
Spender before he testified alluded to so much more going on between them.  
It hink this addresses that and also gives Mulder a much more proactive
role in Season 9.  While I love Scully and the others, they are but
planets circling Mulder's sun.

E-mail me at lienmajors@aol.com