From: LaLapine@aol.com
Date: Wed, 4 Jun 1997 21:06:46 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Crossing The Bar (1/1)

Please archive. Attached file saved as TEXT. Thanks!
TITLE -  Crossing The Bar (1/1)
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name and disclaimer are on it
SPOILER WARNING: MM, little thing from Anasazi, reference to Duane Barry incident, Tooms comment, + Small Potatoes
RATING:  PG
CLASSIFICATION: S, X, R, A
SUMMARY: X-File + Mulder/Scully romance. After a case involving disappearing teens at a county fair, Scully reacts to some bad news about her cancer.
DISCLAIMER:  The ÒX-FilesÓ are not mine.  They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Television, and the actors who portray them (esp. GA, who has the most wonderfully expressive face!). Whitney Houston, Jordan Hill, Alanis Morisette, Deanna Carter,  Alfred Lord Tennyson, etc. mentioned/used without permission, no infringement intended. BTW, Redwood Falls as far as I know is a fictional name, though it is based loosely on Rohnert Park, CA. Any truth to names of characters/places is purely coincidental.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I live for feedback!


CROSSING THE BAR 
by Tammy M. Parnell

PART ONE

Redwood Falls, California
Monday, 9:14 p.m.

The teen walked quietly down the cement path, which was illuminated only slightly by the three-quarter moon reflecting off the small pools of water that remained in the creek. Had she thought about it, her exposed hands would have been cold in the crisp spring night. But it felt good away from the main part of the city--the air was clean and fresh, the stars bright and clear, and her step light and carefree. Here she could forget. Her left hand hung comfortably at her side, while her right loosely clasped the leash of her Labrador Retriever, who swayed his hips and tail in a rather John-Wayne-like walk, enjoying himself as much as his mistress.

As the dog stopped to investigate some tantalizing spot among the bushes, the girl looked into the expansive sky with a feeling of wonder at the vastness of it all. Her pale blue eyes shone through her glasses as she traced the pointer stars of the Big Dipper to find the north star, Polaris.

ÒIt looks nothing like a bear,Ó she mumbled absently as her dog pulled for them to continue.

Their route was familiar. Moonlight danced on the surface of the shallow water to their right, allowing enough light only to see the tell-tale rivulets, signaling the presence of water insects, tadpoles, toads, and crayfish. When she was younger, her brother would join her in the murky creek to find specimens for his collection. They had had such good times together... 

Only a week had passed since the Òaccident,Ó as everyone called it. That it happened on the same path where she stood did not phase her, as this nightly ritual had always granted her a sense of peace. She felt detached from her brotherÕs illness, almost as if he were at home, awaiting her return. It was too painful to think of him lying comatose in the cold hospital room. 

The dog paused briefly near a banged-up garbage can, and the girl looked ahead on the path. It wasnÕt as dark here, where the houses began with their lights flowing through the windows and onto the trees. Further down she imagined she heard the music and voices from the carnival, which would be in town another week. The carnival Jimmy had gone to the night he was hurt.

She got closer to the fair, and the dog turned skittish. ÒEasy, boy. Come on,Ó she prodded, pulling lightly on the leash. BANG! Fireworks exploded against the night sky, temporarily blinding her. That had done it. Struggling against the LabÕs hundred pounds, the slim girl braced herself.

ÒItÕs okay, boy, donÕt worry. Easy! No!Ó When he was scared, there was no talking to him--he had turned backwards and pulled right out of his collar. He took off at top speed, racing the way they had come. ÒCome back here!Ó Screaming in frustration, the girl ran after him, wondering what had happened to her fragile sense of peace. Damn fair,  causing so many problems...

As her feet fell heavily against the path, she could vaguely make out the yellow ahead of her that she knew was him. He seemed to have stopped near the bridge that joined either side of the creek, and as she approached him, something made her shiver.

ÒDammit! WhatÕs wrong with you?Ó She slipped the collar back over his neck, and yanked him back to the path. But he wouldnÕt move.

ÒCome ON,Ó she struggled. She sighed in frustration as she followed his gaze. ÒThereÕs nothing there, boy. ItÕs okay.Ó But still his hair stood on end. A low rumble escaped his throat. The girl peered into the darkness. ÒItÕs probably just a cat.Ó Abruptly, the dog stopped growling and began sniffing the area around the bridge as though nothing had happened.

ÒI give up!Ó the girl yelled at no one in particular, the weekÕs tension invading her conscious mind. Rubbing the side of her head, she glanced skyward once more. There was the Big Bear again. But somehow it looked different. The shape appeared to be twisting around, the head growing larger, the body more defined. ÒBut thatÕs impossible,Ó she told herself quickly, shaking her head to clear her jumbled thoughts. ÒIt must be fog or something.Ó

The dog growled again, but she barely heard him as she watched the sky as if in a trance. The stars were dancing now, twinkling in rows, fading in and out, forming new pictures, speaking to her. The words were unintelligible, but she was drawn to them, felt as though she was being lifted and among them, riding the Pegasus, sitting on the QueenÕs throne, fighting the Dragon. She was a part of the sky now, in the summer triangle, floating through a black hole.... Then everything went dark.

***

J. Edgar Hoover Building
Wednesday, 9:35 a.m.

ÒThey found the dog wandering around the neighborhood yesterday morning, but no trace of the girl.Ó Agent Fox Mulder perched himself on the edge of his partnerÕs desk in their basement office, chewing absently on a sunflower seed. ÒShe seems to have vanished.Ó

ÒInto the sky?Ó Dana Scully arched an eyebrow, letting Mulder know she would not disappoint him in her role as skeptic.

Fox grinned. ÒWeÕd have to check it out ourselves to confirm that theory, but we do have some evidence to support it.Ó

ÒSomehow IÕm not surprised. Did they find her watch--nine minutes lost?Ó

ÒNot yet,Ó ScullyÕs comments could not deter his enthusiasm. ÒHowever, exactly one week beforehand, her brother was also abducted....er reported missing. But he was found an hour later in the creek that runs behind the neighborhood.Ó

ÒDead?Ó

ÒNope. In a coma.Ó Mulder handed her a folder which included photographs of the crime scene. ÒHis blood work seems abnormal.Ó

ÒDefine abnormal,Ó Scully murmured as she examined the pictures, noting that the vegetation surrounding the body was not disturbed. He wasnÕt thrown over the side, and he didnÕt fall. Someone had to have placed him there...

ÒWell,Ó Fox hesitated, Òthey wonÕt be specific; the motherÕs pretty upset and is reluctant to release any information.Ó

ÒMulder, have you thought that perhaps someoneÕs targeting the family?Ó

ÒNo ransom note.Ó

ÒNot yet,Ó Scully corrected, setting down the folder. ÒWhen do we leave?Ó

Fox grinned--she hadnÕt questioned the caseÕs status as an x-file. ÒTwo hours.Ó

***

Copeland residence
Redwood Falls, CA
2:25 p.m., Pacific Daylight Savings Time

ÒAnd youÕre sure your daughter didnÕt run away?Ó Scully asked gently as she looked at the teenÕs photo above the fireplace.

Jane Copeland shook her brunette head, her eyes red and sleepless, her voice untrustworthy.  ÒNo,Ó she managed to get out. ÒShe wouldnÕt do that. Not Karen.Ó

ÒIf youÕll excuse me, Mrs. Copeland,Ó Mulder apologized before pointing out, ÒthereÕs been a lot of things happening lately. Maybe the pressure got to be too much.Ó

ÒShe wouldnÕt leave Jimmy,Ó the petite woman insisted. She walked slowly over to a nearby table and picked up a dearly loved photograph. ÒWhen Mark died,Ó she began, absently tracing the faded face of her husbandÕs image, Òthe kids bonded together, inseparable. They took a lot of strength from each other, and we got along all right. Karen, especially, needed desperately to be loved. She and her father were so close... She took to the dog like he was her own son. It was a mutual adoration, and where she went he followed. She would never have gone off and left him behind.Ó The agents followed her glance to the big dog huddled in a nearby corner. ÒHeÕs been so strange since I found him...Ó She sighed. ÒKaren was visiting Jimmy every day in hospital, too. She wouldnÕt just leave her brother.Ó

Scully sat down next to the distraught woman on the couch, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. ÒWeÕll do everything we can to find your daughter, Mrs. Copeland. But we donÕt have much to go on.Ó

Jane looked at the redheaded agent with tears in her eyes. ÒIÕve lost Mark, maybe Jimmy... I donÕt want to lose my baby girl, too.Ó

Mulder cleared his throat, an uncomfortable memory coming back of ScullyÕs mother telling him how much she didnÕt want to lose her baby girl, either. ÒWould it be possible for us to see Jimmy?Ó he asked, changing the subject.

Jane looked surprised but nodded. ÒHe canÕt talk. He isnÕt even himself. He just looks at you, almost through you. The doctors donÕt know if heÕll get better. HeÕs hooked up to so much machinery... I was going to talk to Karen about the possibility of... ending his suffering.Ó It was said almost in a whisper, laden with guilt. ÒHe wouldnÕt want to live this way.Ó

Now it was definitely getting too close for comfort. Mulder excused himself and went out to the car.

ÒHe thinks IÕm a bad person, doesnÕt he?Ó Jane commented wryly. ÒHow could a mother want to kill her own son?Ó

ÒNo,Ó Scully interrupted strongly, trying to hold back the disturbing tears that threatened to spill. ÒYou are not a bad mother. You love Jimmy too much to see him suffering. Mulder isnÕt judging you.Ó

ÒThen whyÕd he leave?Ó Jane began to see through her own hurt that ScullyÕs eyes held some hidden and painful truth.

Scully took a deep breath. ÒI... disappeared for awhile,Ó she admitted, empathizing with the woman before her. ÒThree months later I reappeared in a hospital. No one knew what had happened to me or where I had been. I still donÕt remember. I donÕt know if I even want to.Ó Dana signed, painful memories resurfacing as she wondered why she was telling this to a stranger. She needs this,  she realized. She needs hope.. ÒMulder had signed my living will. My family came and saw that I was in a coma, living only because machines were hooked up to me. They took me off the respirator.Ó She paused, wondering how to continue.

ÒBut here you are,Ó Jane said simply.

ÒYes. Here I am. I woke up. IÕm not sure why or how. The doctors all said I would die. My blood had been tampered with... I remember my family coming to see me, but it was as if they were far, far away. I couldnÕt reach out to them, I could barely hear them. Then I felt as if I was ready to go. They kept slipping farther away... But Mulder came to see me. He told me it wasnÕt my time to go.Ó She smiled slightly, finishing up her story. ÒAnd I took his word on that.Ó

Jane smiled as she clasped DanaÕs hand. ÒI just hope Jimmy believes in us as much as you believe in your partner.Ó

***

County hospital
3:45 p.m.

As Scully talked to the attending physician, Mulder looked briefly at the charts on the end of the bed. Unlike his mother and sister, Jimmy was tall and broad-shouldered. He had the same brown hair and blue eyes, yet those eyes did seem to peer right through Mulder as the boyÕs mother had said.

ÒHeÕs a quarterback on the high school football team,Ó Jane remarked, pride showing in her eyes. ÒHeÕs also on the debate team. HeÕs going to... well, he was going to graduate this year. Wanted to be a lawyer.Ó

Her switch from the present to past tense was not lost on Mulder. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder. ÒHe could be just fine, Mrs. Copeland. You canÕt give up hope yet.Ó

Jane looked at the agentÕs sad eyes, knowing his persistence had paid off when his partnerÕs life was on the line. ÒIÕm glad things worked out with Agent Scully,Ó she told him, trying to be realistic. ÒBut this is a different situation. We need our own miracle, and I just donÕt know if thatÕs gonna happen.Ó She moved from his touch and sat beside her son, taking his limp hand in her strong one. ÒHi Jimmy, sweetheart. MomÕs here now.Ó

***

Redwood Falls Community Center
4:50 p.m.

ÒThis is the place,Ó Mulder observed as he parked their rented Taurus in the crowded parking lot.

ÒI donÕt know if weÕll find anything,Ó Scully commented as she locked her door. ÒThis may have been the last place Jimmy was seen, but Karen never even went to the fair.Ó

ÒIf her mother is correct,Ó Mulder countered. ÒBesides, she was definitely near here at the time of her disappearance. She walked the dog this way every night.Ó

ÒIf her mother is correct,Ó Scully shot back.

ÒTouche,Ó Mulder remarked as they wandered past the confusion of game booth operators calling for them to try their luck.

ÒWhy do I suddenly feel rather overdressed?Ó Scully asked rhetorically as she observed the fairgoers clad in shorts and tee-shirts. 

Mulder looked at her proper navy blue pant suit and then down at his own FBI-approved garments. ÒWe like to live dangerously... Hey, Scully, have you noticed anything unusual about the people who work here?Ó When she shrugged her shoulders, he continued, ÒThey all look alike.Ó

She stifled a grin. Fair people everywhere--with their rather unkempt appearance, often long hair, identical worn out jeans, cigarettes in their pocket, and even missing teeth--all seemed to look alike! ÒThink itÕs a conspiracy?Ó she played along.

Before Mulder could come up with a retort, an older man in a red-and-white-striped jacket approached them. ÒStep right up here, folks, and win the little lady a teddy bear!Ó

Mulder grinned, knowing ScullyÕs reaction to term Òlittle ladyÓ was bound to be unpleasant. She merely rolled her eyes, but her mouth dropped slightly as Mulder took out a few dollars. ÒWhich one ya want, Scully? The pink or the blue?Ó

ÒMulder, what are you doing?Ó

ÒIÕm winning the--Ó the phrase Òlittle ladyÓ was halted with the glare from his partner. He rephrased his answer. ÒIÕm winning you a bear.Ó He took the baseball from the short man and threw it hard at the milk cans.

ÒStrike one!Ó the man said as the ball skipped over the top. Scully tapped her foot impatiently.

ÒI just gotta warm up,Ó Mulder insisted. He tried it again. This time the ball was too soft and bounced lightly off the bottom of the cans.

ÒMulder...Ó

ÒJust one more time.Ó He rubbed his hands together before picking up the last ball. SMACK. The milk bottles fell to the ground.

ÒWe have a winner!Ó the Red-And-White-Jacketed Man announced. ÒAnd which one would you like, miss?Ó

Mulder grinned smugly as Scully shook her head. NowÕs as good a time as any, she thought, taking out her I.D.

ÒIÕm Agent Scully, this is Agent Mulder. WeÕre with the FBI.Ó 

MulderÕs expression turned serious as he took out his own identification. ÒWeÕd like to ask you some questions.Ó

The little man looked nervous. ÒWe run a clean game here. No cheats. You can check them out yourselves. Heck, you just won. How could it be fixed?Ó

ÒWeÕre not here about that,Ó Scully told him, taking out a picture of Jimmy and Karen Copeland. ÒHave you seen these teenagers?Ó

The man shook his head. ÒYou know how many people come through here? I donÕt remember faces.Ó

ÒWould this help?Ó Mulder questioned, holding a twenty up to the manÕs face.

ÒWell,Ó the man began, ÒI ainÕt so good with faces, like I said. But maybe Larry could help you.Ó

ÒWhere can we find Larry?Ó Scully questioned.

The man grabbed the twenty before answering. ÒHe works the Gravitron, right around the corner.Ó The agents began to walk away. ÒHey!Ó the man called. ÒYou forgot your bear.Ó He tossed a pink one to Scully, who caught it. ÒEnjoy!Ó

Mulder grinned as the bear landed in her arms. ÒLike it?Ó

ÒOh, yes, Mulder. IÕve been waiting my whole life to get one of these.Ó She noticed the slightly hurt expression on his face from her sarcasm and relented. She briefly touched his arm. ÒHey, IÕm kidding. That was sweet, Mulder. Thanks.Ó

He grinned sheepishly. ÒWe can get blue instead...Ó He glanced back at the game booth. ÒHey...Ó

ÒI wonder why heÕs in such a hurry?Ó Scully remarked as she followed her partnerÕs gaze to the red-and-white-striped jacket disappearing around the corner.

ÒLetÕs find out.Ó They tried to follow him, but he was soon lost to the crowd. ÒLook Scully.Ó

Before them was the Gravitron, a giant flying saucer, waiting to spin people senseless. She groaned. ÒWhy am I not surprised?Ó

ÒThis is where he said to go. Come on.Ó

They passed by the people in line, hearing a few obscenities about line cutters, before they finally reached the entrance. 

ÒWe need to speak to Larry!Ó Scully yelled over the loud rock music to the man at the door.

ÒHeÕs inside!Ó the man motioned as people began to enter the spaceship.

Flashing their I.D.s, Mulder and Scully made their way to the center of the Gravitron, where a middle-aged blond man of medium build sat, surrounded by control panels.

ÒLarry?Ó Mulder questioned, as Scully took out the photograph. ÒWeÕre with the FBI. We need to know if youÕve seen these kids.Ó

He took a look at the photo as the doors to the spaceship closed in on the excited people. ÒThe boy looks familiar,Ó he acknowledged. ÒHe came on this ride at least a dozen times. Wanted to know how to operate it.Ó

ÒYou didnÕt see him any other time?Ó Scully questioned.

He shook his head as he spoke into the mic. ÒWanna go fast?Ó

ÒYeah!Ó the crowd pressed up around the walls answered in a yell.

The man turned back to Scully. ÒNo. And I ainÕt never seen the girl. Could have been on here, but not a lot.Ó Turning back to his mic, ÒWanna go real fast?!Ó

ÒYeah!Ó The yell was even louder, and Scully felt a headache coming on.

Larry pointed to two blank panels on the wall. ÒYou guys are gonna have to get over there. It ainÕt safe to stand here with me.Ó

ÒAre you kidding?Ó Scully asked in disbelief. SheÕd always hated spinning rides; they made her too dizzy. But she didnÕt miss the grin on her partnerÕs face.

He put his mouth next to her ear. ÒHavenÕt you always wanted to ride on a spaceship?Ó

She elbowed MulderÕs ribs as Larry motioned for them to hurry. Mulder dragged her to their positions, and she held her breath, noticing the lack of seat belts.

ÒAll right, everyone!Ó Larry yelled into the mic. ÒLean back Ôcause itÕs time to rock and roll!Ó

The crowd cheered as the Gravitron began to spin, music blaring. The red panels against which they leaned seemed to dip backwards. They slipped upwards as well as Scully felt her eyes close and her neck involuntarily snap back against the panel. The panel banged the ceiling of the Gravitron and then slid back down to the floor, hitting her feet. With effort, she turned her head to look at her partnerÕs grin. It figures heÕd enjoy this!

Her panel slid back up again as the spaceship began to slow down. Her purse strap caught slightly as the panel slid down, and as soon as the centrifugal force eased off enough, she yanked it free, causing her glasses to fall out. ÒShit,Ó she mumbled to herself as the panel banged down for the last time--right on top of the glasses. She gave Mulder a deathly glare as he tried to look apologetic.

ÒSorry, Scully. You should have been holding on more tightly.Ó

ÒMulder, I donÕt even want to be on this thing! How am I supposed to work on the computer now?Ó

ÒGet new glasses,Ó he said simply as they exited the ride.

ÒGreat Mulder. But my eye doctor is in Baltimore. Now what?Ó

ÒSo just look up someone in the phone book. They can get your prescription faxed...Ó MulderÕs voice trailed off as he looked at Scully, puppy dog eyes in full effect.

Damn,  she said silently as she fished for a Kleenex in her purse. ÒItÕs nothing, Mulder,Ó she stated before he could say anything. ÒI used to get nosebleeds all the time when I was a kid and went on these kinds of rides.Ó

Mulder did not look convinced. ÒReady to go back to the hotel?Ó

ÒI do not need a babysitter,Ó she said a bit too harshly. ÒI need to get new glasses. And thatÕs where IÕm going.Ó They had reached the car by now, but her nose was still bleeding. ÒYOU can look in the phone book for me, since I canÕt see it.Ó

ÒHas anyone ever told you that you have a flare for the dramatic, Scully?Ó She didnÕt answer, and Mulder sighed as he turned the key to the ignition. Why did she always have to close herself off from him? Sure, she had every right to be mad about her glasses. But he hated to be pushed away when she was hurting. He wasnÕt buying that her nosebleed was from the ride, and he was worried. What if her cancer was getting worse?

Scully leaned against the door, grateful that her nose had finally stopped bleeding. She was feeling a bit guilty about snapping at her partner. ÒWhat will you do while IÕm getting my glasses?Ó she asked.

Of course she was changing the subject, business as usual. ÒWell,Ó Mulder answered, ÒI think IÕll check out the list of their friends that the mother gave us. Maybe they can tell us something.Ó

ÒGood idea.Ó 

Mulder spied a pay phone and pulled over to look through the yellow pages. Ten minutes later, he was dropping Scully off at LensMakers for an appointment with a Doctor Dias.

ÒIÕll take a cab back when IÕm through,Ó Scully informed him as she shut the door. ÒSee you later.Ó

ÒBye.Ó He watched her walk confidently into the office before he drove away to find Bill Ruhs, a friend of Jimmy Copeland.

***

GoodRest Motel
10:54 p.m.

Scully blinked wearily through her new prescription as she attempted to concentrate on the data before her. Analysis of JimmyÕs blood had indeed turned up some interesting results, but the elements were unidentifiable. She sighed and shook her head, looking up from the computer. ÒThis seems impossible,Ó she stated.

Mulder looked up from the bed, where he sat cross-legged, examining some maps. His questioning of Bill Ruhs, along with five other friends of the Copelands, had turned up nothing. He was now examining the complex route of the creek that ran through Redwood Falls. ÒReady to call it a night?Ó he yawned.

ÒI just wish we could get somewhere with this,Ó Scully remarked in frustration, rubbing her temples.

ÒHeadache?Ó Mulder asked sympathetically.

She nodded. ÒMust be the prescription.Ó

ÒI thought you just had your old one faxed.Ó

ÒI couldnÕt. I forgot about the time difference; my office was closed, so I just asked Dr. Dias to examine my eyes. It sure feels strange, though. I just had my eyes checked a few months ago, and the prescription hadnÕt changed.Ó

Mulder was growing a bit concerned, something tugging at his mind that he couldnÕt quite surface. ÒThey shouldnÕt hurt your eyes then.Ó

ÒNo,Ó Scully said thoughtfully. ÒThey shouldnÕt. I wonder if he got the prescription mixed up?Ó

Mulder grinned. ÒHow many fingers am I holding up?Ó

Scully laughed. ÒIÕm not that blind, Mulder. Maybe I should try to read the map.Ó But as she got up to join him on the bed, her legs were suddenly shaky, and she had to grab the table for support.

ÒScully!Ó Mulder jumped up and to her side. ÒWhatÕs wrong? Are you all right?Ó

ÒYeah, IÕm fine. Just a little dizzy.Ó She sat down, confused. What was going on?

Mulder reached out and removed the glasses, peering at them under the light. Scully shook her head and rubbed her eyes, taking a deep breath. ÒMaybe that ride affected me more than I thought.Ó

ÒItÕs not the ride, Scully,Ó Mulder shook his head as he held out her new glasses. ÒItÕs these.Ó

ÒThe glasses? Mulder, thatÕs ridiculous.Ó

ÒIs it? Both Jimmy and Karen Copeland wear glasses, too.Ó

ÒMulder, eyesight is a characteristic that is often passed on through the genes. It doesnÕt surprise me in the least bit that both kids wear glasses. DidnÕt you see the photograph? The father wore them, too.Ó

ÒBut Scully, think about it. The father is dead. JimmyÕs in a coma. Karen is missing... WhatÕs the clue? They all wore glasses.Ó

ÒAre you saying the the fatherÕs death five years ago is related to this?Ó

ÒAll IÕm saying is that I think we should find out if Dr. Dias is also the eye doctor for the Copelands. I wonder if theyÕve had an appointment recently.Ó

ÒEven if they have, what does that prove? ThereÕs something in the glasses that made Jimmy slip into a coma? That KarenÕs in one right now somewhere? That doesnÕt make sense.Ó

ÒNo, the glasses donÕt make someone sick necessarily. Just disoriented, like you were, leaving whoever wanted to, to take the kids without a struggle.Ó

ÒYouÕre really reaching there, Mulder. If this is the case, then why havenÕt there been more disappearances? If your theory is correct, everyone with a new prescription should be affected.Ó

ÒNot necessarily.Ó Mulder looked up from the task that heÕd been working on. ÒLook at this, Scully.Ó He peeled a thin film of some sort of plastic off of one of the lenses. ÒThis isnÕt normal.Ó

ÒMaybe itÕs just a factory seal or something...Ó Scully knew that sounded lame, but she didnÕt want to believe that she was now a target, that perhaps someone had counted on her needing new glasses. Would she be the next one to disappear? She shuddered, memories becoming too close for comfort.

Mulder noticed her tension. Clasping his hand over hers, which she gratefully did not move away, he said, ÒWeÕve got to find out whatÕs going on. The best lead we have right now is the doctor.Ó

Scully nodded, her scientific mind taking over. ÒFirst thing in the morning, weÕll go see him. We can at least check current patient records. It couldnÕt hurt.Ó

Mulder nodded as he removed his hand. He stood and began to gather the maps up from ScullyÕs bed. ÒGood night, Scully,Ó he said as he turned to the connecting door which led to his room.

ÒMulder?Ó she asked tentatively.

ÒYeah?Ó

ÒYou donÕt really think this has anything to do with alien abductions, do you?Ó

He took a reflective moment before answering. ÒMaybe. I mean, we have a man who was found in a coma, perhaps having disappeared for awhile... His blood shows traces of some unknown element. Now his sister is missing. They could both be abductees.Ó He paused thoughtfully. ÒBut, thereÕs still a lot of unanswered questions. Something about those people at the carnival bugs me. I donÕt know.Ó

Scully was satisfied that MulderÕs mind was not dead set against non-alien theories. She smiled. ÒGood night, Mulder.Ó

***

LensMakers
Thursday, 10:03 a.m.

Mulder and Scully stepped across the yellow police tape surrounding the crime scene. Flashing their I.D.s, Scully went to examine the body of Dr. Dias, whose cause of death was a mystery. Mulder asked the local police for the details of the murder, but there were no witnesses, no suspects, no leads. A rookie told him it looked as though the young doctor had had a heart attack.

ÒHe was thirty-two years old,Ó Mulder pointed out, but the rookie merely shrugged and went about his work. Mulder shook his head as he walked over to the reception desk. Finding the appointment book, his suspicions were confirmed.

ÒHey, Scully,Ó he called to her. ÒLook at this.Ó

ÒJames Copeland had an appointment two days before he was found in the creek,Ó she observed. ÒKaren had one the same day she disappeared. IÕm beginning to think thereÕs more to this than I thought,Ó she admitted.

ÒDid they find any of the substance like what was on your glasses?Ó Mulder inquired.

ÒNot yet,Ó she responded. ÒBut I doubt they will. Dr. DiasÕ office was pretty well trashed. Whoever did this, must have thought we were getting too close. IÕm having the sample from my glasses analyzed. IÕve requested to do the autopsy on the body and should be done by this afternoon. WeÕll see what comes up.Ó

ÒWhat about your glasses?Ó

ÒWell, now that the tapeÕs off they seem perfectly harmless. IÕll be fine.Ó

ÒYou need a ride?Ó

ÒNo, the officer over there said I could go with him. But you can pick me up later.Ó

ÒCall me. IÕm going to go walk along the creek and see if thereÕs anything unusual, maybe question some of the neighbors.Ó

Scully raised an eyebrow, knowing he planned to check for signs of alien abduction. But all she said was, ÒOkay. See you later.Ó

***

County morgue
5:14 p.m.

Scully sighed as she removed the protective goggles. MulderÕs footsteps echoed along the hall as he approached the autopsy room. He smiled when he saw her. ÒWhatcha got?Ó

She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. ÒHeart attack.Ó

ÒHow?Ó Mulder asked in disbelief. ÒToo many Big Macs?Ó

ÒActually,Ó she stifled a smile, Òit appears that some sort of drug was injected into his arm. See?Ó She pointed to the needle marks on the inside of his elbow. ÒNow this could be caused by any number of things, such as drug use or blood donation--Ó

ÒHopefully not both,Ó Mulder interjected. ÒScully was he murdered or not?Ó

ÒCalm down, partner. My guess would be yes, however... thereÕs really no evidence to support that.Ó

ÒWhat? No scientific evidence for Dr. Scully? Are you sure youÕre feeling all right?Ó

She decided to ignore the sarcasm. ÒI think a controversial new drug did the trick. When itÕs injected into your bloodstream, it slows your heart rate. Some say it can help prevent a heart attack, but... Well, when the drug is overdosed it can actually freeze the heart so it can no longer beat, killing whoever took it.Ó

ÒCanÕt you have the tissues analyzed?Ó

She shook her head. ÒNot with this drug. Once it enters the bloodstream, itÕs untraceable.Ó

ÒDonÕt let that get around or weÕll have an outbreak,Ó Mulder commented wryly. ÒWhat about the lenses?Ó

ÒThey canÕt figure out what it is. ItÕs a lot like plastic, but... the guys in the lab canÕt seem to break it down. Testing it on rats, though, it definitely has harmful side effects.Ó

ÒWeÕve got a link here somewhere, Scully, I just know it. But I havenÕt come up with anything new yet, and there were no signs of alien abduction at the sight where Jimmy was found. But time is running out.Ó

ÒWhy do you say that?Ó

ÒJimmyÕs gotten worse. HeÕs had a couple near misses today and canÕt even open his eyes now.Ó

ÒOh, poor Jane.Ó ScullyÕs heart went out to the woman who had lost so much. ÒI think IÕd like to stop by and see her.Ó

Mulder nodded. ÒWe can grab a bite to eat afterwards. Then I think that carnival deserves some looking into.Ó

Scully agreed, putting on her coat. ÒLetÕs go.Ó

***

Redwood Falls Community Center
8:45 p.m.

The carnival was lit up with tacky flashing lights as the agents approached the ferris wheel, which the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man was now operating. He quickly disappeared around the corner when he noticed Mulder coming towards him.

ÒNot so fast,Ó Scully stepped from the shadows, gun aimed squarely at the manÕs chest. ÒWe need to talk.Ó

Mulder joined them. ÒWhat do you have to hide?Ó

ÒNothinÕ,Ó the man claimed, sweat gleaming on his brow. ÒI ainÕt done nothinÕ. This is harassment. DonÕt you need a search warrant or somethinÕ?Ó

ÒWe just want to have a friendly chat,Ó Scully remarked, placing her Sig back in its holster.

ÒWhat do you really know about the Copelands?Ó Mulder asked as the manÕs eyes darted nervously around him.

ÒNot here,Ó he said, backing up and knocking into a garbage can. He jumped quickly away, and Mulder put an arm tightly around his neck.

ÒWhere?Ó

He pointed to the ride looming beside them. ÒThere. We can talk there.Ó

Scully raised her eyebrows. ÒOn the ferris wheel?Ó 

He nodded quickly and headed for the control panels, allowing fairgoers to exit their cars. The agents followed closely behind. 

ÒThis better be worth it, Mulder,Ó Scully whispered, her heart beating faster than she would have liked. Why the ferris wheel of all things? It reminded her too much of airplanes, with those wobbly cars being knocked about by the wind.

ÒDonÕt worry, Scully. I wonÕt shake the seat.Ó He winked, and she felt like slapping him. 

Play it cool, Dana, she told herself. He doesnÕt have to know youÕre scared. ÒHow can all three of us fit in one of those?Ó she asked pointedly.

Mulder shrugged. ÒHe probably doesnÕt want to sit with us, Scully.Ó

The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man motioned for them to board.

ÒHow do we know youÕll follow?Ó Scully asked warily.

ÒI guess youÕre a pretty good shot, huh lady?Ó

Mulder grinned, rubbing his shoulder. ÒIÕll say.Ó

Scully elbowed him in the ribs before seating herself. ÒCome on. LetÕs get this over with.Ó

Mulder joined her as the man said, ÒWe talk at the top. LarryÕll operate the ride.Ó To their surprise, the man who had been operating the Gravitron the day before appeared from around the corner.

ÒRides are closing down,Ó he remarked. ÒFireworksÕll start soon.Ó

The agentsÕ car circled upwards, and Scully unconsciously grabbed the bar in front of her. ÒYouÕre gonna pay for this one, Mulder,Ó she mumbled.

He grinned, stretching his long legs in front of him and placing his hands behind his head. ÒI liked the other ride better, myself.Ó

Dana closed her eyes, waiting for the car to quit rocking. It stopped moving all together at the top, and she turned tentatively around. The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man sat in the car behind them, and Mulder called out to him.

ÒWhat happened to Karen Copeland?Ó

ÒI saw her,Ó he admitted. ÒThe boss had her. He told us he found her on the creek path, that she had fainted or something.Ó

ÒWhat did he do to her?Ó Scully asked.

The man shrugged. ÒHe said he was going to let her rest in his tent till she woke up. I figured she got up and left after awhile.Ó

ÒYou didnÕt think it was strange for him to not call the police?Ó she questioned further.

ÒWell, ya know. We like to avoid unnecessary attention.Ó

ÒDid anyone else see her? Any of the fairgoers?Ó Mulder wanted to know.

ÒNah. This was after we closed.Ó

ÒWhereÕs this boss you mentioned?Ó Scully said as the ferris wheel began to move again.

The man pointed to a cluster of small tents on the outskirts of the fairgrounds. ÒThe green oneÕs his. ThatÕs where youÕll find him. Maybe her. I havenÕt seen her since that night, though.Ó

As they got to the bottom, the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man got out, and Larry kept the wheel moving.

ÒHey,Ó Scully called out.

ÒGotta keep the weight balanced,Ó Larry said as he stopped the wheel a few seats behind them and proceeded to let the other passengers off.

ÒGreat,Ó she mumbled.

ÒNow we get to see the UFO show,Ó Mulder remarked.

ÒWhat?Ó she asked, annoyed.

ÒSee,Ó he pointed to the fireworks illuminating the dark sky. ÒAliens are coming,Ó he said in a spooky voice.

ÒKnock it off, Mulder. We need to get to that tent before the boss is warned.Ó

ÒYou believe him?Ó

ÒWe donÕt have much choice at this moment. Besides, itÕs the only lead we ha--Why do they always have to stop us at the top?Ó

ÒItÕs kinda nice up here. I bet those people on the ground would love the view.Ó He reached into his pocket and grinned. ÒSeed?Ó

ÒNo, thank you,Ó she said tautly as she shook her head in frustration. Now that the car was still, she could relax her death grip on the bar, and she was able to somewhat enjoy the fireworks. After a few moments, she admitted, ÒIt IS kind of nice up here.Ó

ÒYeah,Ó Mulder answered. ÒBut weÕve been up here awfully long.Ó

She looked at him in concern. ÒYou donÕt think...Ó

Mulder glanced behind him. It was dark, but he could tell they were the only ones left on the ride. ÒI think weÕre stuck, Scully.Ó

ÒStuck! What do you mean stuck?Ó

ÒI mean weÕve been duped.Ó

ÒThis isnÕt a comic book, Mulder.Ó

ÒDid you ever play on the jungle gym when you were a kid, Scully?Ó

ÒWhy?Ó she asked suspiciously.

He motioned to the parking lot, where headlights were being switched on and cars turning onto the main road. ÒBecause if we donÕt climb down, itÕs gonna be a long night.Ó

She hung her head down briefly, closing her eyes. ÒGreat. Dana Scully, FBI agent. Killed from falling off a ferris wheel. That somehow is not how I pictured my death.Ó

ÒSounds like a job for Spooky Mulder,Ó Fox grinned. ÒIÕll climb down and get it working again.Ó

ÒNo.Ó

ÒWhy not? Only one of us needs to go down.Ó

ÒIÕll do it.Ó

ÒWhy?Ó

ÒIÕm smaller. ItÕll be easier for me to maneuver.Ó

Mulder raised his eyebrows in amusement, and she lightly smacked his chest. ÒWhat?Ó he held up his hands in mock innocence.

ÒHelp me open this,Ó she ignored his gesture and tried to unfasten the gate to their car. 

Mulder put a hand over hers, which was trying rather shakily to undo the latch. ÒIÕm going, Scully.Ó

She relented as she peered into his hazel eyes and nodded. ÒOkay, Mulder. But be careful. If after all these horrific cases weÕve dealt with, you get yourself killed in something as stupid as this, then IÕll...Ó

ÒThen youÕll what?Ó he grinned. ÒKill me again?Ó

ÒNo,Ó she managed to smile, realizing she had in fact been going to say Ôkill you.Õ ÒIÕll conduct a seance so your spirit wonÕt be able to rest. Then youÕll have to stay with me on these inane cases and help me out.Ó

Instead of the typical Mulder humor she had expected, his eyes turned serious as he said, ÒScully, IÕll be by your side, seance or not. I would never leave you.Ó

She felt her eyes involuntarily moisten as her heart swelled at the admission. She wanted to look away from his intense stare, but she couldnÕt. His hand reached out to caress her cheek, and her pulse quickened at the warm touch. What the hell am I feeling? This is my PARTNER. But as confused as she was, their faces seemed to be moving closer together of their own volition. Soon, their lips were only a breath apart. They remained that way for several seconds before they jointly decided to close the distance, and their lips met, ever so briefly.

A jerk from the car as it began to move again broke the spell, and Scully grabbed the side of car as Mulder let out a breath he didnÕt know he had been holding. ÒGuess I donÕt have to climb down after all,Ó he remarked.

ÒGuess not,Ó she answered, looking at anything but him, anything but those eyes!

They came to a stop at the bottom, and Scully undid the latch, releasing the gate. ÒThatÕs strange,Ó she observed the deserted area.

ÒThree guesses,Ó Mulder remarked.

ÒLetÕs go.Ó

They quickly made their way over to the cluster of tents, comfortable now that they had something besides each other to occupy their thoughts.

After investigating a very empty green tent, they wandered back outside. ÒEmployees only,Ó Mulder read the sign on the blue tent.

ÒItÕs worth a try,Ó Scully agreed as they peeked through the flap. Her mouth hung open when she saw the interior. ÒOh my God. Do you see what I see?Ó

Mulder leaned in next to her and looked. ÒIÕve always wanted to do that.Ó

Dana smiled in spite of herself, imagining a young Fox Mulder jumping off a pile of rocks in an attempt to fly. ÒHow do you think theyÕre doing it?Ó

Mulder shook his head as he observed the scene in the tent. ÒI donÕt know. But letÕs find out.Ó

She nodded, and they proceeded through the shadowy entrance. The only light was a bright circle in the center of the tent, and a body appeared to be suspended in mid air. No one else was in the tent, and Mulder tentatively approached Karen Copeland.

ÒScully, sheÕs like a UFO. ItÕs like sheÕs hovering.Ó

ÒAre you suggesting the use of alien technology?Ó

ÒWhat else could it be?Ó his voice grew excited, as that of a little boy on Christmas. ÒItÕs gotta be, Scully. No strings, no kind of support.Ó

ÒTurn off the light,Ó she theorized.

Mulder nodded, and Scully positioned herself under the girl. Flashing off the spotlight, the spell was broken, and the girl fell into the agentÕs arms.

ÒOof,Ó Scully responded to the sudden weight, placing the girl on the floor. ÒSheÕs awake, Mulder.Ó

He had switched the light back on but aimed it off to the side. Karen blinked her eyes in confusion. ÒWhereÕs my dog?Ó she asked groggily.

ÒKaren,Ó Scully began gently, ÒwhatÕs the last thing you remember?Ó

ÒI... I was walking my dog on the path. Where am I?Ó she tried to sit up. ÒOw, my head hurts. Who are you?Ó

ÒWeÕre here to help you, Karen. YouÕre at the carnival right now. YouÕve been here a few days.Ó

ÒI donÕt remember.Ó

ÒScully, check this out.Ó

She looked over at her partner, who was holding up a pack of Morleys heÕd found on a crate in the corner. ÒCancer Man?Ó she questioned.

ÒWhatÕll you bet?Ó

She put on her most skeptical look. ÒMulder, I havenÕt seen one worker here that doesnÕt smoke. How can you know itÕs him?Ó

ÒMorleys? Scully, they smoke the cheap brands, didnÕt you notice?Ó

She arched her eyebrows. ÒALL of them?Ó

Karen was watching the two agents closely and wondering why her head was throbbing so much when she heard the rustling outside the tent. 

The agents heard it, too, and they quickly swung around towards the entrance, guns cocked. The Red-and-White-Jacketed Man froze in position, his gun not fast enough. Larry, too, was trapped.

ÒHow nice to see you again, Agent Mulder,Ó a familiar voice drifted towards them. ÒBut thereÕs nothing here for you. Take the girl home. Then go home yourselves. Your work is through.Ó

ÒYou bastard,Ó Mulder spit out as he watched him pick up his pack of Morleys and light one up. ÒI should kill you right now.Ó

ÒYou should. But you wonÕt,Ó he shrugged his shoulders. ÒYou canÕt.Ó He motioned to Scully. ÒWe both know why.Ó

Scully raised her eyebrows, a bit surprised, and looked at Mulder. ÒWhatÕs he talking about?Ó

ÒNothing,Ó he shook his head. ÒHeÕs just trying another power play.Ó

ÒKeep telling yourself that, Mulder. Go right ahead,Ó the man remarked as he exited the tent. Mulder fired his weapon, and the bullet pierced through the tent flap. They saw the figure stop briefly before continuing.

Scully breathed nervously, ÒI thought you really shot him.Ó

ÒShould have,Ó he remarked bitterly before looking at his partner and sighing. ÒCome on. LetÕs get the police out here to arrest them.Ó

Scully nodded as Mulder went to handcuff Larry and the Red-and-White-Jacketed Man. But before calling the police, she made a quick call to a very relieved Jane Copeland.

***

Field Report,
Agent Fox Mulder

Though there is no proof, Agent Scully and I believe that Dr. Frank Dias was murdered to silence him from talking about his involvement with the suspects. The effects of the yet-to-be identified substance that was found coating Agent ScullyÕs lenses are still unclear. Disorientation apparently allowed the suspects to easily take Jimmy and Karen Copeland as unwilling subjects in their bizarre experiments with alien technology. These kids were targeted out of convenience, rather than out of any motive against the family. Further investigation into previous carnival sites may reveal more victims.

How the suspects used light to enable Karen Copeland to hover mid air is yet-to-be determined, however it is clear that further experimentation would have caused her demise into a coma, that which happened to her brother. Jimmy Copeland passed away the same night we discovered his sisterÕs whereabouts. Her blood shows no traces of the substance found in her brotherÕs, and other evidence is lacking, probably destroyed in an attempt to cover up the truth.

***

PART TWO

Baltimore, MD
Saturday, 8:45 p.m.

Dana sat silently on her couch in her unlit living room, grateful Mulder had agreed to take care of the paperwork. Upon her return to the East Coast, she had gone back to her doctor, whose news was not what she was expecting--the tumor had grown, spreading daily into her bloodstream. Attacking her bit by bit. Slowly taking her life with its greedy hunger.

She spoke aloud, into the shadows, absently holding her souvenir bear. ÒItÕs not fair. Not to me or to Mom... or to Mulder. WeÕve all lost so much. MomÕs already lost Missy. And Mulder... heÕs lost just about everyone. WhatÕs he gonna do when IÕm gone? I know he blames himself. I just hope he can put all his energy into finding Samantha. And if he finds her, then he wonÕt have to be alone anymore.

ÒHeÕs so close now. But as I get sicker, I know he wonÕt accept my ÔIÕm fines.Õ HeÕll insist on being with me, to see me through it. But I donÕt want him to remember me as I am when IÕm dying and helpless. I canÕt let him go through that.Ó She laughed ruefully. ÒI guess that old quote is finally applying to me: If you love someone, set them free. He needs to be free so he can find the truth. I just hope he can understand, can find it in his heart to forgive me, to know why I must do this.Ó

Dana got up determinedly from the couch and went to her computer to type up her resignation. If she could get it to AD Skinner early Monday morning, she wouldnÕt have to face Mulder. YouÕre running away, Scully, she told herself. This is going to hurt him. But she had made up her mind, convinced in the logic of her decision.

***

J. Edgar Hoover Building
Monday, 8:55 a.m.

Mulder found the poem on his desk when he got to work:

Alfred Lord Tennyson,
Crossing the Bar

Sunset and evening star, 
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar, 
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep, 
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep 
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell, 
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell, 
When I embark;

For thoÕ out our bourne of Time and Place 
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face 
When I have crost the bar. 


Tears involuntarily misted in his dark eyes. There was no mistake where this came from. Now he understood the message on his answering machine that Skinner wanted to see him. It wasnÕt for the usual chewing out, after all. But why didnÕt she tell him? And what did she mean by this poem? Had the cancer spread? Was she dying?

MulderÕs heart tightened as he jumped up and grabbed his coat. The hell with Skinner. He needed to see Scully. Hell, I need Scully, period.

***

On the Way to Boston
9:15 a.m.

The familiar words ran through DanaÕs determined yet tear-stained face as she drove the long miles to Boston. She had left the poem, as it had been a comfort to her when her father passed away. She hoped, too, it would be a comfort to Mulder now.

Switching on the radio, a slow country song wafted to her ears, ÒStrawberry Wine,Ó by Deanna Carter. She sniffled a bit upon hearing, ÒA few cards and letters and one long distance call, we drifted away like the leaves in the fall.Ó Quickly switching the station, Alanis MorisetteÕs ÒHead Over FeetÓ proclaimed, ÒYouÕre the best listener that IÕve ever met; youÕre my best friend, best friend with benefits.Ó Dana sighed and switched off the radio in frustration, driving on in silence.

***

Baltimore, MD
9:25 a.m.

It was empty. Clothes were missing from the closet, boxes stacked in the corner, furniture covered as if a long absence was expected. She had left the apartment as well as her job. And she had left him.

MulderÕs eidetic memory sought out a phone number, and he dialed it on his cell phone.

ÒHello?Ó a friendly, though tired voice answered.

ÒHi, Mrs. Scully. ItÕs Fox Mulder.Ó

There was a slight pause. Maggie had been expecting this call. ÒYouÕve called about Dana.Ó

ÒYes. I need to see her.Ó

ÒIÕm sorry, Fox. She left.Ó

ÒI can see that, Mrs. Scully. SheÕs quit her job and moved from her apartment. She didnÕt even say good-bye.Ó

Maggie heard the hurt in his voice at that last statement, and she wished she could help end his pain. But Dana came first, even if she didnÕt understand her daughterÕs reasoning. ÒDanaÕs very confused, Fox. She needed to get away for awhile.Ó

ÒAway from me?Ó

ÒFrom everything.Ó

ÒBut she told you in person, didnÕt she?Ó

ÒYes. She stayed here last night, actually... We had a long talk, Fox. She honestly thinks this is for the best.Ó

ÒWhy didnÕt you tell her it was wrong?Ó

ÒYou think that would have done any good with our Dana?Ó

Mulder couldnÕt help but smile. ÒNo, I guess not.Ó Then he realized what sheÕd said: OUR Dana. Hers and his. His and hers. She belonged to them both. Yet she belonged to no one. ÒShe felt crowded,Ó he guessed.

ÒYes. And sheÕs afraid to let the people who love her share in what sheÕs going through. She wants us to know sheÕs strong. And she wants us to remember her healthy.Ó

ÒWill she keep in touch with you?Ó

ÒYes. IÕll let you know when I hear from her, Fox. I promise.Ó

ÒCould you give her a message from me?Ó His tone was like that of a shy little boy asking Santa for a Christmas present.

ÒOf course.Ó

His voice was tired, resigned. ÒTell her... Tell her I understand. Tell her I wonÕt try to find her. But that IÕm here.Ó

ÒIÕll tell her.Ó Maggie was touched at his sincerity. Oh, Dana, she thought, I hope you know what youÕre doing.

Fox nodded silently, breaking the connection. Scully was gone, and she wanted it to stay that way.

***

Boston,
One Week Later
5:55 p.m.

Dana sat wearily on her new sofa in her new apartment in a new town. Boston. Why Boston? It sounded good at the time. And it was far enough away.

She had called her mother as soon as sheÕd arrived, and she had gotten MulderÕs message. I understand. I wonÕt try to find you. IÕm here. She would never admit to her mother that these words had brought tears to her eyes, but they had, and it had taken a large dose of self-control to keep those tears unshed. Her motherÕs next words hadnÕt helped.

ÒHe doesnÕt really understand, Dana.Ó

ÒI know.Ó

ÒHeÕs hurting.Ó

ÒWhat do you want me to do, Mom? Come back? Pretend nothing has happened?Ó

ÒBut, Dana, what HAS happened?Ó

ÒThe cancerÕs spreading. You know that.Ó

ÒThat makes you want to hurt Fox?Ó

ÒNo! Mom, IÕm not trying to hurt anyone. IÕm trying to make it easier.Ó

ÒBy running away?Ó

ÒIÕm not running.Ó But as she said those stubborn words, she didnÕt believe them herself.

ÒDana, IÕm your mother. I know when youÕre lying to me.Ó

ÒIÕm not lying to you, Mom. IÕm lying to myself.Ó She said the words quietly, the truth hurting more than she would have liked.

ÒYou should be with your family, Dana. With your friends. This is not a time to isolate yourself. We need you. And you need us.Ó

ÒItÕs so hard, Mom.Ó Finally the tears were seeping out. ÒI donÕt want to die. I donÕt want you all to have to watch me.Ó

ÒThen live, Dana. Live now. DonÕt die before itÕs time.Ó

The words had hit home, but she had remained in Boston. A Scully never likes to back down from a decision, she had reflected with a rueful grin. Especially this time. How could she face everyone? No, that wasnÕt the question. How could she face Mulder? She knew she had left to avoid hurting herself as well as him. She wanted so much for him to hold her, and she knew that he was more than willing, but she was afraid of what that would mean. 

Before she was confronted with her mortality, being partners, being friends was enough. But her disease made her want to face the truth, now that she realized time didnÕt last forever. Ironically, her disease also made it too late for this truth. To tell Mulder how she felt, perhaps to even consummate a relationship, only to have her die, leave him as everyone else had... that was downright cruel. And Dana would do anything to spare him such pain. ThatÕs what held her in Boston.

She sighed as she switched on her stereo, hoping for a distraction. The music blurred with her thoughts as her eyelids grew heavy and her breathing regular.

Three hours later she awoke, her apartment having grown dark, the music now part of a ÒFor LoverÕs OnlyÓ request and dedication show. Her stomach insisting, Dana went to the freezer and took out a Healthy Choice frozen dinner, unwrapping it and popping it in the microwave. She sighed as she leaned back on the counter, wondering if she was especially tired because of her emotional state, or because the tumor made her so.

She recognized Whitney HoustonÕs sweet voice float from the stereo as the ending to ÒI Believe In You and Me,Ó faded out. The D.J. spoke up then, ÒAnd that one was from  ÔThe PreacherÕs Wife,Õ going out from Mark to his new bride Angela. Thank you for joining us this evening on ÔFor LoverÕs Only.Õ Now we have a very special dedication, one that a very persistent guy in D.C. has called us about. As a matter of fact, heÕs called everyone. ThatÕs right, folks, his special someone is far away right now, so far heÕs not even sure where. So heÕs gone and called all the major cities, found out the best station in each one, and requested all of us to play this at once. So here we go, Dana. This oneÕs for you, wherever you may be. I hope you realize how special this guy thinks you are. He said to say this oneÕs from Ahab#2. This is Jordan HillÕs ÔRemember Me This Way,Õ from the movie ÔCasperÕ.Ó

Dana froze, her eyes large, her mouth open. It couldnÕt be...

The microwaveÕs beep signaling that her dinner was ready startled her into action. Her hunger forgotten, she moved quickly over to the stereo and turned up the volume, sitting cross-legged in front of the speaker, letting the words fill her:

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time we fall
YouÕre the best friend that I found
I know you canÕt stay
But part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
IÕll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way

I donÕt need us to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that youÕll be there
YouÕre ever more a part of me
YouÕre everywhere
IÕll always care
IÕll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way

And IÕll be right behind your shoulder
Watching you
Standing by your side in all you do
And I wonÕt ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe
IÕll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And if you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way


As the song faded to a commercial, Dana quietly switched off the radio. She sat there a long time, the words repeating themselves like a mantra, allowing the love she felt for her partner to be acknowledged in her heart. And there was no pain. Only sorrow. Fondness for what was in the past, but sorrow for what might never be in the future, and for what wasnÕt now. But there was joy, too, for Mulder did understand. He didnÕt begrudge her this time to herself, he just wanted her to realize that he was there, for when she didnÕt want to go at it alone.

And Dana knew then, she did not want to be alone, not ever.

***

Baltimore, MD
Thursday, 7:35 p.m.

Dana had finally finished unpacking--again. Something had told her not to give up her Baltimore apartment, and all was waiting for her when she returned that short week later. The familiar furniture was a sight for sore eyes, and she realized just how much she hadnÕt wanted to leave.

Coming home was the easy part. Telling Mulder was quite another. She had allowed herself one more chickening out by asking her mother to tell him. And Maggie had. But Mulder hadnÕt come. He was still respecting her wishes, even though she was so close.

With a deep breath, Dana knew she had to make the first move. ItÕs how she had started playing the game, and Mulder was counting on her to finish it. Half wishing he wouldnÕt answer, she dialed the familiar number. Barely half a ring had finished before it was picked up.

ÒScully?Ó

HeÕd been waiting for her. ÒHey.Ó Great, Dana. Next time, figure out what youÕre going to say first! ÒHow are you?Ó she asked lamely, knowing he was afraid to pose the same to her, not only because of the inevitably grim answer, but he probably expected her to bite his head off for it. She grinned, knowing she most likely would.

ÒBeen better,Ó he answered truthfully. There was a long pause. ÒAre you staying?Ó

ÒYeah. Skinner refused to accept my resignation. He said heÕd call it a leave of absence.Ó

ÒWouldnÕt let me quit, either,Ó Mulder smiled, understanding.

ÒYou tried to quit?Ó she asked, wondering just how upset he had been.

ÒAwhile ago. When you were missing.Ó

ÒOh. I didnÕt know that.Ó

ÒIt was hard, Scully.Ó

ÒI know. ItÕs hard for me now.Ó

ÒI want to help.Ó

ÒCome over?Ó

ÒIÕm on my way.Ó

Dana heard the click of his phone and the ensuing dial tone. Nervously taking a deep breath, she knew she could make this easy, but it had to be hard. She wanted to explain to him exactly what she was feeling. He deserved to know. And she needed to tell him.

***

Mulder stood nervously outside his partnerÕs apartment door. Ever since the call from Mrs. Scully a few days ago, heÕd been by his phone as much as possible, sleeping even less than usual. Several times he had begun to dial DanaÕs number but forced himself to stop. This had to be on her terms. And now it was.

He heard her undo the latch before the door opened. Though dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt, she was just as beautiful as ever, and Mulder breathed a sigh of relief that the cancer did not appear to be wearing her down.

ÒCome in,Ó she said, glancing at him for only a moment before heading for the kitchen. ÒI made iced tea.Ó Will he remember the joke? she thought nervously.

He grinned, shutting the door and removing his coat. ÒNo root beer?Ó

She returned the smile. ÒNot tonight.Ó

ÒHow Ôbout liverwurst?Ó he teased.

She grimaced and placed a hand over her stomach. ÒI havenÕt had that for a few years.Ó

ÒMe neither.Ó He sat on the couch, not sure how to begin. ÒSo, your mom said you were in Boston.Ó

ÒYeah.Ó She set his glass of tea on the table and seated herself on the couch, a careful distance away from him. ÒEeny, meeny, miney, moe,Ó she said with a smile, by way of explanation.

ÒAnd Boston won?Ó

She nodded as she sipped her tea. ÒYep.Ó

ÒWhat were your other choices?Ó

HeÕs trying to be polite, give you room. She set her tea down and looked into his eyes. ÒThis is stupid, Mulder. The fact is I went, and now IÕm back. ThatÕs the issue.Ó

He nodded, watching her carefully. ÒI wasnÕt sure if I should ask what changed your mind.Ó

ÒMom. You. Life.Ó She grinned. ÒIs that vague enough?Ó

ÒYou needed time to think. I guess you accomplished that.Ó

ÒYeah, I did. But something was missing.Ó

ÒWhat?Ó

ÒA life. Yeah, yeah, I know. Neither of us have a life anyway.Ó

ÒHereÕs to finding a life,Ó Fox joked, holding up his glass.

Dana smiled and clinked her glass against his, taking another sip. ÒMom said I was giving up too soon.Ó

ÒYou were,Ó Mulder affirmed. ÒI hope youÕve had a change of heart.Ó

ÒIÕm back.Ó

ÒFor how long?Ó

She spoke around the lump in her throat. ÒUntil I have to go.Ó She met his eyes and placed a hand on his. ÒAnd thank you.Ó

He looked surprised but turned his hand around to clasp hers firmly. ÒWhat for?Ó

She smiled, repeating the words it had taken her so little time to memorize. ÒÕEvery now and then, we find a special friend who never lets us down.Õ YouÕre my special friend, too.Ó

ÒYou heard that, huh?Ó

She raised her eyebrows, for a moment feeling like this was a typical Mulder-Scully conversation. ÒThe D.J. said you called up every station in the country and requested them to play the song.Ó

He shrugged his shoulders, grinning. ÒI had a little help from the Gunmen.Ó

ÒA little authority never hurts,Ó she observed.

ÒOuch, Scully. You think I used my status as an FBI agent to get these people to play the song?Ó 

Her eyebrows remained raised, an amused grin on her face. ÒDidnÕt you?Ó

ÒYeah. And it worked, too.Ó

ÒOh, Mulder.Ó She laughed and got up to gaze out the window. ÒI wish everything was that simple.Ó

ÒIt doesnÕt have to be as difficult as people make it, Scully,Ó he observed from the couch.

ÒThe cancerÕs spreading,Ó she stated bluntly, her back still towards him. ÒItÕs entering the bloodstream. My doctor says itÕs only a matter of time.Ó

Concern etched MulderÕs face as he set his glass down and approached his partner. He stood behind her, waiting for her to continue.

ÒI thought I could spare everyone from having to see me get really sick. I still want to do that.Ó She turned to face him. ÒMulder, I canÕt promise I wonÕt leave again.Ó She saw the worry grow on his face. ÒBut I will promise you that I wonÕt run away again. If I leave, IÕll tell you. Face to face.Ó

He gently ran his hand across her cheek. ÒWhen I have crossed the bar,Ó he repeated TennysonÕs words softly.

She nodded as she closed the small distance between them, her arms wrapping snugly around his middle, his gentle hand stroking her hair.

ÒIÕm not ready for you to cross yet, Scully,Ó he said after a few moments.

ÒGood,Ó she said, pulling away to see his face. ÒBecause IÕm not ready to cross yet.Ó

ÒTell me what youÕre feeling, Scully.Ó

It was a genuine statement, and it seemed the natural direction to take, but she was still scared. Scared to give that part of herself up, scared to admit her real fears. She left his hold and wandered back towards the sofa. ÒI canÕt.Ó

Mulder was frustrated. HeÕd thought she would finally open up to him, but now she was closing herself off from him, just as she always did. ÒI thought we were past that, Scully,Ó he said angrily. ÒI thought you trusted me enough to tell me whatÕs going on.Ó

She turned on him, her anger growing as well. ÒThis isnÕt about trust.Ó

ÒThen what? What the hell IS it about, Scully?Ó

She searched his eyes, wanting so desperately to tell him the truth. ÒItÕs about losing myself,Ó she tried to explain.

ÒWhat do you think IÕm gonna do, Scully? Smother you? Hover around you like you could drop dead at any minute? You know me better than that.Ó

ÒYouÕre too protective.Ó

ÒIÕm your partner, dammit! And I thought I was your friend. IÕm supposed to be protective. Just like you are of me.Ó

Touche, she thought to herself. HeÕs right. If the situation were reversed, I certainly would be protective. And heÕs already proven he wonÕt smother me. So what the hell is my problem? ÒI guess IÕM trying to protect YOU,Ó she realized aloud.

ÒFrom what? From the truth? Scully, all you and I have ever had is the truth. If weÕre not honest with each other then whatÕs left? Our friendship would be nothing but a lie. They would like nothing more than that.Ó

They. His words rang true, but his reference to THEM reminded her of something sheÕd meant to ask him. ÒWhat was he talking about?Ó

ÒWho?Ó

ÒCancer Man. He said you wouldnÕt kill him, and you knew why. Then he looked at me. What the hell was that about?Ó

ÒYou know, Scully.Ó

ÒExplain it.Ó

ÒHe can cure you.Ó

ÒYouÕre grasping at straws.Ó

ÒThen let me grasp. Scully, your conventional science isnÕt doing a damn thing to save you. If I have to sell my soul to that black-lunged son-of-a-bitch then I will. I wonÕt let him take you down on account of me.Ó

ÒYouÕre delusional, Mulder. How could he have done this?Ó

ÒThereÕs a little matter of three missing months, Scully.Ó

ÒDonÕt go there.Ó

ÒWhy do you have to close your mind to the possibilities?Ó

ÒWhy do you have to be so naive as to believe anything someone tells you?Ó

ÒWhy are you so quick to believe anyone who has scientific evidence over me?Ó

ÒYou never have proof.Ó

ÒAnd if I find you an unproven cure will you have so little faith in me that you wonÕt even try it?Ó

She stared at him a moment before letting the sorrow enter her voice. ÒI canÕt afford to search for a miracle cure. I donÕt have the time.Ó

ÒIÕm never going to stop looking. How do you feel about that?Ó he questioned cautiously.

The anger flared into her eyes again. ÒYouÕre not my damn shrink, Mulder! You can go search all you want for your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. IÕm being realistic.Ó

ÒYou havenÕt answered my question.Ó

ÒWhich one, Dr. Mulder?Ó she replied sarcastically.

ÒIf I find a possible cure, would you try it?Ó

She paused before answering, ÒI donÕt know.Ó

ÒYou trust me that little.Ó

ÒHow do you feel about that?Ó she shot back, her voice ignoring her heart which yelled at her to stop the floodgates of emotion that had been opened.

ÒIt hurts, Scully,Ó he replied truthfully, unwittingly making her feel the villain. ÒI wish you would talk to me.Ó

ÒWhat do you want me to say?Ó her voice was edged with a promise of tears. ÒYou want me to tell you how weak I am? That I donÕt want to die? Well, I donÕt. I told you once before that IÕm not afraid to die, and IÕm not. But IÕm just not ready. IÕm not afraid what will happen to me, but IÕm so afraid for you.Ó The tears were trickling down now. ÒI want you to hold me and lie to me that it will be okay when we both know it wonÕt, just to feel safe in your arms... But it would hurt you too much. You wonÕt be able to accept it after IÕm gone.Ó

MulderÕs expression couldnÕt have been more tender. ÒScully, I need it as much as you do.Ó He approached her, his hand gently stroking her wet cheek. ÒLet me hold you. Let me in. Or IÕll never be able to accept it.Ó

She held his tender gaze, and he pulled her close, her head buried against his chest as the tears fell.

ÒMulder, IÕm so afraid that after IÕm gone youÕll let yourself go all to hell. That youÕll wear my cross again as a penance instead of a reminder of a special friendship...Ó

He pulled slightly away to look into her eyes. ÒHow did you know?Ó

She smiled through her tears. ÒMy mom. It really touched me, Mulder. But I donÕt want you to ever blame yourself. I donÕt want you to go running off on some wild goose chase THEY put you on to find some impossible cure. I donÕt want you to ever think there was a way to make my cancer disappear that you failed to find. And if they give something to you after IÕm gone, donÕt believe the lie. TheyÕre only doing it to hurt you. ThatÕs been the goal all along. And I wonÕt be there to help you sort through it all.Ó She ruffled a hand fondly through his dark hair. ÒYou have to promise me youÕll take care of yourself.Ó

ÒYou talk like youÕre already gone,Ó his voice was tight.

ÒThere are too many secrets already,Ó she said softly. ÒThese are the things I think about. Welcome to my dark thoughts. But you asked to be let in. I never promised youÕd like what you found.Ó

ÒWhenever you want to talk, IÕm here. ItÕs hard, but I  WANT to understand. I need to.Ó

ÒAnd I need you to understand. IÕve never tried to hurt you, Mulder. ItÕs true I tell you IÕm fine when IÕm not... But IÕm lying to myself as much as to you. And if you think IÕm fine, then thereÕs one less day for you to have to worry. One less day for you to think, ÔScullyÕs dying.ÕÓ

He leaned in and placed a light kiss on her forehead, not trusting his voice. He kept his head resting against hers, and she continued, ÒBut itÕs a two-way street, Mulder. I donÕt want you to give up on the search for your sister just because you think you can find a cure, and I donÕt want your worry over me to crowd out everything else in your life. This friendship isnÕt just about me. I need to know what youÕre feeling, too. I know youÕre sad, but I want to know when youÕre angry, too. I want to know when you think youÕve got a lead on Samantha or when youÕve found a possible cure. I want to support you as much as you do me. I donÕt want to be left out of the x-files because you think IÕm too tired or too sick. I promise to tell you when I am, if you promise to tell me when you are. YouÕve been through a lot, too, you know.Ó

He lifted his head to look into her eyes. ÒI know. But weÕve always fought things together. ThatÕs not going to change now.Ó

ÒNo,Ó she agreed. ÒThereÕs no one else IÕd rather have by my side, helping me through this.Ó

ÒThereÕs no one else IÕd rather have by my side. Period.Ó His hand stroked her cheek again, and her pulse picked up slightly, thinking of their brief kiss on the top of the ferris wheel. ÒIÕm not going to give up easily.Ó

ÒYouÕre such a flirt, Mulder,Ó she grinned in spite of herself.

He returned the smile, and their lips met for the second time in as many weeks. A few passionate moments later, Mulder declared firmly. ÒI WILL find a cure, Scully.Ó

She saw the determination in his face, and she smiled at his enthusiasm. ÒI know youÕll try, Mulder. I know.Ó She squeezed him tightly before leading him over to the couch and handing him the remote. Picking up the phone, she asked, ÒCombo or vegetarian?Ó

He smiled as he turned on the TV, seeing the before unnoticed pink bear atop the television. ÒYou choose. Just donÕt order from DynamoÕs. Their pizza is terrible.Ó

Dana ruffled his hair playfully as she placed the order to be delivered, and he found an old movie on TV. ÒThis okay?Ó he asked.

ÒSure,Ó she smiled as she sat down beside him. ÒPizza will be here in twenty minutes.Ó

ÒGood. IÕm starving,Ó he said as he placed his arm around her, pulling her close.

ÒWhy do I get the feeling youÕre not talking about your stomach?Ó she arched her eyebrows at him.

ÒIs there a problem with that, Agent Scully?Ó

ÒNot at all,Ó she smiled as they kissed warmly before she snuggled up against him, enjoying his proximity as his warm breath fell gently upon her in its steady rhythm.  ÒNo problem here.Ó

ÒGood.Ó Mulder smiled as he absently stroked her soft hair. His other hand rested against her back, feeling the peaceful rise and fall of her breathing. They sat that way together for a long time, feeling like the only two people in the world. ThereÕs no way IÕm gonna lose this, Fox thought to himself. No matter what it takes. He pressed Dana more tightly against him and kissed her forehead lightly. 

She smiled up at him, relaxed and thoughtful. ÒWe donÕt need a miracle, Mulder,Ó she said softly. ÒWeÕve got each other. ThatÕs enough.Ó

ÒThatÕs a miracle in itself,Ó he observed with a smile. ÒYou and me against the world.Ó

ÒJust because youÕre paranoid doesnÕt mean everyoneÕs not out to get you,Ó she quoted with a grin.

Mulder tried not to smile as he spoke in a conspiratorial whisper, ÒEven him?Ó He pointed to the stuffed bear.

ÒWho?Ó Her confused face burst into laughter as she noticed the offending piece of plush. ÒYouÕre just a little paranoid, Mulder. But I love you, anyway.Ó

His wondrous grin at those three little words was a beautiful sight to her, and she realized those words she had always taken for granted from her family were probably a rarity in MulderÕs life. She ran her hand gently against his face as she spoke, ÒYouÕre not so spooky, Mulder. DonÕt ever doubt how much you mean to me.Ó

He had to clear his throat before he answered. ÒI love you, too, Scully.Ó Their gaze held for several seconds before it was broken by the doorbell. 

Dana cleared her own throat. ÒPizzaÕs here.Ó

ÒYeah.Ó Mulder let her out of his embrace, the serious air broken with a familiar routine. ÒJust in time.Ó

She raised her eyebrows before opening the door. ÒWere you about to seduce me, Agent Mulder?Ó

ÒI thought I had to get you drunk first.Ó

ÒOoh,Ó she said as she paid for the pizza, remembering her evening with Eddie Van Blundt. ÒThank you,Ó she told the teenager at the door before shutting it and setting the pizza on the coffee table. ÒDonÕt mention HIM.Ó

ÒYou really thought he was me?Ó

ÒI wanted him to be you,Ó she explained, taking a piece of pizza. ÒIt took you too long to get around to kissing me.Ó

ÒWhatever happened to womenÕs lib?Ó he asked, helping himself to a big slice.

ÒNo such thing,Ó she pointed to the scene on the television set, showing a female sheriff on the old western. ÒSheÕs sleeping with the mayor. IÕve seen it.Ó

ÒHow Ôbout you, Scully?Ó

ÒOh, IÕm sleeping with Cancer Man,Ó she replied, glancing casually at him from the corner of her twinkling eyes. But she couldnÕt hold a straight face at MulderÕs rare expression of disbelief, and she laughed loudly. ÒWhatÕs wrong, Mulder? Not the answer you expected?Ó

ÒNot the one I was hoping for,Ó he admitted, smiling.

Her matching smile turned serious as she reached for his hand, needing to explain her fears. ÒMulder...Ó

He interrupted with a shake of his head. ÒItÕs okay, Scully. Our relationship right now, thatÕs enough for me. I donÕt need anything more. Just for you to be okay.Ó

She nodded gratefully as he squeezed her hand, and they returned to their pizza and iced tea.

They talked long into the night, holding each other comfortably when sleep finally descended--partners, friends, and lovers in a more intimate way than sex could ever bring. But Dana smiled softly to herself as she drifted into a peaceful dream, hoping that that stage of their relationship could also progress, and that she wouldnÕt have to cross the bar until far into their shared future, when their hair turned silver and laugh lines covered their faces.


THE END

***

PLEASE send feedback. Pretty please, with butter and sugar on top? Nah, thatÕs unhealthy. How Ôbout margarine and NutraSweet? :)

ÒMulder, are you sure it wasnÕt a girly scream?Ó--War of the Coprophages

Fun Things To Do In An Elevator (courtesy of oracle humor mailing list):

* Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, ÒYouÕre one of THEM!Ó and move to the far corner of the elevator.

* Announce in a demonic voice, ÒI must find a more suitable host body!Ó