From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2000 02:55:49 -0500
Subject: Content with my Heart by Serious shipper
Source: direct

Reply To: seriousshipper@hotmail.com


Title: Content with my Heart
Author: Serious shipper
Email: seroiusshipper@hotmail.com; please give me feedback!!
 I would be eternally grateful!!
Category: MSR, Scully POV
Rating: PG
Spoilers: none to my knowledge!!
Disclaimer: Not mine.  If they where allot more would have 
happened by now!!
Summary: Two people with different fears and the same feelings
 for each other have a revelation.
Author's Notes: I hope everyone enjoys this!! It is only my 
second try so some helpful feedback would be wonderful!!
 
****************
The waves are rushing around underneath me. I feel like I am
 weightless and I savor every movement of the water beneath 
my body.  With my eyes closed my world can change to be every-
thing I will not allow it to be.  I hear the gentle sounds the 
water makes splashing around, enveloping my body.  I am putty, 
being molded not by the serene liquid flowing around me, but by 
his gaze...and his touch...and his words...
   
"Scully?" I hear a voice whispering.  "Scully?" the voice says 
again and then I feel my serene waves become nauseating as they 
increase in intensity as I open my eyes to see Mulder perch him-
self on the edge of my bed...wait scratch that, his bed.  How the
 hell? "Your not a very light sleeper" he comments.  I see a 
bemused look on his face at my obvious disorientation.  I look 
around at the room.  I had seen only it once before.  I slept in 
Mulder's waterbed?  I look at him with what must have appeared as
 'wild eyes' and before I could ask the question he answered. 
"Scully, don't you remember?" he didn't wait for my reply.  "We 
were chasing a suspect and he knocked you over the head.  We were
 in the emergency room all night...after I kicked the basterd's 
ass" he pauses and smiles at me proudly.  "The doctor told me to 
keep an eye on you" and at that moment I felt the familiar pain 
return to my head...and the events of last night replayed in my 
mind.  When my mind returns to the present Mulder is brushing my 
hair away to examine my head.  I brush it away.
   
"Mulder, I'm perfectly..."
    
"...fine" he says flatly.  He leans away from me and I silently 
chastise myself for giving my automatic response.  He just wants 
to help me.
    
"Thanks for letting my stay here," I say as I manage to sit up.  
He stands up from his sitting position and looks down at me.  
    
"Scully, anytime.  You know that.  You can sleep at my place when-
ever your heart desires" he says slyly and before I can give an 
exasperated sigh he asks me it I'm hungry.  I am a little, but 
decline to say so.
   
"Not really," I say. I feel oddly uncomfortable.  Sleeping in 
Mulder's bed, having a dream about him...God I hope I wasn't talking
 in my sleep.  I won't even go there.  I need to get out of here.  
As I swing my legs over the side of the bed there is a sharp pain 
that shoots through my skull.  I must have grimaced because Mulder 
gives me a sympathetic look and shakes his head no.
    
"Scully, you should lay down and rest.  You have a concussion. 
 Do you want me to run you a bath or something?" those beautiful
 brown eyes begging me to surrender and let him take care of me. 
 For a moment the bath sounds like the most wonderful idea in the
 world...but not here in Mulder's apartment.  That is just crossing
 the line.  So I choose what I feel is a compromise.  
    
"Would you help me up?" I ask him and almost before I get it out 
his strong arms are around me helping me out of his waterbed.  
When I am on my feet I try to ignore the fact that the room is 
spinning.  I can't drive home in this condition.  So I ask Mulder
to.  I see a flash of disappointment on his face, followed by a 
half-hearted smile.  
    
"Sure" he says and reaches for my arm to lead me out of the 
room.  I shoot him a look he has become very familiar with, 
my 'back off Mulder' look.  He lets his hand fall to his side,
 but follows so closely behind me I can feel his breath on my 
neck as we walk towards the door.  He unzips my boots so I can
 put them on without bending over.  I don't mind this, the 
pounding in my head would have made it nearly impossible to 
complete that simple task.  We are silent for most of the ride.
  I am staring out the window trying desperately to remember my 
dream.  I know it was about Mulder, and there was water...then 
I was pulled from my thoughts by the soft sound of Mulder's voice.  
    
"Why'd you want to leave my place so quickly?" he asks me 
while never taking his eyes off the road.  I paused only for 
the briefest of moments.
    
"I have allot to get done today, that's all" I tell him as if 
it's the truth.  The truth is that I got all my paperwork done
 before we chased that asshole who bashed me over the head.  And
 that wasn't even our case, we just happened to be in the 
vicinity and lended a hand to the local law enforcement. 
    
"Yeah" he says sarcastically and I could swear I see him roll 
his eyes.  Basterd.
    
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I say defensively. He 
doesn't say anything for a few moments.  I don't even care what
 he has to say.  I turn my attention to back out my window.  I 
feel slightly groggy, then I remember the pain medicine they 
gave me last night.  Must still be in my system.  
    
"You have to get lonely" he barely whispers his words, but it
 is more than enough to cure me of any residual grogginess. 
    
"What?" I ask in disbelief.  He looks at me out of the corner 
of his eyes, and I caught a glimpse of what I think is...fear. 
  What has gotten into him?
    
"I'm just tired of this" he says, but offers nothing more.  
Typical Mulder.  So begins the teeth pulling.
    
"Tired of what exactly?" I ask with impatience in my voice. 
    
"All of this" Oh My God....is he trying to make me scream at 
him?  Then he looks over at me when I release an extremely 
loud exasperated sigh.  
    
"I'm tired of seeing you in hospital bracelets.  I'm tired 
of you being hurt.  I'm sick and tired of feeling like you 
don't want to be around me," I feel like he has more to say 
so I wait a moment before responding.  He must have decided 
otherwise though because he falls silent.  
	
"Mulder..." I now fall silent for a moment and gather my 
thoughts.  "I don't mean to act that way.  And for your 
information I am equally sick of  see you in hospital bracelets"
 I finish and his expression has not changed.  I frown, not 
knowing what else to say.  
    
"I like you in my bed" all it took was those six little words
 to make me completely lose my well-polished image of constant
 control.  I felt the blush creeping up in my face, and when 
Mulder looked over at me shyly I know he saw it to.  I didn't 
say anything, just waited for him to add something else.  
"It...makes me feel better.  To wake up and see you lying in 
my bed all safe and sound.  I felt all the peace in the world 
that I ever desired.  Just seeing you sleeping there, wrapped
 in my sheets, your head on my pillow" we reach my apartment. 
 He turns off the ignition and turns to face me.  I can see the
 embarrassment on his face because of the intensity of his 
confession.  As soon as he looks into my increasingly watery 
eyes he closes his and takes a deep breath.  "It was the most 
wonderful feeling in the world, Scully.  Your beautiful when 
you sleep".  Oh my!  My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears
 I could barely hear my own thoughts.  I reach out and lay the
 palm of my hand on his cheek and he leans into it.  I see almost 
a painful look pass across his face.  I know what he needs.
    
"Do you want to come up?" His eyes snap open, and I know 
immediately that he is pleased.  Then I see his face fall.
    
"You don't have to invite me up just cause of what I said, 
Scully" his voice is soft and he sounds as if he is on the
 verge of tears. "You don't really want me to" I feel the need 
at that moment to just tell him the truth.  To come out from 
behind my mask of indifference and bare my soul to this beautiful
 man.  My hand 
falls from his face and I lean against my car door.  For a minute
 he looks panicked, like I'm going to run for my life.  Then he 
realizes I am just getting my distance so I can find the strength 
to say my feelings.
    
"Mulder, you scare me.  We are partners.  I felt too vulnerable
 in your bed.  I liked it too much". At my last words I see him 
grin at me.  My heart almost skipped at beat at the beautiful 
sight a 'truly-happy-Mulder-smile'.  No pain behind it, just joy.  
He picks my hand up from it's resting place on my lap and kisses 
my palm.  
    
"Scully, don't ever feel afraid" he leans over and embraces me.  
I can feel him shaking ever so slightly and I know he is trying 
not to sob out loud.  He moves his mouth close to my ear and 
changes my life forever, "I love you, Scully.  With everything I 
have in me I love you.  Don't ever leave me" I feel the tears 
falling from my face and I have no control over them.  Now he is 
sobbing freely and I am undone.  
    
"Oh Mulder.  I love you too" we stay in our embrace for what seems
 like an eternity.  Neither of us wanting this moment to end.  
Finally, I pull away and look into his eyes.  They no longer have 
a far away, unfocused look.  They are focused on me...now I 
realize they always have been.  Through all his pain and torment 
I have been what his eyes see.  I hope he looks at me this way 
forever.  Tears are cascading down his cheeks and then his mouth 
is on mine.  It is poetic and passionate just as I imagined.  He 
is gentle, his hands are cupping my cheeks while his mouth dances 
over my lips.  When he pulls away the look on his face will be 
etched in my memory for the rest of my life.  No one has ever 
looked at me with such love and tenderness.
    
"Let's go upstairs" he whispers.  I step out of the car and the 
throbbing in my head is lost in the pool of emotions Mulder has 
stirred inside of me.  His hand in it's place on the small of my
 back all the way up to my apartment.  We are both grinning like 
fools, with shiny tear tracks streaking down our faces.  When we 
are inside my apartment he instructs me to sit down on my couch 
and he heads to my bathroom.  I hear him running water then he 
emerges.  "I drew your bath Agent Scully" I smile at him.  Then
 he heads to my kitchen and after a few moments he walks over to 
me and hands me a sandwich.
    
"You knew I was hungry?" I ask in amazement.  He laughs.
    
"Scully, give me some credit.  It has been seven years" he sits 
beside me and tries not to stare as I nibble on my sandwich.  
After I finish I lean against him and he puts his arms around me. 
I feel no fear of my love for him now.  "Hey" he says softly after 
a few minutes "Your bath is going to overflow" I smile into his 
chest and reluctantly untangle myself from his embrace.  I pad 
to the bathroom and turn to look at him sitting there staring after 
me.  
   
"Come talk to me" I tell him and he looks surprised.  He follows 
me into the bathroom and turns his head as I get undressed.  Then 
I lower myself into the mounds of raspberry scented bubbles.  He 
turns around and once I am settled he takes a seat on the floor 
next to my tub.  He puts his fingers in the water and swirls around 
the bubbles.  
	
"Scully, just because someone loves you and wants to take care of 
you sometimes...that doesn't make you weak" he says while never 
taking his eyes off the patch of bubbles in front of me.  He knows 
me so well.  I want to argue for just a moment, then realize he is 
right.  "I should be the last person that frights you...I live for 
you" he says and I melt.  Tears flowing from my eyes once again.  
	
As the water laps around my body.  I feel weightless and my stomach
 is swimming with butterflies.  This man...his voice...his touch...
his beautiful face.  Then I realize...this is my dream...and it's 
real.        

The End