From: ewa@whatewa.com
Date: Thu, 22 Feb 2001 23:26:13 -0000
Subject: xfc: COURAGE
Source: xfc


AUTHOR: Ewa
E-mail:    ewa@whatewa.com
RATING:  G 
CATEGORY:  V
SPOILER:  Per Manum
KEYWORDS: S POV   

SUMMARY: Just read the thing, it's short enough.

DISCLAIMER: Any characters you recognize belong to 
Mr. Carter & Co.

ARCHIVES: You mean, I don't have to pay? Let me 
know where it's gone please!


Feedback please! It's the only reward I get.

ewa@whatewa.com

See my stories at www.whatewa.com

02.22.01

COURAGE


Courage is facing something that frightens you. It 
is hearing your partner telling you he knows where 
your stolen ova are stored. It is picking up an 
idea and running with it even when it's so way out.

It is nerving yourself to do something that 
terrifies you and even entertaining the thought of 
IVF treatment. It is opening yourself up to extreme 
possibilities, exposing your innermost longings and 
dreams even if only to yourself. Honesty such as 
this, almost too excruciatingly painful to bear.

It is exploring the possibilities of that treatment 
succeeding, making yourself vulnerable to the risks 
you will be taking.

Courage is laying bare those dreams in front of 
your very best friend, of laying yourself open to 
his disapproval. It is exposing your very soul to 
your closest friend to ask him for his help and in 
doing that, jeopardizing that friendship. Will he 
see your need? Will he understand?

It is endangering everything you hold dear in 
asking him to donate his sperm. Revealing yourself, 
stripped of dignity and defenseless as you almost 
beg him to father a child for you. So much easier 
to have seduced him, at least you'd have your pride 
intact.

It is speaking the words that uncover you 
completely, revealing the secret, innermost you 
that even you protect from yourself. How stark it 
all sounds, when put into words.

Standing in front of him more naked and unprotected 
than if you stripped off completely, and still 
being able to look him in the face, so that he is 
moved by the bare longing he see there.

Courage is going through the procedure on your own, 
knowing that should it succeed you would be facing 
censure from your family and the world. It is not 
letting the tears fall when you are so frightened 
inside.

It is bravely standing at dusk in your apartment, 
feeling so alone and unprotected. It is bearing his 
helplessness and anguish and your own, as you tell 
him he will never father a child with you now; that 
your one in five billion chance hasn't taken. 

Courage is letting him see the devastation, the 
abyss you are facing and the strength you have in 
the face of that pain and grief. It is letting him 
in enough for him to offer you his comfort.

Love is him holding you, rocking you in his arms, 
telling you never to let go of a miracle. And you 
believing him.

End

Any chance of feedback?
ewa@whatewa.com

'I have laid my dreams under your feet; 
tread softly for you tread on my dreams.'