Date sent: Fri, 13 Jun 1997 03:43:20 -0400 (EDT) From: Subject: "Cry in the Night" 1/1 by Creyente "Cry in the Night" (1/1) By Kristin Pohaski May 26, 1997 (Happy Memorial Day!!) Category: VRA Rating: R? Pretty angsty, a few swear words. Eh. Just being safe. Summary: Scully/Mulder Romance of sorts. Scully reflects on things lost after Mulder's "death", and then contemplates her own. Post-"Gethsemane". Spoilers: Woo-hoo, yep! Major "Gethsemane" spoilers, and some little "Momento Mori", "One Breath", "Demons" and "Tempest Fugit" stuff, too. Disclaimer: OK, you guys know the drill. These characters and this show aren't mine. If they were I would be on a beach in Cancun right now instead of sitting in front of my cheap computer in Pittsburgh. But, darn it, they belong to Chris Carter, Fox, 1013, and IMO, DD and GA, because without them these characters would be nothing. Anyway, I'm not making any cash, as you can tell since I'm still here and not in Mexico, and no infringement is intended. Me broke, you no sue!! After my last adventure of "Purple Nailpolish" ::::grimaces:::: I felt that I needed to redeem myself and assure you guys that I hadn't fallen into a pit of fluff or something. So, here I am, back to my angsty self, begging your forgiveness for that last one. Have a vignette! Special thanks to all the members of the LABB and especially Sue for being there through a tough time. You guys are the best, I don't know what I'd do without you!!! ((((LABB)))) Anyhoo, I love email, so mail me at Creyente@aol.com and lemme know what you think!!!! Also, tacos, David Duchovny, and one way tickets to my own tropical island may be sent to this address. ;) "Cry in the Night" By Kristin Pohaski Fox Mulder's Apartment 10:13 PM Alone. She shouldn't be here alone. She couldn't believe he had left her. He was supposed to be there forever. They were supposed to have time... forever. But they had run out of time. He was stronger than this. Wasn't he? Scully sat on Mulder's black leather sofa, not knowing exactly why she was there or what she was going to do. Hot tears were pressing against her eyelids, but she refused to let them fall. Mulder wouldn't have wanted her to cry for him. she thought. In her mind's eye she could see him, tears streaming down his face, gun in hand. She ached to reach out to him, to hold him, to kiss the pain away, to tell him it would all be OK. But it wouldn't now, would it? He was gone. She was damn near dead herself. What was the point? She couldn't believe what had happened. Well, what had she expected? She had just told him that she was dying because of him. She had just told him that everything they had been through was all for nothing. But she hadn't ever thought... None of it mattered now. She felt the hot tears finally stream down her face, not caring anymore. She sat there, alone in the night, and sobbed. She cried for everything lost, for everything she had once had but let slip away. She had had it all right there. Her career. Her family. Her life. Mulder. More than anything, Mulder. She had seen him every day but taken him for granted. She should have known better. They had both come too close to losing each other before.... He had become her partner, her best friend, her brother, her protector, her confidante, her guardian angel, her reason why. Her life. Her love. The silent tears streamed over her chin and dropped onto her white blouse, which was now rumpled and mussed. She ran her fingers through her hair, now hanging loose and stringy. And where did she go from here? She had only months left on this earth, and for the first time, that prospect actually looked good to her. But could she wait even that long? She felt the cool steel in her hand, the weight of the gun in her palm. She looked down at it, spellbound. She could go to him right now if she wanted. What did she have left? She pressed the cold metal against her cheek, felt its weight in her hand. She felt the knot in her stomach grow larger, felt her breath catch in her throat. More tears. Tears for everything left undone between them, everything she never had but had thought maybe some day.... She had never kissed him. Never danced with him. Never whispered, "I love you". Never walked hand in hand with him. Never made love to him on a rainy night. She had never even told him that he was her best friend. She had always just assumed that he had known, that it went without saying. But had he known? She prayed that he was. They had been so close once, but ever since her cancer, after that night in Allentown... it had all just fallen apart. She still trusted him without a doubt, still loved him beyond a question, but they had built walls up between themselves. Right when she needed him most she had pushed him away. Oh, there were a few times when they seemed closer than ever. That night when he had held her in the hospital, her crying in his arms. When he had remembered her birthday. That night outside Max Fennig's trailer. When she had held him in Quonocontaug. But those moments were now rare and precious. Memories she would hang onto forever. She had pushed him out of her life, out of her heart. All just because she was afraid. Afraid of hurting him. Afraid of admitting it to herself. Afraid of losing everything precious to her. Too many regrets, too little time. She had been such a bitch lately. Why had he even hung around? She believed with all of her heart that he had. Guilt crept back in, overtaking sorrow, and she was once again aware of the gun in her hand. She studied it, turning it over in her hands. So easy it would be. Quick, and it would all be over. Why wait for the cancer to slowly kill her? Why wait to go to him? She needed him, wanted him. She slowly raised the gun up in front of her face. She stared at it, mystified. She tried to make her finger move, tried to make it squeeze the trigger. But something stopped her. Mulder. In her mind she saw him, standing in Skinner's office. <"Oh you can have it all. My gun, my badge, The X-Files..."> Then she saw him in a hospital, standing over her own body, being dragged away by security. Screaming. <"If you're with them... if you did anything to hurt her. I will do *anything*!!"> In his apartment, just across the room, crouched down in early morning light, tears streaming freely down his face. she realized. Another flash. Mulder running into her hospital room, finding her gone, frantic, terrified. She saw now. Everything he had gone through. That he had felt the same at losing her. That he had come so close to what she was contemplating right now.... "Damn you, Mulder!" she yelled to the empty room. "Why the hell didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me? I would have been there!!" The gun clattered to the floor, Scully crying into her hands now. "Why?" she whispered. "Why, Mulder? Why?" And she cried herself to sleep. ************************************************* She saw him, more clearly than if he had been standing right in front of her. He spoke to her. "Don't fall into the darkness, Scully. The lie is for them to believe. Wait for me. We'll be together again. Sooner than you think. I can feel you close tonight, Scully. I know you're crying for me, for what you think you've lost. Don't. I'm with you tonight. Always. Soon, Scully. I'm closer than you think." He turned and walked away from her into a tunnel of darkness, stars enveloping him as he walked on. She heard his voice once more, farther away now. "I'm closer than you think." ************************************************* Scully sat up with a gasp, trying to get her bearings. She looked around and remembered. Outside the sky was just turning from black to gray with the first rays of the morning light. She strode over to the window and looked out at the early summer sky. The sun on the horizon was red and orange, the air already humid, the day promising to be hot. She gazed out over the city, over the river just a few blocks away. "He's here," she murmured. A slight smile curved her lips. She could feel him now like she hadn't been able to before. Alive. Safe. He was OK. And for the first time in months, she felt that everything was going to work out just fine. They would be together. They would have time. Somehow, it would all be OK. Somehow he had it all figured out. The sound pierced the still morning air, a mixture of a laugh and a sob, pure emotion coming from her throat. A cry in the last moments of the night. El Fin!!! Comments? Critiques? Flames? ANYTHING?!?! Send 'em all on to Creyente@aol.com!! Love you all! Like this? My other stuff is: "The Dance" "Valley of the Shadow of Death" "Right Before Your Eyes (Faith, Trust, Love)" "Purple Nailpolish" All on the wonderful Gossamer Projects!! :)