Title:  Cool Heat
Author:  Waddles52
Summary:  After a romantic weekend Mulder pays the 
consequences with hilarious results.
Disclaimer:  Property of CC, 1013 Productions, Fox 
Network, etc.
Rating:  PG13
Category:  MT, humor
Archves:  Yes, but please ask first
Feedback:  Yes, I'd love to hear from you at
waddles52@insightbb.com

Mulder opened the door to the basement office bright 
and early Monday morning.  He had really hated for 
the weekend to come to a close.  Scully had kept him 
in bed almost the entire time from Friday evening 
until early that morning.  He couldn't suppress the 
satisfied smile that spread across his face when he 
thought of the many different ways they had found to 
practice the age-old interaction between male and 
female.

The Kama Sutra was old news by the time he left 
Scully with that same, satisfied smile.  Perhaps they 
could write a whole new book on the subject.  He 
rubbed his neck.  It was a little sore after the 
weekend activities.  Ah well, it would be a perfect 
excuse for a Scully massage.

The tired agent sank slowly into his chair and rubbed 
his neck again.  It seemed to be getting worse, but 
damn, it had been worth it!  With a sigh he booted up 
his computer and checked his email.  Crap!  A memo 
from Skinner greeted him, requesting the presence of 
Scully and himself at 8:30 AM, sharp!  Do not pass 
go.  Do not collect $200.

Mulder groaned and pushed away from his desk.  Might 
as well start the coffee.  It looked like it was 
going to be one of 'those' days.  He unconsciously 
tried to rub away the pain in his neck as he searched 
for the coffee filters.

Scully arrived at 7:45 looking happy and well rested.  
Mulder smiled.  The woman must have amazing 
recuperative powers because he had given as good as 
he got.  As she accepted the cup of coffee proffered 
by her partner, the petite agent couldn't help but 
notice the odd angle at which he was holding his 
head.  She grinned after her first sip.  "Was this 
weekend too much for your middle-aged body?"

"I didn't hear any complaints from you at three this 
morning."  He rubbed his neck again.  Damn, this was 
getting to be a habit.  "Just a little catch in my 
neck.  We have a meeting with Skinner at 8:30 sharp 
and I'd like to be able to stare back at him without 
looking sideways.  Do you think those talented 
fingers of yours could work some magic before we have 
to leave?"

"As long as you're referring to your neck and not 
another region of your anatomy, I think that can be 
arranged."  The lovely red head motioned him to take 
a seat in front of her.  After guzzling most of her 
coffee, she began to knead her partner's sore neck. 

The groans of satisfaction coming from the male agent 
were reminiscent of some of the sounds she had been 
treated to over the weekend.  Wow!  She needed to set 
those memories aside or she might be the one looking 
sideways at their supervisor while she tried to keep 
her hormones under control.  "Better?"

"I'll give you five minutes to stop, Scully," he 
breathed, trying to keep his eyes from crossing due 
to the pure bliss he felt in his neck muscles and 
elsewhere.

"I think I've done quite enough."  She gave his neck 
another soft caress and then placed a light kiss 
where her fingers had been.  "Did Skinner tell you 
why he wants to see us?"

"No, he . . ."  Mulder stopped abruptly when he tried 
to straighten his neck.  The ensuing pain nearly 
knocked him to the floor.  He grabbed the chair just 
in time to prevent further disaster.

"Mulder, what is it?"

"What did you do to my neck?" he gasped.  "It's a 
hundred times worse."

"I just tried to get the kinks out."

"Didn't work.  What time is it?"

"8:10."

"We don't have time for this.  Do something," he 
wailed.  "I can't walk into Skinner's office like 
this!"  His panic face was beginning to appear.  As 
usual, he hadn't been in Skinner's good graces and 
turning up in his office with his head lying on his 
shoulder wouldn't help matters.

"Mulder, what else can I do?  I think you probably 
need to go to the ER and get this checked out.  You 
could have a ruptured disk or worse."

"No ER!"  A look of intense concentration mixed in 
with the pain and panic already evident on his 
handsome features.  "I've got an idea.  There's a 
tube of sports cream in my gym bag.  It's not 
supposed to have an odor.  Could you please get it 
for me and smear some on?"

"Okay.  What could it hurt?"  She located the bag in 
its usual place and pulled out the cream.  Squeezing 
a generous amount onto her fingers, she began to 
massage it in.  "I thought you said it was odorless."

Mulder took a good whiff.  "Damn, I forgot that was 
in there.  You got the wrong tube.  That's Cool Heat, 
and it is definitely not odorless."

"I'll say."  She held her fingers as far away from 
her nose as possible and was still almost overcome by 
the strong wintergreen, menthol smell.

"We've got to try and get some of this off.  Skinner 
won't appreciate us stinking up his office."

"I can't argue with that."  Scully grabbed her purse 
after a quick peek at her watch.  "Make it fast, 
Mulder.  We only have a few minutes to spare."

"I'll meet you there," Mulder promised as he made his 
way out of the office, his head still almost touching 
his left shoulder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Scully sat in Skinner's outer office looking 
apologetic as Kimberly informed the AD that Mulder 
still hadn't arrived.  Suddenly, the door burst open 
and the wayward agent entered, still smelling like 
the training room at a gym, his neck now a brilliant 
shade of red.  He flopped down beside Scully and 
hissed as the movement brought searing pain to his 
neck.

"What happened?"

"I accidentally used hot water.  My neck is on fire!"  
Before his partner could comment, Skinner appeared in 
the doorway and beckoned them into his office.  

There were several items on his list of complaints 
about their most recent case.  He was in no humor to 
put up with any foolishness that morning.  He had 
awakened with a Texas-sized headache and his sinuses 
were stuffed to the rafters.  The AD couldn't help 
but notice the odd tilt to Mulder's head along with 
the considerable redness on his neck.

Amazingly, Skinner's sinuses cleared as soon as 
Mulder passed by.  With the new clarity came the 
awareness of the heavy, liniment-like smell.  He 
wrinkled his nose and nodded for the agents to be 
seated as he took his usual position behind his desk.

The assistant director noted that Mulder was more 
fidgety than usual.  This should be a great meeting 
he thought sarcastically as Kimberly brought in a 
pitcher of ice water and sat it on his desk.  He 
nodded his thanks and poured himself a large glass of 
the cold drink.

Mulder eyed the pitcher longingly as the fire on his 
neck ratcheted up a notch.  He ran his finger around 
his collar in an effort to lift it away from his 
burning skin.

Skinner straightened the stack of papers on his desk 
and leveled a displeased look at his most troublesome 
agents.  He wrinkled his nose again and was just 
about to ask about the odor when Mulder leapt from 
his chair.

Scully and Skinner both stared in disbelief as the 
crazed F.B.I. agent grabbed the pitcher of water and 
splashed the entire contents on his neck, then 
staggered out of the office.

"I think, um, I think I'll just go and check on him."  
Scully stammered and hurriedly followed her partner 
out of the office.

Skinner could only stare after them, wondering what 
crazy explanation they would come up with to justify 
that floorshow.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Georgetown Memorial ER, several hours later-

Mulder groaned softly as he emerged from his drug- 
induced slumber.  "Please tell me that I just had the 
craziest dream ever."

"I wish I could, Mulder."  Scully rose from the chair 
beside the stretcher that held her partner.  "How's 
the neck?"

He gingerly moved it to see how the pain was.  The 
muscle soreness had improved slightly, but the 
burning pain was still there, although considerably 
less than it had been in Skinner's office.  He looked 
at Scully with questioning eyes.

"Better?"

He nodded yes very carefully.

"You have a moderate muscle strain and some second 
degree burns from the liniment.  The next time you 
need to wash something like that away, please double-
check the water temperature before starting."

"I definitely will.  I assure you."  Mulder grimaced 
from the pain and the memory of the fiasco in 
Skinner's office.  "Do I still have a job, or did 
Skinner decide to can me and commit me?"

"You got lucky.  You were neither canned nor 
committed.  In fact, AD Skinner asked me to thank you 
for the entertainment.  He said it was the best 
Monday morning he'd ever had."  Scully tried to keep 
a straight face but couldn't quite manage it.

"Go ahead and laugh, Scully.  I deserve every bit of 
it."

"Well, it's either that or give you an award for the 
best comedy act in an Assistant Director's office."

"Ha, ha.  When can I get out of here?"

"You got lucky again, Mulder.  Get dressed and I'll 
find the nurse to come in and go over your discharge 
instructions.  The doctor said to take it easy for a 
few days and prescribed some muscle relaxants and 
pain pills."

"Wonderful.  Did you ever find out why Skinner wanted 
to see us?"  Mulder slowly sat up and Scully handed 
him the bag containing his clothes.  The strong smell 
of Cool Heat assaulted his sinuses, almost making him 
gag.

"No, he said it would keep and that we should re-
schedule as soon as you return to work.  "Is there a 
problem, Mulder?"  Scully grinned at the look of 
distress on his face.

"I can't wear these clothes.  The smell is making me 
ill."

"Well, I suppose you could go home in that lovely, 
stylish, threadbare hospital gown."  A look of 
disbelief crossed his face.  "Or, you could wear 
something from the travel bag in your car."

Mulder heaved a huge sigh of relief when she knelt 
beside her chair to retrieve it.

"Hurry and get dressed.  The doctor suggested bed 
rest, and I know just the place to do that."

Mulder's eyes lit up as he gingerly pulled a t-shirt 
over his head.  "Yeah?"

"Yep, your couch should do just fine."

The light immediately left his eyes as he pulled on 
his jeans.  "Great.  Abandon me in my time of need."

"Who said anything about abandonment?  I'm with you 
every step of the way . . .at your place," she 
emphasized.  "At least until you no longer reek of 
horse liniment."

"You gonna throw in another massage?"  Mulder looked 
at her hopefully.

"Of course."

"Then, it was all worth it," he grinned as he began 
to think of ways to make the smell linger.



End