From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 14 Jan 2007 10:12:42 -0000
Subject: REPOST: Craindre by JG
Source: direct

Reply To: starbuck0925@gmail.com


Title: Craindre
Author: JG
Spoilers: The Gift
Disclaimer: don't own wish I could.
they all belong to FOX,CC,DD,and GA.
Summery: What is Scullys real fear? 
Scully POV, MSR
Feedback: Pretty please, with sugar on top? 
Really I love it please send me some. 
Starbuck0925@gmail.com
Authors Notes: This might be a wip, haven't decided yet. 
Let me know what you think if you want another part 
or not, yes this is a way to get feedback, 
but honestly if you think its good as a standalone 
or you want me to continue let me know. 


I'm bored and lonely; Mulder has been out on a case 
for four days now without me. 
He said it was important to him and we had a lot of paperwork 
that hadn't gotten done so I stayed, 
he asked me to stay. 

I'm at home now and its Saturday afternoon. 
I have cleaned everything, 
since I finished all the paperwork on Thursday 
and Mulder was already gone Skinner said I could take the day off 
and go home. I did and cleaned the house, 
and then I cleaned some more and more and by the time 
I was done the apartment looked brand new. 
I haven't heard from Mulder in 2 days. 

Maybe the reason why I cleaned everything 
so deep and thorough was because after every task 
I allowed myself to look at my phone 
press the button on the machine to make sure 
I hadn't missed a call and it didn't make me feel as pathetic 
because at least I was doing something. 

I didn't sleep very well last night, 
even though the sheets were fresh out of the dryer 
even though I turned over the mattress moved the bed 
and vacuumed had cleaned out all of my drawers and rewashed, 
refolded and dusted everything in that room 
I still couldn't sleep for more then hour. 

This morning I went grocery shopping 
and then I read every article in the A.M.A. 
journals that I hadn't had time to and every time
 I finished an article I looked at the phone,
 and did the same thing that I had done yesterday 
when I finished a chore. 
I've thought about renting a movie and went there too, 
but all the movies I wanted to see Mulder did too 
and I didn't want to watch one without him 
because then if he ever rented one I wouldn't get to come over 
and watch it with him under the pretense of never seeing it, 
I would have to be over there for something more, 
and there wasn't an excuse or a reason that I was willing 
to say to his face that would make it ok. 

Sure in my head I can say a thousand times 
that its because I want to spent time with him 
feel his body next to mine on that worn couch of his, 
in my head its because I would watch 
even the worst movie with him a million times 
because I love him, am in love with him, 
and am more afraid of telling him 
then anything I've ever been afraid of in my entire life. 
I've seen horrible, sickening, revolting, 
and just plain freaky things that should end 
every fear that one person can ever have, 
I've been at deaths door and still telling Mulder 
scares me more than that, 
it scares me so much that I haven't been able 
to leave him a voicemail telling him to call me 
because I'm worried and scared 
that he might not come home..to me.

But as I look around my apartment 
and try to find one more task or 
one more thing to occupy my mind 
I find the phone in my hand. 
I look down at it and see all the reasons why 
I fear telling Mulder flash 
through my mind in one 1-2-3 heartbeats. 
I dial and it goes to voicemail. 
I shallow and close my eyes
 listening to the female voice saying the same phrase 
I have heard over and over finally its time for the beep 
I lick my lips, 'Hi Mulder,' I say, 
smiling because I almost never say hi anymore on the phone, 
'umm..' I hesitate but only for an instant, 
and then finally in one probably very shaky breath 
I finish 'look I'm worried about you, 
I haven't heard from you in 2 days, 
and damnit you need to call me...' 
and then into the receiver I whisper the words 
that I have more then willed myself to say in the last 48 hours. 
'I miss you' and I click the end button.

Authors Notes: Now I know what your thinking. 
Scully is tough she is made of steal. 
I agree but I also think that Scully 
is very afraid of her feelings for Mulder, 
and I also think that the episode 'The Gift' when Mulder 
leaves without her offered a lot about their relationship
outside of what we see. 

Oh and Craindre means 'to fear' in french.
Thanks for reading!